I am SO FURIOUS with my husband.

[AngelinaCatHub]

Hi there,

It was nice to hear it from a male perspective...thanks guys for chiming in. I handle all the finances, my hubby has no interest. Just last night he asked me, "are we going to be just as broke next week as we were last week?" AGGHHH, I am trying to save money to pay our attorney...where does he think the money is coming from, the money fairy???!!!!????

Hang in there gymbo and just realize that you need to be proactive in your finances.

Good Luck

[AngelinaCat]

Liz: I remember in grade school, some teacher or someone important in the school would have a birthday, and our teacher would take up a collections of pennies from us kids, then of course add to it, so that the recipient would get a money tree--a literal little Christmas type tree with dollar bills stuck to it. Maybe this is what your hub is thinking of...

[liz417]

Mrs & Mr Cat,

I am sitting here laughing out loud...I'm sure my neighbors think I'm nuts!

You are right, there is NO money fairy, so don't go picking up strangers (lol!) and mrs. cat, your tree story reminds me of a funny story. My hubby always thinks there's money and I would tell him money doesn't grow on trees. Anyway, a few years ago I purchased a money tree and planted it right outside our front window! It's actually a beautiful silver dollar eucalyptus tree and when he wants to buy something we can't afford, I tell him to go get money from "his" tree! Maybe I should ask my hubby if he "played" that game in grade school....that would explain everything!!

[AngelinaCat]

Hi Liz:

I am so glad that the Cat Comedy Team has made you laugh out loud. Laughter is extremely important to our mental health. When I was dealing with my mother when she was going through the Alzheimer's, I learned that I had to make sure that I had at least one good belly laugh a day. Otherwise, I couldn't have dealt with it.

All our best to you and everyone on this thread, especially our hostess, Ms Gymbo~~~~

[JRScott]

If you can get your spouse to go with you I'd suggest both of you taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University courses. They are offered through churches for a discount.

[gymbo]

This will be the hard part. As much as I blame my husband for irresponsibility, I am the overspender, and he does not like to tell me no. We made this mess together.

Update: Got a text from hub today - it said... "Went to bank. 2nd mortgage is pd.. was not late. Has not been late. And I do care. Love you."

So all is good in the world again for now I've been pretty honest in this forum about my relationship and how difficult it has been... (did you know money issues are the #1 reason for divorce? I read that somewhere).

But I have to say... last weekend I had an ABUNDANCE of my family staying at my house and my husband - who is not so fond of company - was the perfect host - always making sure everyone was OK and well fed, etc... When we ran out of firewood for the campfire - I thought he went to bed cuz he had to work in the morning - but he had actually run to get more wood for us... and when my nephew threw up watermelon ALL OVER the floor (nasty nasty nasty!)- hub cleaned it up and would not let anyone help!!!! At that moment, I wanted to nominate him for husband of the year! And I never even had a chance to really say thank you cuz out first minutes alone were when he told me he "didn't know" if the 2nd mortgage payment was late and ... well... you know how that went over.

Today my 4 yr old asked me "Why are you mad at Daddy? Is it because he didn't buy you a new car?" (We've been talking about/researching cars because mine is a '99 with many problems and with the likely bk in the Fall it seems like a good idea)

I said "No, I was mad at Daddy because I asked him to do something and he didn't. Just like when I get mad at you when I ask you to do something and you don't."
But it totally broke my heart anyway.
Kids pick up everything.

[AngelinaCatHub]

Gymbo; going over your start of this thread to your last post proves several things, your whole demeanor has changed, you aired out your frustration, you have helped others, you feel better, you laughed, you may even have saved your marriage, and you are anonymous here. No one judges you and help is here.

Now on the overspending. Give yourself a budget, every week take out CASH to pay for everything. If you are over budget, put it back on the shelf you don't have the money to afford it. NO MORE CC cards. 'Hub

[Flamingo]

Yes, I am headed to the bank tomorrow to figure out when this is do ... add this bill on top of all the others I will be responsible for. I am just so frustrated.

There are posters on here - AngelinaCat and AngelinaCatHub who were recently posting on the same thread at the same time from different computers. I am so envious of that. Financial failure would be easier to work through if I had a partner who was at least paying attention to the struggle. I turn 40 next year and it is becoming more clear to me that I will celebrate as a divorced, bankrupted, single mother. Not exactly what I had planned.

I was seriously so angry tonight I walked out of the house and straight to the gym and took out so much aggression on the weights I should have looked like a WWF wrestler when I left. haha. But I don't

I haven't read through the rest of the postings on here after reading yours above. What you have to do right now is put reality on the table. Make a complete listing of all your bills, monthly payments, income, etc. and put it in spreadsheet form. Get your husband and sit down with him and state "Here it Is - I/We need to look at this as a couple and figure out what we do and where we go from here." Simple as that. If he refuses, your problems are just deeper than just financial.

[arkienurse]

Hi there,

where does he think the money is coming from, the money fairy???!!!!????



Good Luck

If you doo find the money fairy, perhaps you could send her to my hubby for a visit?
He is actually willing to get us back into the same mess again bacause of not wanting to do without when he thinks he needs it. Right now, I am fighting him on a tractor. While I can kinda see the need- I would love a garden and to clean up the brush behind our house, he does have to try and upkeep his mom's place for her too, what I cannot see is going into big debt for something that will basically be sitting there 3/4 of the time. And even with no car payments right now, every time I get a significant amount in savings, something else comes up and there it goes again.

[arkienurse]

I am about to lose it.
Here's the story in a nutshell.

