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    Feeling scared and alone

    So here is my story. Mommy to 4 kids and married to my wonderful DH for 10 years. My Dh was making good money at a job he had worked at for 10 years. He decided to start up a side business just for fun in his spare time doing concrete coatings. Then a year ago his boss just lost interest in his company and sold it. My husband went from making $6,000 a month to $1,000 a month. So he went on the look for a new job. He found one in April when negotiating salary with his new employer he was promised to make a good amount of money, more than enough to pay out bills. Well lo and behold here we are making $30,000 less than what they promised. *SIGH* Dh even went the extra mile to get extra testing and certifications because they told him they would give him a raise. Hasn't happened yet. Dh now hates his job and dreads going every day.

    To make matters worse the side business that my DH started hasn't gone well for him and now we have business bills we can't afford either. Another thorn in my side is my DH re-financed the house last year and got suckered into one of those loans where they tack the interest on the back of your loan every month. He did that hoping things would pick up for us but things have only gone down hill. Not to mention in 4 more years our house payment will be double what it is now.

    We did credit counseling last week with a company and they told us that they couldn't help us unless we made an extra $2000 a month and our only option was bankruptcy. So in other words we are $2,000 in the hole every month. That news I knew was coming but to hear it made me ill. Thank heavens I hope it was a wake up call for my wonderful DH.

    I am tired of it all. I haven't used credit since August, I had to use it to purchase much needed school clothes, supplies, and shoes for 3 kids. Then DH got a laptop hoping that it would help speed up his work production (work orders, schematics, etc.) at work and in turn he could make more money. I have yet to see the benefit of that purchase.

    I am tired and run down. After paying just the utilities and the mortgage I barely have enough for food, just the basics. We don't go out and do anything as a family. We don't even have Cable/dish anymore. We don't eat out. I don't know where else to cut back. I can't really go out and get a job considering I have little ones at home and any job I would get I would just be working to pay for day care. My sons 3rd birthday is coming up and I don't know if I can get him anything. I don't want to even think about Christmas. *SIGH*

    Sorry this is long but I honestly have nobody else to talk to. I can't talk to DH because it only upsets him and adds tension to our home and it affects the children. I just feel so scared and alone. I am so thankful I found this board. I love reading all of your stories you are all so wonderful with your support of others and I thank you for your time.

    #2
    Ok, 6, you came to the right place! Try to cheer up a little. It seems really really bad right now, and I felt just as low and depressed last year for about 9 months (just ask my wife)....

    I will review your note again and offer some suggestions. Others will chime in too. You will make it, believe me...
    Filed Business Chapter 7: 7/11/07
    341 Meeting: 8/8/07 Asset Case
    US Trustee reviewed case/resolved 9/14/07
    Discharged: 10/11/07 Closed: 11/2/08

    Comment


      #3
      Sorry this is long but I honestly have nobody else to talk to. I can't talk to DH because it only upsets him and adds tension to our home and it affects the children. I just feel so scared and alone. I am so thankful I found this board. I love reading all of your stories you are all so wonderful with your support of others and I thank you for your time.

      _____________
      Ok, here are some recommendations:

      -Keep paying the mortgage, any home equity loans, any car loans and all utilities. Don't let any of these go late, as these are items you will need, especially with those kids.
      -What state do you live in, so we can find out what exemptions you have.
      -What would you estimate your last 6 months income is, combined for both of you?
      -How much debt? Credit cards? Business debt? Just estimates are fine.
      -Starting now, do not throw any receipts or statements away, and begin to gather the last 12 months statements, pay stubs, and last 2 years tax returns.

      If you answer these questions first, we can begin to help you.

      It looks like you'll be able to file a chapter 7 and make all this debt (aside from home and cars) go away in about 3-4 months after you file. The other thing you need to do is to meet with a couple of attorneys who specialize in chap 7 bankruptcies to get their advice.

      Let us know, and don't be so hard on yourself. All bad things come to an end. Believe me, I know.
      Filed Business Chapter 7: 7/11/07
      341 Meeting: 8/8/07 Asset Case
      US Trustee reviewed case/resolved 9/14/07
      Discharged: 10/11/07 Closed: 11/2/08

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by 6sillywalkers View Post
        Sorry this is long but I honestly have nobody else to talk to. I can't talk to DH because it only upsets him and adds tension to our home and it affects the children. I just feel so scared and alone. I am so thankful I found this board. I love reading all of your stories you are all so wonderful with your support of others and I thank you for your time.
        You are not alone any more, 6sillywalkers, & have lots of people who know what you are saying to talk to now.
        Stick around, pull up a chair & the fears will start to dwindle.

