Don't know what to do..wife doesnt want to file

[SinkingFast]

Unless your family has money to throw away borrowing makes no sense, JMHO. All you are doing is transferring who you owe the money too when the real problem is you don't have the money.

I gotta agree with Online here.

Davie,............ Why take money from the folks and basically flush it down the toilet. Might as well make a pile in the back yard and burn it.

Save that resource for a rainy day that might come. Sometime when you really need assistance. Medical for you or your kids. Clothes for the kids. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

Why burn what might be one shot family assistance on unsecured debts you can discharge with BK. Save that for some time when you might really need it.

[miss puff]

Hi Davie-sorry to hear about your wife. Does she even remotely understand what it feels like to juggle paychecks week to week to try and figure out who to pay and who can wait another week? My suggestion would be to tell HER to deal with the finances for a couple of months and see if she can do it better. Write out a list of the bills you have and there due dates and let her go at it. Like others say, I presume she has been using credit cards and writing checks just "assuming" that the money is there. Chances are after a couple of months of her doing it she might come to the same conclusion..... and at the same time realize it's not all your fault. It's worth a shot if she is only threatening to leave due to the money situation. Don't be ashamed to ask for her help.

Also, like bassboy said, dying is not an option here! People live through bankruptcies every day- 99.9% of this board LIVED through it and some had to deal with leaving spouses. There is light at the end of this dark tunnel-I promise. Talk to your priest, talk to us, talk to attorneys. A bankrupt dad is 100% hands down better than a dead one. You can and will get through this. Hugs

[davie20001]

Miss puff...you hit it right on the head

I did turn everything over to her and she is already freaking out. I just did some math, and I think i will be filing alone so not to burden her with BK.

Thank you all for the support.

[riverlady]

"so not to burden her"

I think that may be the key to your marriage problems.

marriage is "team work"... when the team fails to work together then the marriage suffers.

now is an excellent time for you both to get on board together for whatever issues are coming your way.

I am only tryign to save you from years of failure because I was not playing as a team. when you try and shoulder the whole load of life issues you are the one always standing alone.

[davie20001]

well...it was my fault for the debts, so i need to fix it

I lied and got all these cards and racked up huge debt, so i need to fix it and she does not deserve to be burdened with this crap that i brought onto us. i need to take the blame for once.

[riverlady]

OOPS! This explains so much as to why your wife is so upset and you wanting to fix things... sorry if I missed this in earlier post.

BUT I still stand that if you and your wife want to move forward together then you need to do it together.

[BKOnce]

In america, money is very powerful force. Not even love, understanding & forgiveness can erase all family problems with money issues. I often see many family hatred, divorce, or revenge instead.

[Spartan]

I lied and got all these cards and racked up huge debt, so i need to fix it and she does not deserve to be burdened with this crap that i brought onto us. i need to take the blame for once.

And you lied to us, painting this pic about what an uncaring and inconsiderate person your wife was, when it has been all your doing in the first place....

Sorry, but there are three kinds of people I have nothing but contempt for. A traitor, a cheat and a liar.

At least you are owning up to it, with "i need to take the blame for once"...

If you are sincere, I do hope you have finally see the light and not too late to fix what is broken in your life.


If you are sincere, people here with help you. But spare us the lying crap. We have no time for drama.

[whatamess]

BUT, What I want to know is that really true? Or is that the route your taking to get her to clam down, by taking blame?
In my opinion, she is part of it too if:

Was she using the cards? If so what did she buy?
Is she driving a new car bought on credit?
Does she demand stuff? demand a lifestyle?
Were you trying to appease her?
Buying expensive clothes? Jewelry?
Sending the kids to to many expensive activities?
Having outragious birthdays?
The reason I bring this up is my Dh & I were talking about all of this before, because we went through the whole seperating thing & the blame game.
In the end when we both came back down to earth we both realized we were both wrong. My management & his spending. It takes two to tango.
Anyhow, DH said the guys at work were talking about how thier wives expect a lifestyle & if they dare question it they get ripped. Like asking if things were really needed..like the ones I mentioned above.
Some women want a car, then a minivan for soccer hauling, then a new minivan, then a gym membership, expensive clothes for the kids as well....
Some men are the same. Nobody evers really wants to live within or, God forbid below thier means. Saving isnt fun.and flashy. Many women want everything as do men!
I hope you can elaborate if we are to help you more. PLEASE be honest with your priest as well.

[miss puff]

I did turn everything over to her and she is already freaking out. I just did some math, and I think i will be filing alone so not to burden her with BK.

Davie, while it's noble of you to take the blame here if you were the one who racked up all the cards, I wonder if she will be supportive to you if you do file alone. Is she still threatening to leave if you file alone? Is most of the debt that you incurred in your name only? You would probably be able to file alone if that is the case. If your home is in both your names it will be her responsibility to continue to pay for it. I am glad she got the chance to try to fix it on her own. So many times spouses get so mad and they really just have no clue. Good luck