anyone have trouble with family in all this?

[frustrated7]

For the most part, I always kept my parents out of my financial business. They never really pried much and I never volunteered anything. That all changed in October of last year when the creditors started harassing them. Even though I don't live there and never did for these credit cards, the creditors (original creditors and collection agencies) started calling and harassing them. They would argue with my mother, saying she was really me and she couldn't avoid them, and she would then get pissed off and that would just get them going even more thinking she was me and then they would call back the next day. Over and over and over again. My father always treated them like telemarketers, hanging up on them when they refused to say what they were calling about beyond "a personal business matter". Then they would call back at 8am the next day. My parents are not idiots and quickly figured out what was going on and started trying to talk to me about it. My mother finally asked if we were going to file BK, and that was when we were trying for the debt settlements but considering BK. Anyways, they are certainly at least somewhat aware of our situation.

My parents don't have caller id and refuse to get it. They also won't screen their calls; they always answer every call. The calls don't really bother my dad but they really upset and anger my mom. I told them to tell the creditors I don't live there and not to call anymore, but they call again anyways.

Anyways, since my parents became aware of our debt situation, I have endured multiple lectures about how they raised me to be responsible with money, blah blah blah. Now that I have decided to quit my new job so that we can be eligible for Chapter 7 in a month or two, I am scared as to how to tell my parents (and my brother) I no longer work there. I just know the lectures that will follow and I don't put up with that anymore, but at the same time I don't want to end up in a neverending fight with them either.

Anyone ever have problems like this before? My inlaws are much more aware of our situation and don't have a problem with what we are about to do. My parents, on the other hand, well...I expect problems.

[AngelinaCatHub]

You must explain that it is a business decision, and that yes you may have made mistakes as all people in life do. (Including your parents). There will be many more going your path. Use that as your excuse if you have to. If they ***** too much, tell them your bills, ask for a loan at no interest, and otherwise please cease this stress as you have enough to cope with, without them adding more. You are an adult. This really is no big deal. Especially now. ‘Hub

[Flamingo]

Your parents are just worried about you. Also, it's hard for some parents to let go and they still want some say and input on everything you do, even though you are an adult with a husband and maybe a family of your own. Tell your parents you love them and appreciate their concern but this is something you and your husband have to handle as a team and like Mr. Hub said above, unless they want to cough up some money to pay off the bills, this is something you will have to do on your own. Don't be afraid to tell your parents anything cause good parents will still love you and stand by you no matter how bad the situation is...

[CatsInTrouble]

why don't you lessen contact with your family a bit until you get thru this?

[relief13035]

Nobody in my family knows. We were current on everything right up until we filed so we were blessed to not get to the point where family was called. Personally, I would be understanding if creditors called me regarding any of my family members.

[frustrated7]

I already did lessen contact with my parents because of the lectures and whatnot. I still talk to them, but not as much. I know they are worried about us, but they also have a tendency to be judgemental, and that is something I really don't need right now. We already know we messed up and if we could go back and undo everything we would. Hindsight is always 20/20.

[OhioFiler]

I don't know your age but as an adult myself I've decided to take control and responsibility for my own life and affairs. My parents were responsible for getting me to adulthood, no further. If they were still treating me like a child I'd handle it in no uncertain terms.

[AngelinaCatHub]

I don't know your age but as an adult myself I've decided to take control and responsibility for my own life and affairs. My parents were responsible for getting me to adulthood, no further. If they were still treating me like a child I'd handle it in no uncertain terms.

Just about to state the same feelings. My older daughter once told my ex-wife that she hoped I (Dad) would treat her like an adult. Now both her and her husband do not understand that we hardly visit. Not that we are angry with her as I am not. I have my own life now, and raising children was a former life. I am busy, they are busy so now it bothers her that I don't "bother" her with my opinions. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. 'Hub

[OhioFiler]

Just about to state the same feelings. My older daughter once told my ex-wife that she hoped I (Dad) would treat her like an adult. Now both her and her husband do not understand that we hardly visit. Not that we are angry with her as I am not. I have my own life now, and raising children was a former life. I am busy, they are busy so now it bothers her that I don't "bother" her with my opinions. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. 'Hub

Part of getting our kids to adulthood is teaching them they will not be our responsibilty once they reach the age of emancipation.

I have no problem with offering an opinion to an adult child if they REQUEST my opinion. To assert parental authority over an adult child is ridiculous and is a disservice to the "child" you're "helping" with your opinions.

Letting our parents know we are no longer children is not disrespectful. It's in the parents best interest to understand they've completed their responsibilities and can now relax with the knowledge they succeeded.

