Do you feel guilty for filing?

[kl030505]

I honestly do not. I did at first. I'm not usually one to go back on my "word" and I sort of viewed the debt as going back on my intent to pay. I'm over it now. We did the best we could, made a couple of poor choices given how things turned out (if I had a crystal ball I would have made very different choices, but life doesn't work like that), and we had some bad luck. Life happens. At this point, I'm pretty confident I've paid back everything I actually SPENT. I think what is left is basically interest, late payment, over limit fees, etc.

I feel bad because I know my poor husband feels miserable about the whole thing. he's so ashamed and feels so guilty. I just don't know what to say to him. We are decent, tax paying, hard working people. We will file, we will learn from our mistakes, make sure we always have a safety net from here on out and we have learned some good lessons about staying within a budget. The sooner we get out of this mess, the sooner we will be able to contribute to the economy as consumers and I'm pretty sure if we do things right, we'll be paying a decent amount in income taxes again, so I just don't feel bad.

As so many on here have said, "It's a business decision."

Anyone have any ideas or tips on how I can make my husband feel better about the whole process? Or do I just let him be miserable until he figures it out for himself? Anyone else still feeling bad about their decision to file?

[nc73]

I'm going to file but I don't feel bad at all. Honestly why feel bad? Creditors knew what they were getting into when they give us credit, etc. Tell him that it's just going to get worse if you don't file. It's just not healthy having to worry about endless debts. It's not like you're first to file...

[HeatherB]

I felt horrible and guilty for about.... well, for a long time. It was that guilt that lead me not to apply for credit for the last 3 years and not wish to see my credit reports. Oh how I wish I would have felt differently. I'm swamped right now with trying to straighten out my mess of a credit report. (so many inaccuracies)

Today, I do not feel guilty at all. Not a scent of remorse. It was what I had to do to maintain and build a better life for my family. As a matter of fact, I wish I had done it sooner! I waited too long to file and tried to borrow from x to pay y - making my whole situation worse.

If your foot is infected and they say the only way to save your leg is to cut off your foot..... that's what I would do. If you hesitate and just try to bandage it then before too long, they may have to amputate your leg. (the infection spreads)

Others may view you as irresponsible. They may think you are incapable of being financially well. That is just their opinion and does not make it true.

Discuss things with your husband in financial terms. "We can not maintain our payments and if we are late, we will continue to be penalized (higher interests, lower credit lines, bad information on credit reports)" Then refer to the thread about all the famous people that have filed bankruptcy for additional support. Bankruptcy does not mean "loser" or "deadbeat".

[Lindsay]

I don't feel guilty. Our creditors were sucking us dry. We were good people and tried hard to pay our bills. We had Citibank and Capital One reporting our credit limits as 0 when we really had $15,000 and $16,000 credit limits with them. This was causing our debt to available credit ratio to be artifically high, so even though we were never late on a payment, our other creditors raised our rates to 29 - 32%! A few of the creditors, Chase and American Express, reduced our credit limits to balance owed. This was before we were ever late on a payment. We struggled along, trying hard to pay the minimums each month even though they went up drastically with the higher interest rates. We'd have to charge gas, groceries, utilities, and insurance because we had no money left after we paid the minimums and our mortgage. Because of this, the balances swelled and it became really out of control. I stopped paying some of the cards at the end of June and some at the end of July. We should have realized that we were bankrupt several years ago, but I wanted to get the gold star for paying my bills instead of declaring bankruptcy. What a mistake that was, in two years the debt had spiraled up to $80,000 from $40,000. We weren't living extravagantly either. We haven't taken a vacation, even an overnight one in 8 years, I wear my clothes until they have holes in them, our home is a modest 900 square foot one. The only thing I used the cards for was groceries, gas, necessities, and Christmas gifts. The rest was interest accruing at a rapid rate. We've had a $10,000 balance with Citi for 5 years. We never use that card; the last charge I made was 5 years ago. I've been paying them $250+ a month for 5 years and the balance is still $10,000. I guess I feel that we've probably paid back much more in interest than we've borrowed.

I do take some blame, I always knew that using credit cards was bad. But I thought if you spent under the credit limits, paid your minimum balances, everything was fine and good. I didn't realize about the shocking amount of tricks they had to get a customer deeper in the hole. They've made their money on me, that's for sure.

It is a business decision. I'm making a business decision just as Citi and Cap One did when they hid our true credit limits and caused us to get ratejacked. Chase, Discover, and the rest made a business decision to raise our interest rates up to 32% which ended up forcing our bankruptcy.

I was just talking to my sister about all of this stuff and she peaked at her credit card interest (she doesn't pay the bills so she wasn't sure). She was outraged that her and her husband have a 730 FICO score and BOA is charging them 27% interest. I told her to transfer that balance before she ends up in the same boat as me!

