Newbie here: Stupid, Stupid Girl.

[One Half Full]

Hi. This is not exactly where I "want" to be.

Here's my story: I got a college degree 10 years ago and came to this town (shall remain nameless) after hearing there were "plenty of opportunities" for those in my field. I moved here with every thing I had only to find that there were no "real" jobs in my field here. I was left with zero money, no chance of getting out or going to school. 6 years ago, I bought a house. I don't know what I was thinking-- perhaps something to the effect of "I want to be involved in the "American Dream," or, "If you can't fight them join them." Well-- I have been-- the nightmare that is-- low wages-- an unending night job/ w no weekends or holidays. 9/11 happened. No more raises at work, no more cost of living adjustments. They fired nearly everyone except me, and so I am overworked, doing jobs that were once done by a whole "crew."

3 years ago I broke my leg. That's when the bankruptcy actually began. I had insurance, but my deductible was 5000.00 dollars. I got a loan, but also had to charge a lot more on my credit card, about 3000.00 (included physical therapy, etc all after care. Things not covered by medical insurance.) My car died, and I got a new used one. I started "Robbing Peter to Pay Paul" regularly. Then, when I was still in a cast, my father died and I was left with the task of paying for the funeral. I started to use the credit card to "cover" for the rest of the month-- to pay for food and bills. The Operation on my leg cut nerves and veins and now I am probably going to lose my leg without another 5000.00 surgery...ETC... see where this is going???

I am now sitting in a worn out old house (that I can't fix or sell) with NO HEAT. I have 3 space heaters and a crock pot under my sink. Not a safe situation, no a cheap alternative. I have NO CLOTHES to try to go to any interview to get another job. I cant afford medicine...ETC...These are problems "Street People" have, not people with houses who work 40+ hours per week!

Yesterday, I called a Lawyer, my first step in bankruptsy I thought I would do the chapter 13, but he said I do not make enough money to pay anyone back. I will need to go for a chapter 7 (he says).

My pride is a bit hurt. I have paid my bills, usually ON TIME, and fully for all my life. I really feel like I have --- I don't know-- demolished something precious-- trust, I guess. I really wanted to do well. I have lived frugally all my life. I have never had a vacation, I have never had a party. I am about to shout, "Screw it" and party till I drop.

The thing I have feared most in life has been POVERTY, and yet, I have been living it all these years. I mean, I'm THERE! I always thought I was a little over the curve, maybe lower middle class, but no, I am poor.

I have been so depressed since June, I really haven't paid any attention to the mail. I have no idea how much I owe. I hate myself. I have failed in the worst way!!! It is awful!!! I am choosing between staying warm and eating! Seriously!

I broke down and cried. I'm Gutless. My father would have rolled in his grave.

At this point, I don't care if I lose it all. I am freezing. I am tired. They've worn me down. Even when I file, it will be months and months till anything is done. I can't do anything until I do my taxes because I need the money to pay the lawyer (I am incompetent with forms, so I am not going to fill them out alone).

[BKcrazy]

I'm right there with you. My mom was glad I finally filed.
I paid on time, cherished my credit. Divorce in 2000, got a condo in 2005, and well....Here I am, waiting for my 341.

Crying is ok. I had a chiropractor that told me in chinese medicine, they believe tears release toxins from your body. But, sometimes it feels good to just cry and get it. You can breathe after you cry.

Check with to see if you qualify for any sort of public aid. Food stamps, help with utilities, medical, etc. If there is some mental health available, you may find a few sessions will help you through this rough spot. You will be surprised how nice most of those people are. I felt embarrassed at first, but then I realized I was really thankful that I was able to have access to anything to help me.

And you can start over. You will be ok.

[AboutToBK13]

Your feelings are to be expected. Most filing BK at one time or another have felt beat, kicked, abused, ashamed, worthless, etc. etc. etc.

Is it your fault you were injured? No. Is it your fault you were left to deal with your father's passing? No. Many that have to file BK are filing because of the unexpected job loss, medical emergency, or similar unforseen life occurence.

