I don't know if there is any way out

[helpmeout]

I really don't want to file for bankruptcy, but I just can't do this juggle anymore. Choosing which bill doesn't get paid until the next month and which ones do. I put a priority on the credit cards because I didn't want the rate to increase. But 2 months ago, it came down to a choice between paying utilities and food or paying the credit card bills. My kids need to eat so I didn't choose the credit cards. The collection calls started before the second payment came due. I just can't do it anymore. Between the expensive childcare (cheap during the school year but the summer care drives the cost up to an average of $1K a month).

I want to keep the house (I am current on the payments for this and my car), but don't know how I am going to do it. And if I don't, just how am I going to get an apartment in a safe area big enough for my 2 kids (not the same gender) and me with a bankruptcy on my record? I have worked out a rough budget for after the bankruptcy, but it will only work if I don't have any major repairs that need to be done. Or it waits until I no longer have a car payment and childcare costs (I wish I had family in my area to care for my kids, but they work. My cousin does take them on sick days or days that the school she works at is closed).

And if I want to switch jobs, filing just may have an impact on my ability to get a different job? Saving for retirement? The paltry amount that I have in my 401K is not going to cut it. And I can't put away enough because I need the money now.

I have an appointment with an attorney on Monday after work, who did a rough means test and it appears that I do qualify for a Chapter 7. I don't know if I can meet with 2 other ones as I simply have no time off from work left.

I am sorry if I am rambling, I just am at the end of my rope and feel like crying most of the time, but can't because the kids would be upset. And I don't want to tell them anything, especially that we may end up having to move until I know what is going on.

If I can't keep the house, how long will I have to move out? I simply don't have any money for security deposit and I would have to get rid of my 2 cats.

How do I deal with this stress?

[DeadManCrawling]

Couple things, to ease your mind. It is NOT as difficult as many people think.

You are in good company here, and knowledge will help you. These days it is NOT that hard to find landlords willing to rent to BK filers.

What state are you in? This will determine your foreclosure timeline. You can extend this dramatically by opposing the foreclosure if in a judicial state.

Your cats may be welcome in a rental. Because you will have just filed BK, your debts will no longer be dischargeable. You are actually MORE attractive to potential landlords, since you cannot escape the debt.

You may be required to pay deposits on some things that you were not previously required to do so on. This can be a hassle, and expensive.

Please read thoroughly, use the search function in the top area of the forum window. Ask all the questions you wish. We are happy to try to help. We were all in your place at one time, and, for me anyway, I feel a certain duty to help new members better understand their situation and (most important) their options.

I am going to do something I have never done before and repost something from a few years ago, after I joined this forum, when I finally "got it". Maybe it can help you.

Regardless, good luck in your journey. There IS light ahead. You just need a little more strength an courage to reach it.

-dmc

My post on this, from my POV about three years ago:

Scared, nervous, embarrassed? Man, I KNOW that feeling. A few weeks ago I was so petrified and humiliated I could hardly get out of bed.

You should read this board thoroughly. Use the "search" function to find the answers and suggestions for your questions.

To get over the scared part, educate yourself about the process. Knowing how it works will remove the fear and give you a sense of power. There ARE things you can do beforehand, though they may be somewhat limited depending on when you plan to file. PLANNING for BK is legal, if done right.

As far as the embarrassment, there are only individual decisions and every case is unique. I look at it this way: For the psat 4 years I have funded ballbreaking, record profit margins for some of the scummiest corporations on earth. I have paid 170k interest on purchases that totalled perhaps 55k. Stupid me.

At the same time, I inadvertently shirked duties to my family. We let medical/dental/retirement/leisure requirements go to hell. For what? So the CC companis would stay off our ass. THEN, after years of being a good customer, we called and asked for a reduction of interest or a reasonable payment plan. No dice, they said. We replied, "Well, I guess you will get NOTHING when we file bankruptcy." They said, "Fine" and hung up.

Embarrassed? You bet your ass. I am terribly embarrassed for putting my family in second place after these sharks and thieves.

What will the neighbors think? Who cares, I say, with a straight face. YOUR responsibility is to yourself and your family. How many neighbors/friends/coworkers will secretly wish they have the guts to file as well. I took the gloves off and openly announced this to virtually all of my friends. Guess what? They TOO are in the same type of situation. Almost all of them. They were shocked that I was so open about it, but it relieved the feeling of embarrassment as soon as they began asking ME questions, and describing their own financial mess. I decided, then and there, that I would scream my situation from the rooftops, hoping that it might help just ONE person avoid some of my mistakes.

Your worth as an individual is measured by more than a few bad decisions financially. Your worth, in my opinion, is tied to who you ARE, not what you OWN. It is also determined by the people you love, and who love you in return. These simple values stand in direct opposition to the "stigma" of BK. Your family and friends, if they are truly the people you hope they are, will not judge you based on a FICO score or filing bankruptcy.

We have found out who really loves us, and some of the results were quite surprising.

For instance, my wife's family was on hard times for a few years. We gave her parents a brand new car to drive, until they could save to get one of their own. We loaned them 15k. We bought them an estimated 9k in groceries. We paid THEIR CC bills. And cable bill. And utilities.

