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    #1

    BK causing family problems

    Maybe this isn't the place to put this, but I am really torn apart by this. My MIL & FIL are VERY wealthy... so obviously for us to be completely opposite is already a thorn in their side, but when my husband called them to tell them we were filing BK, it has destroyed our relationship. My MIL decided to mail me a nasty letter telling me how horrible I am, what a horrible example I am setting for our children, how I am such a princess and that I got us into this mess, how my husband will never be able to get a decent job should he lose his current job, how everyone will know b/c they post this stuff in newspapers and is public record, and on and on and on. My husband is royally po'd b/c she attacked me and says the letter is not really about me - it's about him and the fact that she can't admit she raised him the same way (i.e. not wanting to tell children no and wanting them to have a better life than we did as children - material wise).. she just doesn't want to say he's screwed up b/c then she'd have to admit she screwed up along the way.

    I'm sorry to vent.. whine.. whatever you want to call it. I just can't believe that they (and us) are allowing this to destroy our family. We're okay with the BK - we're definitely not proud of it, but we're going to pick up our crap and put the past behind us.. and move on.. and be BETTER!! She doesn't see that. And I don't know how to fix this bond she broke between us. She hurt us really badly. I doubt we'll ever be the same.

    Anyone ever deal with anything like this? I wish we didn't have to tell her, but there just was no way around it - she had to remove him from some credit cards of hers and we had to finish paying off an old loan to her and sent the last payment by MO.
    Last edited by coolmom04; 03-09-2010, 05:52 PM.
    Filed Ch.7 on 03/17
    Statement of Presumed abuse filed 707(b) 05/03
    Statement of Non-Abuse filed!!
    Discharged 06/23/10
    Tags: None
    #2
    I have the same problem with an older brother. In many ways he was more of a father figure to me than my father ever was; I am close emotionally with his kids. He is also very wealthy and it has, I am sorry to say, turned him into a judgmental jackass. If it weren't for the bonds I've formed with his kids I probably wouldn't speak with him again.

    So I hear you. It stinks.

    BTW, it sounds like you have a decent man on your hands. He understand mommy is the problem and not you and that is 80% of the battle right there.
    So the poor debtor, seeing naught around him
    Yet feels the narrow limits that impound him
    Grieves at his debt and studies to evade it
    And finds at last he might as well have paid it.

    Comment

      #3
      Originally posted by Dst1 View Post
      I have the same problem with an older brother. In many ways he was more of a father figure to me than my father ever was; I am close emotionally with his kids. He is also very wealthy and it has, I am sorry to say, turned him into a judgmental jackass. If it weren't for the bonds I've formed with his kids I probably wouldn't speak with him again.

      So I hear you. It stinks.

      BTW, it sounds like you have a decent man on your hands. He understand mommy is the problem and not you and that is 80% of the battle right there.
      Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry you have to deal with it, too.
      Filed Ch.7 on 03/17
      Statement of Presumed abuse filed 707(b) 05/03
      Statement of Non-Abuse filed!!
      Discharged 06/23/10

      Comment

        #4
        We haven't told anyone for that reason. And because we thankfully we haven't been in the position of HAVING to tell them. BUT, I fear that somehow my husband's family is going to find out. FIL and BIL ESPECIALLY are very judgmental. Stupid because they've both had financial issues in the past. FIL has recovered and made a nice life for himself. BIL has no room to talk financially, but he's just judgmental like that and would love to take the opportunity to tell the whole family that we are filing BK to ridicule his brother. Nice huh? But that's how he is.

        If MY family found out, I'd be embarrassed that they knew, but at least there wouldn't be any judgments or ridicule.

        When you told your IL's, did you NEED to tell them, or did you guys think they'd be supportive and they ended up not being so?

        Part of me wishes we had someone IRL we COULD share this with, just to get it off my chest, but the other part of me fears that would be unwise to do and cause me more stress.

        Comment

          #5
          Originally posted by JEM View Post
          Part of me wishes we had someone IRL we COULD share this with, just to get it off my chest, but the other part of me fears that would be unwise to do and cause me more stress.
          Me too. So I post here instead. lol

          I'm sorry your families are being so judgmental about this. I wish you didn't have to tell them about it at all, that sucks.
          attorney consult and decided to file, 02/15/2010
          no-asset Chapter 7 filed, 03/11/2010
          341, 05/10/2010
          discharged, 07/13/2010

          Comment

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