Once you get past the emotional strain of making this decision, it will start to get better. At least for me it has and reading these boards and others is like a group therapy. I realize while my financial situation is difficult, there are far worse out there. And typically, what brought them to BK was not circumstances that could be controlled.

Good luck, and it will get better.

[chpxiii]

Oh sweetie! I know what you're going through. I don't have time to respond (I'll do that later) but I wanted to do a quickie {{{HUGS!!!}}} right now.

[keepmine]

Don't file until all of those medical procedures are taken care of.

[woohoogirl]

You are not alone. I believe everybody here has had those feelings. I'm sure others will agree, but once I decided that BK was the only option I had, I felt so much better about the world. I'm not saying that I went from screw it to woohoo in hours, but each day I realize that the stress of debt was literally killing. Now I wake up each morning not dreading the day. I haven't filed yet but now the stress of the debt has been replaced with phone games with my creditors. If you browse the forum, you'll find a post by nazstar about her playing phone games with her creditors. I read those and laugh out loud. Life will get better hang in there.
((((hug))))),
Woo

[BassBoy]

I can think of a million things to stay to try to make things easier for you, but the first words that come out are, "Take of yourself first and foremost." You need to be healthy and emotionally stable before you take this journey. The mind, body and soul will need to be strong becuase BK can be stressful.

You've taken the first few steps already and once you're ready to move forward, each day will be better for you. You'll wake up in the morning and not have to worry about the dark clouds that hang over you. You won't worry about the phone calls and letters in the mail and you'll have more restful nights beause you won't be lying awake thinking about it. Life will seem normal again.

There is life after BK.

[FreshLikeADaisy]

Good luck, Full. You're not alone. Two years ago I had perfect credit, not a dime in debt outside of my mortgage, savings in the bank, and moving forward. Two years, unemployment and a disability later, not a penny or an asset left. So please don't feel bad. You did your best, and it WILL get better.

I would like to echo what others here said about getting your medical stuff all taken care of *before* bankruptcy. It's no good to discharge all your debt now, and then have more medical bills in just a few months.

Also, a 13 is a hard, hard road. I too have paid my bills all my life and worked multiple jobs, etc, but even I don't know if I could eat rice and beans for 5 years. So often, people go into 13s and end up converting to 7 anyway, that if there's any doubt whether you can keep up your payments during that timeframe (which will get your bk dismissed) you're better off biting the bullet and filing for a 7, pride notwithstanding. I think in the end you'll be grateful you weren't eligible for a 13... and God bless your attorney for not trying to shove you into one anyway.

Good luck to you!!!

[One Half Full]

Thank you everyone for answering and sharing a bit of compassion & goodwill. I'm pretty scared, but I know lots of people have had this happen to them. Things will get better, I am sure. Luckily I have been talking with a friend who has known a few people who have gone through this. Both have intact lives, have cars and houses still. I do feel frustrated and also like I have really let myself (my hopes for my own future?) down. I think it was good advice to seek some mental/ emotional health counseling. I won't be any good to myself if I break down and cry all the time. I will try to read all I can here-- it is like watching a horror movie with my hands over my eyes. I have to 'Peep" between my fingers to see if I can take the gory parts in. Where is a good place to start? Can you refer me to the most salient/ helpful of the threads-- Bk for beginners?

[Flamingo]

Remember - you did what you thought was best for you at the time and that's all that mattered. We all have spiral down cycles in our lives. Something triggers them and it becomes like a black hole - there seems to be no way out. But there is. 2001 triggered a lot for many folks; the tech bust at the early part of the year saw many, many tech-related jobs just disappear by the millions and unemploymenet skyrocketed. Then came 9/11 and the change in hotel and airline industries, and anything related, came to a standstill. My hubby was one of the tech tragedies; we lost 70% of our income when he was laid off, along with his entire department in early 2001. We were where you started and were able to survive for a while but then the spiral started and we had to investigate filing for bankruptcy. I thought I was going to lose my mind or have a nervous breakdown trying not to file. Our lives and lifestyle were completely changed and will never be the same. You need that safety net right now in your life - that is why it is there. Take advantage of it and it will be the catalyst that will propell you back to a point where you can get yourself together. You also need to investigate a support mechanism or group that can be of assistance to you. Best of luck to you.