Then they received a 100k inheritance, from which they said they would pay us back a portion-at a later date. If we ever needed it.

Last December, we were informed our home insurance was set to double.

We asked them to return part of our money. 2k was all we needed.

No way, her father said. That's OUR retirement money.

What? We were stunned.

After all we had done, and after explaining our dire situation, they STILL opted to tell us to go piss into a freezing wind.

We are discovering who is real and who isnt. You likely will, too.

It's not about the neighbors. It's not about the in-laws or coworkers.

This is SURVIVAL. And the people you think care may not give a thought to you.

It's up to you to do the right thing for your family. Most of the rest of the world would have no opinion or care about whether you ended up living next to the river in a tent.

My 2 cents, as always.

DMC

[DeadManCrawling]

I would add one thing to the above.

Of all things you can do, you MUST meet with more than one attorney. This is VITAL. Each attorney has their own motivations and ideas. And your family's future is at stake.

If you have to call in sick to get the other 2-4 appointments in, do so. It IS that important. Some attorneys may try to direct you toward a CH 13 when a 7 is more appropriate. They make more money for 13's. There are many good attorneys out there. In fact, I think most mean well, but the few ruin the game for the others.

To protect yourself (and your family) do NOT let this slide. You need the best legal advice you can get when doing this, especially with the concerns you have voiced.

best wishes,

-dmc

[helpmeout]

I live in NJ. I haven't filed yet. And this is embarassing made more so by my profession (accountant). Thank you for your words. I have been lurking here for a while and I could probably keep the house, which I am still considering.

I am out of time, if I miss work, I won't get paid for that day. Which I have had to do in the past because of being sick, snow days, sick kids or not being able to find a babysitter for a school holiday. I will call some more and see if they are willing to meet me after work on Mondays as that is the only day that I don't have to pick up the kids by a certain time as my ex has them that day.

[OHBOY]

DMH truly said it all, and certainly well enough to reread it couple of times when you are feeling down.

I totally agree that fear of the unknown is overcome by reading and trying to educate yourself ( I have been trying to do just that on the topic of BK just about non stop...

You have taken all the right steps by talking about your sentiments.

Having made an appt. with an attorney is a good thing.

You may want to make some after hour appt.'s with a couple of different ones...will give you a chance to ask more questions that are sure to 'pop up' after your first consultation. Will also give you a chance to sort out who you feel most comfortable with.

As to feeling lousy and overwhelmed...in times like that I resort to going into a 'chanting' mode, recalling the words of my mother from my childhood, namely : "the sun will shine again".

Bankruptcy is a new beginning, and along with it, the sun will again shine for you from a financial standpoint.

In the meantime, you are very fortunate to have two children in your life with whom you can spend Thanksgiving together, and I do hope that it will be a Healthy and Peaceful one.

[cc8225]

Nothing to be embarrassed about. I work for the Federal Govt with a high security clearance. I had to inform the security office and my immediate supervisor. To my surprise everyone was supportive and understanding. Don’t beat yourself up over BK. This is a legal process for you and your family to get back on your feet. It took me three years to realize this. These corporations are not going to lose sleep when you file BK. They will get a huge tax credit and the will continue to make money. I tried with all my might to avoid BK because of fear. I was a slave to work and overtime just to pay minimums on CC and other debt and in the process neglected my wife and kids. That is what I am most upset about. Read, read, and read some more I had 30 questions for my attorney during my initial consultation, all of which were things that I read about on this forum. I too like DMC told my neighbors (close friends) about the BK process and learned that they too are in a financial mess. Please retain a lawyer you feel comfortable with and use that hour or so to ask as many questions about your specific case as possible. It will work out, good luck and enjoy your Thanksgiving...

[Flamingo]

I live in NJ. I haven't filed yet. And this is embarassing made more so by my profession (accountant). Thank you for your words. I have been lurking here for a while and I could probably keep the house, which I am still considering.

I am out of time, if I miss work, I won't get paid for that day. Which I have had to do in the past because of being sick, snow days, sick kids or not being able to find a babysitter for a school holiday. I will call some more and see if they are willing to meet me after work on Mondays as that is the only day that I don't have to pick up the kids by a certain time as my ex has them that day.

The other posters on here gave you excellent advice...you just need to know you are still in denial, this will not go away on its own, it doesn't matter what profession you are because remember Donald Trump has even filed for bankruptcy several times and he is supposed to be a real estate whiz...many attorney's' have evening and weekend hours. You have come to the bottom of the spiraling black hole that leads to knowing you have to do something and that is usually investigating having to file BK; you've done everything you can to keep from hitting the bottom of that hole and now it's staring you in the face. We've all been there...yes, it's embarrassing and tosses many folks into depression and anxiety. After a while you will not care...but you do have to take the first steps on your own. Put together a COMPLETE listing of all your monthly payments, debts, sources of income, recent paystubs, asset listing and get copies of your most recent tax returns - state and federal. It will be hard to put all those bills on paper and have it stare you in the face but it's gotta be done. As DeadMan advised you, get a few appointments with various attorneys...once you get over that hump and get the information you need to know what you can and cannot do, you will feel much better about the situation and can format a plan to get a new start...

