"Me, I would strike up a conversation along the lines of, so what do you think about all those people that have/had to file BK over this whole mess? If you get a soap box answer along the lines of "well they should have been better prepared and I think they should not be allowed to file BK" you pretty much know what your up against. But he might say, ya those poor people, I got screwed once and had to file....blah blah...or ya, I am about to file myself...LOL"
Just my opinion, but a lot of people will tolerate or understand something that happens to someone they CARE about a lot sooner than they will try to understand or relate to the "faceless masses." It's sad--but it's human nature. How he feels about bankruptcy in general is probably NOT a good indicator of how he will feel about pursuing a relationship with a particular someone who he is starting to have feelings for who may have to file for bankruptcy.
Hope I am making sense here. Before I found myself needing to file bankruptcy I believed all that stuff about bankruptcy--that it was walking away from obligations, that it was the easy way out, that it should be avoided at all costs, etc. Personal experience, or sharing an experience of someone that matters to us can change your views on this stuff VERY quickly.
I figure you have two options--and either one is fine, in my opinion. Tell him NOW--just say that you know that financial issues are very important to some people and you'd rather know NOW if it's a dealbreaker for him--not waste both of your time, etc. OR, you can enjoy dating a guy you like, who likes you, and see where it goes--bringing your bankruptcy up LATER, around the same time that you would share other personal information that could impact major decisions that you would make TOGETHER. If you aren't making financial decisions TOGETHER, I don't feel like you have an obligation to tell him about your finances--but if it would ease your mind, just drop it like a hot potato the next time you go out for dinner.
If he bails--you deserve better, and count it as his loss.
For what it's worth, I don't think that this is an inappropriate topic. We have discussed when and who to tell on various other occasions. It's something that people wonder and worry about. I can also understand thinking, "Okay, what is my bankruptcy going to screw up NEXT..."
Just my opinion, but a lot of people will tolerate or understand something that happens to someone they CARE about a lot sooner than they will try to understand or relate to the "faceless masses." It's sad--but it's human nature. How he feels about bankruptcy in general is probably NOT a good indicator of how he will feel about pursuing a relationship with a particular someone who he is starting to have feelings for who may have to file for bankruptcy.
Hope I am making sense here. Before I found myself needing to file bankruptcy I believed all that stuff about bankruptcy--that it was walking away from obligations, that it was the easy way out, that it should be avoided at all costs, etc. Personal experience, or sharing an experience of someone that matters to us can change your views on this stuff VERY quickly.
I figure you have two options--and either one is fine, in my opinion. Tell him NOW--just say that you know that financial issues are very important to some people and you'd rather know NOW if it's a dealbreaker for him--not waste both of your time, etc. OR, you can enjoy dating a guy you like, who likes you, and see where it goes--bringing your bankruptcy up LATER, around the same time that you would share other personal information that could impact major decisions that you would make TOGETHER. If you aren't making financial decisions TOGETHER, I don't feel like you have an obligation to tell him about your finances--but if it would ease your mind, just drop it like a hot potato the next time you go out for dinner.
If he bails--you deserve better, and count it as his loss.For what it's worth, I don't think that this is an inappropriate topic. We have discussed when and who to tell on various other occasions. It's something that people wonder and worry about. I can also understand thinking, "Okay, what is my bankruptcy going to screw up NEXT..."
My initial plan was to tell him about the BK, which I will be filing next week, prior to meeting the kids. He has never introduced a woman he has dated to his kids so it's kind of heavy. He obviously wants me to be a part of his life. But, after much internal struggle and a few conversations with people who already know about my BK, I have decided not to tell him at this point. We've been dating now for three and a half months and finances have not been discussed. We've talked about it generally but we haven't shared income information and such. He did tell me his credit score a couple weeks ago (I was at his house when he got something in the mail from his bank while he was refinancing) but I didn't respond in kind. My BK will only affect him if we get married, which is ridiculous to even think about at this point. And, even if we did, it wouldn't have to affect him because we could still maintain some sort of individual finances. My biggest fear is that he will feel betrayed if/when I finally tell him (if it would ever come to that). However, my second biggest fear is that if I tell him now, that he will think that I am looking for a financial parachute and/or safety net in him, which is totally not the case. Hypothetically speaking, let's say things go great and we discuss marriage in a year and I finally tell him. He will have had a year to get to know me better, see for himself that I am not a financial failure and realize that I have acted responsibly since meeting him.
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