Dear BK Forum Friends,
I've been hesitant to post my entire situation as it is so embarrassing, but I really need to make some tough decisions soon and would appreciate some insight.
My husband and I are very deep in debt. There is $75,000 of debt in his name only. I have under $15,000 of debt in mine. We live in the state of New York.
Our credit historys don't touch one anothers at all except for the refinance of our home. I am an authorized user on some of his credit cards, but not a cosigner. The reason for this is that most of the credit cards were obtained before we were married in 2000. Only 2 out of his 8 or 9 cards were obtained since we were married and they were used only for a balance transfer and never actually charged anything on them (about 2 years ago). We lived together for 8 years prior to our marriage and bought the house the year before we were married. The house is in his name only. When we refinanced the house 4 years ago, we did the financing in both of our names, but never changed the deed. Thats really not an issue; the house doesn't have any equity, its actually upside down.
We own a relatively nice truck with a small amount of equity and very high monthly payments. The payments are $600 a month and there are about 22 payments left; the loan is scheduled to be paid off in June 2009. The truck is in his name only; I don't even have a driver's license. We needed a new vehicle to replace our 1989 van (which ironically still runs perfectly). I wanted to get one of those small SUVs like a Santa Fe or KIA that had long warranties and good gas mileage. He did the hard sell on the truck and it was pretty much this truck or nothing.
Those are the only assets we have. He doesn't have a bank account in his own name; we put all the household money in mine and I write the check for the bills. We haven't done any property transfers and we own just the usual in household goods. We aren't even close to the $5000 exemption as far as possessions, I don't think. Alot of our household stuff is second hand or very old. Right now we have about $400 in the bank.
Here is where it gets complicated. A while back, we had a profitable business. It went bellyup when the dollar stores started monopolizing our area and we couldn't compete with them. This was about 7 years ago, right after our marriage. I started selling on eBay and he didn't do anything for about a year. He just stayed home and sulked. His brother told him about a local shop that was looking for an auto technician part time. He took the job and immediately developed a bizarre attachment to the shop owner (a father figure/mentor sort of thing). The pay was low, $8 an hour (20 -30 hours a week) and no benefits.
He told me that he'd be able to work there for a year or two and once he had experience he'd be able to get a job at a dealership or larger shop with benefits/retirement, ect. In the meantime, I would continue selling on eBay and it was profitable at that time for me. But we were already starting to get in over our heads with debt. His pay was low and eBay had some slow months, but for the most part, we got everything paid and put more than the minimum on our credit cards each month. I think the debt back then was about $10,000 total (and I was worried then, thinking it was huge). I didn't realize how much worse things could get.
I pretty much left him alone on the low paying job for a few years. Then he studied for a month and took the ASE tests for auto technicians. He passed and became certified. I was so excited thinking that now he could get a better job, we'd get insurance, and I could actually go to a doctor or dentist. One of the requirements in the classifieds for alot of dealership jobs is that you are ASE certified so I figured things would finally get better. He told me that he had no intention of leaving his current employer.
Another year passed and our financial situation was worse. We took out $30,000 in equity in our home to pay down the credit cards and down payment of the truck.
Today, he is still working for the miserable wages at the same shop. I sell on eBay and go to college full-time. Last year, I realized that nothing may ever change and that he didn't care about us enough to try to get a better job. He would rather let us go bankrupt and lose everything than leave his job at his buddy's shop. So I decided to take action and go back to college to get my degree so I may be able to have a career myself. Ebay is too sporadic (and their fees have went up considerably) and my sales have fallen in half the past few years so I decided I needed to take drastic action. It was horribly scary being a college freshman at 38 years old, but I made it through the first year already and am registered for new classes next month. Yikes, now I'll be a 39 year old sophomore.
His behavior has become very odd over the years. He is cold and distant. We haven't been intimate with each other in years. He makes comments to me that he won't get another job just to spite me because "I never shut my mouth" and I'm a "B****". And I rarely say anything to him because if I do, he just starts screaming at the top of his lungs. When I try to talk about finances, he really loses his cool. He is so unreasonable that I fear he has some sort of mental illness or personality disorder. I told him a few months ago that we had to do something and we may have to file bankruptcy. He didn't care at all, says, "That's great!"
