What do you think of this?? please read

[woeisme]

Notappreciated,

The one thing I have noticed with a lot of forums is that there are people out there who just love to attack others and use the forums as a way to do that without any repercusions because they can get away with whatever they want in the virtual realm. So I'm not surprised that there are people out there who will use your postings and twist things around on you so that you are the bad guy. You just have to ignore people who are so petty and anger-filled that they get their jollies attacking others. This forum is really good, very few people out there like that (although I've seen a few, it's way less than with other forums!) Not everyone here has the same point of view or agrees, but even when they disagree, it's usually done with respect. Reasonable people can have differences of opinion without resorting to name-calling, it's the irrational ones that can't, so ignore those types since you shouldn't put weight on an irrational person's opinion anyhow.

I also worked my way through school and have lots of student loan debt, but my circumstances were different (my parents worked their butts off at low-wage jobs their whole lives and scrimped and saved and did without their whole lives for my siblings and me.) You'd think this would have taught me to be frugal and wise with money, but instead as soon as I started making my own money I wanted to escape the feeling of being so poor and to "make up" for all the things I had always done without. I also spent money I couldn't afford buying things for my parents and younger siblings, friends, boyfriends, etc. So while you may feel bitter that your mother hasn't spent her money on you instead of herself, I've been in the situation where my parent spent what little they had on me, and it only led to guilt that I tried to compensate for later in life by spending money on them that I couldn't afford. So anyhow, my point is there is nothing to be gained by wishing your Mom was different, because you never know what different problems that might have led to. You can just learn from the situation and use it to improve your own life and make better choices than she has.

If all of this is taking such an emotional toll on you, as from your posts it seems it has, then you need to step back and disengage from your Mother and the situation for a while. Take care of yourself first. You can't save your mother, she has to figure this one out on her own, and it sounds like she will be learning some tough lessons soon if she has been playing fast and loose with the BK rules. Best of luck!

[kkk1]

Thanks everyone for their posts! This is a really awkward time..it's difficult to deal with. I don't want to be involved but I guess seeing as she's my mother, I feel like I need to help her. However, I'm slowly learning to let it go and let her help herself.

notappreciated. I strongly encourage you to seek the services of a good psychologist. Based on what you have said here, your mother has not set a good example for you. While you seem to be fighting against her influence now, she's you mother and her influence will remain. I know. I have had a similar relationship with my mother and it's taken me a long time to understand that a lot of my bad habits (financial and otherwise) derived directly from my mother's behavior. Children are impressionable and we learn a great deal from our parents that is not always in the forefront of our conscious minds. IMHO, the very fact that you are fighting it and the tenor of your posts shows just how deep-seated her influence really is. Unless you confront that openly, it's gonna come back and grab you when you least expect it. The other posters are plain wrong when they say that her morality is her problem. She's you mother and you have watched her behavior since you were a child; pretending that this has not and will not have an influence on you is plain error.

And yes, I have too got flack from people who think I am being a "bad son". You need to let that go. One thing that I remind myself: the Bible says to "honor" they parents. Honor does not mean giving them a free ride, it does not mean enabling them to break the law (moral or otherwise), and it does not mean bailing them out of their jams.

[FreshLikeADaisy]

Two of my closest friends wanted me to buy them stuff since I wasn’t going to pay for it. I was rather offended that they somehow expected me to buy then things for free.

Dude, I think I would have been flat pi$$ed off and not merely offended... you're right, it's your credit score, your future, your life. I think if the shoe had been on the other foot, with them in bk and you suggesting that it would be a great time for them to buy you "free" stuff, you would have heard something between an indignant squeal and a full on roar. Glad you shook them off.

[luvHm]

wow notappreciated, I am sorry you are going through this. I cant comment on whether fraud was commited or not. But I do have to say... dont allow your heart to harden because of something your mom has done. While I was reading your posts, I totally couldnt focus on the fraud or BK issue. As we dont know the whole issue and have to assume what is actually happening, it sounds as if maybe mom does have a problem. But you too will have a problem if you allow it control your emotions. And it may cause more damage in the long run if you dont take care of yourself. However with all that said, your mom is your mom... find it in yourself to forgive her... you have to forgive to be forgiven. you did what you were suppose to do, paid your debt! feel good about that. so they say anger is a choice... I myself find that hard to grasp at times. But try to take those angry feelings and turn them into positive energy! you will be suprised what comes out of this whole situation. I can only hope to think maybe your forgiveness and unconditional love for your mom will eventually lead your mom to break free from the possible addiction of money and your hostage of anger and resentment! and you never know maybe a new relationship will blossom for you and your mom! much prayers are with you!