Being bankrupt: when to tell someone, when to not tell someone

[Zombie13]

Sooo... what do you think?

Pushy salespeople:
If I really want someone to back off, like a salesperson pushing a very expensive product or service, like a home water filtration system that costs $8500... yes. And yes, this happened. They stopped talking for some reason. Even when they gave me a free showerhead... oh gee thanks... where's that $25 gift card you promised? Oh that's right... you send that via email... yeah... never showed up. Funny, when they gave me the showerhead and I said take care... they said nothing. Wow. After they were so friendly before. Huh. Oh well. Not my problem. Have a nice day, ******.

Peers in our current and/or desired profession(s):
Who are progressing in their chosen field by paying for training - yeah, I would really like to explain why I'm 'faking it' but, probably not a good idea to tell them (not that they know I'm faking it... I/we book anyway heh, because we have *Prior Training* thank you very much). Not even those I think I could/should tell. That could be costly in the future; it's my private situation, and they don't share theirs. So, there is that.

Checkout person who offers <insert sarcasm here> 99% off on today's transaction if you attempt to qualify for our credit card: No thanks. We're good. No, really. We don't stand stand a chance so.... yeah. I'll save myself the public self-induced humiliation, but thanks anyway.

Doctors and other medical professionals: hell to the yeah! Explain your situation, and it may be easier to work out a payment plan. Also ask them for a letter if necessary, as proof to submit to the trustee if need be. Get those awesome photos, MRIs, and CT scans, etc. too for backup evidence material. I have some nice closeups of my 'grill' for crowns to be done. This may help defend your case when you file, or have to deal with a motion to modify. Trustees absolutely love and adore medical images in all their high definition cinemavision glory. No, really let's talk about it! <edit> not really, but, it helps ... drill, shall we say, the point home?

new job/employer: possibly. If they ask on a legal form requiring honesty (well duh), then yes, report it. But if they don't ask, well that's a grey area, worthy of discussion. And btw... do you prefer... grey, or... gray? I prefer grey. It's got a little more... "air" about it.

What do you think?

[shipo]

I pretty much told anybody; if someone wanted to shame me, I suppose I have plenty of other dirty laundry which is worse.

[Barbisi]

Well, shipo I think people are different here in Colorado - they live in an open space bubble (i.e., keep your distance (even before Covid!), don't share personal info because they won't listen and will just turn their back on you and walk away while you are trying to converse with them). This is why after eleven years here, we have no real friends just distant acquaintances.
Plus, I have nothing in common with them - I don't like the climate at all, can't do the outdoor sports, dislike all cbd/marijuana products, don't have a dog, don't like the Bronos ,and don't like beer -so what else is here?
Even if you tried to talk to them about your problems, they wouldn't hear you, so what's the use?
So now until Jan.1, 2022 I have an empathetic counselor that our insurance pays for all but the co-pay, then it reverts back to the full fee.) At least with her, I can express my frustration and anger at how the last seven years turned out and how and why I want to leave so badly!
Zombie13 did offer a fine template for who to confide your BK13 situation to and who not to IMHO - eg. my former film/VO peers have continued their careers by being able to attend classes/ workshops, get new headshots, audition and book paying work in NM, LA and Atlanta. Meanwhile, I struggle with frequent, chronic and costly injuries and medical setbacks and have no opportunities for travel or any connection to my former profession! I just stay home and try to exercise when my ongoing health problems allow and wait for a chance to get out of here and away from nothing but bad memories!
Why should I let these former rivals gloat about my bad luck?
Sorry for the venting, but I think I shouldn't share a lamentable plight with others in person who never cared about me and never will!

[Barbisi]

Major typo (for Colorado football fans, at least) - Broncos, not Bronos ! LOL

[shipo]

Did someone say Bronco? I'm a car-guy and my mind immediately thought of my son's Bronco:

[flashoflight]

I don't want anyone to know. Our super closest friends and family know, but that is the furthest extent.

I'm glad PACER is too difficult for the nosy neighbor / acquaintance to use.

[Clay3007]

1/2 way threw our 60 months and we have yet to tell anyone, we have been so worried about anyone finding out. Recently tho we have searched pacer to find out several relatives out ours have filed a chap 13 and/or chap 7 or even both. So I'm starting to ease up but I'm still not gonna tell anyone unless i have to.

[Carmella]

I don't want anyone to know. Our super closest friends and family know, but that is the furthest extent.

I'm glad PACER is too difficult for the nosy neighbor / acquaintance to use.

WARING Novel below!

I will echo Clay3007 and I will say I AM your nosey neighbor! Once I got on PACER I searched a few names. Guess what my next door neighbor and one of my cousins went through BK. I think it happens more often than we think/know since it is a taboo subject. My daughter's ex's mother once let something slip "bankruptcy payment is over" then she changed the subject real fast. This was before we even considered going through BK and I had been tempted to talk to her, but since my daughter's relationship was on the rocks I did not. I looked her up they went through BK 13.

