Our situation (long)

[wrinkleigh]

It's real easy to think it's gonna be cheaper once you don't pay for Daycare.

That is so true SF. I have a 5 year and a 2 year old. I thought wow when she starts school -- my daycare will be cut in half. Well not quite so -- I have sent money for this and that to school every single week since school started. Not to mention -- I still have to pay for after school care, so in reality -- her daycare bill only decreased, I still pay $45.00 per week. I probably spend just as much if not more.

[Granny]

With kids, there's always something. Instrumental music program at school and your kid wants to play the trumpet, sax, violin. Poof! You've gotta rent an instrument.

Or purchase from a pawn shop to save some $$$

It's real easy to think it's gonna be cheaper once you don't pay for Daycare.

I second the motion, having raised 3 girls and now 2 grandchildren.

[SinkingFast]

It's not just increased costs for the kids. You have to plan for car repairs and house repairs. Replacement of the fridge or vacuum cleaner when they bite the dust. What if the A/C;Heat Pump;Furnace goes kahpoot?? Increases in taxes and insurance premiums.

It's easy to think your salary increases will cover all that. Costs to live seem to go up even higher than your 3-5%, if you're lucky, annual salary increases. Raises aren't a given. What do you do if your employer hits a rough patch and issues a company wide hiring and wage increase freeze?? Or worse, decides to cut jobs and yours is one that's expendable.

We've been thru a job loss. Now we're living with a wage freeze. No raise in a year and a half. Since the last pay increase, fuel costs have doubled in price. Auto insurance premiums have increased. Groceries have gone up. Our trash bill is 2X what it used to be due to the increased costs of fuel and disposal.

[Mynameis]

Fortunately I have great job secuirty and work for one of the largest companys in the US. My department will never be downsized. So I'm not worried about that. I am great at my job and very responsible when it comes to that.

I agree with all of you about biting the bullet... I really do.
But you all don't know my parents.
This would be inasanely huge and the hardest thing to tell them...
I'm just not looking forwrad to that...

Thanks for all your input! ITA with most everything that's been said.

[tadbitconfused]

I completely understand the comment about what other people think of you, I have a beautiful home and beautiful things but they are all owned by the bank. I recently lost my job and now all this is in hubbys lap. But after long conversations and calculator tape we are giving up our house. If you are going to sell it... leave it.. its easier to rent before you file than afterwards.

[JollyGG]

Let me try to explain this another way. Everyone is concerned about you house payment for this reason -

3700 = take home pay
-2000 - house payment
------
1700
-335 - HOA, utilities, trash
-------
1365
-500 - car payment and gas
-----
865
-500 - daycare
-----
365

I spend about $800 a month on food for my family of four. This thread would lead me to belive that is normal. http://www.bkforum.com/showthread.php?t=12726
You still haven't included a large number of other catagories that need to be in your budget. Insurance, home mainance, auto maintance, Medical co-payments and perscriptions, phone, clothes (kids grow fast), gifts, entertainment, haircuts, ....................

I just don't see how it would work even without your unsecured debt. Before you file you need to figure out how you will live on what you make.

[JollyGG]

okay - to help you understand what I mean about your budget I dug up the budget we made right before we filed we made about $150 less net than you guys monthly. We have a son who just turned four and a daughter who just turned one.

3562.09 Monthly Income
-868.88 mortage
-270.33 car payment
-64.10 phone
-37.02 internet
-21.18 trash
-27.65 water/sewer
-142.44 sudent loan A
-286.00 sutdent loan B
-80.06 car insurance
-67.59 life insurance
-80.00 electricity
-80.00 heat - gas
-300.00 gas - car
-600.00 groceries (have since realized we spend closer to 800)
-330.00 daycare
-50.00 church tithes
-20.00 pay as you go cell phone
-50.00 diapers, bottles, ect.
-50.00 clothes (Have since realized this is not high enough)
-25.00 home repair (furnace filters, repairs, lawn bags, ect)
-25.00 personal care (hair cuts ect.)
-50.00 vehicle maintance and repair (oil changes, licence plates, tune ups, repair)
-------------------
36.84 for savings

We use a medical expense spending account for dr.'s visits and persciptions so that expense is deducted before our net take home - $50 a month. Our daycare is actually $700 a month, but $370 comes out of our paycheck before our net take home for our dependent daycare spending account (unfortunatelly you can only contribute $5000 a year).

