The Most Basic Problem

[facingfuture]

My economic downturn happened (seemingly) overnight - so I have been overwhelmed with getting out of a business and trying, so far unsuccessfully, to get a good job. I think the 2 1/2 years of owning my own business has dampened the enthusiasm of some who look at my resume. So, long story short, I have spent the last three months selling business assets, looking for employment, moving to a less expensive apartment, and generally trying to get myself positioned for a "lower" standard of living.

So, my most basic problem is that I'm "stuck" - emotionally and psychologically. I just can't motivate myself to do all the paperwork I know I need to do for the bankruptcy. Maybe people here will tell me to "just do it" - and I'm impressed by the many posters here who have done it and seem to have way more courage than I do. But if anyone can offer me any additional support or inspiration for how to get started or keep moving through this process I would appreciate it. Has anyone else just "fallen down" and not been able to get moving?

[AngelinaCat]

Dear facingfuture: believe it or not, but every one of us who have filled out the paperwork and gotten it done, has been exactly where you are right now. But you can't let it overwhelm you. Only YOU can help yourself. You cannot depend on anyone else, the least of all, 'the government'. The sooner YOU get the paperwork taken care of, the sooner YOU can get your new start. You actually have done a very good job of preparing for it already.

You have a great support group right here, so take that first step...

[momisery]

It is time consuming and exhausting.. but so was getting up every day wondering how I was ever going to dig my way out. All you can do, is believe us. You will feel much better once you see the light of not having all this debt. You will be fine, one foot in front of the other.. and off you go!!

[OhioFiler]

Your emotional and psychological states are irrelevant. You have to look at this process from a financial and business perspective only. Keep your emotions out of the process and you'll succeed.

[Notes4fr]

The process CAN be overwhelming. I was not successful at keeping my emotions out of it. What worked for me was to read here, read the NOLO book and just do a few things a day until you start to pick up speed. Gathering the required documents was MY biggest issue (going to county deed office for copy of mortgage/deed, taxes, etc., etc., etc.....) It will take a while, but doing SOMETHING will be better than continuing to take a beating each day (waiting for the phone to stop ringing, bills...)

Once you do file, you will be glad you put in the time!

[Kansas1960]

Try this thought process...

Get mad at the people that you owe. Are they calling you? Did they raise your rates? Find something that you dislike about them and fight them! Kick their a**es. If you cannot get mad at them then get mad at the Fed, Treasury and Congress for stealing your future. I find this is a way to motivate me to get even. Wake up one morning, pour some coffee and start calling attorneys and set up the appointments. You can do it. Picture Timothy Guitner in high school being a little twerp sitting across the classroom and how this nerd is now stealing your money. I am getting mad just thinking about it!! And that freak Bernake and don't get me started with congress... look at this and see if this pi**es you off!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywgUCdefSW8

[killinstinct]

It is time consuming, it is exhausing. But this is the most difficult part. Take solace in that.

My advice would be to just do a little at a time. I a page or two a day so as not to feel overwhelmed, and it worked out well for me. And spend a lot of time here....we can all relate and we are all supportive. Don't let the phone calls get to you. Just realize you're doing the best you can to help yourself, and that's all that can be expected.

It's not the end of the world, I promise. Things get much, much better!!! Life without debt is fantastic and well worth the hassle!

[backtoschool]

Only by releasing the past can you truly move on to a new "downsized" future. With unpaid creditors and loose ends hanging over you, you cannot fully focus on what you need to do to build a new life. Filing the bankruptcy paperwork will free up your energy to focus on your future, a future that you can sculpt into something better than the past you are leaving behind.

[facingfuture]

Thanks for all your help

I needed to hear that I can do this - one step at a time. I've had days where I make a little progress - and then I get caught up in daily living. I have a beautiful but sad 16 year old daughter living with me and I spend a lot of time with her to compensate for what I think I've done to her life in all this. I know it's not making things any better for her -spending time with her stressed out mother probably isn't the best thing she can be doing right now. She needs to see me making progress and being more confidant - it's a viscious cycle - I'm depressed, she gets more hopeless, I get more depressed. So, today I'm going to get started, even if it's small. I do need one piece of specific advice - I won't be ready to file for probably another month and I'm already 60 days behind on my car payment which I don't intent to reaffirm - that creditor calls me 15 times a day and I don't take their calls - but I did call them yesterday and we discussed voluntary repossession. The thought of having my car just gone one day is embarassing - so I thought returning it voluntarily would be better. I have another car with no loan. So, does anyone have any advice on this - should I schedule a voluntary repossession and then deal with the "deficiency balance" in my bankruptcy in a month or two? I don't "need" the car and I can save money on the insurance if it's gone.

