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[SoCalGurl]

can someone please help me I just started looking in to bankruptcy yesterday. I'm at my wits end and just can't do it anymore. I can't live like this anymore. So a little rundown of my situation. Husband and I split almost a year ago. It's not a legal separation and haven't filed divorce can't bring myself to file it makes me sad. So in the 9 years we have been together we have a lot of debt. We have a 3 year old daughter who lives with me.

our debt and who pay what

My credit card BofA $12500 I pay
Joint Loan through BofA $16000 we share
US Bank joint card that he pays $16000+ I have no idea what he’s done with this
Target card that’s he pay $4000+ again have no idea what he’s done with this
Furniture $2000 he pays
Trailer $22000 we share

I bring home $2400 a month and my dad gives me $400 for rent and I swear I barely have money to put gas in my car and buy groceries. Here's what I pay out a month.

Rent $1250
BofA supposed to be $240
Joint loan my half $160
Trailer my half $140
Preschool my half $290
Water Bill $60
Gas Bill $30.00
Electric bill $120
DSL $30
Direct TV $90
Insurance $80
Dental $100
Car Gas $120
Cell I don't have a land line $100
Necessities like toothpaste, detergent, stuff like that as I can afford to buy it
Groceries as I need it or can afford it at the time

What can I do?

ETA: I haven't used any credit cards in a few months except for $100 plane ticket in June

[JRScott]

Okay California is a community property state.

Are you still living in the same household? I mean are you both still living in the trailer?

What's the rent for if so?

Direct TV is not a necessity....food, personal hygiene items are......

Might I ask the cause of your separation? Is there a chance you might reconcile?

[Tbornetun]

Well you have 2810 going out every month and 2800 coming in. This does not include groceries and toilet paper. Your decision, can you keep this up much longer?

The worst that could happen with the charge in June is that the cc company could file an objection to discharging the $100 and you would have to pay it back. Most the time they don't do this unless if it is for a larger dollar amount.

[SoCalGurl]

Okay California is a community property state.

Are you still living in the same household? He lives somewhere else

I mean are you both still living in the trailer? it's a travel trailer not a live in trailer

What's the rent for if so? rent is for the house I live in

Direct TV is not a necessity....food, personal hygiene items are...... I know I know I need to have a box regardless cause of that stupid thing that passed. the direct tv is mainly for my dad. I need to find a way to make it cheaper

Might I ask the cause of your separation? We DID NOT get a long at ALL

Is there a chance you might reconcile? If he would've put more effort into it maybe but he doesn't show he wants to be with me and I can't beg

[SoCalGurl]

Well you have 2810 going out every month and 2800 coming in. This does not include groceries and toilet paper. Your decision, can you keep this up much longer?

The worst that could happen with the charge in June is that the cc company could file an objection to discharging the $100 and you would have to pay it back. Most the time they don't do this unless if it is for a larger dollar amount.

No I can't. So what can I do? Can I file bankruptcy? Do we need to do it jointly? Can I do it by myself? If I did it by myself how would it affect him?

[JRScott]

Okay my first suggestion is that you probably should if you do not believe the marriage is salvageable to first seek a divorce. However you should consult with a divorce and bankruptcy lawyer first.

The reason I saw divorce first is that it is a community property state and you are still legally married. So even if you did a chapter 7 now and it would discharge the current debt he could acquire new debt which in a community property state becomes your debt to and new debt would not have been discharged. Thus you need to consult with a bankruptcy lawyer and a divorce lawyer and get their input.

After the divorce is finalized there will be a divorce decree. This will establish who owes what and support and other matters. Does he voluntarily pay child support now? alimony? Most likely those would come into play......but make sure you don't have to pay any of the joint debt in any manner as support.

Anyway I think this would be the best route but you need to consult with a lawyer. Sit down with your dad and go over the finances. Maybe he can have another hobby or assist with that bill or with groceries. (I assume he lives with you?).

Also in consulting lawyers I would not just go see 1 of each, it would be better to see 3-4 each bankruptcy and divorce.

[JRScott]

No I can't. So what can I do? Can I file bankruptcy? Do we need to do it jointly? Can I do it by myself? If I did it by myself how would it affect him?

If you filed by yourself:

He would owe everything you discharge still.