[JasonK94Z]

NO WAY!! I feel like it serves them right because they all used Universal Default on us. They are the ones who buried me, so right back at them!
We were doing just fine until one payment showed up late. Then about 90% of our creditors jumped on the bandwagon and raised their rates to 32%. Sorry for the innocent ones, but they can blame those who chose the Universal Default.

I'm not sweatin' it. I'll have our credit cleaned up by next spring and have a new card hopefully to rebuild some credit history. In two yrs, if we need to move and buy another house, I'll be able to get financed with an FHA loan. If I can't sell the house we have now, i'll walk away since Countrywide won't reaffirm (will purchase a new home first of course)

[chpxiii]

I used to. But not for the reasons others might have. Now I no longer feel guilty for filing. I used this time to gain control of my finances. I really needed that. And the fact that I have paid in on my secured debt, IMO, proves that I had every intention of paying.

[CindyLou]

I do not feel guilty. I was a financial decision that was within the law. I did not do it on purpose and do not plan on doing it again.

[magyar123]

I didn't feel guilty either. I did it the legal way, filing. Did not rob a store und used the funds to pay off my bills. Some holier than thou idiots claim that by filing bankruptcy you are "robbing" the creditors.

[keepmine]

In 1934, the Supreme Court got in right.

http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/cgi-bin/getcase.pl?court=US&vol=292&invol=234

One of the primary purposes of the Bankruptcy Act is to 'relieve the honest debtor from the weight of oppressive indebtedness, and permit him to start afresh free from the obligations and responsibilities consequent upon business misfortunes.' Williams v. U.S. Fidelity & Guaranty Co., 236 U.S. 549, 554 , 555 S., 35 S.Ct. 289, 290. This purpose of the act has been again and again emphasized by the courts as being of public as well as private interest, in that it gives to the honest but unfortunate debtor who surrenders for distribution the property which he owns at the time of bankruptcy, a new opportunity in life and a clear field for future effort, unhampered by the pressure and discouragement of pre-existing debt.

[Minnymouth]

Keepmine, the law in 1934 "says it all"..................

[$$only4ever]

I beat myself up for quite a while and felt like such a deadbeat. But time is wonderful thing, and over time I came to realize that it was a business decision and once I have completed my plan, I truly will have a fresh start and be in a much better position than I was financially when I filed.

Hmmmmm.................almost $100K in debt........
When plan is completed, no debt.......Priceless

[JollyGG]

I still feel a tinge of guilt, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't do it again. It was deffinately the best decision we could have made. We did the right thing for us and our family and that is the way it had to be. Do I regret a few of my poor financial decisions? Well, yes I do. But I can't change the past. I can only move in one direction and that is forward. In order to move forward this is what I needed to do.

[MomIcantFindmy]

Hummmm.....I really don't feel guilty toward the creditors. For all the same reasons already stated. I do however feel guilty toward my family.

My husband and I married almost 20 years ago when he was in the military. I had to take over bills because he depolyed every 6 months for 3 months at a time. When he was forced to retire last March(unless you are in a job that is needed in Iraq they retire you, if you are eligible) we lasted 6 months although we were spiriling downward the whole time. We stayed in Florida, even though it is not home, so our children would not have to change schools one more time right before graduation. (We had already moved 15 times, 9 across country and one overseas). He could not find a decent paying job here so he took what was available. I work two jobs. We don't even come close to his prior military pay.

We are good people, pay our taxes on time, we are honest and hard working, volunteer at our kids school almost weekly, we don't party or do drugs, we do not live extravagant lives (rent a 3 bed/2 ba normal house, 2 cars, dog), haven't even been home to see our family in 4 and 1/2 years due to money.

Yet, I still feel like somewhere I could have pulled a rabbit out of a hat and solved this some other way.

Now we sit and wait for the creditors to start calling since we quit paying the cc in October, I really hope they call me and not my husband, he is a good man and doesn't deserve to be harrassed .........the last charge on our cc was October 13 for jeans, gas and food.

Wondering if we file in November will the trustee argue the credit card purchases in October.

[keepmine]

Wondering if we file in November will the trustee argue the credit card purchases in October

Likely will be no issue. Those are not luxury purchases.

[Minnymouth]

MomICan'tFindMy,

Do yourself a favor, put your calls on an answering machine and screen them......tell friends and family you will be listening and will pick up the phone to talk to them when you know its them....

If you are going to file - stop paying on credit cards now....... use that money for other things.

Any charges (unless they are high cash advances or big luxury items) that you have made in the last 90 days will be pretty much ignored by the Trustee......

If filing bankruptcy will ease and solve the problems that you and yours are now encountering, then go for it....... it is a business decision and your right as a citizen.

Do I feel bad about filing when I did..... NO..... I had struggled for 4 years, working 2 jobs, ruined my health (which will never be like it used to be) and still could not see the light of day.....

Filing bankruptcy was against my principal and raising. But it was the best decision I ever made in my life to do. It took a lot of convincing from friends, but after I made the decision I realized that was the best decision I had made in years......

Talk to several attorneys, find out your options, and do what you have to do to help get your family life back on track....