Someone Tell Me It's Alright

[HopefulInOhio]

Just having a panic attack, and I don't have many friends who have filed bankruptcy, and the ones I do have aren't home to talk to.

I'm scared, guys..I feel so hopeless. I feel like a failure for the way I have my daughter and I living due to the divorce, and now I'm throwing bankruptcy on top of it. I feel like as a parent I have really messed up. Which reallly irks me, for my stbx husband walked out on us - yet 'I' am feeling like a failure.

I'm ashamed that things have gotten this way financially. I feel overwhelmed, scared, and not sure of anything. My daughter is 16 and I have no idea how I could ever help her get into college even if I wanted to. I can't cosign a loan for her now, so I hope if she chooses to go, somehow God finds a way for her to get in. Her father is useless..he left due to another infidelity and I've had to really fight to get child support, let alone him helping cosign a loan for her if needed.

I find myself when I do have moments of happiness suddenly remembering I have $22 in CC debt that I can't pay. I make a very low salary, I'm trying to find a place for she and I to move to that won't break me, plus I'm in college full time......

How do you stop the insanity? How has anyone dealt with their realization that they're really broke..I'm compounded by adding divorce to the mix..but how do you make your way..I'm so scared..

Thanks for listening...

[arkienurse]

Not a lot of advice, I have never had to go through a divorce or infidelity, but I will be keeping you in my prayers. As to student loans, DD will not need a cosigner for the basic federal student loan, so if she is willing to settle for maybe a junior/community college and live at home, she should be able to make it. And maybe she will qualify for a scholarship to help out. My DS has a choir scholarship that covers enough that with his student loan, we have been able to keep him there for 2 semesters <knock on wood>.

Will be praying for you that you find a place to live that you can afford, and also that the stbex comes to his senses and helps out with your dd.

[Spartan]

Your daughter's ability to get a student loan is nor predicated on you being rich enough to afford it. If anything, she is in a better position to get financial asistance, if she has the grades.

As for the BK, well, don't sweat it. You can't move on to new happiness if you do not let go of past unhappiness. So what if it is a failure in one aspect? At least you are not letting it cripple you. You are attending college full time. That means you are doing something constructive about your situation. And the current situation is not permanent. Soon this will be over. And across this valley, is a better pasture, on which you will build a better life, for yourself and your family.

[ChainSmokin]

Hello HopefulInOhio,
My story is much different than yours, but perhaps it will help pass a few moments during these trying times.

My financial freakout actually happened about 6 years ago, just now filing bk because I got sued. My brother was over to watch football today and we chatted about why and how my financial collapse came about. With four stable years under my belt, I am fortunate to have gained a little perspective.

I lost a high paying job, due to a nervous breakdown. I closely tied my self-worth and identity to my career. It was a family owned business that I had high expectations for. Deep emotional strings attached to say the least. I sank into depression, which I made much worse with alcohol. I was suicidal, drunk and living off credit cards for two years. The shame and self-loathing were intense.

Somehow I managed to land a decent part time job, and figured out how to live off of cash only. Slowly but surely I was able to get my life back. I stopped drinking about three years ago.

[SinkingFast]

So far, our kids are making it working part time jobs and using Stafford Loans. They are getting thru school the same way I did. Paying for it themselves. You're daughter will be fine. You will find a way. And dependent on your income, there are also Grants and such available to help as well.

[Spartan]

Hello HopefulInOhio,
My story is much different than yours, but perhaps it will help pass a few moments during these trying times.

My financial freakout actually happened about 6 years ago, just now filing bk because I got sued. My brother was over to watch football today and we chatted about why and how my financial collapse came about. With four stable years under my belt, I am fortunate to have gained a little perspective.

I lost a high paying job, due to a nervous breakdown. I closely tied my self-worth and identity to my career. It was a family owned business that I had high expectations for. Deep emotional strings attached to say the least. I sank into depression, which I made much worse with alcohol. I was suicidal, drunk and living off credit cards for two years. The shame and self-loathing were intense.

Somehow I managed to land a decent part time job, and figured out how to live off of cash only. Slowly but surely I was able to get my life back. I stopped drinking about three years ago.

“How do you stop the insanity?”

Slowly. One small step at a time. Remember, they’re not going knock your door down in the middle of the night and put you in jail. You got time to work through this.

“How has anyone dealt with their realization that they're really broke”

I finally just got used to it. I made friends with the little dark cloud that’s been following me around for years now, lol.

I can’t guarantee that it’s going to be “alright”, but from experience I can tell you that it is possible, and you sound like the type of person that will make a comeback.

That is a very moving story, CS. A testimony to the indominable human spirit.

[Scream2Death]

i knoew the feeling, we're here to help

[ChainSmokin]

[riverlady]

Hopeful, I too have been pretty much in your shoes... divorce after 20 years on very ugly terms, daughter in college, daughter married with kids and couldn't come up with a penny if her life depended on it, x that thought only of himself and on and on and on....

I can tell you that you will get through this! Just as you arrived to where you are at today though time, you will get better as time goes on.

The best advice I received and lived by was "take it one day at a time and don't worry about tomorrow until tomorrow comes"

Have faith in yourself... trust in your decisions... gain your self respect back!

[HopefulInOhio]

Thanks guys...it's always nice to come here and just read...just to see the words you all can say to allow me to see it does get better.

Self respect is EXACTLY what I need to get back..I lost so much confidence and self esteem in this marriage and now due to being broke, it's all the more in the toilet.

I just want so much more for my daughter - I want her to have things in life I never got to enjoy. The biggest being a very healthy relationship with a man. I have only realized now how unhealthy my marriage really was. Thank God I'm almost out of it.

Now to proceed with the bankruptcy...I see my lawyer Friday and if all goes well, we'll start it soon. Only thing is if anyone noticed where I posted another thread on how I used a credit card in December...I'm going to have my attorney fix it so I can pay that one - I know they'll close it, but I do NOT want them to think I'm committing fraud in any way. My income last year was less than $10,000 - I had about $8000 in student loans, plus child support from my husband, so I had the income..but only for living expenses. CC had to be let go about September.

Thanks guys...I just need a little push every now and then..and I need to hear from others who have actually been in my shoes.

[lisac77]

Don't worry about college for your daughter. She should be able to apply for basic financial aid and student work to get her through. My brother is doing it right now. It is hard for him, but he is almost finished! State colleges and community colleges are the way to go when money is tight.

Best of luck to you through these hard time. I hope things get better soon.

[Spartan]

CS, you are a tremenduous asset to the forum too. In many of your posts, the heartfelt kindness and support you are offering to others, are no less than the saintly work by people like lrprn, SF, HHM and others who are too many to list here.