Spouse's Debt Responsibilities

[ansett]

First thing I need to do is admit that I'm a loser and a failure.
I'm a "stay at home dad" taking care of my two girls while mom has the real job.

I've had a home based internet business for the past 7 years and the last 3 years have been a total nightmare. Long story short, I have unsecured debt just under $200k. Most if it was for business some of it was personal. Ive been making payments on time 99.9% of the time and I'm current but I'm sinking real fast and money is running out. All the credit cards and one unsecured personal line of credit is under my name only.

Is my wife responsible for my debts? Can I file bankruptcy without affecting her financially? None of our cars or the house is under my name. Can the creditors go after the cars and house? My wife has no idea of the extent of my problems. I'm in Colorado.

Two years ago I weighed 195lbs and now I'm at 254lbs, my blood pressure is going through the roof,I cant sleep without taking sleep aid and I now have acid reflux. I feel so helpless and alone. I was taught by my mother that "men don't cry" But today I stood in the shower crying until I ran out of hot water.I haven't cried in 25 years. I'm so scared and its so overwhelming I cant breathe. I don't know what to do since I have never been in this kind of situation.

[rrockinggramma]

Well first of all, you are not alone. And taking care of yourself should be priority number 1. But I would gather up all of your information and schedule appointments with 2 or 3 bk attorney's in your area. You can file alone but your wife's information will be a part of your forms. You should probably come clean with her and garner up her support. Since you are not in a community property state, she shouldn't be too harmed by your filing if all of your debt is separate. Where it gets sticky is the joint debt.

[ansett]

Thank you. I just want to have as much info before I talk to her.

[CindyLou]

Anestt,
Hi, and welcome! First of all, you are not a loser for being a stay at home dad! In fact, my husband and I have somewhat of "reversed" roles with me as the breadwinner and him as the homemaker....though he works part time from time to time.

I have the education and the ability to make money and he a has a few medical problems so for us it just makes sense. We plan to have a family in the near future and he will be a full time stay at home dad.

I know right now things seem hopeless with the money situation, but I promise, once you lay it all out on the table you will be able to start sorting through it and it won't seem to overwhelming. You mentioned that you were crying...thats a good thing. You know, sometimes "hitting bottom" is good because it will give us the wake up call we need to do something about our situation.

It is a GREAT thing that in your situation you are not in a community property state. That is something that you can be very grateful for at this moment! And the fact that the majority of the debt is in your name. You will be able to file BK without your wife.

As the rockingramma said, get out there ASAP and have free consulations with at least 3 BK attorneys. Some will even talk with you on the phone.

Keep us posted and ask lots of questions. You have taken the first step to getting things back in order. Its a long hard road, but a year from now you'll be posting questions in the "rebuilding credit" section....wait, you'll see!

[woeisme]

Yes, you can file bankruptcy by yourself, you don't need to do a joint filing. Whether or not you qualify for CH 7 or CH 13 will depend on your total household income and expenses, which will include your wife's, so she needs to be involved in the process. If you qualify for CH 7, her involvement will just be providing pay stubs and income verification for you to give the lawyer. If you need to do a CH 13, she may have to help provide the $ for the trustee payments, possibly being taken out of her paycheck by a court order.

I think stay at home Mom's and Dad's are fantastic, and you shouldn't denigrate what you do by calling your wife's the "real" job, since raising kids is one of the most important things anyone can do. My husband and I both work (we have a 12 year old) and I have to be honest, I couldn't handle being a stay at home Mom, it would be way too hard for me! Now that my son is almost a teenager, it's not even an issue, but even if we had younger kids and could afford for one of us to stay home, it would have to be him, he's much better suited for the job because he has so much more patience than I do.

Good luck!

[ansett]

I appreciate the support and advice. I really want to pay this back and could if the payments were lower. Things got bad when the the interest went up from around 7% to 29% and some of the cards went up even though I was never late. Would using a debt relief company help?

[woeisme]

I think debt relief companies work out for people who have money to pay lump sum payments. Otherwise, they tend not to because not every credit card will work with them, and the ones that don't run up such high fees while you try to work out the other cards, that you never get ahead. I went with CCCC for almost 5 years, it was supposed to help me with my credit debt. Their plan was so much $ per month, that while they did negotiate some of my interest rates down (they never touched the principal though) I ended up getting other credit cards to cover monthly expenses that I couldn't pay because CCCC was getting most of my $. So after 5 years, did get those debts paid, but ran up almost an equal amount in new debt, and here I am filing BK anyway. Also, if they do manage to get the credit card companies to forgive some of the debt, any amount over $600 is considered taxable income. So if you get 25K of your debt forgiven through working with this company, you then have to pay taxes on the entire 25K, so be prepared to shell out 5-10K to the IRS.