        This place has definately added to my education & helped me through one of the hardest times ever. I was also very lost & scared & now I find myself trying to help others through their own problems, while still working out my own & I can smile again. It is real neat how that happened.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by 6sillywalkers View Post

          I am tired and run down. After paying just the utilities and the mortgage I barely have enough for food, just the basics. We don't go out and do anything as a family. We don't even have Cable/dish anymore. We don't eat out. I don't know where else to cut back. I can't really go out and get a job considering I have little ones at home and any job I would get I would just be working to pay for day care. My sons 3rd birthday is coming up and I don't know if I can get him anything. I don't want to even think about Christmas. *SIGH*
          You are not alone here, just try and find a little strength. You will make it through this, it may be hard, but you will........we all will. As to Christmas, I completely understand, I know it's not until December but I already have found myself sitting up at night wondering how I"m going to pull it off. It's depressing, I have a 1 and 4 year old.
          Last edited by lrprn; 10-04-2007, 06:45 PM. Reason: corrected html coding so OP's quote would show correctly

          Comment


            #6
            -Keep paying the mortgage, any home equity loans, any car loans and all utilities. Don't let any of these go late, as these are items you will need, especially with those kids.

            I pay all of those on time. Our cars are all bought and paid for so we don't have to worry about that.

            -What state do you live in, so we can find out what exemptions you have.

            I live in AZ. Maricopa County
            -What would you estimate your last 6 months income is, combined for both of you?

            about $24,000
            -How much debt? Credit cards? Business debt? Just estimates are fine. $52,000
            -Starting now, do not throw any receipts or statements away, and begin to gather the last 12 months statements, pay stubs, and last 2 years tax returns.

            Comment


              #7
              I know the EXACT feeling that you have. I, too, went to a credit counseling only to be told that I was beyond help. She actually told me that I "couldn't" even qualify for bankruptcy!! I got behind on utilities and was paying them a week or two late... Then they slapped a deposit of what I already couldn't pay. When I called them, they told me they couldn't help me and that my electricity would be shut off if I didn't pay it. So, I paid it and got behind on the house payments. It was a downward spiral. Finally, I got up the nerve to file and it was such a relief! I filed a chapter 13. Here I am 3 years later not being able to make house payments again due to a job loss. I filed chapter 7 and this time got rid of the house and car (that didn't run anymore).

              I'm not going to lie to you.... the stress that you are feeling won't automatically go away. Even through the bankruptcy process, there is still the stress of the not knowing and the "what ifs". But when you get you a nice budget plan and realize that, hey, you CAN afford to live now (No more ramen noodles for dinner) and you stick with that budget - it's all icing on the cake. Instead of sitting around your kitchen table trying to figure out which bill to pay and which to let get behind, you will be spending time with your kids and husband and able to enjoy the company without worrying about the havoc of the next days bills in the mail.

              It truly is a wonderful feeling to be "debt free".

              Comment


                #8
                Welcome to the Forum 6. You came to the best place for support. All of us have felt just what you are feeling. It is tough to admit to yourself that the only option that you have is to file bankruptcy. All of us have been there. In time you will come to realize that it is a good business decision. Good Luck.
                sigpicPersevere: "To continue a course of action, in spite of difficulty, opposition or discouragement."

                Chapter 13: Discharged 03/15/2010. Closed 05/19/2010::yahoo::yahoo::yahoo::yahoo::yahoo:

                Comment


                  #9
                  I had the same feelings but I'm starting to feel a lot better about filing bankruptcy and this is why. Create a budget for yourself but do not include the $52,000 in unsecured debt. Does your budget balance ? Do you have enough to pay bills, food, etc? I was over $1000 in the whole every month but when I figured out a budget without those minimum payments I actually had a budget that balanced. You still might not be able to afford cable or other luxuries but at least you have a budget to live by and a starting point.

                  If you could get rid of the 50k in debt wouldn't it be worth it to file bankruptcy?

                  Just my point of view...
                  Kari
                  10/12/2007 Filed Chapter 711/08/2007 341 Meeting 01/07/2008 Last Day for Objections
                  http://www.bankruptisnormal.com/

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Even if I don't pay any of my credit cards and just pay for basic necessities of life I am still short $500 a month, that sucks! Especially considering my auto insurance doubled in july and I wasn't even late on ANYTHING not credit cards or anything. Grr!

                    I don't work I just babysit for a friend during the day and have considered watching more kids to up our income a little. It is just a matter of finding kids to watch.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by 6sillywalkers View Post
                      Especially considering my auto insurance doubled in july and I wasn't even late on ANYTHING not credit cards or anything. Grr!

