BK is causing me health problem-o's, how are you?

[Flowers]

I went to the emergency room last week with chest pains. The EKG, the blood work, the chest x-ray, monitoring. No heart attack, not even heart burn indigestion. Just stress with some insomnia thrown in, with a sprinkle of depression and crying fits over what seems to be an insecure future. I feel like such a failure, and am trying to keep it from my elderly parents who I do not want them to "find out" that I am a failure.

Now the emergency room bill is $500, and I can't pay it and it has to go into bankruptcy.

Thanks for listening. How are the rest of you faring?

[AngelinaCat]

Flowers, what you are feeling right now is absolutely normal. I'm sorry it drove you to the ER, though. Yes, include the ER costs in your BK. But it will get better. You are NOT a failure--don't even think that way. You made some bad descisions. But, you have also made some GOOD descisions, and the first one of those was to realize you couldn't go it alone. Finding this Forum is a great step. My husband and I were mental veggies before we found this site. We have learned so much and feel very much more confident in what we are doing. You will too.

Our family physician has prescribed a very mild tranquelizer for us that seems to be helping, as we are sleeping a bit better than we were. (Don't let anyone prescribe Paxil. It is absolute murder to get off of, and DH went through hell trying to do so.)

Good luck to you. Don't look at the mountain right now, just concentrate on the first steps, one day at a time.

[bal_ny]

I have to say that pre-filing was more nerve wracking than these last few weeks leading up to my 341. Everything from budgeting money for the lawyer to wondering what would happen to my car to worrying about filing itself had me in knots.

Once I filed, however, it was like the stress just melted away (well, except for this morning. I'm 3 hours from my hearing and back to being a stressball). Your decision is made, action taken and all that's left is ride it out, you know? I've heard others say the same thing and hopefully that will be the case for you, too.

Hang in there!

[bmrigs]

Flowers, you really should not take this bk so personally. Think of it as financial freedom. Debt is slavery. You are about to walk away from debt and maybe for good if you make the necesary changes in your life. I cant wait until I get my bk going and Im going to give up my house and car and anything else that the trustee wants of my property. I would rather be out of debt than to have worldly posessions. Part of the crisis that we are living in has been deliberately orchestrated by the owners of the Federal Reserve. They expand the money suppply and people get sucked into debts like mortages, car pymts, cc's, etc and then they contract the money supply causing depressions, consolidation of wealth and property by people's bankruptcy's and foreclosures. This happened before in the years leading up to 1929- The Great Depression. Things will get better. Just be patient.

[fltoo]

It saddens me to see a post as yours. No one can convince you that you are not a failure or assure you that this situation will pass.

You need to become proactive.

Of course you are not a failure and in time this setback will be a thing of the past. BK is a business decision, plain and simple. If you, as we all have, know that bad decisions contributed to our mess, then make a plan to change your lifestyle when this is all over.

When you start feeling depressed, go take a walk, sit down and make a budget, make a to do list, make a plan and write it down for after BK, do anything to change your mindset. IMO, drugs are not the answer.

After I read your post, the very first thing that popped into my mind was, WOW, this person's parents are still alive!!!

How lucky can you get?

You say they are elderly. If they live near you, get over to their house every week and make them dinner. If not, bake something every week and mail it to them. Call the Salvation Army and voluteer for the food lines.

Don't waste precious life worrying when you have so much to offer others.

[AngelinaCatHub]

Flowers, FLtoo has a good point. If you worry yourself into a breakdown, mentally or physically, it will not help your bk in anyway. Understand that your decision to right a situation out of control is the RIGHT thing to do. Get that yoke of debt away from you and live BELOW your means when it is over. That way you can save and have a cushion when things are slow. Don’t use CC cards at all and go cash. It is so easy to spend on a piece of plastic since you do not see the money. When you count out green, you may decide you didn’t need that toy after all. Like Fltoo said, keep busy. We are all thinking about bk, that is what we are doing posting here. Call it therapy. ‘Hub

[Martha13]

Hang in there, Flowers....everyone has given you good advice here. Hub said it well--this is like therapy for all of us. I always feel better when I visit this site. Do exactly what the others said, include the emergency bill in the filing, and do not give that another thought. The giant medical corporation won't miss that $500 bucks! Take it one day at a time.

One thing I did recently that helped (I haven't told anyone either) was I sat down at the computer, opened up a word doc, and just poured my heart out as if I was writing a letter to my best friend. (of course, I'm not REALLY telling her, either!) But, I titled it "Explanation" and I put in there all my reasons for doing this, the choices I'm making, etc and when I was finished it and read it, it all made perfect sense, and seemed quite the "business" decision as everyone frequently describes. Take care.

[tomato]

I feel like such a failure, and am trying to keep it from my elderly parents who I do not want them to "find out" that I am a failure.

There's no reason to feel like a failure! You would only be a failure if you didn't learn from it. Once you get out from under this debt, you can start living within your means and saving for emergencies--building a better life for yourself with this fresh start. As long as you're working towards that instead of falling into the same old traps, you're a 100% SUCCESS.

