Losing "home" not dwelling..

[blncd1]

o.k. i have read so many posts and articles of people losing their houses and really not caring. saying the neighborhood has gone down hill, etc.
Here is my problem. I am so emotionally attached to this house, it's my kids home and memories are throughout. today i could smell spring in the air and i opened my window tonight, heard the neighbors walking their dogs, kids playing......it's heart wrenching and i don't know how it's going to be when it's gone and that's the scariest part.
i honestly wish i hated this house, or at least thought it was fine leaving, but it's killing me. i am so sick of crying.
has anyone lost their "home" and how did you feel, does the sadness go away, how did the kids handle it? sorry for being so silly, it's just a roof, but so much more to me.
thanks for letting me vent

[tkharvey]

You are not being silly at all. We are still in our "dream" house, but will be "walking away" as we are surrendering it in our bk. It is a gut wrenching thing, no doubt. You have to put it in perspective. It is true that a "home" is what you make out of it. We struggled for so long to find a way to stay in this house we built, but it just wasn't meant to be. Some days are worse than others, but the "smell of spring" and the "sound of neighbors outside" are all around us. Home is where the heart is. The most important thing is you still have your family. That's what matters most. A house is a house. We are putting this nightmare behind us and moving on. No, our next house will be a rental and definitely not as nice as this one, but we are still a family. Our daughters are fine with moving. I'm trying to keep it positive... little things like letting them pick out new bedding so they can have a "new room" when we move, things like that. You can start building new memories in your new house!!! Look at the bigger picture. Your kids will much rather have parents who are not so stressed over finances. It's the little things in life that matter.

[bulletproof77]

I lived in my home 26 years and lost it. Gut wrenching doesn't even begin to describe the emotions. Although I know in my case I made the right decision financially, it broke my heart (and I am a veteran police officer-we are not supposed to have hearts....)..To this day I cannot even go near my old neighborhood, the memories are just too strong. I feel a deep sense of failure knowing that I will probably never have another home like it again. I often wonder what my kids think of losing the home they grew up in. Then again, my personal circumstances dictated my actions so I had no alternatives. Now, Bank of America just prolongs the pain by not taking any action to sell it. It just sits, abandoned and forlorn..

[nc73]

I think it is silly to get emotionally attached to a home. If losing the house means I'd be debt free I would give it away without even a thought.

[blncd1]

silly to some. i would keep the debt and house if i could get my kids through school in the same area....sorry i just like consistency and don't look forward to renting after 20 plus years of owning, it is humiliating. circumstances put us here, job loss etc. but i still think it's crazy the banks are not helping most of us with modifications when we can pay. anyhow, thanks for sharing your stories of moving on and being honest that it hurts. interesting, i think i will never drive by here again as well. good point about the decorating, i will make sure the kids have a special touch in the new place. sorry for the drippy last post....the ups and downs i won't miss that is for sure!

[ryan]

I respect the fact that some are very attached to their home.
For them it must be very painful to know it will be gone.

In a perverse way, I guess I'm 'lucky'. I've never particularly cared
for my house, and having had many houses, its loss will not be
something I mourn at all. Since a child, I've moved around every few years,
and now as an adult in middle age, the same is true. I've never lived anywhere
more than 5 years or so. ...no real chance to get attached.

In this case, it will be pretty easy to let it go, because of that.
But I understand how others may grieve over the loss.

[bkstuff]

My biggest issue is family and friends finding out! It is embarrassing. I know we can just say we moved....but people will know when the house is vacant forever. My family is a drive away, but we don't want them to know...how do we do that? That is why we try to hold on to the house....and the money we have put into the home

[justbroke]

In the end, I have found that for most, it really isn't the nails, wood, beams, stucco, shingles, and doors and windows that make the home special. It's a combination of the community, including the weird neighbors next door, the fireman who lives across the street, and the sounds of "your" neighborhood, that is truly missed.

I think the old adage that "home is where you hang your hat" holds true. Home is what you make it, but certainly community is, in fact, hard to replace. I miss my old home, but by home, I mean the community where I grew up. Nothing like New England!

[bktmom28]

It was very hard to walk away from our home. We brought all 3 of our babies home to it and it was our first home we bought. We bought at the perfect time and I wish that with all my heart we never refinanced and dug ourselves a pit which we would never get out of until 6 months ago. We have our memories though. I will cherish those forever! Keep the memories of that place close to your heart and don't feel like you shouldn't be sentimental about it. No one is in your shoes and we all deal with things in different ways. Neither way is wrong. Hang in there. There is hope!