I want to get a divorce soon. My youngest child is 14 and when he gets a little bit older, I will approach my husband and ask for a divorce. He has been a horrible provider and a terrible husband. I haven't been to a doctor since my youngest child was born in 1993. I have cracked teeth and can't afford to go see a dentist. I have TMJ and I'm in pain constantly from it. I've been so nervous from all of this debt, bankruptcy, and stress that I clench my jaw constantly and this makes the TMJ even worse. I've never drank alcohol, but I've actually been thinking of starting because I thought it may help my nerves.
We were managing on what little he made and what I made on eBay until some of our creditors raised our interest rates to 30%. I had never even been late on a payment. Then other creditors did that too and it just started spiraling out of control and the debt grew each month. We only used the cards for household stuff, groceries, gas, to make up the budget shortfall. I had hoped to catch up when he got the good job, but this never happened and it became a monster. We don't have any luxuries and haven't taken a vacation together since our honeymoon in 2000.
I'm so humiliated by this situation. I feel betrayed by the creditors who ruined us by raising our rates when we never missed a payment. I feel betrayed by my husband. I feel so embarrassed everytime the phone rings and its a collector. When I go outside, I feel like all the neighbors know and they probably do because my husband enjoys having frequent outbursts outside to embarrass me.
I realize my problems are even greater than bankruptcy can solve. I'm not religious, but I think I should go talk to a priest or someone in the clergy. I really have no one to talk to as I come from a very small family with only one sibling. I just don't know what to do. I just sit at the computer, read bankruptcy posts, and cry all day long.
So I wanted to give you the whole sordid story in hopes that someone would have a word of wisdom for me. I guess I'm wondering if I should file BK7 along with him or if he should file alone and I should try to tackle the smaller amount of debt in my name. He says he doesn't care if I file with him or not. He's pretty much indifferent to the whole thing.
I'm sorry this is so long.
I've been hesitant to post my entire situation as it is so embarrassing, but I really need to make some tough decisions soon and would appreciate some insight.
My husband and I are very deep in debt. There is $75,000 of debt in his name only. I have under $15,000 of debt in mine. We live in the state of New York.
Our credit historys don't touch one anothers at all except for the refinance of our home. I am an authorized user on some of his credit cards, but not a cosigner. The reason for this is that most of the credit cards were obtained before we were married in 2000. Only 2 out of his 8 or 9 cards were obtained since we were married and they were used only for a balance transfer and never actually charged anything on them (about 2 years ago). We lived together for 8 years prior to our marriage and bought the house the year before we were married. The house is in his name only. When we refinanced the house 4 years ago, we did the financing in both of our names, but never changed the deed. Thats really not an issue; the house doesn't have any equity, its actually upside down.
We own a relatively nice truck with a small amount of equity and very high monthly payments. The payments are $600 a month and there are about 22 payments left; the loan is scheduled to be paid off in June 2009. The truck is in his name only; I don't even have a driver's license. We needed a new vehicle to replace our 1989 van (which ironically still runs perfectly). I wanted to get one of those small SUVs like a Santa Fe or KIA that had long warranties and good gas mileage. He did the hard sell on the truck and it was pretty much this truck or nothing.
Those are the only assets we have. He doesn't have a bank account in his own name; we put all the household money in mine and I write the check for the bills. We haven't done any property transfers and we own just the usual in household goods. We aren't even close to the $5000 exemption as far as possessions, I don't think. Alot of our household stuff is second hand or very old. Right now we have about $400 in the bank.
Here is where it gets complicated. A while back, we had a profitable business. It went bellyup when the dollar stores started monopolizing our area and we couldn't compete with them. This was about 7 years ago, right after our marriage. I started selling on eBay and he didn't do anything for about a year. He just stayed home and sulked. His brother told him about a local shop that was looking for an auto technician part time. He took the job and immediately developed a bizarre attachment to the shop owner (a father figure/mentor sort of thing). The pay was low, $8 an hour (20 -30 hours a week) and no benefits.