Thankfully, I haven't had any medical problems apart from a few tension headaches, but my mental state has left a lot to be desired. The stress of the debt and a failed business left me pretty much unable to function for a few months, and I'm still taking small steps towards feeling "normal" again. There was a period of a couple months where I couldn't get through a single day without bursting into tears, and I still find it pretty easy to get on that downward spiral of self-pity.

Just the process of researching BK and preparing myself to file has been a huge help, though--I feel like I'm finally doing something to actually fix things, and having something productive to focus on has improved my mood immensely.

[breezyday]

((((Flowers))))
Your post bought tears to my eyes again!

I was just crying after and heck doing the conversation with the bank about our home just now! He just told me they will not do a short sale!
We have tried so very hard to do the right thing, like maxing out credit cards to keep up.
House has been on the market 22 months!
They don't care >nothing counts!

I cried so hard after talking to him I hurt all over!
Lets just keep in mind, it's not personal with the banks etc.
They don't care!
We must take care of our self!

[Frogge]

One thing I did recently that helped (I haven't told anyone either) was I sat down at the computer, opened up a word doc, and just poured my heart out as if I was writing a letter to my best friend. (of course, I'm not REALLY telling her, either!) But, I titled it "Explanation" and I put in there all my reasons for doing this, the choices I'm making, etc and when I was finished it and read it, it all made perfect sense, and seemed quite the "business" decision as everyone frequently describes. Take care.

Martha, this is an EXCELLENT idea. I wrote out a similar 'narrative' regarding our situation and it was sooooo incredibly helpful. It makes so much more sense when you put thoughts out on paper one by one instead of the usual jumbled mess that they are when your mind is racing. HANG IN THERE.

[Bandit]

I went to the emergency room last week with chest pains. The EKG, the blood work, the chest x-ray, monitoring. No heart attack, not even heart burn indigestion. Just stress with some insomnia thrown in, with a sprinkle of depression and crying fits over what seems to be an insecure future. I feel like such a failure, and am trying to keep it from my elderly parents who I do not want them to "find out" that I am a failure.

Now the emergency room bill is $500, and I can't pay it and it has to go into bankruptcy.

Thanks for listening. How are the rest of you faring?

I was just in the hospital again, four times in one month. it racked up over 50,000 more dollars for kidney stones. NO ONE can pay that kind of money so does that mean we are all failures?

How am I faring? I have suicidal thoughts about once a month because I am tired of having constant pain in my life from all angles. I really dont care what others think about it any more. If they have been through it then they would know & if they have not had the same pain experiences then they can keep their lips closed because I dont want to hear it.

Now add another 40,000 in medical bills from a year ago & to think some people have hundreds of thousands of dollars of medical bills & pain that is off the charts of 1-10 that cannot be measured.

One thing for sure, I have never once felt like a failure. Scared, lonely, sad, depressed, frustrated, tired, angry, & all those negative feelings but never viewed myself as a failure or guilty of what is happening.

I know I am not going to be happy again until this BK is over & I can once again regain my steady employment from missing so much due to health problems- that is just the way it is right now. I dont really cry any more but I did a lot in the beginning so maybe I am getting tougher & stronger & braver through all this...I dont know...but it feels like I am going nowhere while everyone around me keeps pressing forward & getting along & is moving up.

It will get better. Will it? I dont know but I still have hope.

[justplaintired]

Flower I am so sorry this is stressing you so badly. I do understand not wanting to tell your parents, I feel the same way.

Please don't feel like a failure. Put that thought right out of your head. Start thinking about when all this is over how you can get a fresh start. No more sleepless nights over some stupid cc. Really they just aren't worth all the trouble they cause all of us. Now I don't know what your filing on and that doesn't even matter really. You hit a tough spot and since we are in the USA you have a way out, BK. Be thankful for that.

I wish you well and when you feel all alone, come to this forum, because you're not alone, your among lots of people who need to find another way to live and that way is the fresh start BK can give you. We are all friends here in the sense that we all need advice and we all need to know we are not alone. This forum has taught me so much and it also brought me a feeling of we will survive this and so will you!

[liz417]

Hi Flowers!

So sorry to hear that you are feeling like a failure...YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!! Before I decided to declare bk, I was stressed to the max, depressed (and very embarressed to admit) suicidal. I felt like my (well-planned) life was falling apart, but you know what? I made the decision to file BK (pretty scary for me), and to read everything I could about this process (thank god I found this site!) and to find a good therapist. You know what? We are not failures, we've just made some bad choices (for whatever reasons) and need to move forward. Be strong.

Oh, great advice about writing it all down! Thanks Martha.

[fltoo]

Bandit,

Been reading your posts.

You are a real inspiration having nothing to do with BK.

Anyone making themselves sick over BK should read Bandit's story.

[Mom2one]

Flowers,

I know how you feel. I am a wreck but I am getting better. I worry everyday about how we are going to be able to make the payments in our bankruptcy (13) and what the payments are goiing to be. We are waiting to file, because we thought we could pay the cards on our own and my husband worked all the overtime he could. Then the overtime was cut. I am trying to do the best I can. I have a budget and I stick to it. I sometimes wonder will I ever be able to buy anything ever again???

We are NOT failures. It will get better.,

Chrissy