Need support

[jennga]

I was so excited to be able to begin rebuilding and have obtained 3 credit cards. I am not using them much and paying them off as they come due.

Here is where I need support. Hubby was not involved in my BK. At the time of the BK I did promise not to get anymore cc, well he saw one of my statements today and had a "fit" and put a call into the BK lawyer. Not sure what he intends to say to the lawyer. I explained to him about rebuilding credit etc, he is not wanting to hear any of it. The statement he saw was for $144.

Anyway, I am feeling like a piece of crap, like I have done something wrong and this is the only place I knew to turn to for support.

Just needed a place to vent, you guys helped me through my BK last year and I still get on here and see how things are going. But today I needed to post. Hope this is in the right place, if not just move it.

[CATCHMEIFYOUCAN]

Logic before emotion

One thing I learned from my significant other, is "logic before emotion." Your hubby must of had a good reason to react the way he did, what were the charges for (so you don't have to tell us)? Were the transactions necessary, or frivolous (spelling?).
The only thing I can say is try and talk the problem over (any problem) without getting too emotional about it. Think of what happened, why it happened. Its it really worth it to be so angry and get upset? Think about things you are going to say before you just react.
I hope you can smooth this out!


Logic before emotion, Catchmeifyoucan

[CATCHMEIFYOUCAN]

One more thing

Just on a personal note, so you dont feel as crappy as I do. I gambled away $3000 in 2 weeks on my significant others, ATM, and I didn't win! TALK ABOUT FEELING LIKE SH**
And the worst part about it was, she forgave me! (maybe that's not the worst part, that should be the good part!)

Hope that makes you feel less crappy!

Catchmeifyoucan

[Hot-Tod-E]

Wow! I do feel for you! Why in the world would he call the attorney?? That's just embarrasing - like you're a two year old and the attorney is going to scold you?

Maybe you should have discussed the re-building thing before you did it. Perhaps he feels like you did something "behind his back". Maybe he called the attorney because he's afraid of the legal ramifications of getting credit so soon after BK?

Let him cool off, make his favorite dinner, then talk about. It'll work out.

[CATCHMEIFYOUCAN]

"Maybe he called the attorney because he's afraid of the legal ramifications of getting credit so soon after BK?"

I don't think there are any legal ramifications after BK, after all you are working on rebuilding your credit. Maybe your hubby is worried you will fall back into the same pattern of spending (using cc's).
My Personal Example:
I declared Bk7 in the early 90's, since than I had built up my credit a tremendous amount, I had $10,000 credit lines on several cards! And a decent score (735) and that was in the course of .. hmmm .. 14years .. but my lifestyle changed towards the end, i became a gambler .. now look, i'm back again! So just be careful on how you think about spending and using those cc's again (im one to talk, but that is advice from other advisors).

Catchmeifyoucan

[Hot-Tod-E]

I know there is no legal ramifications to getting credit after BK, but maybe he doesn't know that and that is why he called the Lawyer.............that is what I meant by that statement

"Maybe he called the attorney because he's afraid of the legal ramifications of getting credit so soon after BK?"

I don't think there are any legal ramifications after BK, after all you are working on rebuilding your credit. Maybe your hubby is worried you will fall back into the same pattern of spending (using cc's).
My Personal Example:
I declared Bk7 in the early 90's, since than I had built up my credit a tremendous amount, I had $10,000 credit lines on several cards! And a decent score (735) and that was in the course of .. hmmm .. 14years .. but my lifestyle changed towards the end, i became a gambler .. now look, i'm back again! So just be careful on how you think about spending and using those cc's again (im one to talk, but that is advice from other advisors).

Catchmeifyoucan

[Minnymouth]

The only ramifications would be if your in a Chapter 13 and getting new credit while on a payment plan with the Trustee...............

Chapter 7 wouldn't make any difference....... especially if its discharged and closed.

Hubby is probably more upset because you "promised" NO MORE CARDS and then slipped and got not just one but three without telling him or consulting him.....

If your name is on the cards, tell him not to "sweat it" - your cards!!!!

Just be careful not to fall back into the cc usage again like before....

[SinkingFast]

Could be paranoia with no basis.