[Faust]

I lived in my home 26 years and lost it. Gut wrenching doesn't even begin to describe the emotions. Although I know in my case I made the right decision financially, it broke my heart (and I am a veteran police officer-we are not supposed to have hearts....)..To this day I cannot even go near my old neighborhood, the memories are just too strong. I feel a deep sense of failure knowing that I will probably never have another home like it again. I often wonder what my kids think of losing the home they grew up in. Then again, my personal circumstances dictated my actions so I had no alternatives. Now, Bank of America just prolongs the pain by not taking any action to sell it. It just sits, abandoned and forlorn..

I am very sorry to hear your story. I really hope something comes along to make it seem like the best thing.

[daedalus]

Fight to Keep It!

Hi. Have you ever thought about fighting to keep your home? Based on my research, many mortgages that were originated and then sold (securitized) have so many problems with documents and malfeasance of banks, that it's highly likely that your obligation to the bank may have been extinguished.

When I first decided to file, I felt the same way you do now. I'm still in my home, and we are just beginning to fight the bank. Educate yourself. Be prepared. Gather your documents.

And read livinglies.wordpress.com.

There is much good information on that site that should help you feel more empowered in the battle to keep your home.

Best of luck to you.

[HHM]

Home is a prison. Okay, more to the point, your mortgage is a financial prison.

Let me back up, I understand that people are attached to their home, I get that. But there is so much more to life than your home. Home, to some degree is a self imposed imprison, it is how we separate ourselves from the rest of the world. If you go to third world countries, the dynamic is very different, you have a dwelling where you sleep. The bulk of your day is spent working, interacting with friends and family, and DOING things.

Let's boil this down and call it what it is, FEAR. No matter how you dress it up (I grew up here, I raised my kids here, I like the community), the idea of "keeping a home" comes down to FEAR. Fear is a dangerous emotion, it makes you think irrationally, the fear is often based on irrational assumptions. Read Chapter 3 of "The 4-Hour Workweek" by Timothy Ferriss, Chapter 3 discusses fear setting. If you really sat down and outlined the worst case scenarios, IN AN HONEST way, you will be able to escape the paralysis of action. You will discover that you are holding onto a fiction. In my own life, (and some of the older members of this forum may remember), I up and sold my home in 2005, put all my crap in storage, and left for 9 months. And the odd thing is, it cost me less per month than I was spending living at "home". I always had a bed to sleep in every night, I always had food, and saw and did some amazing things.

Anyway, just something to think about. I think the idea of "home" prevents people from living an adventurous life and having meaningful experiences that enliven your soul and increase your wisdom.

[blncd1]

Home is a prison. Okay, more to the point, your mortgage is a financial prison.

Let me back up, I understand that people are attached to their home, I get that. But there is so much more to life than you home. Home, to some degree is a self imposed imprison, it is how we separate ourselves from the rest of the world. If you go to third world countries, the dynamic is very different, you have a dwelling where you sleep. The bulk of your day is spent working, interacting with friends and family, and DOING things.

Let's boil this down and call it what it is, FEAR. No matter how you dress it up (I grew up here, I raised my kids here, I like the community), the idea of "keeping a home" comes down to FEAR. Fear is a dangerous emotion, it makes you think irrationally, the fear is often based on irrational assumptions. Read Chapter 3 of "The 4-Hour Workweek" by Timothy Ferriss, Chapter 3 discusses fear setting. If you really sat down and outlined the worst case scenarios, IN AN HONEST way, you will be able to escape the paralysis of action. You will discover that you are holding onto a fiction. In my own life, (and some of the older members of this forum may remember), I up and sold my home in 2005, put all my crap in storage, and left for 9 months. And the odd thing is, it cost me less per month than I was spending living at "home". I always had a bed to sleep in every night, I always had food, and saw and did some amazing things.

Anyway, just something to think about. I think the idea of "home" prevents people from living an adventurous life and having meaningful experiences that enliven your soul and increase your wisdom.

I just saw your post BINGO!!! It has finally sunken in and you are SO right my friend! It's very freeing to let go of a stupid structure, FINALLY!