Scared...

[nettyboo]

hi i'm new to this forum, but am about to file ch 7, and i'm very scared. i'm 21 and got into debt during college and have tried everything to try and get out of debt, but nothing worked. i'm a mom of an 11mos old who has tons of medical needs and i just want to be able to provide for him in the future. other people who talk about bk make us sound like bad people, but i'm not, i just made mistakes, and i just don't want people to pass negative judgement on me...please! but if someone can help me feel a little easier about this it'd help a lot. my mom is very supportive and so she helps, but she's never done it and getting insight from people who've done it would be helpful....thanks everyone

[cyn5]

Don't be scared. This forum is of a great help to many of us & nobody really judges anyone else here because we all have a set of unique circumstances. In fact, I know you are not alone because I just read an article the other day that there has been a huge increase in the number of bk filers in the age group of 21-24 year old stemming from the fact that now teenagers are being given credit cards along with taking out great amounts of student loans.

Can you tell us what your debt picture looks like? Have you talked to any attorneys yet? I can understand if you have a child with lots of medical needs, it would definitely put a strain on you financially and mentally.

Search around the forum and ask questions as needed. Everyone is so helpful and extremely nice here (unlike some other forums out there!). Good luck to you.

[exhausted]

From your post, you do sound terrified. Please don't be. Even though going through the BK process can be stressful and bit scary at times, once it is all said and done, you will wonder why you worried yourself sick. I say this from experience. My husband and I filed in July 2008 and were discharged in Nov. Yes, there are some people on here who have had tough BKs, but from what I understand they are the exception to the rule.

Contrary to popular belief you (and the rest of us here) are not bad people for filing for BK. Sure, there are always going to be a handful of people who abuse the system, but by and far most of us who filed were caught in bad circumstances. To be honest, like a lot people, I had the belief that people who filed were irresponsible. Now having walked a mile in their shoes, I know that just isn't so. Just about everyone here (including myself and DH) had to file due to failing business, medical debt, and unemployment. In mine and my husband's case, it was all three. We (and you) are not bad people.... some bad things happened to us that were beyond our control. One thing that really helped me get over the stigma of BK was something I read here many, many times..... You are making a business decision. It is that simple.

BTW, you would be surprised at the number of people you know who have filed for BK. My father has filed, which I knew about, my aunt & uncle, my best friend of 25 years, and number of acquaintances. My husband claims that no one in his family has ever filed. I responded by saying, "Yeah, well no one that you know of....."

I won't lie, there may end up being some people who pass judgment on you, but you have to do what is best for yourself and your baby. I guess I'm politely trying to say, "To h*ll with them." Besides, pretty much the only people that will find out are the ones you want to know. There are only 5 people that we told. None of our friends know because, it frankly was none of their business. Of the five that know, we had to tell his parents due to a business partnership, and I told my father, because he couldn't exactly throw stones. All 3 have been very supportive.

The first thing I did to help get myself comfortable with the idea of filing was research, research, research. I spent many an hour here reading the different experiences. I found that overall, it brought me a lot of comfort. Knowing what to expect and the roadblocks that may occur really helped ease my BK anxiety. Well, that and lots of chocolate.

[JRScott]

Don't feel bad, predatory lenders have preyed on students for years.

At the same time, student loans can't be discharged in most circumstances . If the debt is other than student loans you should be fine. If your child is in need of a lot of medical attention it is possible you might could meet the hardship demands to modify or even eliminate student loans, however just to warn you that is hard to do. Make sure you speak to 3-4 bk attorneys in your area and lay out your whole situation to them so that they can best advice you. Then choose the one you are most comfortable with.

[SBayBruce]

Hi Nettyboo

I know it's a scary thing to face, but it will be OK. If you are at the point where, your income has no hope of covering your bills, and you have a big amount of debt already, it is appropriate, as well as your right, to apply for bankruptcy protection; that is what the process is designed for.

You musn't worry about what people will think about you--in fact most people won't ever know you filed. It will of course appear on your credit report, but the only people really that have any business having an issue would be people that you apply for credit to, and some employers. If an employer checks your credit, explain to them in the interview why the Bk is there.

As far as credit, I found out when I filed, that shortly after you get your discharge, you will get invitations again (the difference is the credit lines will start smaller, and the interest rates will be horrible). but you WILL be able to get credit, in fact, there is an entire market of lenders that specializes in serving newly bankrupt customers (after all they know you're a good risk, in one way, because you can't go bankrupt again for awhile ).

You are not a bad person. You must look at this just like a business decision, nothing more-you have to imagine that your company (your household) is in serious financial problems, and you need to take the appropriate steps to fix that. You also have to remember (not to sound like your Dad, or anything), that it's not just you here, you have to stand up for your baby, while being aware of what may happen later, you need relief from this debt now, so that you guys can get a chance at a new start with things. It will take time, and patience, and it will not be easy, but it will get better, I know because I have been through it, and because of a hosptial bill I have no hope of paying I will have to do it again.

It will be hard, but you can do it. Be strong for your baby. Before you know it, everything will be OK. Whatever you decide I wish you best of luck, if you need to talk about it just stop in here we will be here for you.

Best Regards

Bruce

Filed: Chapter 7 Dec 1999
341 Meeting: Jan 2000
Discharged: Apr 2000