Hubby wasn't thrilled with the idea of using his Debit Card while we were waiting to file BK. To him it felt the same as using a CC. AND, some places run it just like a charge. Instead of punching in your PIN, you sign the receipt. He was just sure the Court would frown on it.

Son works as a Cashier so I had Son explain to Hubby why some places run Debit Cards like CC's. Some places don't have the key pad. Some people get charged a nominal fee by their banks every time they swipe the card as a Debit. Some people say "Charge" to avoid the fee.

Once Hubby understood the money comes straight from our Bank Acct, and it was not a Charge, he got more comfortable with it.

Maybe your Hubby only sees that CC's got you into trouble before. He doesn't realize you've got to do a bit of CC charging to rebuild your Credit. For when you'll need a car loan or want a home loan.

Maybe you need to sit down with him and tell him your Credit Limits on each card and what you're doing. Show him how you've cleaned up your Credit Reports. Show him instead of paying cash for that tank of gas, you charge it, set the money aside, and pay the bill in full to raise your Credit Scores.

[jane taylor]

Hi Jennga:

So sorry that you're going through this! IMHO, it does sound like he's scared. Dh and I are in a 13 and everytime I even mention needing something, even something small like an inexpensive pair of jeans, he AUTOMATICALLY says, "We have to budget for that." Duh!!!!

I know I've spent way too much money on clothes in the past when I really couldn't afford to do so and to be very honest, this is SO hard. But again, I am not stupid and am working hard on changing my behavior "one day at a time."

You know all this, but using the good ol' "I" statements, etc. really do work.

Keep us posted and hang in there!!!

jane

[AMISLANDER]

I tend to freak out when I buy...

...a 16.99 shirt at TJ Maxx!

[jennga]

You guys are so great

Thank you all for the much needed support and you are ALL correct in your responses.

Hubby did call the lawyer, (yes, it was embarrasing and I felt like a two year old), yes, he did do it because I went back on my word and was not honest and it scared him. However, I knew if I tried to discuss it with him he would not have agreed... case closed (no pun intended)

The good news, BK lawyer told him that what I was doing was CORRECT and that I did need to rebuild my credit, but that it would have been nice if I had kept my word.

As we discussed it "logically" as cmiyc suggested, he told me that he had no idea that a person could get credit that quick after a BK and that he was concerned that I had done something wrong, (I haven't it's a chp 7). It helped him to hear from the attorney that I wasn't making up a lame excuse to start my bad habits. Believe me, I am scared to death of that way of life and this is truly my fresh start and I am greatful.

We came to an agreement that he can see all the statements and that I will not charge over $150 without consulting him.

I am glad now that it is all out in the open, I guess the powers that be know more than me because hubby would never have accepted this answer from anyone but our BK attny.

Thank you all for your support. It helped so much to be able to post and hear what you all had to say. I am taking the advice of all those who came here before me and not getting back into bad habits.

[jennga]

BTW... Hot tod e.... he does all the cooking so fixing his favorite meal is out of the question but maybe I can take him out to eat. I just won't charge it on my Hooters mc

[CATCHMEIFYOUCAN]

Imho ?

[/B]So sorry that you're going through this! IMHO, it does sound like he's scared. Dh and I are in a 13 and everytime I even mention needing something, even something small like an inexpensive pair of jeans, he AUTOMATICALLY says, "We have to budget for that." Duh!!!!
What does IMHO stand for (is that someones initials?) or is that internet talk?
Thanks for quoting me on the logic, hopefully this will help in future "discussions," I myself have come a long way from being a jeolous person (on a personal note) to a logical jeolous person (lol). My significant other never fight, we say we have "disagreements," and we talk about the pros and cons, the right and wrong about things, and mostly its always my fault!

Best Wishes, Catchmeifyoucan

[jennga]

IMHO computer talk for "in my humble opinion"..

Dh and I rarely argue as well, after 20 years of marriage we have been through it all including now having legal guardianship of our 10 year old grand daughter. As much as this whole deal burned him up, he didn't yell or actually "fight". He does (as the good history professor that he is) know how to get his point across. It's a far cry from the was we handled disagreements in the early years.