Thus the log on name.
This BK has been a long-time coming. Haven't filed yet. Need moral support. I'm a wreck. I don't sleep at night, I worry all the time, I cry, A LOT.
Last time I even cared to look the cc debt (unsecured, all of it) was around $64k. It wasn't that to start with. In fact, I don't even know what it was to start with, I gave up a long time ago, even trying to care.
This all started for us, around 06 when the economy began it's tank, in the real estate market, and has continued tanking ever since, and only gotten worse. I know that for the longest, likely back in 2007 and then some, I hung on, with reduced income and did the best I could to stay one step ahead of all the minimums.
But soon, one hiccup or another, as is always the case. I just gave up. What was the point. I no longer had the money to pay any of the creditors. Can't remember precisely what point in time, I threw in the towel on paying them. But I can tell you that I began getting phone calls, and that's how I've lived for a LONG TIME. Being chased, by CA's.
Did I think I could ignore them forever? No, I'm not that stupid. I guess I was being pollyanna-ish and hoping the income situation would improve. It hasn't.
What finally got my attention, was a summons from one of the creditors. I owe them $8k (and that's only one of em). No, it wasn't $8k to begin with, I don't really recall, somewhere likely around $5k, but now with interest upon interest upon more interest it was up to $8k. I don't have a hope or prayer of paying that, or any of the others. I called to see if they would work out a payment plan, and the oh-so-generous foreigner informed me that they would take a one-time settlement payment of $3800.
Gee, how kind. If I had $38 I'd be, doing good. Much less $3800. In the end, they did go for a payment arrangement of $184 monthly. So that set me on the course, to calling all of the creditors, (there are,..........I now see, now that I'm no longer ignoring, 23 in all).
BofA, wanted $250 monthly to keep from taking me to court, against a $13k balance. Several others demanded upwards of almost $200. And some of the others, were gracious enough to only accept a nominal $50, $35, $25, ..... as long as I would allow withdrawal from my ckg account monthly.
So that's what I did. Ahh, but I never did get to all of the creditors, not all of them. Because you see, once all was said and done with respect to agreements with various creditors, I was signed on to the tune of $1200 (and a large chunk of that thru automatic debit from my ckg account monthly). There are still probably another 6 or 7 that I need to phone and make arrangements with. But you see, we are now into our 3rd month of this "arrangement" with the creditors I did manage to connect with, and I'm realizing, full-front-on, why it is that I fell into default to begin with.
I DON'T HAVE THE INCOME THAT I USED TO HAVE WHEN ALL THIS DEBT WAS ORIGINALLY ACCRUED.
And no, none of this debt was incurred by taking lavish vacations, haven't been on a vacation in years. Anywhere, not even across town. No big screen tv's, or fast sports cars, or sumptuous jewelry here. Nope. It was all accrued beginning around in 2006 when the economy began to take and our income was taking a major hit.
No we're not in real estate. We own our own business, trades/construction related. Anything in the development/building industry has been in the tank and for a long time, and particularly in my state. One of the harder hit markets for real estate and job loss. Oh, but I guess, at some point in the past, hope sprang eternal. Hoped for a better day. As owners of our own business, we had always been thru lulls, slumps, but it always picked back up eventually. Not this time it hasn't. It's only gotten worse, a lot worse.
I don't even know where to begin to even get a handle on all of this. I am like a robot, a sad robot. I go thru everyday just rote function. There is no more fun in my life, at all. Can't afford fun, what's that. Fun, that costs money. I don't have that. Fun for me, these days, is a get-together with my close family and for that I'm so eternally grateful, they all live close by. None can help financially, they're all in the same boat, unfortunately.
I did consult with an atty, and of course, my head swims from what was said. He talked about Chapter 7, Chapter 13. From what I can gather, it looks as though our income would likely bring us to Chapter 13. And of course, that causes panic in me. We are self-employed. I live my life day-to-day, not knowing whether I'm going to make a mortgage payment this month, much less, being able to pay creditors. One thing to promise the sun and moon to creditors that are hounding you and deducting from your ckg account, you can always go close the account, if you run short (haven't had to do that, but this is only month 3, and we will likely have to do so this month, don't have the approximate $1200 needed for all the creditors to deduct their allotments).
Quite another to say to a trustee of a Federal BK courts, "oh gee, ya know work has really been off this month, you know that $____________, I'm supposed to pay this month, towards my Chapter 13, I don't have it". Which is a very real possibility that we live, daily.