That being said I don't gossip about these people or tell anyone else it just made me feel like I am not that alone in this. The CPA who does my taxes (owns his own business) went through BK13. I talked to him about ours and he told me he went thru after his divorce. The manager at my daughter's apartment complex went through BK . I only know because she asked if I could co-sign if my daughter's income was not high enough. I said I have bad credit and wouldn't qualify and she told me about her BK .

I have told no one and plan to tell no one. Only my friend who passed away 2 years ago this Christmas Eve knew. I knew she had a divorce and went through BK which was a long time before I met her. It was great when I had at least one person to talk with about it. She went through Chapter 7 so it was different, but she recommended the wonderful attorney group that I have used. And she went through another Chapter 7 a few years before she passed.

I don't have anyone I trust to talk to it about. I have thought about telling one of my friends, but I waffle and then don't do it.

The sales people I don't bother with, they are a nuisance with the save $$ if you apply for a card. I just say, "no thank you I don't need more debt." They are not too pushy and I know it's their job to ask. I have had to deal with this with my car situation and I called the guy who is on the website for financing he is the general manager of the dealership. He talked to the salesman and guided him. The salesman is very nonjudgemental with me which is good. He's learning about the process which I think will help him in the long run with other sales.

My co-workers are the hardest people to deal with and they are nosey and judgemental with other things so I think they would be very judgemental and talking behind my back. I just use the line "we made some financial mistakes several years ago that caught up with us and now we are paying a strict debt repayment plan" I can throw in "My husband is getting closer to retirement and we want to be debt free." Most people can deal with this logic. I know some may think less of me, but I don't really care about that. Seriously after being a figure skating mom nothing can shake me that much because those were the nastiest downright hateful and backstabbing women I ever met or had the pleasure to know. Haters gonna hate we can't change that.

It has been really hard having one car since most people at my job and my husband's job are very nosey about it. And now with our good car totaled people are questioning and giving all kinds of advice where to get a car and how to get a good deal. In my head I am thinking I just want someone to give us a frickin' loan! I can't go all around town and shop for a car and haggle or put a down payment down and drive off today. Those days are in my past and future. I have to listen politely and then stick to my story that I like this dealership for 20 yrs and want to stay there which is true they have been great to work with, but right now it's more like it's the easiest/less stressful option I have.

[Clay3007]

WARING Novel below!

I will echo Clay3007 and I will say I AM your nosey neighbor! Once I got on PACER I searched a few names. Guess what my next door neighbor and one of my cousins went through BK. I think it happens more often than we think/know since it is a taboo subject. My daughter's ex's mother once let something slip "bankruptcy payment is over" then she changed the subject real fast. This was before we even considered going through BK and I had been tempted to talk to her, but since my daughter's relationship was on the rocks I did not. I looked her up they went through BK 13.

That being said I don't gossip about these people or tell anyone else it just made me feel like I am not that alone in this. The CPA who does my taxes (owns his own business) went through BK13. I talked to him about ours and he told me he went thru after his divorce. The manager at my daughter's apartment complex went through BK . I only know because she asked if I could co-sign if my daughter's income was not high enough. I said I have bad credit and wouldn't qualify and she told me about her BK .

I have told no one and plan to tell no one. Only my friend who passed away 2 years ago this Christmas Eve knew. I knew she had a divorce and went through BK which was a long time before I met her. It was great when I had at least one person to talk with about it. She went through Chapter 7 so it was different, but she recommended the wonderful attorney group that I have used. And she went through another Chapter 7 a few years before she passed.

I don't have anyone I trust to talk to it about. I have thought about telling one of my friends, but I waffle and then don't do it.

The sales people I don't bother with, they are a nuisance with the save $$ if you apply for a card. I just say, "no thank you I don't need more debt." They are not too pushy and I know it's their job to ask. I have had to deal with this with my car situation and I called the guy who is on the website for financing he is the general manager of the dealership. He talked to the salesman and guided him. The salesman is very nonjudgemental with me which is good. He's learning about the process which I think will help him in the long run with other sales.

My co-workers are the hardest people to deal with and they are nosey and judgemental with other things so I think they would be very judgemental and talking behind my back. I just use the line "we made some financial mistakes several years ago that caught up with us and now we are paying a strict debt repayment plan" I can throw in "My husband is getting closer to retirement and we want to be debt free." Most people can deal with this logic. I know some may think less of me, but I don't really care about that. Seriously after being a figure skating mom nothing can shake me that much because those were the nastiest downright hateful and backstabbing women I ever met or had the pleasure to know. Haters gonna hate we can't change that.

