I just need to vent, and feel hopeless.

[DEBTCHAINS]

I posted yesterday, considering a Ch. 13. My wife and I have probably 60k or 70k in unsecured debt that we have stopped paying on. Last year, I had a new job making great money and things looked promising. We were overextended yes, but CC bills were manageable. We were even making dents. (like I sent 2 grand to a card to knock the principal down, only to have them lower my limit and raise my rate, that'll learn me.) Then the recession hits. Every card rate skyrockets. I take a pay cut. My wife does too. All the while, we're trying to get a loan mod on a house we over paid for. On one hand, I try to be strong, and feel grateful we still both work and make decent money. (125K a year combined, down 20% or) On the other, I have no idea how to get out of this mess. My wife is really against filing BK. Stigma attached and the way she was brought up, and a big Dave Ramsey believer. (although we've never followed it.)

Oh, and it gets better, we owe the IRS 9 grand. First time EVER that's happend. Took out stock money from previous job for a home improvement, and with other variables, (increase in salaries, etc,) we had no idea our tax bracket moved way up and we now owe. I'm working a night job 4 nights a week to make a measly $125 a week to try to pay off the state right away and get an emergency fund going. I hate it, and I miss time with my 2 1/2 year old son. I take a lot of the blame. I spend too much, but have curtailed and changed habits. I pushed for us to get the house when my wife wanted to be more conservative. She's got plenty of blame too, (spends as well, and ultimately, it was OUR decision to buy the home) but I can't help but feel more responsible and sometimes she makes underhanded comments to make sure of it. We're a strong couple, have been together 11 years, married 6, so I'm not worried about our marriage, but damn it, I feel totally lost. I've always been a positive guy, I always feel things will work out, but for the first time ever.... I just don't know. I just feel lost.

Just posted this for theraputic reasons I think. Can anyone recommend a Credit Counseling place, or an unbiased type outfit that can look at our situation and recommend what's best? I told her we should speak to a BK attorney, but she thinks we won't get an unbiased opinion there. I just don't know what to do anymore. We're both in our late 30's, and have no retirement to speak of. It's do over time, I know. I really thought our home would be our retirement some day, and it still may be, but man, this has been a life lesson for sure.

Thanks for listening.

[NoMoreCards]

I think many here have felt much of what you are expressing. Drowning in debt, struggling to find a way out and sinking further. Sounds way too familiar. I was there as well, and it was a rough time.

I have to tell you that I really struggled with the bankruptcy option, as I DID NOT want to do this. However, I can tell you now that the only regret I have is waiting so long to do it. I spent years and thousands of dollars trying to get my head above water, only to have another wave of "life" come at me again.

Please be really careful with the debt counselors. I have seen some posters say they had very bad experiences with them, but I suppose some have had good experiences as well. What I would recommend, is talking to a bankruptcy attorney. Most times the initial meeting is at no charge and they can answer the many questions you must have and explain the process to you. I am not saying you should file BK, but at least you would have covered your options before you make decisions.

The best decisions are informed ones. Whatever you do, I wish you the best.

[graciemae]

First, many of us have been where you are so know you are in good company.

Second, I was the last person that I ever thought would file bankruptcy. Only second to my husband. We believe in paying our own way and being responsible for our mistakes. We tried for years to keep treading water and find a way to pay off our mounting bills. Life kept trucking along and things happened to get in our way, only making our mistakes get bigger instead of smaller. We only ever looked into filing a 13 because a friend of ours told us her story. We mulled it over, and actually dismissed the idea at first, but the more we thought about it we realized that this really was our only way out. We have 1 more payment left on our 5 year plan (10 days from now!!!) and the feeling of relief is indescribable. Do I still feel a little guilty that we are not paying all of our debts 100%....sure; but the relief and faith in our financial future are way bigger than the guilt. We are now at a place in our financial lives that we can plan for the future, not stress over necessities, enjoy some of the non-necessities, and know that we have learned the hard way how to live within our means and never take our financial future for granted.

You have nothing to lose by talking to a bankruptcy lawyer. He/she can give you some great information to think about. As far as credit counseling, most of the time you just end up wasting time and money and end up no further along in the end.

Good Luck, there is light at the end of the bankruptcy tunnel.

[Lajazz947]

I think many here have felt much of what you are expressing. Drowning in debt, struggling to find a way out and sinking further. Sounds way too familiar. I was there as well, and it was a rough time.

I have to tell you that I really struggled with the bankruptcy option, as I DID NOT want to do this. However, I can tell you now that the only regret I have is waiting so long to do it. I spent years and thousands of dollars trying to get my head above water, only to have another wave of "life" come at me again.

Please be really careful with the debt counselors. I have seen some posters say they had very bad experiences with them, but I suppose some have had good experiences as well. What I would recommend, is talking to a bankruptcy attorney. Most times the initial meeting is at no charge and they can answer the many questions you must have and explain the process to you. I am not saying you should file BK, but at least you would have covered your options before you make decisions.

