Suicide and Financial Loss

[Bandit]

having money never made me feel superior to another human, though I know some people have that attitude & having suicidal thoughts never made me feel less of a human nor was it distorted or unrealistic or inaccurate thinking for that time in my life. no no no.

What happens is, you either get more rocks piled on you & you eventually fall, or the rocks start coming off & you can breathe again. Fortunately, my rocks have started to roll off but if they had not I could have easily seen me being ashes & dust, & content. & maybe like some to a degree, with your option to file BK, if that option was not there for me & physical pain had not stopped, I would have had no problem finding a way to guarantee the disposal of myself in a very cruel & cold world. That is just the way it is.


While I do agree to an extent that reflecting on yourself based on money is a distorted view, there are many other things that contribute to ones happiness & unhappiness & that is, that everyone is different & can only take so much unrelenting pain & anguish before they crack.
Sometimes love, loving & being loved is simply not enough when the pain is stronger than the love.
Maybe those rocks are guilt? maybe for some they are physical pain? Maybe for some they are confusion & for another they cannot live a lie any longer & yet cannot tell the truth of who they are...while for others the heaviness & unhappiness comes from lack of money...or maybe too much money.

[Phillymanhere]

Bandit,

I agree that the anguish and struggle can add up. Definitely ... and I am NOT judgmental towards people who get deeply deeply depressed as I've been there before, thank you.

But ... one thing that makes problems seem insurmountable is that people start to think the distorted thoughts:

1.) I'm a failure for having these problems and my neighbors and friends won't have any respect for me.

2.) My kids won't have respect for me for losing the house, etc.

What I'm saying is that in reality, friends and family (and even coworkers for the most part) will not lose respect for you for #1 ... and kids won't turn on you for #2 ... that's the distortion, the fear that says, "I'm done the worst thing imaginable."

The reality is ... you haven't killed anyone. You're not going to jail to be tortured the rest of your life. There's nothing inherently shameful about experiencing a devastating financial setback ... I'm thinking that fear of failure, fear of humiliation and complete rejection ... etc.--that's the distortion ...

[MNCarol]

My husband and I have finished with the BK process and our home is in foreclosure. We cannot find a home to live in. No one will rent to us because of our credit. We have no one to turn to. We have plenty of money (ironic, isn't it), but will more than likely be living in my husband's old Jeep (it's paid for).

I have been scrambling for the last 10 years to try and keep our family ship afloat. My husband broke his back in a car accident 10 years ago. For a year, I took care of him while working a full-time job. We financed our lives on credit cards. A few late payments and the interest rates were at 27-30% interest. No matter what we did, we just kept getting more and more behind. In a final attempt to stave off the creditors, I took out a payday loan at 1600% (yes, 4-digits). Then our home went through a flood and we lost all of my clothing, our clothes dryer, water heater and furnace. The basement needs to be gutted and the mold removed.

This is the load I have been carrying for 10 years... and I thought BK would be the answer. It is a partial answer, but we may still be homeless.

Sometimes I think of just quitting... yes, suicide. My life insurance would set my husband up well -- he could buy a small home and he and the cats would have a chance at a life, and I could finally rest and have some peace.

Yes, I think about it all the time. Am I a coward? I'm only a coward in that I'm afraid to commit suicide. The brave thing for me would be to do it...

I went to my doctor a few months ago when I started vomiting blood, he mentioned my blood pressure was 190/160 and that a stroke was eminent. After I explained what was going on, he said he wasn't surprised that my physical health was suffering... he said a "lesser person" would have had a breakdown.

So you can laugh and criticize the losers who think about taking the "easy way" out. But sometimes, life gives us more than we can handle.

[rfassett]

MNCarol, at the risk of going where I shouldn't, let's talk about this. You say that your life insurance would set your husband well. I am not sure that is the answer. Do this. Go to your husband right now, and tell him, "all joking aside, would you prefer to have me around as long as God wants me to stay here? Or would you rather not have me, but have my life insurance money?" If he even considers the money, your problems are not about money. I highly doubt that he would take that option, though. You say that no one will rent to you because of your credit but that you have money. Are you sure it's the credit? How many cats do you have? That may be the real problem in not being able to find a place to rent. I actually rented an apartment for my son 2 months after I filed bk (four months before the discharge). You just have not found the right landlord. Keep looking!

[PoorGrammyinBK7]

MNCarol

You have already shown you are capable of surviving some of the worst life has to dole out! YOU are a SURVIVOR!!!

PLEASE try to concentrate on whatever positive things you possibly can. Thank God your husband is alive. Be grateful that you had bankruptcy as an option (sometimes people can't even do that for various reasons) and be glad that you were able to get rid of those nasty credit card companies that punish you with 30% interest. Count your blessings that you now have "plenty of money". I do believe good things are in store for you! God knows, you have been through more than your share of the bad. I don't think of you as a loser at all!! I have considered the same thing. But I know its not the answer. My family would be so devastated and confused. I would not want to leave that legacy to my children and grandchildren. I have seen what it does to those who are left. Many follow the example.

I commend YOU for being so strong through all of this and I believe you are stronger because of it.

Please don't give up!!!

Grammy

[MNCarol]

Luckily we have no children... thank you for your words of support.

[MNCarol]

We have to older cats, neutered, declawed... we've had them for 8 years. I suppose we could give them away, but it would break what's left of my heart. I've lost everything else... they are all I have...

This is a real "yuppie" community and even people renting privately are checking credit. One word of bankruptcy or foreclosure and they tell us "no."

And with more and more people going into foreclosure, the few units available that will accept people like me are in high demand.

