I still haven't told my boyfriend...

[ready2puke]

Wow you must be my other sibling from another mother lol

Well I guess we all have different views on it. I \was ALWAYS one to pay my bills and when I heard of someone filing bankruptcy the thought always crossed my mind "glad that will never be me" ... It was for all those othere people who spent beyond there means and took the easy way out....And lo and behold here I am...Yes, I admit I am embarrased about it and it took a while to accept that this was the answer for me but it is....So I accept full responsibility for getting in this mess and I take full responsibility for getting out of this mess...
What IS a big deal to some is nothing to others. I guess its ones values and how they view things.. Not that anybody is right or anybody is wrong its just a difference of opinion !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was the biggest BK snob Im embarrassed to admit...I wouldn't let someone move in with me as a roommate if they filed... Can you spell L O S E R?
Well I sure am eating my words now and it is humbleing for sure....

Cupcake, the longer you wait the harder it'll be just tell him and be done with it. I just wish I had a boyfriend that I had to tell....
Take care

[JRScott]

Withholding the information could cause long term harm to your relationship, if at a later time he feels you held this back from him until a certain event occurred it could lead to him questioning your motives and such later in life and lead to larger problems.

As some said, I'd sit him down, away from the kids and have a talk about it. If he bolts then as others said he wasn't the one, but don't let that possibility cause further harm down the road by withholding the information.

[bluemartini]

^I AGREE!

My boyfriend is as conservative as it gets. I've heard him make comments about financially irresponsible people before and I'm afraid he'll think I'm some kind of financial deadbeat when he finds out. I just don't want him to think less of me.

If indeed he would think less of you -- which I truly hope will NOT be the case --- then it is better that you find out sooner than later!

One of my relatives was always making comments about financially irresponsible people who are leeches on society -- until her own daughter had to file BK. LOL... she has lightened up a little bit since then.

Sometimes it's easy to spout off about people who file BK, until it hits close to home.

[oldhack]

Has the relationship -- beyond simply lasting, I mean -- moved beyond girlfriend-boyfriend? Are you anticipating or planning marriage, for example?
If the former case, I'd say you've no obligation to tell him, though you still might decide it's 'the better part of valor' (or, it may simply be a test of his commitment to you). If the latter is true, however, it WILL affect your future life together, so you indeed should be forthright.

[becky20]

I think that I would talk to him and say hey, things are serious between us, but I need for you to know where I am at financially. Or you could wait for an opening - like when he said "you could buy a house with the money" you could've said something like, gee, I have a bankruptcy on my report from x years ago and don't think I could qualify yet - make it a more casual remark?

I have to say, I do think it's weird though that he would suggest you buying a house with the money from your ex - that to me doesn't say it's moving towards a serious commitment, since you at some point would be combining households if you got married... I know nothing about your relationship but for me I'd be wondering if that was a comment meant to show that your relationship may not be moving forward to that next step for quite awhile (but that's just me).

[killinstinct]

for f**** sake what's the big deal? It's not like you killed someone. Bankruptcy was a way out and you took it. Nothing to be embarrassed about. If he's the kind of person that judges you for filing bk, dump his ass. Get on with your life.

Well said. This is really the crux of the matter.

[Nannabanana]

Yes, another BK snob here, until that is, I lost my job and had major health issues, fell off my ivory tower and hit..........hard. I had good credit probably longer than most of you are old and can remember being so snobby when it was mentioned someone filed bankruptcy. Sure felt different though when I walked out of the creditor's meeting, very humbling experience for me.
You should tell your boyfriend Cupcake, something like BK is not an easy secret to keep especially if this is a serious relationship. Besides that, he may be willing if nothing else to give you moral support and guidance.