We do own our own home, (can you tell my head is swimming with it all, I'm so defeated). But as best I can tell, likely upside down in it, by about $30k to $40k, in this real estate downturn, and no, no 2nd mtg, just a primary mtg. Don't really know. I know that homes in my area are for sale for about that price, but aren't selling. I can't tell you when a home has sold in this area. We would like to hang onto our home, and are current with our $1500 monthly mortgage. Somehow in all of this, and through MUCH sacrifice, of no social life, no new clothes, no going out to eat, no nothing at all, ever, either dh or myself, or our daughter, we have managed to keep the mortgage current, all throughout. I live in sheer terror though, that it won't continue. I do want to hang onto the house. I don't want to let it go into foreclosure. I have faith that property values will return, eventually. And so I don't want to let go of it. And besides that rent around here, isn't much cheaper. So why give up the home that I pay, about the same amount I'd have to pay, to live somewhere, and it would be "renting".
I just feel so defeated. Like I described above, a sad robot. I feel so alone. I feel so sad, most of the time. I stay on the verge of tears almost all the time, and it doesn't take much to push me over that threshold. But I fight it, a LOT. Who wants to live with a sadsack. Yes, dh is living this too, but he has outlets (hobbies) that are very cheap, and he does get "out" and away from all this misery from time-to-time. Myself? My fault I haven't cultivated a hobby/escape from it all. I know that. But I haven't. I spent a whole lot of years being a SAHM, and was the bestest of the best at it. Kids are all but grown and gone, all but one. She's a 17 yo. I went and got a job, the only one I could find, a part-time job, outside the home. Doesn't pay squat, but it does provide our health insurance, which is a true blessing that so many don't have this day and age, and I'm so thankful for it. But it's all I can do to muster myself out the door on most days, and into that little part-time job, to go be participatory in life, when my whole world is crumbling around my feet. And that's exactly how it feels to me. How to pull one's self up by the boot straps and DO what needs doing. Get the required rec'ds together and drag one's self to a BK atty, and get the ball rolling? When you are just almost paralyzed with defeatism.
Our cars are paid for. Daughter has a clunker of a 1995 Toyota. Dh has a 2003 p/up truck, that he utilizes to continue to try to eek out a living as a skilled-trades worker in this horrible economy. I have a 2004 GMC SUV. All paid for. Those are ALL that we own, that's it. No property, no stocks, no retirement, no savings, nothing. That's it.
And we're both early 50's. Our lives are impossibly wrecked at this point.
And it all seems so hopeless.
This BK has been a long-time coming. Haven't filed yet. Need moral support. I'm a wreck. I don't sleep at night, I worry all the time, I cry, A LOT.
Last time I even cared to look the cc debt (unsecured, all of it) was around $64k. It wasn't that to start with. In fact, I don't even know what it was to start with, I gave up a long time ago, even trying to care.
This all started for us, around 06 when the economy began it's tank, in the real estate market, and has continued tanking ever since, and only gotten worse. I know that for the longest, likely back in 2007 and then some, I hung on, with reduced income and did the best I could to stay one step ahead of all the minimums.
But soon, one hiccup or another, as is always the case. I just gave up. What was the point. I no longer had the money to pay any of the creditors. Can't remember precisely what point in time, I threw in the towel on paying them. But I can tell you that I began getting phone calls, and that's how I've lived for a LONG TIME. Being chased, by CA's.
Did I think I could ignore them forever? No, I'm not that stupid. I guess I was being pollyanna-ish and hoping the income situation would improve. It hasn't.
What finally got my attention, was a summons from one of the creditors. I owe them $8k (and that's only one of em). No, it wasn't $8k to begin with, I don't really recall, somewhere likely around $5k, but now with interest upon interest upon more interest it was up to $8k. I don't have a hope or prayer of paying that, or any of the others. I called to see if they would work out a payment plan, and the oh-so-generous foreigner informed me that they would take a one-time settlement payment of $3800.
Gee, how kind. If I had $38 I'd be, doing good. Much less $3800. In the end, they did go for a payment arrangement of $184 monthly. So that set me on the course, to calling all of the creditors, (there are,..........I now see, now that I'm no longer ignoring, 23 in all).
BofA, wanted $250 monthly to keep from taking me to court, against a $13k balance. Several others demanded upwards of almost $200. And some of the others, were gracious enough to only accept a nominal $50, $35, $25, ..... as long as I would allow withdrawal from my ckg account monthly.
So that's what I did. Ahh, but I never did get to all of the creditors, not all of them. Because you see, once all was said and done with respect to agreements with various creditors, I was signed on to the tune of $1200 (and a large chunk of that thru automatic debit from my ckg account monthly). There are still probably another 6 or 7 that I need to phone and make arrangements with. But you see, we are now into our 3rd month of this "arrangement" with the creditors I did manage to connect with, and I'm realizing, full-front-on, why it is that I fell into default to begin with.