He told me that he'd be able to work there for a year or two and once he had experience he'd be able to get a job at a dealership or larger shop with benefits/retirement, ect. In the meantime, I would continue selling on eBay and it was profitable at that time for me. But we were already starting to get in over our heads with debt. His pay was low and eBay had some slow months, but for the most part, we got everything paid and put more than the minimum on our credit cards each month. I think the debt back then was about $10,000 total (and I was worried then, thinking it was huge). I didn't realize how much worse things could get.
I pretty much left him alone on the low paying job for a few years. Then he studied for a month and took the ASE tests for auto technicians. He passed and became certified. I was so excited thinking that now he could get a better job, we'd get insurance, and I could actually go to a doctor or dentist. One of the requirements in the classifieds for alot of dealership jobs is that you are ASE certified so I figured things would finally get better. He told me that he had no intention of leaving his current employer.
Another year passed and our financial situation was worse. We took out $30,000 in equity in our home to pay down the credit cards and down payment of the truck.
Today, he is still working for the miserable wages at the same shop. I sell on eBay and go to college full-time. Last year, I realized that nothing may ever change and that he didn't care about us enough to try to get a better job. He would rather let us go bankrupt and lose everything than leave his job at his buddy's shop. So I decided to take action and go back to college to get my degree so I may be able to have a career myself. Ebay is too sporadic (and their fees have went up considerably) and my sales have fallen in half the past few years so I decided I needed to take drastic action. It was horribly scary being a college freshman at 38 years old, but I made it through the first year already and am registered for new classes next month. Yikes, now I'll be a 39 year old sophomore.
His behavior has become very odd over the years. He is cold and distant. We haven't been intimate with each other in years. He makes comments to me that he won't get another job just to spite me because "I never shut my mouth" and I'm a "B****". And I rarely say anything to him because if I do, he just starts screaming at the top of his lungs. When I try to talk about finances, he really loses his cool. He is so unreasonable that I fear he has some sort of mental illness or personality disorder. I told him a few months ago that we had to do something and we may have to file bankruptcy. He didn't care at all, says, "That's great!"
I want to get a divorce soon. My youngest child is 14 and when he gets a little bit older, I will approach my husband and ask for a divorce. He has been a horrible provider and a terrible husband. I haven't been to a doctor since my youngest child was born in 1993. I have cracked teeth and can't afford to go see a dentist. I have TMJ and I'm in pain constantly from it. I've been so nervous from all of this debt, bankruptcy, and stress that I clench my jaw constantly and this makes the TMJ even worse. I've never drank alcohol, but I've actually been thinking of starting because I thought it may help my nerves.
We were managing on what little he made and what I made on eBay until some of our creditors raised our interest rates to 30%. I had never even been late on a payment. Then other creditors did that too and it just started spiraling out of control and the debt grew each month. We only used the cards for household stuff, groceries, gas, to make up the budget shortfall. I had hoped to catch up when he got the good job, but this never happened and it became a monster. We don't have any luxuries and haven't taken a vacation together since our honeymoon in 2000.
I'm so humiliated by this situation. I feel betrayed by the creditors who ruined us by raising our rates when we never missed a payment. I feel betrayed by my husband. I feel so embarrassed everytime the phone rings and its a collector. When I go outside, I feel like all the neighbors know and they probably do because my husband enjoys having frequent outbursts outside to embarrass me.
I realize my problems are even greater than bankruptcy can solve. I'm not religious, but I think I should go talk to a priest or someone in the clergy. I really have no one to talk to as I come from a very small family with only one sibling. I just don't know what to do. I just sit at the computer, read bankruptcy posts, and cry all day long.
So I wanted to give you the whole sordid story in hopes that someone would have a word of wisdom for me. I guess I'm wondering if I should file BK7 along with him or if he should file alone and I should try to tackle the smaller amount of debt in my name. He says he doesn't care if I file with him or not. He's pretty much indifferent to the whole thing.
I'm sorry this is so long.
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