                      .
                      Whaaa??? I would look into another insurance company. I switched to Geico it cut my auto ins bill by 1/3. Something worth looking into, at least.

                      Also, I heard that some ins. co. will charge more if you file bankruptcy. My geico bill was not affected.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Okay we have all been there .

                        You are not alone

                        Heather has a good idea, shop around on your car insurance and see if you can switch to a cheaper company. Any savings here will help.

                        Other than that and I know this is going to be hard with little ones. About the cheapest food you can buy is beans and rice. Not canned beans either, I mean the bagged ones you soak and then cook. At least for your husband and yourself it might be time to go to beans and rice for a short term. (Another cheap food I found was spaghetti. Chili can be cheap to make too).

                        Next stop paying the credit cards and other unnecessary payments, sounds like you've done that but need to reinforce it.

                        Take out a paper. Make a priority list of debts. Starting with mortgage, utilities, food, transportation, and then go down from there.

                        Pay the debts from priority one down. Once you run out of money draw a line. When they call tell them they are below the line . This might stump them.

                        You say after living expenses you are 500 in the whole. That's a hard reality. Bankruptcy alone may not be enough but you really should seek to talk to 3-4 competent bk attorneys in your area. It is time to get the ball rolling. Most of us have suffered job loss due to relocation, downsizing, medical etc. It is one of the major driving forces of bankruptcy today.

                        How much is your vehicle payments?
                        How much is your house payment?

                        Anyway know that you are not alone, we have all been thru it or are going through it.
                        May 31st, 2007: Petition Filed by my lawyer
                        July 2nd, 2007: 341 Meeting Held
                        September 4th, 2007: Discharged and Closed.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by 6sillywalkers View Post
                          Even if I don't pay any of my credit cards and just pay for basic necessities of life I am still short $500 a month, that sucks! Especially considering my auto insurance doubled in july and I wasn't even late on ANYTHING not credit cards or anything. Grr!

                          I don't work I just babysit for a friend during the day and have considered watching more kids to up our income a little. It is just a matter of finding kids to watch.
                          Increasing your income is a good first step.

                          Now that DH has those certificates he needs to see if he can leverage them into a job he enjoys and a salary more in line with what he was promised. He needs to start applying for new jobs.

                          Look around you may be able to find some legitamate jobs you can do from home in the evening on hubby's new laptop.

                          It looks like bankrutpcy alone may not be enough. You have already realized that you need to increase your income and decrease your expenenses.

                          You said you have a mortage you are not really happy with. If you were to let the house go, how much would it cost to rent a decent place?

                          Do you have car payments? Could you get by for a short time with only one vehicle? Without your car payments could you save 1-2 thousand to buy a reliable vehicle outright?

                          Are you paying on student loans? Research what other repayment options may work better for you.

                          As has already been mentioned shop around for cheaper insurance.

                          Are you shopping at the same stores out of habit or have looked around for the best prices on everything you need to buy?
                          Last edited by JollyGG; 10-04-2007, 10:40 AM.
                          Filed: 10/26/2006
                          Discharged: 03/05/2007
                          Closed: 5/19/2008 - Asset case due to balance transfer and income tax refund

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by 6sillywalkers View Post
                            Even if I don't pay any of my credit cards and just pay for basic necessities of life I am still short $500 a month, that sucks! Especially considering my auto insurance doubled in july and I wasn't even late on ANYTHING not credit cards or anything. Grr!

                            I don't work I just babysit for a friend during the day and have considered watching more kids to up our income a little. It is just a matter of finding kids to watch.
                            I was actually still in the hole at first too. I had to cut more expenses to get my budget to balance but you have to do it. If you file bankruptcy the only way it will help you is if you can improve your situation by sticking to a budget. Check out www.thegrocerygame.com. I have saved a fortune on groceries since I started using this website back in January. I save at least 50% at the grocery store.

                            How much is your house payment in relation to your income? If it's too much and you could live somewhere else cheaper or rent you could think about letting your house go in the bankruptcy. I would only recommend this as last resort because it seems like a huge decision depending on much equity you have (or don't have) and how much more the payment is compared to what you can afford to pay.
                            Kari
                            10/12/2007 Filed Chapter 711/08/2007 341 Meeting 01/07/2008 Last Day for Objections
                            http://www.bankruptisnormal.com/

                            Comment


                              #15
                              6sillywalkers, welcome to the board. Stay, have a seat, and I'll pour you some hot chocolate to help settle your soul.

                              This is a great group here. They offer great experience and support.
                              Chapter 13 Filed "Old Law"
                              Filed: 6/2003 Confirmed: 3/2004
                              Early pay off sent: 10/05/2007 - 9 months early
                              11/16/2007 - Discharged!

                              Comment

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