The danger though is your still married in a community property state which means you would be on the hook for new debt he took out.

Yes you could file jointly. Again though with you still married and your marriage in shambles future debt he takes on you could be responsible for just like he would be for future debt you took on due to community property state.

[SoCalGurl]

No he doesn't voluntarily pay child support. He takes our daughter 1-2 days a week. When I need money for groceries I call him and if he has extra money he will give it to me. He's is thinking about filing for bankruptcy with me he said he's going to look into it.

His income is $60k mines $42k would we even qualify for BK?

I wanted to add any of the debt he has gotten more into since our separation he takes full responsibility for. He would never put it on me. We get along so much better now then we did while living together.

[JRScott]

No he doesn't voluntarily pay child support. He takes our daughter 1-2 days a week. When I need money for groceries I call him and if he has extra money he will give it to me. He's is thinking about filing for bankruptcy with me he said he's going to look into it.

His income is $60k mines $42k would we even qualify for BK?

I wanted to add any of the debt he has gotten more into since our separation he takes full responsibility for. He would never put it on me. We get along so much better now then we did while living together.

Probably if you live in Southern California then yes you probably could still qualify for a Chapter 7.

The problem isn't that he would hold your responsible but that the creditors would legally.

You could both got and see bk attorneys, however I'd leave options for a couple to see as individuals if you go that route. (It would be a conflict of interest if you decided to later divorce and then file bankruptcy for 1 lawyer to represent both of you in either case).

[hereforinfo]

I would stop paying the credit card and travel trailer and use that money to buy groceries. If you decide to file by yourself or not at all, you definitely need to start at least a legal separation and get court ordered child support. You shouldn't have to call him and ask for money to feed your daughter, you need a formal agreement. Even if he has her 1-2 days per week, you are her primary caregiver and should be entitled to child support from him.

[Flowers]

I agree with hereforinfo. Go see a divorce attorney first. You will need a formalized agreement as you have a minor child you are both responsible for. Do this before seeking BK.
The lawyer will advise.
Something tells me they have all seen this before.

[PdxDavid]

No he doesn't voluntarily pay child support. He takes our daughter 1-2 days a week. When I need money for groceries I call him and if he has extra money he will give it to me. He's is thinking about filing for bankruptcy with me he said he's going to look into it.

His income is $60k mines $42k would we even qualify for BK?

I wanted to add any of the debt he has gotten more into since our separation he takes full responsibility for. He would never put it on me. We get along so much better now then we did while living together.

As posted above I would go and get court ordered child support. You should not have to ask for money to help if needed. It should just be there, regardless.

I have been down this road with the ex and I agreeing on something and all is shiny for a while. Then someone says something or there is some other kind of disagreement or even something happens to that persons income and they can no longer afford to pay what they were paying, so they stop. The bottom line is that the court order protects you. It is not a negative. It is fair (in the eyes of the law) to both sides because they use a formula to come up with the number based on your/his income and expenses etc... You can search for the formula online.

You should definitely speak to a divorce attorney and also a BK attorney.

[justplaintired]

First of all, I am in total agreement with those who suggest a divorce is the first thing you need to do. Unless you truly think you can work things out, which from reading what you have said, that's unlikely, go foward and get that behind you. Get a child support order.

Another thing, if all those debts carry your name and your ex's, it will not matter what is ordered in the divorce, if he is ever late, they will come after you. Do not assume just because the judge orders him to pay the debts that will happen.

You by yourself, with your child fall below median income which makes a 7 very possible. You will no longer be paying on the things you file on, so those can not be included in your expenses. However, I noticed you forgot to add in food, school expenses, any child care. The list of allowable expenses is easily found on the net. Personally we included cable on ours, the trustee said nothing. With the change in TV maybe it's not a big deal, besides, $90 a month isn't horrible. We included cell phones, home phone, dsl, car registration, car repairs, car insurance. The list goes on.

Now if you can find an attorney to handle both your divorce and you BK that would be a good idea, he/she would well be aware of your bills and would make sure all were included in your BK. Just make sure they know BK laws.

As hard as it is to face a divorce (been there done that), it just might be time to move on and start fresh in ever sense of the word. You need to ask yourself if living like you are is how you want to spend your life, or if this is how you want your daughter to grow up.