A life turned upside down

[Wes]

I thought that I would share my story so that I could elicit some thoughts and ideas about how to approach the coming storm.
Six weeks ago, my wife (60% breadwinner) and mother of our two children was diagnosed with terminal colon/liver cancer. The early medical bills are just now starting to roll in. Even with medical insurance, the bills will be devastating, not to mention the loss of income that my wife previously provided. We have no life insurance and have always been extremely healthy before. We have always paid off our credit cards and even recieved money from them through rebate programs, etc. Now it looks like bankruptcy might be a possibility and I am just trying to figure out the best way to move in that direction if no other options present themselves. Money from family isn't an option in our case. We have a house with very little equity, a little bit of savings, a decent amount in 401Ks, one almost new car, with payments, another used car we own outright. I'm looking into survivor benefits through my wife's school pension. I don't have all the info on that yet. I guess that I am just trying to find the most effective way to deal with the upcoming medical bills, and drastic loss of household income, protect the home for my kids and best provide for their future. Any thoughts/ideas would be gratefully appreciated.
Thanks, Wes

[demismom]

I have absolutely no advice, but just wanted to say that I am so so sorry for what you and your family are going through.

[bige1030]

Sorry that your family is going through this, Wes. Your first priority should definitely be to ensure that your wife will be taken care of as comfortably as possible.

Don't worry about bankruptcy until she passes on. That way, any and all medical bills that you just can't pay for are included in the bankruptcy. Also, try to avoid living off of credit cards for a while before filing while not paying your unsecured creditors - that way, you can rest assured that you and your family will be able to make it after bankruptcy.

You'll be able to keep the house as long as you can keep up the payments on it. Same with the new car - though it might be best to let the new car go and just use the old car if it's not giving you too much trouble. (But let the new car go in bankruptcy if you can - if it's a repo outside of bankruptcy, they'll sue you for the deficiency (i.e. loan balance - sale price).)

Avoid dipping into the 401(k) if you can. If you need to do so just to get by, then that's what you have to do. But whatever you do - don't use it to pay unsecured creditors. Your 401(k) is exempt in bankruptcy (i.e. it can't be taken from you), so treat it as out of their reach outside of bankruptcy.

[BassBoy]

Welcome to the forum Wes!

Sorry to hear of your wife's illness. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Having had a loss of income myself in the past, there may be a way to reduce the strain of the medical bills. Your wife will no longer be able to work, so with your reduced income, the hospital and doctors may be able to offer assistance. What I mean is, they'll base how much you repay based on your income. My wife and I did that before our BK and we were able to receive a 75% reduction..........so...........a $1000 medical bill was only $250! This took off a lot of strain and helped us tremendously.

Today, my wife and I still get these reductions. They may not be 75%, but it's something......and something is better than nothing.

[wrinkleigh]

Wes, I am so very very sorry you are in this situation. My heart and thoughts go out to you and your family.

I truly truly dont want to sound cold, -- but you are looking for advice, so here is what I think, you would be better off financially to wait until the inevitable happens before you file. If you file NOW, you will be responsible for any and all future bills for the next 8 years, you will have abslutely no protection, and the medical bills are only going to get worse.

On the personal side - the most important thing to do is be with your wife and cherish her every second of every day as long as you possibly can. Finances are something that YOU are going to have to deal with -- dont make her worry about them. She is going to feel guilty enough "leaving" you anyway. Put on a brave face for her, and tell her you'll be fine. But remember, we are here to listen, so vent to us.

[JollyGG]

As others have said - I am so sorry for what you are going through.

As BassBoy mentioned make an apointment with a social worker at the hospital. They can direct you to programs that may be able to help with some of the bills, they can direct you to assistance programs to get your wife the care she needs and wants (for example hospice), and they can help you find resources for the emotional support you will undoubtable need through this time.
If you have a church please visit with someone there as well. They will be able to help in many ways as well.

Have you checking into wether or not your wife had any disability insurance through work? She may also have a small amount of life insurance through her job. Many workplaces have a small insurance policy (1X income) that you are enrolled in automatically. You may also be able to recieve some Social Security benifits while she is sick and later as survivor benifits.

You can deal with the bills later. If that is via bankruptcy - well that is why that option is there.

Do not take equity out of your home or utilize your 401k.

[SamanthaJones]

When it rains, it pours...

Your finacial problems are meaningless at this point.

Throw all bills and whatnot into a huge brown box in the basement, out of sight, and forget all of that, and rest assured you have nothing to lose property-wsie for a long time anyway, if anyone were to come after you. The reality of your situation is that those medical bills will continue to flood in for a good year, after the fact, so like we are saying ;"Forget about that stuff".


Turbulence and mind-calming website aily Om

[SamanthaJones]

AMAZING, I just got today's Daily Om:

It is about being 'in the in between time' VS focusing on the the 'now'.


There's nothing like it to help keep life in perspective~



Rule number one: "Dont sweat the small stuff".
Rule number two: "It's ALL small stuff".