It has been really hard having one car since most people at my job and my husband's job are very nosey about it. And now with our good car totaled people are questioning and giving all kinds of advice where to get a car and how to get a good deal. In my head I am thinking I just want someone to give us a frickin' loan! I can't go all around town and shop for a car and haggle or put a down payment down and drive off today. Those days are in my past and future. I have to listen politely and then stick to my story that I like this dealership for 20 yrs and want to stay there which is true they have been great to work with, but right now it's more like it's the easiest/less stressful option I have.

Luckily for me our payroll department is in Illinois and i live in Ohio so i don't have to deal with co-workers. Since my wife is back to work she is actually employed by a temp agency so her wont does not know. As far as pacer i searched and found my grand father who has passed away but someone i always looked up to filed years ago and i was takin back by it.

[yourfired]

I pretty much told anybody; if someone wanted to shame me, I suppose I have plenty of other dirty laundry which is worse.

Well if they wanted to shame you. Then i guess one don't need that toxic person in there life then

[Carmella]

Clay3007 I am in Ohio as well, but the building where I work has payroll in another office in a nearby city, but far enough away we never see those workers. It use to be in our building and I know there would be gossip if it was still in our building.

I am sweating a little because my payment is increasing per the original plan and I had to notify payroll. There was a snag that payroll/corporate moved to a different building so there was a change of address so I had to inform the attorney who told me I had to also contact payroll incase they don't get the info about the change in time.

Payroll and HR always email our boss who prints on the shared printer and doesn't pick up stuff right away. I sent an email and asked the payroll lady to keep it confidential and email me if she had any concerns at my personal email (we do not have work emails only the boss does). People have emailed payroll / HR from their own personal email and the response goes to our boss on her work email.

I do not want that to happen because my boss might talk and if she doesn't and prints something out for me it will be on a printer where anyone can see it.

I do agree with yourfired in theory you don't need those people in your life, but when it's boss' and coworkers you have to deal with them daily! Unless you change jobs they are in your life for a while.

[yourfired]

Clay3007 I am in Ohio as well, but the building where I work has payroll in another office in a nearby city, but far enough away we never see those workers. It use to be in our building and I know there would be gossip if it was still in our building.

I am sweating a little because my payment is increasing per the original plan and I had to notify payroll. There was a snag that payroll/corporate moved to a different building so there was a change of address so I had to inform the attorney who told me I had to also contact payroll incase they don't get the info about the change in time.

Payroll and HR always email our boss who prints on the shared printer and doesn't pick up stuff right away. I sent an email and asked the payroll lady to keep it confidential and email me if she had any concerns at my personal email (we do not have work emails only the boss does). People have emailed payroll / HR from their own personal email and the response goes to our boss on her work email.

I do not want that to happen because my boss might talk and if she doesn't and prints something out for me it will be on a printer where anyone can see it.

I do agree with yourfired in theory you don't need those people in your life, but when it's boss' and coworkers you have to deal with them daily! Unless you change jobs they are in your life for a while.

They way I see it it's more responsible filing for debt that one can't afford vs keeping it going

[Carmella]

yourfired You are correct, but dealing with people who can be a PITA and you see them day in and day out 40 hours a week who are gossipy and judgemental is distraction I don't need at work.

Right now we are dealing with the covid vaccine in health care and the gossipy rumors are so annoying/distracting that's how a certain group of people are, like a high school clique. I don't care what anyone chooses to do with the vaccine/trying to get exemptions, but BE EDUCATED about it not gossipy and do what you feel is best don't spend time whispering and spreading false information. I had someone yesterday telling me our corporate was exempting themselves from the vaccine, but not us. I was like NO if you read the CMS rule you will see offices WITHOUT patient contact are NOT required. It's not corporate saying we are mandated and they are not and yes those who are in the office and also come to see patients must be vaccinated!

[shipo]

Not to thread-jack this conversation, but Carmella, I've got to hand it to you, you're waaaaay more tolerant of the unvaccinated than I am; having had COVID-19 twice, once in very early 2020 before it was officially on our shores, and once about 3-months after my second of three Pfizer vaccines, my attitude toward the unvaxed is simple, "Get vaccinated or stay home and shut the hell up about your confinement!"

[Barbisi]

Well, shipo here in the not-so-great state of Colorado, an indoor mask mandate for everyone was restored right before Thanksgiving by the health department, not the governor!
Luckily, the county where we live and the local gym we attend are currently not complying, but we shouldn't have to worry anyway since I got J&J the first time, and Pfizer over two weeks ago as my booster shot and my husband endured two harrowing rounds of Moderna in April before he was allowed to switch to Pfizer for his booster. So we are protected and we should be able to display our vaccine cards and opt out of superfluous masking.
I also am fed up with those too ignorant to see the vaccines for what they are: a way out of this century in the making pandemic, not a political statement or cause!