The best decisions are informed ones. Whatever you do, I wish you the best.

I wish that I had something else to add to this but I don't.

Wife and I struggled for 1 year trying to get to BK ( or avoiding it I should say ).

For me it was not a walk in the park. I paid less than the minimums which I later ( on this forum ) found out was wasted money.

Took money out of my 401 which I later found out ( on this forum ) was exempt so just put your conscience aside and look at the reality of it. It is really just a business decision in order to keep your family safe and sound.

I just got discharged yesterday and I am walking on cloud nine.

Already contacted Wachovia who put me on a fast track to get out of their BK departement and into the loss mitigation department to modify the loan, I can now patiently start to look for a decent car ( $10,000 or less ) knowing that I won't get ripped on a loan ( relatively speaking ) with a decent down payment.

Got to start the credit repair work now but that is fun comkpared to pre BK and after filing.

Just do it and listen to the good folks here on the forum. Make no moves wiothout researching it.

Good luck.

[isabella]

I agree with everyone that has posted so far. I am the last person who ever thought they would file bankrupcty. I wish I had sooner. I sleep at night, and now that everything is paid and at the end of it all I will be debt free. I hate to say this, but being forced to live on a budget I actually have more money than I have had in years.

I think the stigma of filing is disappearing, like those of divorce, living together unmarried, and being a single parent so I really think that is not much of an issue anymore.

I thought for a long time about filing I researched it to death. I woke up one morning and knew it was the right thing to do and I did not hesitate. I found an attorney that I like, and I am on my way.

This forum has been a god-send. I lurked here for months before filing or posting and have learned so much. It is not as scary a leap as you think, and the rewards are worth it.

[ohiodd]

I am a mirror of your situation..

Most of my debt was due to a small business issue, but I am in my late 30's, have 2 small kids, have long listened to advice from Dave Ramsey etc. I tried working 7 days a week for about 6 months and finally had enough. My son is 4 now, and he would cry because daddy had left for work before he woke up every single stinking day! The mountain of debt was going to take 5 to 7years to pay off including the IRS. To work 7 days a week for 6 more years was impossible. So I just STOPPED! I told my wife I would work 5 days a week, she would work part time and if the numbers didn't show a solution that could pay off the debts in 2 years or less, we would file BK. We gave up the house, I shut down my business and we now are in the middle of filing. Its a lot of work, but life is short. After wasting 4 years trying to settle debts with debt relief agencies, directly settle with companies, I wish I had done this sooner. I can only imagine the relief once it is complete. I have hope again. There is an actual light at the end of the tunnel instead of just hoping to catch a glimpse of the light doing it the hard way.

[DEBTCHAINS]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I hope we can come to a solution with Ch. 13. I want us to keep the house. We put almost 90k down 5 years ago, and probably have 50k more invested in improvements. I'd hate to lose it all. First and foremost, I want us to keep the house.

[hamburgervol]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I hope we can come to a solution with Ch. 13. I want us to keep the house. We put almost 90k down 5 years ago, and probably have 50k more invested in improvements. I'd hate to lose it all. First and foremost, I want us to keep the house.

I bet you will keep the house. Bank doesn't want it back either.

[Billssuck]

Sounds oh so familiar. I think our society as a whole is in the midst of a wake up call by overspending. We just hit it sooner than others...

I didn't trust any debt relief agencies. I just went to Consumer Credit Counseling and they looked at my debt. They said I needed to obtain the advice of a lawyer...although they'd never say a "bankruptcy" lawyer. And I went from there....

Best of luck to you in whatever you decide.

[famlena]

we all think the banks don't want our home and would help homeowners by modifying the loan but that is rarely the case.

i've been in the trial mod process for over 6 months now and just recently been declined for a permanent mod. at the beginning the lender made it sound so promising and i was so grateful for the opportunity but it turns out they were just stringing me along while they continue the foreclosure process. they specifically told me that after my 3rd trial payment i would receive the perm mod but of course that was only a lie.

i suggest you speak to the bk 13 attorney about stripping the 2nd mortgage if you have one. don't count on a mod it's not likely to happen.

[Never_Again]

I think that my feelings are exactly the same. I was dead set against bankruptcy for many years... I guess I was pretty self righteous!

But, in the end, it was a loan officer at a bank that I had done business with for over 15 years that moved me towards talking with a lawyer. I was going to attempt to refinance my house once again to roll more debt into the loan (I did have a decent amount of equity.) He said that while he could possibly get a loan done for me, that he would not be doing his due diligence in advising what was best for me, plus, that was just what he did for his customers... long term relationships were more important to him than quick gains. I had done many home loans with him, and had also referred him multiple customers. He referred me to a good lawyer as well.