Best of luck to you!

[Meatstick]

Couple things, to ease your mind. It is NOT as difficult as many people think.

You are in good company here, and knowledge will help you. These days it is NOT that hard to find landlords willing to rent to BK filers.

What state are you in? This will determine your foreclosure timeline. You can extend this dramatically by opposing the foreclosure if in a judicial state.

Your cats may be welcome in a rental. Because you will have just filed BK, your debts will no longer be dischargeable. You are actually MORE attractive to potential landlords, since you cannot escape the debt.

You may be required to pay deposits on some things that you were not previously required to do so on. This can be a hassle, and expensive.

Please read thoroughly, use the search function in the top area of the forum window. Ask all the questions you wish. We are happy to try to help. We were all in your place at one time, and, for me anyway, I feel a certain duty to help new members better understand their situation and (most important) their options.

I am going to do something I have never done before and repost something from a few years ago, after I joined this forum, when I finally "got it". Maybe it can help you.

Regardless, good luck in your journey. There IS light ahead. You just need a little more strength an courage to reach it.

-dmc

My post on this, from my POV about three years ago:

Scared, nervous, embarrassed? Man, I KNOW that feeling. A few weeks ago I was so petrified and humiliated I could hardly get out of bed.

You should read this board thoroughly. Use the "search" function to find the answers and suggestions for your questions.

To get over the scared part, educate yourself about the process. Knowing how it works will remove the fear and give you a sense of power. There ARE things you can do beforehand, though they may be somewhat limited depending on when you plan to file. PLANNING for BK is legal, if done right.

As far as the embarrassment, there are only individual decisions and every case is unique. I look at it this way: For the psat 4 years I have funded ballbreaking, record profit margins for some of the scummiest corporations on earth. I have paid 170k interest on purchases that totalled perhaps 55k. Stupid me.

At the same time, I inadvertently shirked duties to my family. We let medical/dental/retirement/leisure requirements go to hell. For what? So the CC companis would stay off our ass. THEN, after years of being a good customer, we called and asked for a reduction of interest or a reasonable payment plan. No dice, they said. We replied, "Well, I guess you will get NOTHING when we file bankruptcy." They said, "Fine" and hung up.

Embarrassed? You bet your ass. I am terribly embarrassed for putting my family in second place after these sharks and thieves.

What will the neighbors think? Who cares, I say, with a straight face. YOUR responsibility is to yourself and your family. How many neighbors/friends/coworkers will secretly wish they have the guts to file as well. I took the gloves off and openly announced this to virtually all of my friends. Guess what? They TOO are in the same type of situation. Almost all of them. They were shocked that I was so open about it, but it relieved the feeling of embarrassment as soon as they began asking ME questions, and describing their own financial mess. I decided, then and there, that I would scream my situation from the rooftops, hoping that it might help just ONE person avoid some of my mistakes.

Your worth as an individual is measured by more than a few bad decisions financially. Your worth, in my opinion, is tied to who you ARE, not what you OWN. It is also determined by the people you love, and who love you in return. These simple values stand in direct opposition to the "stigma" of BK. Your family and friends, if they are truly the people you hope they are, will not judge you based on a FICO score or filing bankruptcy.

We have found out who really loves us, and some of the results were quite surprising.

For instance, my wife's family was on hard times for a few years. We gave her parents a brand new car to drive, until they could save to get one of their own. We loaned them 15k. We bought them an estimated 9k in groceries. We paid THEIR CC bills. And cable bill. And utilities.

Then they received a 100k inheritance, from which they said they would pay us back a portion-at a later date. If we ever needed it.

Last December, we were informed our home insurance was set to double.

We asked them to return part of our money. 2k was all we needed.

No way, her father said. That's OUR retirement money.

What? We were stunned.

After all we had done, and after explaining our dire situation, they STILL opted to tell us to go piss into a freezing wind.

We are discovering who is real and who isnt. You likely will, too.

It's not about the neighbors. It's not about the in-laws or coworkers.

This is SURVIVAL. And the people you think care may not give a thought to you.

It's up to you to do the right thing for your family. Most of the rest of the world would have no opinion or care about whether you ended up living next to the river in a tent.

My 2 cents, as always.

DMC

Post of the Year from DMC and sums up a similar situation I was living until this past month.


Meatstick

[billf]

Deadman

Great post..

[NHC]

"...What will the neighbors think? Who cares, I say, with a straight face. YOUR responsibility is to yourself and your family. How many neighbors/friends/coworkers will secretly wish they have the guts to file as well. I took the gloves off and openly announced this to virtually all of my friends. Guess what? They TOO are in the same type of situation. Almost all of them. They were shocked that I was so open about it, but it relieved the feeling of embarrassment as soon as they began asking ME questions, and describing their own financial mess. I decided, then and there, that I would scream my situation from the rooftops, hoping that it might help just ONE person avoid some of my mistakes...."

I can say that once I told my two best friends that I had filed, I felt a whole lot better...and they said "good for you"....one even offered to go to my 341 with me!