Maybe I'm Not Taking This Correctly

[brokemomma]

Okay, about a year ago my husband and I realized we couldn't pay all we borrowed. I wish I could say we had a medical emergency or something but unfortunately, we just took on more credit than we could afford. We realized we were going to have to file bankruptcy. We quit paying our credit cards in April 2009. We put retainer on a lawyer and are trying to raise the money to pay the rest. At first I was mortified and extremely embarrassed and thought we would never recover. Now I think we are just doing what is best for our family. We'll file, ruin our credit and recover. After talking to several people I'm starting to rethink myself. Am I know taking bankruptcy too lightly. For example, I've heard of people who have commited suicide rather than file. I am thinking this is a blip in the road of life, not one to be proud of, not one to repeat but one from which a person can recover. Of course I'm not proud of this and I will make sure I never repeat the money mistakes we've made. Is this correct thinking, or am I now taking this too lightly? Thoughts on this are greatly appreciated.

[frogger]

I think you're right on track........

[JEM]

No, I think you are looking at it with a good perspective.

I know I have days where I tend to freak out and worry. I come here and get reassured--and then go back to feeling like we're making the best decision for our family.

Is it embarrassing? Sure. I hope no one finds out because I don't want to explain it....but I'm not going to let it ruin our lives, our marriage or our family.

[flyinbroke]

I was in the denial phase lone enough, until I realized that between car issues and dog issues (they are like my kids) I had no cash. I am saving for retirement, but it still is not enough. I stopped paying a few cards, and freed up 750 a month in cash. Then I quit paying two more and discovered nearly 600 more dollars a month. This was when I realized there was really only one way out (and was disgusted by how much I have actually paid for naught.)

I am looking at it this way: Life is a business and I am the CEO of my life. Hershey, Disney and Trump are three people who used BK as a business decision and look at where it got them. I realized it was not the end of the world (and this board helped.) Embarrassing? Sure. Damaging to the credit? Yep, but I figured it was damaged enough by rate hikes, CLDs and closures before I even stopped paying. Worth killing myself over? Hell no. It is a business tactic and I know I don't want to be working till I am dead to help banks max out on profits. I have long since paid off what I borrowed. Time for some "me time" with my money.

[LimpDisc]

I agree with frogger, you're on the right track.

Think of the bankruptcy as a family business decision and move on.

[facingfuture]

I don't think you are taking bankruptcy too lightly - based on your post it sounds like you have and still are giving it considerable thought. I have filed and had my 341 (my dates are almost exactly those of LimpDisc) and I had absolutely no choice about whether to file. I know that I am not taking bankruptcy lightly but I also cannot afford, emotionally, to beat myself up about it - and neither can you. We are human and sometimes make really bad decisions/mistakes. It's important to have the right balance of regret and self-forgiveness. I admit I struggle with this balance nearly every day - but I'm putting my trust in time and the power of time to heal some of my wounds. I'm really glad you posted because I was having a down day and it helped me realize I'm not alone in my feelings. I have had to make all the decisions re my bankruptcy by myself because I am divorced and don't have a lot of support from family and friends right now. "Friends" have left me fairly alone because they were based in my business which I chose to close due to the economy - and most of my family lives at a distance. Also, I think a lot of people are just really stressed out right now about the economy and actually knowing a person who has always been successful financially (me) arrive at this point is pretty scary for them. The depression and suicidality some people experience around bankruptcy is probably related to this kind of social isolation - so maintaining your family and marriage should be your priority and it sounds like you are doing that.

[logansdad]

I think you're right on track........

lol

[OhioFiler]

Okay, about a year ago my husband and I realized we couldn't pay all we borrowed. I wish I could say we had a medical emergency or something but unfortunately, we just took on more credit than we could afford. We realized we were going to have to file bankruptcy. We quit paying our credit cards in April 2009. We put retainer on a lawyer and are trying to raise the money to pay the rest. At first I was mortified and extremely embarrassed and thought we would never recover. Now I think we are just doing what is best for our family. We'll file, ruin our credit and recover. After talking to several people I'm starting to rethink myself. Am I know taking bankruptcy too lightly. For example, I've heard of people who have commited suicide rather than file. I am thinking this is a blip in the road of life, not one to be proud of, not one to repeat but one from which a person can recover. Of course I'm not proud of this and I will make sure I never repeat the money mistakes we've made. Is this correct thinking, or am I now taking this too lightly? Thoughts on this are greatly appreciated.

Unsubstantiated rumors like this scare too many people. People who commit suicide do so because they are depressed. RARELY if ever, does a person of sound mind suffering financially choose such an option. My point is the illness is the cause of the suicide.