Family negative on BK

[reb512]

I just now recently told my aunt about my bankruptcy, and she is very angry with me about it, and I'm getting crazy emails about how mad she is and how I ruined my life for making this decision and how now being a young man I'll never have anything, nor will I ever get married because a women wants security. anyway, enougha bout the rant I feel I have made the best decision that I could.

Has anyone else had family issues like this? if so, how did you handle it, and were you able to prove them wrong?

[BK2008]

Wow...that's pretty extreme.

I'm not sure how appropriate it would be to mark her e-mail as spam or just delete it. But none of the above rhetoric is even close to truth.

Plus, how does she know your future wife hasn't already filed BK??

Smile and let it roll.

[momof5]

First, in order to make you feel better just keep reminding yourself that she probably has absolutely no clue about how current BK works. I had a family member who assumed that we were going to lose our home. When she was told that our home is just fine as well as our cars. She then seemed to be mad that people could so easily erase their debts. Ugh....

Its people like this that drive me looney. They dont bother to take the time to research the subject but assume they already know it all. Chalk it up to ignorance or just plain age. If she is older(50+) then she is probably stuck in the bk stigma of the past. Just ignore the smoke. She'll be on to something else in no time.

[soleprop]

hi - i'd like to offer the perspective of some future woman in your life.

how about this: security comes from someone who knows when they're in trouble and does what they can to fix it so it doesn't wreck the rest of their life. i'd personally rather marry someone that took care of what needed taking care of. people who seriously consider bk are not people who can just work a little harder to get clear of the problem. they're people willing to work a lot harder to ensure they never have the same problem again.

you'll be ok. your aunt suffers from 'oh my god what will they think?'ism. don't catch the bug. you're doing what you need to do, and it's within the law of our nation.

[Frogge]

reb,

My DH's sister and her husband gave us similar grief. To people that aren't educated on modern BK and how it works see "bankruptcy" simply as a BAD word that means BAD, BAD things. I was always taght that, and I believed it before I researched.

I feel bad that your aunt is making you feel bad now, especially since you've already filed.. but she doesn't understand what it means. And I second soleprop's post ---I'd much rather marry a man that takes charge of his life and makes an excellent decision to take control of his finances, and his life.

[Minnymouth]

Filing bankruptcy is a "business decision"....... not a "life killing" event!!!

Bankruptcy will only distrupt your life basically about 2 years. After 2 years you can buy a home with a decent interest rate. Autos, etc.......

The only way filing bankruptcy "might" hurt you in the future is if your work involves banks, securities, etc. Many financial companies will not hire people who have filed bankruptcy since they are a financial institution.

Other than that, bankruptcy will have little affect on your future. But it sure "cleans up the past"........

The older generation (which I am one) was taught from childhood that you do not file bankruptcy!!!! You pay your bills!!!!.... not matter what!!!

Unfortunately life is not that simple, and things happen to good people that had good intentions.

And thanks to our fore-fathers people who do financially go under have a way of recouping and getting their lives straightened back out.

Your aunt is probably from the "old school" and no matter what you saw she will see it "her way", so least said about it too her the better. She will "see" and "notice" that your life changes very little and will be surprised.

[woeisme]

I don't know why people broadcast their BK filings in the first place, it's just gives other people an opportunity to be judgemental about issues they have no clue about. I know I have people in my family who would respond just as negatively and if they did find out and said anything to me about my filing, I'd tell them it was none of their #$%*!@ business, and if they didn't have anything helpful or supportive to say, they could keep their traps shut. Ok, maybe I wouldn't say that, but I'd sure think it! It wouldn't make me feel bad for getting into the situation, I already have faced up to the factors that got me here and made peace with it. It would make me upset that someone who loves me could be so unhelpful and judgemental though.

[Help!]

Good advice here... no one can possibly understand your situation unless they've been in it (and we all have). Would you really want to marry a woman who cares more about your FICO score than who you really are? Not all women are that shallow and greedy.

I have a good story for you, too. Brother-in-law's wife works for the same large bank that was our mortgage lender... in a completely different part of the company. Somehow she noticed we were in default on our mortgage. Instead of asking us if there was anything she could do to help (which I would have done), she let the rest of the family know. Nice, huh?

[bmrigs]

If your aunt is so angry with you then she should fork out the money to get you out of debt. If she cant then she should shut that mouth of hers.

[soleprop]

lmao!!! zinnnnng! but i pretty much agree :P

[csrhjr31]

I haven't told my parents our situation because I know they would react the exact same way. (even though they filed bankruptcy on their business 20 years ago).

I think your aunt isn't knowledgable in your situation, and is making assumptions. I have to admit, I thought bk was something horrible, until my husband and I found ourselves in this situation.

I have been worrying myself sick about my parents finding out. I am so sick of worrying, that I don't do it anymore. If my parents find out, what is the worst that can happen? They will be upset and lecture me, but I know that this was the best decision my husband and I could have made.

[magyar123]

I just now recently told my aunt about my bankruptcy, and she is very angry with me about it, and I'm getting crazy emails about how mad she is and how I ruined my life for making this decision and how now being a young man I'll never have anything, nor will I ever get married because a women wants security. anyway, enougha bout the rant I feel I have made the best decision that I could.

Has anyone else had family issues like this? if so, how did you handle it, and were you able to prove them wrong?

JUst tell your aunt that after filing, and presuambly discharged, you are now debt free AND that now you can offer any woman "security".

[sisterfunkhaus]

I would say, thanks for the support, then send her a few links and tell her that rather than make up things about how BK will affect your life, maybe she should educate herself--then send her a few links. I am not that kind about ignorance and judgment from family. I would not be kind in return. Really, it is none of her affair.

And you can certainly tell her that many of us would beg to differ with her. I am WAY better off now than 2 years ago, when we were in ruins. I was suffering from serious depression and anxiety, we were living with my parents, blowing our $$$ and pretty unhappy. Now, we have our own, nice place, I have a great job, I am finishing up school, we are doing so well with our $$$. We actually pay for things with real money now. We live w/in our means!!! Life is great. BK is the best thing we ever did.

[BKParalegal]

Can you post her emails and her email address and we will all respond to her at once!!! Could be fun

[bk4sky]

I just now recently told my aunt about my bankruptcy, and she is very angry with me about it, and I'm getting crazy emails about how mad she is and how I ruined my life for making this decision and how now being a young man I'll never have anything, nor will I ever get married because a women wants security. anyway, enougha bout the rant I feel I have made the best decision that I could.

Has anyone else had family issues like this? if so, how did you handle it, and were you able to prove them wrong?

eh..don't even worry about it. if i would have told my dad he would have said terrible things too. He had very high expectations of me, and no matter what i always felt like i couldn't make him proud. If i told him he would never let me forget about it and make it really hard on me. Tell your aunt that what you are going thru is hard enough and you would appreciate it to stop saying those things, if she doesnt. dont answer her calls/ read her emails anymore.

as for the whole thing about her saying you'll never find a woman, dont worry about that either. Those girls out there that just date for money / financial status are no good anyway! ive dated plenty of guys and money was never the reason for any of it.