[chpxiii]

2001 triggered a lot for many folks; the tech bust at the early part of the year saw many, many tech-related jobs just disappear by the millions and unemploymenet skyrocketed. Then came 9/11 and the change in hotel and airline industries, and anything related, came to a standstill.

That's what happened to me. I'm JUST NOW recovering.

I am a computer programmer and I worked for, get this, a hotel company. Double whammy.

[One Half Full]

The whole reason I am in this situation is that my college degree was in technical writing. Most new graduates went to work for dot coms and in IT. I ended up working in a factory, not enough money to make ends meet. I was overeducated for most jobs I applied for, and undereducated for all the others, so I ended up refused by all, and working manual labor-- Isn't that a kick? Everything I've done has led to bad luck. I would really like to throw the house into the mix-- get rid of it so I can move out of here. This place is bad luck for me.

[JollyGG]

The whole reason I am in this situation is that my college degree was in technical writing. Most new graduates went to work for dot coms and in IT. I ended up working in a factory, not enough money to make ends meet. I was overeducated for most jobs I applied for, and undereducated for all the others, so I ended up refused by all, and working manual labor-- Isn't that a kick? Everything I've done has led to bad luck. I would really like to throw the house into the mix-- get rid of it so I can move out of here. This place is bad luck for me.

Tech jobs are starting to look up again. My husband finally found something doing what he loves earlier this year. He managed to graduate college with a computer science degree in 2001. Couldn't have been worse timing.

You got a couple of steps ahead of you.
1. Stop paying any debt you will discharge.
2. Get healthy. Physically and mentally.
3. File for bankruptcy and get rid of this debt.
4. Get your application out and find a job that pays better and you enjoy more.

You have already done the hardest step. You have faced the shape your finances are in and you have made the decision to file. For me that was the darkest hour. Everything got better step by step from then onward.

[Run]

I really haven't paid any attention to the mail. I have no idea how much I owe.

Good on you! That's the first step. The system won't work for you (it is not designed to). It is time to throw off the lie of consumer morality and get the facts about credit and what those who pull the strings have been up to.

Economically we are at the point of bankruptcy as a society (beat the rush now). Economic forecasts don't look good.

Do yourself a favor and read "Pigs at the trough" by Arianna Huffington.

Time to stop feeling like a failure and realize that the system was designed to milk you for all you're worth. It is basic labor theory that a working class is worth what it takes to keep him working and no more. That is debt slavery, wage slavery, and you are it.

Here's a link for you to redirect your feelings of failure to their proper channel:

http://www.demos.org/inequality/numbers.cfm

That should help you hold your head a little higher and affix your sights on your best interests (guilt and a sense of duty to other's greed isn't one of them!).

From now on start taking care of yourself. Throw off the tired old stigmas of subsidies and get help where you can. No business successfully operating today doesn't readily take part in the subsidies they are eligible for. They pay when they have to and receive when they are allowed to. If you are going to prosper to any level it is time you start getting what is available to you so that you can get back on your feet. Take what you need for the same reasons that you give to others and hope that they will accept it.

Good luck, I hope you can see what I am really saying. Stop being ground up by the machine. Time to play matador with it!

[One Half Full]

Hey Run, your'e very smart. I really like Huffpo. My friends have been talking a lot about how the system is designed for the individual to fail. High valuations = higher taxes and more pork projects for the politician's resume. The system runs off of consumer debt (invisible assets) and all that. America produces debt like it used to produce corn. I've already spent nearly what the house cost on it, and have only 1000.00 of "equity." And yes, I believe that I and most of us have really been indoctrinated to believe that this is all based on my moral and judgmental failings when it is actually planned and set up that way (thanks for pointing that out). Blame the victim gone wild. My mortgage was not to build equity for me, that was the long term "dream" it was to feed citibank. The Dream was, I believe, freedom, not being trapped in a money pit house in a town with no jobs of any value (except a few doctors lawyers and politicians).