We didn't include anything for christmas and birthday gifts, we didn't put anything down for dining out, we didn't put anything down for entertainment.
Now that my husband has a new job and the car is almost paid for we need to rework this budget. Because even as much as I did include it was too tight to realistically live on. Because no matter how well intentioned, everyone occasionally orders in pizza, eats fast food, rents movies, and gives gifts, has to travel to see family or friends, has unexpected expenses.........
For example this month my kids had birthdays. We had party expenses, gift expenses, and pictures. Last month we traveled to my families for Easter and traveled to a friends wedding. Those things need to find a space in my budget.

As for the family thing. Well, we never did tell hubby's parents about the BK. I called and told my Dad. I think I cried the whole conversation. I just knew he would be disapointed in me. His response was "Do what you gotta do. I won't think any less of you". Then he went on to tell me about at least two of his siblings who have filed. He also knows tons of other people who have filed. He actually said that he knows lots of people older and wiser than I who have done it and if they can make mistakes so can I. My mom was upset about the BK, but we just don't talk about it. Not like "ignoring the elephant in the room" not talk about it, we just don't talk about it. Our relationship is as good as always.

[tradewiz50]

Your heading for a foreclosure on that house. It's way more than you can afford and your paying on a interest only loan?

[tofargone]

SF,

Aint that the truth. I thought that getting rid of the daycare was going to be such a huge help. Then came Hockey fees at $600, Tournaments and travel at $1500, school lunch at $40 per month, then there is the book fair 3 times a year, School pictures, field trips, fundraisers........... Some of ( hockey ) we probably could have done without, but I hate the idea of killing my kids dreams because my wife and I were financially illiterate

[SinkingFast]

We did lots of sports. Baseball. Softball. Soccer. Football.

Swimming had to be THE most expensive of the whole bunch.

Suits run $45-$80 each. Gotta have at least 4/year. Chlorine eats up the fabric. Fins. Pull buoy. Goggles. Lots of goggles. Beach towels. Try buying those in the middle of the winter when you're at an out of town meet and kids forgot to pack theirs.

Pool time ain't cheap. And there's the Coach's stipend. Entry fees for meets. Travel to and from meets. Plus hotels. Plus food for the weekends. At least 2 times a month.

One meet we went to, a truck on the highway going there, in front of us, threw up a piece of a 2 x 4 in a construction zone. I hit the board with the passenger side front tire. Tore up the tire. That was fun. Also one of the "I forget to put my towels in my bag" weekends. Expensive trip.

[Spartan]

To the OP....

Bite the bullet when you are not in total wreck. You can rebuild quickly. Don't wait till you are drained to the bottom and everything is upside down.

Don't drag your parents into your own mess. It is your bed now. You fix it. Don't mess with THEIR equity THEY have in THEIR house. Your house is nice. But you can't afford it at your current level of income. Someday you will. But not at the moment.. You will have bigger and nicer houses in the future. This is just a little bump on the road to bigger and better things in life. Let the house go for now. Bigger and better things are coming your way.

Good luck. It will be ok.

[JollyGG]

Okay lets look at this a different way. Is there any reliable way to bring extra income into the house so that you can keep it. Can the home studio make any money? What are the prospects for hubby getting a better paying job? What are the prospects of you getting a better paying job? Can either of you take second jobs? Would you be willing to get a roommate?
I just don't think you can cut expenses enough to make ends meet as is. I know some of your options are limited by having two young children. But at this point you are going to have to make some sacrifices to balance the budget and you seem unwilling to let the house go.
Just based on the rough budget you gave I'm figuring you need 200 for phones and internet, 25-50 for personal care, 50 for car care, 25 for home care, 600 for groceries, probably another 40-50 for car insurance, 50 for clothes, 100 for savings and something for gifts, entertainment and dining out. So you need to bring in about another 800 a month.