I guess 10 years of this kind of stress have taken their toll on me... mentally, physically, spiritually... I've learned there is more than one kind of bankruptcy...

[Reddrocket07]

I have found the thoughts of suicide bouncing back and forth in my head from time to time. Obviously much of it is due to stress from not being able to provide a more stable financial lifestyle for my wife.

Growing up, I always wanted to start a family, but financially it wouldnt be responsible to have a child right now. The best way to help yourself when you feel overwhelmed and depressed to the point of suicidal thoughts is to talk to someone. Talk to your family, friends, religious leader, or by even calling a help-line. Regardless of what you think, there are people who care about you, even if you do not know them.

One of the biggest misconceptions about suicide is the insurance pay-off. Most if not all life insurances have a clause in it that states it does not need to pay life insurance if you commit suicide.

[AngelinaCatHub]

[Help!]

MNCarol, the very wonderful thing about hitting rock bottom (as it appears you have today) is that there is only one way to go... up, up, up! I had a very similar day, with very similar thoughts, and I remember thinking "No, can't do that. The life insurance policy would be void in the event of suicide."

In moments/hours/days like these, we forget how much we are loved, how much we are needed, and how precious life is. I sympathize with you, it truly sounds like you have been through so much already.

We gave up our home and moved away from a "Woodbury"-like community and abandoned that lifestyle altogether. Instead of looking at your overall picture and letting it blow you away, focus on one thing at a time. Your first priority right now sounds like it's finding a place to live. The Jeep is not an option, so you need to scrape up all the energy you have left and devote it to the housing issue. There are homes that can be rented without credit checks, and I would think the last thing you need right now is to be surrounded by "yuppies".

Your chances will be better if you stay away from apartment complexes with property management companies involved. I guarantee that many of the homeowners who are renting their homes are facing foreclosure themselves, so don't assume that your credit is going to be a deal-breaker. You can conserve some energy by being blunt about your BK. If they say "sorry, can't rent to you" then you've only invested a minute or two, haven't wasted energy filling out forms, etc.

Someone in this forum replied to my post that day and what they said has really stuck with me. Take one day at a time, tell yourself that at least for today, you have a place to live, food to eat, your cats.

You don't need to be out of the house until the sale is confirmed, right? Hang in there, focus on one problem at a time and try to imagine a better day in the future. If you don't give up, that day will come.

[chloe0724]

Suicide is a harsh reality for a lot of people. My father commited suicide when I was 19 because he couldn't deal with his pain and the pain he had caused our family any longer. It has been the biggest hurdle I have had to deal with in my life.

When I was younger, I was very angry at him and felt like Hub does that it's a coward's way of dealing with problems. But after many years of counseling and living as an adult with adult problems, I have become much more sensitive to his actions. I will never condone suicide as an answer, but can understand its appeal.

[Bandit]

Bandit,

I agree that the anguish and struggle can add up. Definitely ... and I am NOT judgmental towards people who get deeply deeply depressed as I've been there before, thank you.

But ... one thing that makes problems seem insurmountable is that people start to think the distorted thoughts:

1.) I'm a failure for having these problems and my neighbors and friends won't have any respect for me.

2.) My kids won't have respect for me for losing the house, etc.

What I'm saying is that in reality, friends and family (and even coworkers for the most part) will not lose respect for you for #1 ... and kids won't turn on you for #2 ... that's the distortion, the fear that says, "I'm done the worst thing imaginable."

The reality is ... you haven't killed anyone. You're not going to jail to be tortured the rest of your life. There's nothing inherently shameful about experiencing a devastating financial setback ... I'm thinking that fear of failure, fear of humiliation and complete rejection ... etc.--that's the distortion ...

But I never felt any of those things you mentioned & still have felt very suicidal for many months. In fact I have gone full circle more than once on how to do it. Mine was based primarily on physical pain & screaming to to the top op my lungs at night until the pain killers kicked in again.

I have not had those thoughts for a very long time but my physical pain has also ended.

[AngelinaCatHub]

Suicide is a harsh reality for a lot of people. My father commited suicide when I was 19 because he couldn't deal with his pain and the pain he had caused our family any longer. It has been the biggest hurdle I have had to deal with in my life.

When I was younger, I was very angry at him and felt like Hub does that it's a coward's way of dealing with problems. But after many years of counseling and living as an adult with adult problems, I have become much more sensitive to his actions. I will never condone suicide as an answer, but can understand its appeal.

[AngelinaCat]

A Thought For Today--Chuck Swindoll

"Thank the Lord, it is His love that arranges our tomorrows - and we maybe certain that whatever tomorrow brings, His love sent it our way.
Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life, pg. 237

O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! Howunsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!
Romans 11:33"

From Chuck Swindoll

[Bandit]

So you can laugh and criticize the losers who think about taking the "easy way" out. But sometimes, life gives us more than we can handle.

I agree with you & I come to a full circle for why people want to end their lives. It absolutely is because life gives someone more than they can handle. The scale gets tilted to the pain side for too long.

I dont call them losers or cowards when in fact they have proably suffered for a VERY LONG TIME, tired & weary with fear, it was the rope they were clinging to itself, that broke.

I know what it is like to be very scared & terrified for a long time.
This board does some very good wonders though, because it helps get your mind off of the pain for awhile.

I am here to listen. I wont persuade anyone either way & I wont call you a coward or a loser I really do understand why you feel that way. If I dont seem to understand, then I want you to know that in some way I do understand

MNCarol, even if you have those thoughts, it is ok & I will listen to everything you are going through & you can PM me in private if you feel like it.