How desperate?

[Regrets]

Hi everyone! I was just reading through some posts here and thinking about this whole process. We decided in January 2009 that we were going to file, but are waiting for our tax return to pay our attorney. So, I feel like I have been armed with a lot of info from this board, and I feel like the emotional portion of admitting my finances were out of control and accepting bankruptcy and its consequences are pretty much behind me. Now it is just a business decision to me, and I am OK with it. What I was thinking about, was the desperation I felt just one year ago. Having never paid a bill late in my life, and understanding very little about bankruptcy, I was truly desperate. I remember laying on the floor thinking my marriage was over, I was going to lose my house, my husband could lose his job, my whole family would know I couldn't pay my bills, that life would never be the same again. The phone was ringing nonstop, one bank sent someone to my door, I was skipping the mortgage to pay the credit card companies. It was just horrible. I know I am not alone in this. So I am wondering if anyone wants to share their low point, as encouragment to others who think they are alone in this. For me, it was the day last fall, that I pulled out my life insurance policy to see when the suicide exemption expired. It expired in April of this year, and I remember thinking that if I could hold it all together for 6 more months, then I could just kill myself and my family could have the insurance money to pay debt. I even thought that it would work out well because it would be after the holidays. I can't even believe that I thought that a year ago. We are all still here, nothing has changed. This bill collectors haven't taken my children, or my kidneys, or even my house. My marriage didn't end because the credit reporting agencies don't love me anymore. How sick that I let some collectors make me feel like my life was worth less than the 50k I owe in credit cards. I really am shocked even reading it here. So I hope that anyone reading this, who feels hopeless, will see that debt is not the end of the world.

[ForTheBest]

Thank you, thank you for your heartfelt and touchingly honest post. It was exactly what I needed to read tonight.

I had my 341 today and it didn't go well. As it turned out, my lawyer was ill prepared, had failed to provide the Trustee with my tax returns as ordered, and evidently had made a couple of serious errors on my schedules. What should have been an easy meeting quickly turned into a continuation quagmire complete with withering admonishments from the Trustee.

I left there feeling shell shocked, and all the fears and desperation I felt for a a couple years before filing came flooding back. By the time I got home I was ready to throw myself under a bus (except that I think my lawyer may have already done that for me, thus saving me the effort. lol)

Anyway, I've been sitting here all day in absolute panic with no one to talk to about it. (I'm single, have no family and don't have the kind of friends who are bankruptcy supportive.) The outlandish fears and "what if's" have grown bigger by the hour, landing me back in exactly the "laying on the floor" mode you so aptly described.

Your post, though, has finally helped me get a grip. You're absolutely right... I'm still here, still have most of my body parts and, one way or another, I will get through this.

I haven't wrestled down the fear demons enough yet to get the "this is a business decision" feeling back, but I'm working on it. For now I guess I'll just have to settle for staying out of the HOV lane.

Thank you again.

[Ann]

Regrets,
Wow... You said you had $50,000 in cc debt. Well, I have close to $200,000 in UNSECURED cc and loan debt! I have felt just as you did this time last year. I never thought I would ever file or even think about filing but I have no choice. I have (thanks to those on this board) come to view it as a business decision. I too had those horrible thoughts of "if I could just die than my husband could use the money to pay off debts from the insurance money" suicide. Guess what? There wouldn't have been enough money to pay everything I owed! Sad but very true. We came to the realization after my husband wanted to check his credit score and boy did he get a surprise. He never really knew to what extent we were in debt. It was on July 31 and after I "found" this board that we knew it was the only way. If I could take on a second job or even a third (as well as my husband) to pay for all my financial mistakes I would but it would only be the tip of the iceberg if I did. Thanks to everyone here for all their support and input I don't feel any less human than the next person. I am waiting for my fresh start and since that day in July I have not paid or charged anything on my cards. We decided to live on only what we make and use cash for EVERYTHING. It is not as hard as I thought it would be. No, I haven't filed yet (waiting until December) but I think I have lived through the worst. Just having my husband know what we owe every week and what we have left is a huge relief. I will NEVER let that almighty credit score dictate my self worth. How foolish was I to not pay on my house when I had a cc payment due. NEVER again. I have been waiting for a modification through my mortgage company that will not happen because they say I have too much debt. I now have to wait to get discharged from bankruptcy for them to reconsider. I'm sorry if this is too long but it is just my story I thought I would share. I hope if there is anyone who feels as hopeless as I once did will realize it is NOT the end of the world to file bankruptcy. I'm just glad I have that right!

[holycrap]

Low point

Since last October our credit limits had slowly been coming down and all of our interest rates had slowly been going up. We hadn't missed any payments and had actually been making some small progress on our debt. Then we got a letter from the IRS stating we (and our tax preparer) had made a huge mistake two years ago and we now owe 30K plus in back taxes.

The least they were willing to accept on an instalment plan was 1,500 monthly and of course they would take our tax returns until we were paid off. My wife and i don't escrow our property taxes so we intentionaly have too much taken out of our checks so each year we can pay our property taxes with our large refund. Now we have to come up with an additional 8,500 in January in addition to the extra 1,500 monthly.

I still feel ashamed of the situation we find ourselves in and I would love to say we could make everything ok by just working harder, but that is a lie. We used my 401K from a previous job to pay down debt already (the cause of the tax issue..haha) and also one of my wifes retirement accounts.

Filing bankruotcy will not make everything all better. My wife and i are going to have to learn to live on a tight budget and make choices instead of having what we want all the time, but i think we are up for it. We are going to use this opportunity to improve our lives for the long term.

[Annie4]

I can't even believe that I thought that a year ago. We are all still here, nothing has changed. This bill collectors haven't taken my children, or my kidneys, or even my house. My marriage didn't end because the credit reporting agencies don't love me anymore. How sick that I let some collectors make me feel like my life was worth less than the 50k I owe in credit cards. I really am shocked even reading it here. So I hope that anyone reading this, who feels hopeless, will see that debt is not the end of the world.

Amen to that!!!!

Getting back to the basics is awesome!

Spouse and children, that's where it's at.

[Michigan1951]

Thank you for your post. It all clearly says what I have been thinking as well. Our 341 is in 3 days, and I am petrified. All the what if's are scaring me to death here. I cannot believe that I have let my finances get so out of control like this. I am ashamed to say the least. I keep telling God that IF I survive the 341 and get discharged in a C7, and not be pushed into a C13 for some reason, that I truly would change my life he if would just get me out of this in one piece. I can't sleep, I am back on Zoloft to calm down, and nothing is working for me right now. Sometimes I tell myself that I deserve to suffer for 10 yrs. after this, and then I say, you idiot. Why did you live beyond your means with ccards? I am such a fool, but after reading your post, I don't feel so alone here. I will try to pull myself together enough to at least get through the 341 for sure.
Thanks again for talking so honestly about your bk issues......

[2manybills]

Regrets:

Here is a link to a thread where some of us posted on this very subject:

http://www.bkforum.com/showthread.php?p=334284#post334284

Don't beat yourself up. As I said on that thread, none of these creditors will post something on your grave stone that says how grateful they are that you paid on time. You are among friends here and you will make it through this as we all will. This is a great lesson in learning what the "real" priorties in life are. Make yourself a priority in your own life!