[Flamingo]

Just about to state the same feelings. My older daughter once told my ex-wife that she hoped I (Dad) would treat her like an adult. Now both her and her husband do not understand that we hardly visit. Not that we are angry with her as I am not. I have my own life now, and raising children was a former life. I am busy, they are busy so now it bothers her that I don't "bother" her with my opinions. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. 'Hub

How true - to the OP, your mom and dad as you were growing up took pride in what they did for you and for your accomplishments. To see you fail in anything takes away their control and previous (and, it appears, continual) effort. That is why they still want to control your life. If the situation was even something good they would still be there giving their input. Having raised 4 children and seen them all walk out the door to other lives and raising families, they still call me for advice to the point where I've told my husband, "Geez, it was easier when they were all here in the house - at least we had some say and control!" LOL! What started the issue for you were the phone calls to their house; otherwise all probably would have been OK. Since you have been dealt this hand you need to play it wisely - have a frank talk with mom/dad, thank them for all they've done for you and you will get this situation straightened out on your own. If you limit talk with them after all this, they could be hurt, so keep that in mind. You just need to learn to assert yourself a bit to your parents. It will be hard but we all eventually need to do it and some of us have seen our kids do it to us.

Best of luck to you.

[frustrated7]

The creditors calling their house is what started this whole mess. That was when they figured out what was going on. They had no idea before then. I think the intensity of the calls they received is what made them really understand the situation. I never would have told them any of this, but they already know, so that is done and over with.

I think in a lot of ways my parents views on BK have changed recently. It's one thing to villify people who do something until their own daughter is about to do the same thing. Plus after dealing with some of the calls, my parents understand how people end up forced into that decision. Yes, we were irresponsible with our money, but we have been trying to handle things for the past four or five years now with no success. I am way past the point of feeling guilty for not being able to pay all my debts back.

My parents can sometimes be supportive, but at other times they will try lecturing me on something. I don't listen to lectures from my parents anymore and they do know that, but it doesn't stop them from trying. I have found that I have to be VERY firm when I tell them something (if I tell them anything) that it was the decision of myself and my husband and not open to discussion. They may not talk to me for a while afterwards, but we have dealt with that before too.

Thanks for letting me vent. I just wasn't sure if anyone else had problems like this. My relationship with my parents used to be very complicated and sometimes those former problems come up again even with me as an adult.

[lalap123]

I'm so sorry...

I'm living in fear daily (hell, more like hourly) that the same thing will happen to me. I'm about 60 days late on all of my cards and was planning on filing soon, but now with my 6-month income being an issue I'm probably going to end up waiting for a while. I'm thinking about trying to work with each card and struggle to do hardship payments for the next 2/3 months, but of course there's no way to know if that will work out or not.

If you don't mind my asking, how long until your creditors started calling your parents? To your knowledge, did they call you in-laws as well? Was it because you never answered their calls? I don't know which would be worse for me...both sets of our parents are like yours and have been very responsible with money. They would/will die if they find out how much debt we have and the point we've come to.

I've been trying to answer all of the calls, but at some point you just get so tired and can't really come up with any more excuses, you know? I'm wondering if I could go ahead and retain an attorney so that at least I can tell them that? Don't think I could hold them off for 6 more months, though

I hope things start to get better for you!

[frustrated7]

lalap123,

Living in fear like this is not healthy. We started having trouble paying our minimum payments in about May or so and started falling behind, then in June we tried a debt management program. We had a handful of creditor calls from particularly difficult creditors who were being a pain and telling lies about not receiving payment (when I was on their website and saw that they just did), but nobody called outside of us. Then we couldn't do that anymore either, so we tried a debt settlement company, which was a huge mistake. While we were with them, creditors began to call my parents. Even later, when we hired a private attorney to try debt settlement, the creditors would call my parents. The attorney would contact them (because it is illegal for collection agencies to contact outside of the attorney when they know you have hired an attorney--but original creditors can basically do whatever they want), but then they would just sell the debt to another collection agency and it would start all over again. My parents were told to tell them I didn't live there and that we had an attorney and give his name and number. But the creditors didn't want to hear that so they would hang up on them as soon as they said I had an attorney, that way they could continue to try to say they didn't know. Then they called again the next day. I used to try to answer my calls and talk to them, but all it did was stress me out to the point that I just wanted to lay down and give up and I started having serious health problems from the stress of it all. It didn't even slow down the calls to my parents. They all have my phone number, they just got pissy that we didn't have the money to pay them and refused to skip mortgage payments to hand them the money. We don't have a landline, only cell phones, and we finally had to just turn our ringers off. When we get a message, we delete it. My parents finally managed to get the calls to stop for a while when they got really pissed and started tracking who was calling and threatening to take legal action for harassment if they continued calling them. They haven't mentioned any calls recently, and since we are filing BK here in a month (hopefully) they won't.

The creditors never did call my inlaws, because they don't have any number for them. I'm sure they would have had they been able to find a way to contact them.

I wish you the best of luck.

[SuzieBK]

Calling Family

This is something that's always confused me--how do creditors/CAs get your family's phone number? Do they look for people in the same town with your last name? I don't recall giving out any additional phone numbers when we signed up for cards.

[OhioFiler]

This is something that's always confused me--how do creditors/CAs get your family's phone number? Do they look for people in the same town with your last name? I don't recall giving out any additional phone numbers when we signed up for cards.

You gave "Nearest relative not living with you" information on many of your loan applications.

The credit industry uses skip tracers to find you. They're goo at finding you and your family.