Your story sounds so similar to mine. I took over the bills also because DH didn't care if they were a little late. Also when we would have a medical bill, he just never paid it until it went to collections. I have been paying bills since well before the bk, and actually have the records on Microsoft money if they are needed. Heck, his version of balancing the checkbook (which gave me a heart attack when I found out what he was doing) was to look at the statement every month and check off the checks that came in. He never made sure that his balance was the same balance the bank said we had.

So I feel for you and hang in there. I agree that the Dave Ramsey class might help him get on board with finances. Or if he will read, get either Financial Peace, or The Total Money Makeover for him.

[arkienurse]

This will be the hard part. As much as I blame my husband for irresponsibility, I am the overspender, and he does not like to tell me no. We made this mess together.

Update: Got a text from hub today - it said... "Went to bank. 2nd mortgage is pd.. was not late. Has not been late. And I do care. Love you."

So all is good in the world again for now I've been pretty honest in this forum about my relationship and how difficult it has been... (did you know money issues are the #1 reason for divorce? I read that somewhere).

But I have to say... last weekend I had an ABUNDANCE of my family staying at my house and my husband - who is not so fond of company - was the perfect host - always making sure everyone was OK and well fed, etc... When we ran out of firewood for the campfire - I thought he went to bed cuz he had to work in the morning - but he had actually run to get more wood for us... and when my nephew threw up watermelon ALL OVER the floor (nasty nasty nasty!)- hub cleaned it up and would not let anyone help!!!! At that moment, I wanted to nominate him for husband of the year! And I never even had a chance to really say thank you cuz out first minutes alone were when he told me he "didn't know" if the 2nd mortgage payment was late and ... well... you know how that went over.

Today my 4 yr old asked me "Why are you mad at Daddy? Is it because he didn't buy you a new car?" (We've been talking about/researching cars because mine is a '99 with many problems and with the likely bk in the Fall it seems like a good idea)

I said "No, I was mad at Daddy because I asked him to do something and he didn't. Just like when I get mad at you when I ask you to do something and you don't."
But it totally broke my heart anyway.
Kids pick up everything.

Aww, now this post has me feeling so good for you. Yes money problems are stressful and cause breakups all the time. When we filed for bk, my husband didn't know that I had opened a checking account in my name alone. I was depositing a small amount every payday, and when I got enough to get out on my own, that would be it, the kids and I were gone. Course I had to fess up, of all places in the lawyers office getting ready to file. My getaway fund was actually where we got the money to pay our filing fee. Now I won't say it is a bed of roses now, 4 years later, but.... I am able to be at peace with him, and he with me. He still doesn't help around the house at all, but my job right now means that I am on call and having to stay over all the time. He has gotten the girls to their dance lessons for me, and even cooked dinner on a regular basis for them. Life is still hard, but I have realized everyone doesn't have that fairy tale marriage.
And besides, I am too damned tired, and too damned busy at work to find someone else

[fltoo]

Why would you have to find someone else?

[gymbo]

And besides, I am too damned tired, and too damned busy at work to find someone else

Haha!
I know EXACTLY what you mean! The thought of dating makes me ill! The whole match the underwear with the bra days are long gone
(ALthough I'm in better shape now then I have ever been since I go to the gym when I'm stressed which is always

If this marriage does not survive, I have NO INTEREST in going down this marriage road again. Emotionally, I think I would be just fine by myself. Financially and logistically (I work nights til 10 and have a 4 yr old) , it would be very very hard.

I tend to get hung up on what is lacking in marriage, and ignore what is good, so I am trying to be better about that.

[gymbo]

Now on the overspending. Give yourself a budget, every week take out CASH to pay for everything. If you are over budget, put it back on the shelf you don't have the money to afford it. NO MORE CC cards. 'Hub

Yes, you figured me out quickly. I have an issue that needs to be addressed. In the past 10 years I have...

Taken out a $28k loan on some land to pay cc's
Used ALL of the $30k I made in business sale proceeds (co-owned for 3 yrs) to pay cc's. (except for $600 to buy a tv)
Refinanced a house and used $10k to pay cc's.
Sold a house and used $10k to pay cc's.
Cashed out a 401k and used $28k (Reduced from $40k+ after taxes and penalties ) to pay cc's. (This was in 2006 -HUGE MISTAKE)
Sold next house and used $20k to pay cc's.

THAT'S ALOT OF MONEY!
And the scarey thing is, every time I found a new way to pay the debts (never managed to pay all the cards off - but got very very close several times) I SWORE up and down we would NOT ring up cc debt ever ever ever again.
And we/I still did. And it didn't take long. I can tell you about all of the unfortunate circumstances that "forced" us to use cc's but, I know, I need to stop spending money I don't have.

What initially attracted me to bk was the forced compliance (can't ring up a cc if no one will give you one!) but now I know that's not the case... I need to learn self control and I am working on that.

My sister's husband is ANAL about money and they have a budget and they NEVER spend a cent more than they budgeted for things EVER and she always complains to me that he's "so cheap" and "would not let her buy a coat even though it was on super mega clearance for $6".
I just tell her "be thankful".
There needs to be at least 1 person like that in every relationship. It should be the law

[arkienurse]

My sister's husband is ANAL about money and they have a budget and they NEVER spend a cent more than they budgeted for things EVER and she always complains to me that he's "so cheap" and "would not let her buy a coat even though it was on super mega clearance for $6".
I just tell her "be thankful".
There needs to be at least 1 person like that in every relationship. It should be the law

He shouldn't be telling her no just because. Budgets should be agreed upon by both parties. And she should have some blow money of her own that she could have bought that coat with. Ideally, there should have been a clothing budget that it could come out of. If it had been me, you can bet some catastrophy would have happened to my old coat, making him regret not getting the $6 dollar bargain.