[Wes]

Thanks so much for all your thoughts and prayers. They mean everything to us. Taking care of my wife and family is priority #1. I will do everything possible to get the best medical care for my wife and cherish what time we have left.
We are in the process of getting low interest rate credit cards and lowering the rates and increasing the limits on the cards we already have in anticipation of mounting credit card debt from the coming medical bills. We have terrific credit, for now, but that could change very easily. I have a friend that is a cancer survivor that says "You can plan for the future, but you can't count on it" So true!
I am almost certainly going to get rid of the new car, one way or another, when the time comes. I have read not to touch the 401K and will follow that advice religiously. Can "the powers that be" stop me from continuing contributions to my 401K? Are any possible survivor's benefits counted against me? I have so many other questions about all this. I am so glad that I can mine all the previous experience and knowledge on this board. Thanks to all.

[spell]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.
I see two things happening on two very different fronts. Failure to act will result in bankruptcy. But that may be prevented.
First is the medical debt. Yes, there will be some. Until it's done, you won't know the total or if any programs were able to help with them.

Second though is your lifestyle. Your family is going to take a huge reduction in income. If you do not readjust, this will strain your family and could lead to insurmountable credit card debt, reposession or foreclosure. But don't deny that this facet of your life is completely under your control.

I'm sorry if I'm being too rough during your trying time, but you seem to be accepting a complete financial collapse as having already occurred. The only fact so far is that you have some medical debt which if your wife passes, will be settled as a part of her estate, possibly at a very reduced level.

With that reduction in income, your lifestyle will have to be adjusted either now while your credit is intact or in the aftermath of a bankruptcy. I know your family is under an incredible amount of stress now, but take active control over your life. Sometimes when life hands you lemons, whiny people will tell you to drink lemonade, I say throw the lemons back!

[JollyGG]

Thanks so much for all your thoughts and prayers. They mean everything to us. Taking care of my wife and family is priority #1. I will do everything possible to get the best medical care for my wife and cherish what time we have left.
We are in the process of getting low interest rate credit cards and lowering the rates and increasing the limits on the cards we already have in anticipation of mounting credit card debt from the coming medical bills. We have terrific credit, for now, but that could change very easily. I have a friend that is a cancer survivor that says "You can plan for the future, but you can't count on it" So true!
I am almost certainly going to get rid of the new car, one way or another, when the time comes. I have read not to touch the 401K and will follow that advice religiously. Can "the powers that be" stop me from continuing contributions to my 401K? Are any possible survivor's benefits counted against me? I have so many other questions about all this. I am so glad that I can mine all the previous experience and knowledge on this board. Thanks to all.

Not sure if I'm understanding this or not. But do not pay the medical bills with credit cards. Everything will be simpler if you just deal with the problem as medical bills not as credit card bills. There will be many more programs that can help with medical bills. Credit card debt you will be on your own for. If at all possible please don't use credit cards to maintaine a lifestyle you soon won't be able to afford. It just postpones the inevidable adjustments you will need to make to live within your new means.

[petrified]

Wes,

I am so sorry you are about to go on this journey. I have also had a battle with cancer (but I won!) and it was incredibly difficult dealing with that and the bills. What I did do was to contact all my creditors and explain the situation. All but one creditor gave me around two months of breathing room, including the automobile loan.

Considering your wife's situation, you (she) should immediately apply for SS disability benefits which should also qualify your wife for medicaid (I believe). A friend of mine also battling cancer did this, as she was told she was terminal so she quit her job and got benefits. Your wife may have some kind of disability insurance through her work as well which may help to make up the SS benefits to the amount she was making before.

There are MANY programs available now to help families with this situation. Talk to her oncologist or the clinic social worker and they will give you information to get you on the right path.

My husband shielded me from all the medical bills so I never knew about them.

You are in for a tough time, but you will get through this. Do not spend your time worrying about the financials - get someone to help you with them. As others have said, don't touch the 401k, don't use the credit cards to pay the medical bills.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

P

[reallynervous]

Wes,

I am so sorry that your wife is so ill. I am sorry you have to worry about financial issues during such an already stressful time.

I wanted to reiterate what others have said about not paying any medical bills with your credit cards. Also, do not put living expenses on your credit cards so that you have the cash to pay your medical bills. We have been dealing with my dh's illness for over a year now. We were the type who always paid every bill on time, so we used our credit cards to make sure we were able to pay all his medical bills right away. I really wish now that we had not done that as it all shows as credit card debt now. The fees etc we have been charged by the credit card companies since our financial situation really fell apart have been much higher than they would have been on the unpaid medical bills and that has grown our debt considerably.

I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers.

reallynervous

[angelaohio]

PLEASE, do as the last poster said and apply for SSD immediately!!

alot of people in your situation don't realize all the options. that's why we are here to give you ideas.

but, the one of the best things you can do is apply for social security for her. not only will it offset your income loss, but will qualify her for some additional medical coverage.

[Wes]

Thanks again for all the helpful information. Having never been through anything like this before, I was unaware of some of the options that may be out there to help me and my family. Facing some stranger (social worker, etc.) and asking for help will be difficult for this previously independent person, but I'm sure it will get easier with time. I will contact SS about disabilty benefits, talk to the cancer center social worker about what we can do there, her work and go through ALL of the benefits available there, same with my work, and lay off the credit cards for now. If any more options are out there, please let me know.
Thanks, Wes