I DON'T HAVE THE INCOME THAT I USED TO HAVE WHEN ALL THIS DEBT WAS ORIGINALLY ACCRUED.
And no, none of this debt was incurred by taking lavish vacations, haven't been on a vacation in years. Anywhere, not even across town. No big screen tv's, or fast sports cars, or sumptuous jewelry here. Nope. It was all accrued beginning around in 2006 when the economy began to take and our income was taking a major hit.
No we're not in real estate. We own our own business, trades/construction related. Anything in the development/building industry has been in the tank and for a long time, and particularly in my state. One of the harder hit markets for real estate and job loss. Oh, but I guess, at some point in the past, hope sprang eternal. Hoped for a better day. As owners of our own business, we had always been thru lulls, slumps, but it always picked back up eventually. Not this time it hasn't. It's only gotten worse, a lot worse.
I don't even know where to begin to even get a handle on all of this. I am like a robot, a sad robot. I go thru everyday just rote function. There is no more fun in my life, at all. Can't afford fun, what's that. Fun, that costs money. I don't have that. Fun for me, these days, is a get-together with my close family and for that I'm so eternally grateful, they all live close by. None can help financially, they're all in the same boat, unfortunately.
I did consult with an atty, and of course, my head swims from what was said. He talked about Chapter 7, Chapter 13. From what I can gather, it looks as though our income would likely bring us to Chapter 13. And of course, that causes panic in me. We are self-employed. I live my life day-to-day, not knowing whether I'm going to make a mortgage payment this month, much less, being able to pay creditors. One thing to promise the sun and moon to creditors that are hounding you and deducting from your ckg account, you can always go close the account, if you run short (haven't had to do that, but this is only month 3, and we will likely have to do so this month, don't have the approximate $1200 needed for all the creditors to deduct their allotments).
Quite another to say to a trustee of a Federal BK courts, "oh gee, ya know work has really been off this month, you know that $____________, I'm supposed to pay this month, towards my Chapter 13, I don't have it". Which is a very real possibility that we live, daily.
We do own our own home, (can you tell my head is swimming with it all, I'm so defeated). But as best I can tell, likely upside down in it, by about $30k to $40k, in this real estate downturn, and no, no 2nd mtg, just a primary mtg. Don't really know. I know that homes in my area are for sale for about that price, but aren't selling. I can't tell you when a home has sold in this area. We would like to hang onto our home, and are current with our $1500 monthly mortgage. Somehow in all of this, and through MUCH sacrifice, of no social life, no new clothes, no going out to eat, no nothing at all, ever, either dh or myself, or our daughter, we have managed to keep the mortgage current, all throughout. I live in sheer terror though, that it won't continue. I do want to hang onto the house. I don't want to let it go into foreclosure. I have faith that property values will return, eventually. And so I don't want to let go of it. And besides that rent around here, isn't much cheaper. So why give up the home that I pay, about the same amount I'd have to pay, to live somewhere, and it would be "renting".
I just feel so defeated. Like I described above, a sad robot. I feel so alone. I feel so sad, most of the time. I stay on the verge of tears almost all the time, and it doesn't take much to push me over that threshold. But I fight it, a LOT. Who wants to live with a sadsack. Yes, dh is living this too, but he has outlets (hobbies) that are very cheap, and he does get "out" and away from all this misery from time-to-time. Myself? My fault I haven't cultivated a hobby/escape from it all. I know that. But I haven't. I spent a whole lot of years being a SAHM, and was the bestest of the best at it. Kids are all but grown and gone, all but one. She's a 17 yo. I went and got a job, the only one I could find, a part-time job, outside the home. Doesn't pay squat, but it does provide our health insurance, which is a true blessing that so many don't have this day and age, and I'm so thankful for it. But it's all I can do to muster myself out the door on most days, and into that little part-time job, to go be participatory in life, when my whole world is crumbling around my feet. And that's exactly how it feels to me. How to pull one's self up by the boot straps and DO what needs doing. Get the required rec'ds together and drag one's self to a BK atty, and get the ball rolling? When you are just almost paralyzed with defeatism.
Our cars are paid for. Daughter has a clunker of a 1995 Toyota. Dh has a 2003 p/up truck, that he utilizes to continue to try to eek out a living as a skilled-trades worker in this horrible economy. I have a 2004 GMC SUV. All paid for. Those are ALL that we own, that's it. No property, no stocks, no retirement, no savings, nothing. That's it.
And we're both early 50's. Our lives are impossibly wrecked at this point.
And it all seems so hopeless.
Woo-hoo!
And no, we have not been sued yet. I told them "go ahead, there's nothing to take".
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