Thanks - I need all your support.

[backtoschool]

I needed to hear that I can do this - one step at a time. I've had days where I make a little progress - and then I get caught up in daily living. I have a beautiful but sad 16 year old daughter living with me and I spend a lot of time with her to compensate for what I think I've done to her life in all this. I know it's not making things any better for her -spending time with her stressed out mother probably isn't the best thing she can be doing right now. She needs to see me making progress and being more confidant - it's a viscious cycle - I'm depressed, she gets more hopeless, I get more depressed. So, today I'm going to get started, even if it's small. I do need one piece of specific advice - I won't be ready to file for probably another month and I'm already 60 days behind on my car payment which I don't intent to reaffirm - that creditor calls me 15 times a day and I don't take their calls - but I did call them yesterday and we discussed voluntary repossession. The thought of having my car just gone one day is embarassing - so I thought returning it voluntarily would be better. I have another car with no loan. So, does anyone have any advice on this - should I schedule a voluntary repossession and then deal with the "deficiency balance" in my bankruptcy in a month or two? I don't "need" the car and I can save money on the insurance if it's gone.

Thanks - I need all your support.

If you have another car, then turn your car in and include the deficiency balance in your bankruptcy. That is one less set of stressful calls for you to deal with, and by turning in the car voluntarily, you will be the one in control, not the repo man.

[frogger]

You're on your way. The emotional part is certainly hard to get over. You feel like a complete and total failure that has let everyone down.

Well, get over it. You're not a failure unless you choose to be. Get off your duff, start getting some fresh air and exercise, and eat that elephant.

One bite at a time.....

Good luck!

[anykey]

Just keep a box throw any paper that is related into the box. You then will have a box full of the needed junk.

[klandsb]

Kansas1960... I needed that pep talk... Yes, it is very embarrasing at times to be where I am but I am the only to get myself out of this mess. I hate credit card companies for giving me the damn money in the first place then raising the rates sky high. I hate the debt settlement company that has my $3000 profit they made off of me in 8 mths with no results and a threatened judgement. I hate my ex-husband who is always making me feel guilty for not pay him my promised $100 every mth for 1/2 of our daughters car when he has $ 50,000 in the bank and no bills and I filed bankruptcy. OMG I could go on and on...
If nothing else facingfuture realize you are not alone. We are all here to help ya out !!

[OhioFiler]

I needed to hear that I can do this - one step at a time. I've had days where I make a little progress - and then I get caught up in daily living. I have a beautiful but sad 16 year old daughter living with me and I spend a lot of time with her to compensate for what I think I've done to her life in all this. I know it's not making things any better for her -spending time with her stressed out mother probably isn't the best thing she can be doing right now. She needs to see me making progress and being more confidant - it's a viscious cycle - I'm depressed, she gets more hopeless, I get more depressed. So, today I'm going to get started, even if it's small. I do need one piece of specific advice - I won't be ready to file for probably another month and I'm already 60 days behind on my car payment which I don't intent to reaffirm - that creditor calls me 15 times a day and I don't take their calls - but I did call them yesterday and we discussed voluntary repossession. The thought of having my car just gone one day is embarassing - so I thought returning it voluntarily would be better. I have another car with no loan. So, does anyone have any advice on this - should I schedule a voluntary repossession and then deal with the "deficiency balance" in my bankruptcy in a month or two? I don't "need" the car and I can save money on the insurance if it's gone.

Thanks - I need all your support.

I've seen this situation play itself out and it can be ugly. Get yourself healthy.

[KittyisBroke]

After you get over the initial hassle of gathering all the required paperwork, it really is not hard. Emotionally, for me, a roller coaster. One day sad, next mad, next glad to be working on fresh start. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other until you get it done. Your daughter will be better off having Mom on an even keel than worring about how to pay bills or hide from bill collectors. At sixteen she should understand and can maybe even help you. But be sure to let her know this is NOT her fault. However, she is old enough to be told the truth. The truth will set you free. The truth for me was I had no choice but to file. Now that it is over I am not thrilled that my credit is ruined, that I will be losing my home to foreclosure eventually, BUT now I am living in reality, and sleep at night! Stay on this forum. We will help you with your questions, with support! God Bless!