It has been fourteen months since filing. I am amazed at how few bills that I have to pay (house, taxes, utilities... pretty much it.) I will have my house paid off in just over nine years... that fifteen year mortgage I did back in 2005 was one of my better financial decisions!

And, perhaps more importantly, my wife and I are adopting another child... this is our fourth child! We never saw that one coming a year ago! She is almost a teenager, and was in desperate need of a home that wasn't abusive, and needed protection from a mentally ill and abusive mother. I was able to pay my lawyer to help us out with this, and that would really have been difficult (if not impossible) before.

Do I still struggle with the moral issue of bankruptcy. Yes, from time to time. However, in terms of value to society, what I have done for two children now probably more than pays back for my bankruptcy. Dave Ramsey always says to "pay it forward." Well, I didn't just run out and cancel all of my debts to go out and get more stuff... I have helped another human being, and saved society a huge expense as she got older, and who knows what would have happened with her life? I think that I have more than paid it forward there.

I do like Dave Ramsey as well, and I think that his advice is good, and common sense. I do think that listening to his "followers" giving advice on bankruptcy is pretty funny at times. They are out there telling people who have a quarter of a million dollars in business debt on a closed business to "get a job delivering pizzas, and sell a car." Yes, those are good ideas, but they will not be a big enough "shovel" to take care of some of these issues. Is bankruptcy used too often? Yes, it is. And, I firmly believe that if you hit this "reset button," you have an obligation to yourself to live credit free after... perhaps with the exception of a mortgage. Once you get into this credit card for an emergency mentality, you will always have an emergency!

So, hang in there, and take care of your family. Look at your situation from all angles. Ultimately, it is only you who can make this decision.

[adviceplease]

Add me to the never thought I would file bankruptcy list. The last 5 years has been filled with illnesses and job loss for my husband and I so we started paying bills like the car insurance and other bills that took credit cards for payments. We were able to make the minimum payment and then would turn around and max it back out. Then we had some things come up and had to take the money for the credit card and were a couple days late and they pushed our low rate cards to extremely high rates. My payments went from $50 a month to $250 the next and I called them and cried and begged and they told me there was nothing they could do. Well, one did offer to take it down from 28% to 18% if I pay around $300 and "be good" for 6 months.

I had enough and talked to hubby about bankruptcy. He fought me not wanting the bad marks on our credit for 7 years but the fact that we can not pay the high monthly payments and the fact that they are going to report the late payments on our credit ruining it anyways. We are hopefully discharging around $45,000 of unsecured debt. We are keeping our house and vehicles as long as they can become exempted because we can't rent a house for what we pay a month.

You need to sit down with your wife and work this out, there is no point in arguing about this. Can you just file on yourself and get rid of some of the debt? Good luck to you, I hope it works out.

[DEBTCHAINS]

I don't think I can file on myself. Oddly enough, the house is under just my wife's name, but with the community property laws in CA, if I file a Ch. 7, I don't think that will work. Dont' think a 13 will either. Still, I need to talk to a couple lawyers, I know that. I'm trying to find a couple, have a couple feelers out. Anyone in So. Cal who loves theres, please let me know.

I really appreciate everyone's ears in here and responses.

[tkharvey]

You are not alone! I, like the other posters, never ever thought I'd be here....the word "bankruptcy" was not even a consideration or part of our "world". We always made good income, but when that good income got cut and our house value plummeted, we found ourselves using credit to pay our bills and daily living expenses. We thought we could turn our situation around, when in fact, we jut prolonged the inevitable. My only regret is that I wished we would have filed sooner. We originally were going to file a Chapter 13 because I, too, wanted desparately to keep our dream home that we built five years ago. Well, the dream quickly became a nightmare. Our lender was very helpful at first about our loan mod. We did everything they asked for, provided them with every document they asked for and made our trial payments on time. Only for them to tell us that "Sorry, you don't qualify for a modification". We were stunned as they had previously sounded so positive. I used to think that losing my house was the end of the world. Now, we are surrendering it in our Chapter 7 BK and getting the fresh start we deserve. It's only a house. And for those that think that "the banks don't want your house back", your wrong. I learned that first hand. Still can't believe they would rather foreclose on us, or accept a "short sale" when we were willing to stay here with a lower payment. I've learned so much through this process (since January), and have come to have such a different attitude.

First, it is perfectly normal for your marriage to be strained. We have been married over twenty years and it's really taking it's toll on us. We do see a light at the end of the tunnel and know that there are better days ahead. We have learned so much because of this, mainly to live BELOW our means (we, too, bought more house than we should have) and to remember what is important. Peace of mind, financial security, family, friends and God.....the other "stuff" is just "stuff" than can be replaced.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Your wife may come around. She may be forced to when she sees that sometimes there is just no other option.

[momisery]

For me this is still so hard. I am one of seven children and the Only one to file BK. So, I feel I am a total failure and so is my husband. I can not tell family, they would never understand. But, we are doing what we have to do, and gritting our teeth.