Disappointed in friends not telling us they filed 7

[krielly]

We filed BK13 back in Oct 05, and are 28 payments into a 60 mos plan.

We have shared this information with some friends of ours who have been very supportive and non-judgemental.

I heard back a year or so ago that they had filed BK as well a few years ago. I thought maybe that was just a rumor, as surely it seems like they would have mentioned it to us at some point. Being that we were going through the same thing, it seems like they might have said "we know how you feel", or something to that effect.

Well, I just happened to think about it, got nosy, and checked Pacer, and sure enough, they did file 7 about 10 years ago.

Feel a little hurt that they didn't share this with us. Maybe I am wrong to feel that way, and YES this is their business, not mine. Guess I just feel a bit hurt that we shared with them, but yet they didn't talk about their experience with us.

Again, it seems so strange, as they were really incredibly supportive through it all.

guess I'm just venting is all. Thanks for listening

[HAP]

They were probably so supporive because they went through it, that doesn't mean they neccessarily want to rehash their bankruptcy experience themselves.

Did they pry it out of you or did you willingly/openly tell them?

I wouldn't let them know you got nosy and checked up on them though.

[krielly]

Nope. I definitely won't tell them
Won't mention it at all for sure.

Just venting a bit I suppose.

I did share with them on my own. Guess I'm a bit hurt they didn't do the same. Especially since if I knew they had filed also, I wouldn't have felt like such a schmuck, ya know?

I don't feel that way about it now, and don't get me wrong, I don't think ANYONE should, but it's taken me a while to change my opinion on things. It might have helped at the time to know, is what I'm saying, I guess.

K

[Lindsay]

I got nosey and checked out all of our relatives and friends incurring a $30 pacer bill before we even saw a lawyer. About 20 of them had filed either a 13 or 7 in the last 12 years. Even my husband's boss filed. None of them ever mentioned it to us and we won't be mentioning our BK to anyone unless someone notices it in the paper or checks us out on Pacer! My husband did tell his boss to explain the collection calls at work and my parents and sister know, but we don't plan to tell anyone else.

[woeisme]

Different people have really strong attitudes about finances. Don't be hurt, it's jsut the way it is and has nothing to do with you, they could be your best friend in the world and not want to discuss it with you. My husband talks about money matters to the clerk at the gas station, while I won't even share info with my family, in my family it just isn't considered polite to talk about money. Either it's bragging (if you're doing well) or complaining (if you're not) and that's just how I was raised, and my family would all talk behind my back about how I humiliated myself by discussing my CH 13 if I ever brought it up to any of them. (I know, because my brother filed CH 7 many years ago, and had to tell my Mom because she had co-signed a loan for him, and my parents and siblings still talk about him!) Right now the only people who know about our CH 13 is my husband and son, my husband's 4 adult children, and a sister-in-law. The only reason I agreed that my husband could discuss this with his kids and sister is because they all five are constantly trying to scam money from us, so I got over my big resistance to share financial info in the hopes that they would lay off the begging for dollars now that they know we are in a 5-year plan with a restrited budget. My SIL still manages to wheedle about $100 a month from my husband, and his kids another $50 or so on average, but their request have gone down a good bit since we filed in September. But just last week I found out my SIL told one of my husband's other sisters about our CH 13, when I specifically told her not to tell anyone else, and I have to admit, it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Mainly because I found out other SIL is also considering BK, but I wouldn't have told her we had filed even if she did tell us she was filing, but now that it's out in the open due to chatty Kathy, we can discuss it, which is nice. But I guess what I want to say that it's such a sensitive subject for some people, that it's nothing personal if they won't discuss it with you, it's just something that they've had pounded into them that they shouldn't ever discuss. Financial discussions are very taboo for some people.