Not a Good Day, Guys...

[HopefulInOhio]

I'm sorry for coming on here ranting, but I'm about out of my mind today.

Went to lawyer's to talk over starting my bankruptcy and he informs me late yesterday he got papers back from my stbx's attorney - he is contesting everything. Will agree to hardly nothing.

So, since the divorce is now in a contested state, my bankruptcy will be held up being filed - distributions of marital assets/debts has to be solved or close to being solved first, unless my attorney can find a way to work around it. But, it doesn't look good.

I've got 2 collection agencies calling my parents - one is for a CC that is $11,000 - and 4 other cards that are really close to collections. I don't have one dime to hand these people.

I've been pretty happy the past couple days thinking of going in today to get the ball rolling on starting my bankruptcy and now it will be held up - I don't have a trial on my divorce until April 5. By that time, I'll have every judgment in the world on me.

I was in a great mood also due to the fact of thinking of moving. Now I'm scared to death to make a move of any kind that involves money. But I have to get my daughter and me out of here - this house is closing in on me so much I can hardly breathe.

Now - a question - since I can't file yet and I can't let a CC or collection agency know I'm going to file eventually, will this cease and desist all calls and further contact letter work? I'm not going to mention I can't pay it nor my attorney - and I'll use the copy shown here - but is this going to keep me going in the next few months or are my parents going to have 10 calls a day fromt these people? And - is that letter illegal to send in any way - knowing that I am filing later in the year meaning. I just don't want to send these letters out while in the middle of this messy divorce and have something come back on me - or my parents. I just want them to stop harrassing them.

I'm ready to give up and move to a shack - I can't give my daughter much of a life, I can't find a reasonably priced place to rent, and I cannot file bankruptcy soon due to this divorce.

I'm just beside myself right now - I have a meeting at 2 and I have no idea how I'm going to function. They all think I'm losing my mind at work - my debt is rising daily - and if I have to wait months to file - I might as well get prepared to sit in court a lot.

What are my chances I can get the calls to stop, and how long do you all think before I see my first notice to go to court for not paying? I'm so upset right now I can barely think...

Any help would be greatly appreciated - I love hearing advice on how you all got thru your bankruptcy - if only I could start mine.....all this is making me almost physically sick...I'm seriously thinking of dropping out of college. I just don't know how much more I can take or even how to function properly, let alone study.

[HHM]

Sorry to hear about your predicament.

Send the letter, there is nothing illegal about it.

Also, it is only "advisable" to do the divorce first, then file BK; it is not a legal requirement. But if your eX is making things hard, you can file the BK, the BK STOPS the divorce proceeding (on a side note, has a complaint for divorce actually been filed yet with the court, or are you merely doing preliminary negotiations, if no case has been filed, then hold off on the BK, if a case has been filed, the automatic stay will stop the divorce temporarily) and your eX suddenly has a whole bunch of liabilities to deal with.

Take some steps to get back in the drivers seat, send the Cease and Desist letter (hell, you can tell them you are going to file, they are not going to care, and it really does NOT mean they will move faster to sue), get all your BK paperwork ready. The best way to get out of the doldrums is to DO something.

[HopefulInOhio]

Hi HHM -

Divorce was filed last September - we had a domestic conference 2 weeks ago - the stbx looked and acted like most all would be agreed upon, then suddenly decided to not go ahead and agree due to how I looked like I had moved my life ahead. I got word thru a family member I was a little 'too happy' for him - I was alright while his life has turned to crap.

April 5th is our pre-trial where the judge looks all the paperwork over - we have a proposal ready to show what we are taking or leaving in the marriage, all debts and assets and such.

I really hope we can stay this mess with my bankruptcy. As soon as I get my paperwork done, I'm taking it in next week early - and I just pray to God a way is found to file it now and hold the divorce.

I'm going to get those letters ready and send them registered. And you're right - I need to do something. I'm so tired of being downtroden......

Thanks so much for talking, HHM.

[ChainSmokin]

I'm sorry for coming on here ranting, but I'm about out of my mind today.

I hope you realize how many people you are helping by having the courage to share your story!

I've got 2 collection agencies calling my parents I'm ready to give up and move to a shack - I can't give my daughter much of a life, I can't find a reasonably priced place to rent, and I cannot file bankruptcy soon due to this divorce.I have a meeting at 2 and I have no idea how I'm going to function. They all think I'm losing my mind at work - my debt is rising daily - and if I have to wait months to file

I would put the college on hold for now. I believe your job, daughter, divorce, bankruptcy and your physical and mental health are much more important right now. College will be there when this is all over.

Thanks again for sharing your situation!

[HopefulInOhio]

Thanks CS - been a very rough day.

Nice to hear from you. Can't see myself as much help with all my panic attacks, but if anyone reads this and it helps..then thank God. I hope it does exactly that. If all the craziness I go thru allows another person to find strength when it's needed, then it makes me feel I've done something in this very dark time in my life.

Waiting for the sunshine though....

[niteflytes]

*hugs* hang in there.

[toomuch]

Thanks CS - been a very rough day.

Nice to hear from you. Can't see myself as much help with all my panic attacks, but if anyone reads this and it helps..then thank God. I hope it does exactly that. If all the craziness I go thru allows another person to find strength when it's needed, then it makes me feel I've done something in this very dark time in my life.

Waiting for the sunshine though....

Hopeful, I have no words of wisdom or advice as I am new at this too. I can relate to the panic attacks, which I have been having also. I thought I had seen all of my husbands true colors, but since this BK has come up, it seems he has a few more. He is of no help and it's all on my shoulders to make sure we at least keep the house. All the while he is crying about his motorcycle, his new truck....wah, wah, wah. If, If, If.........I would divorce him too.

Sorry to hijack your thread. Just know there are others in panic mode like yourself, but I do believe there is plenty of sunshine ahead for us. We are women, hear us roar. We will do what we have to do and go on with our lives. We can, and WILL DO IT!!!!

It will be interesting to see our lives unfold over the next few months. I thank God for this forum everyday.

Take care.....hugs......

toomuch

[riverlady]

Hang in there - it will be over soon and you will be able to move forward.

As for your parents - tell them to change their number or file a harrassment complaint with the phone company against the CA's that are calling. There is a service called "call tracking" that you hit * and a two digit code that will let the phone company know that the call just received was unwanted. After three times of this the phone company sends out a notice to the owner of the phone number telling them their services will be disconnected if they don't quit calling your number.

You can't use this service if the debt collectors are calling you but if you don't live with your parents then they sure can!

If you have no cases filed yet then just breathe! Work on all of your DV and C&D letters to send out Monday AM.

And quit letting this situation control you - you need to start controlling the situation! You just had a little curve ball thrown at you and all you need to do is duck.

And take great satisifaction that your x thinks you are better off and it has pissed him off!! PRICELESS!!! I would be dancing a jig....

[Scream2Death]

hang in there hopeful, i know how it feels; i'm going through the same thing right now, not paying a single dime to the credit card companies.

take care, R

[lisac77]

I think heavy financial decisions bring out the worst in most relationships, especially when divorce is involved. I am close to having panic attacks on almost a daily basis myself, and I attribute it to my idiot of a husband whose denial could have very bad financial consequences for both of us AND our son. He is the one with the cash to pay the attorney. If I had the cash to pay the attorney believe me it would already be done. My sister works for us and I have no idea what to tell her in terms of her employment - as things stand, I can't even pay her next month, and there are only 10 days left in the month!! I am so angry with my husband that I see red every time I speak to him.

So you are certainly not the only one feeling stressed and panicky. I can't offer much, but I can offer that I am feeling that way too.