What's it like to actually lose your house?

[Ineedhelp2]

For months I believed we would somehow address all the issues and that we would stay in our house.

But with the sale date just over a week away, and with no further communication from those who are foreclosing, and after seeing the big ad posted a few days ago in our local paper (now everybody knows...), it looks like we really will have to leave.

I've tried to think of all the positives:

We have nothing to lose.
We will have lower payments by renting.
We will leave all the headaches of a house that needs repairs behind and live in a much nicer one.
We will be able to buy again in two or three years and get much more house for less money
We have been here twenty years and a change will do us some good.

I keep thinking about the positives of leaving, yet facing squarely the almost certainty we will soon forced out of here is devastating, and no amount of positive thinking can change the fact that we don't want to go...not now...not like this...

[justbroke]

So far, the foreclosure of my investment property has finally given me some relief. If I complete my Chapter 13 and shed this 2nd on my primary residence... I'll be that much happier.

I'm completely okay with giving up this residence now... if it comes to that. I have long removed my personal attachment to my "dream" home.

[Ineedhelp2]

If it were just dollars and cents I could turn my back on this place with no problem. And our house is very far from being a "dream home." But we'll never have another yard like this again. The gigantic oaks, the grove of madrones, all the other mature trees, the level ground, the nice surrounding grounds, and no noise.

And though we knew we'd leave some day, leaving by choice is much different than being forced out. It hurts to be tossed out. At least that's how I feel. I wish it could be otherwise.

[HakunaMatata]

Unplanned change can be difficult to digest; and, this appears to be your biggest hurdle. Throw in a dash of ego ("now everybody knows") and your foreclosure can become increasingly unsettling. It's best to remember life is in flux. I'm sure you've successfully managed change in the past; and, you will conquer this change. Focus on your list of positives and permit this to propel you.

Unlike you, I made the decision to proceed with the foreclosure process. I've learned my Money Pit and I aren't a good match. Despite my excitement to be freed from my house, I've experienced discomfort related to the process. I could consume myself with worries regarding lack of ownership, dealing with a landlord, a potentially different neighborhood in a different house with different comforts and different neighbors, etc. Instead of burdening myself with fear, I'm staying focused on the positive (and my list of positives is similar to your list). I'm not exactly delighted my name with be plastered in local papers; although, I'm not regarding this as a personal failure. I'm surrendering failure; I'm not a failure.

Don't forget, you have choice. Life, as it often does, is handing you change and you will ultimately determine how you handle it. Sometimes we have to adjust our notions of "dream" to coincide with current circumstances. Emphasis oftentimes has to shift. The big backyard with beautiful older trees may not immediately present itself to you; although, it exists. You may initially trade the yard for a wonderful kitchen or a larger savings account. You may learn the yard doesn't truly represent your desires. Or, you may discover the yard reflects your dream and your savings account will aid in providing such. You may feel as if you're being tossed. Trust you're moving forward.

[frogger]

A house is only a house. A home is where you make it.

[moneytrouble]

For me losing my home has been an emotional nightmare. My family does not know about it, and I fear shame from them for losing everything. I keep making excuses for them not to come over, I would rather die than face them about this. For me the bank will not foreclose on my home, they could care less about foreclosing,so my emotional nightmare continues 6 months after discharge.

[bulletproof77]

For me there was a bit of shame at first. I lived in my home almost 26 years, I knew my neighbors etc. But then little by little as the economy crumbled and the "bubble" in California burst, I noticed more and more empty houses. More families leaving and Section 8 rentals appearing owned by out of area investors. After January my former home will more than likely be one of them. I went through a lot of soul searching..at my age nearing my retirement years, did I want to remain in this place with all the memories etched in every piece of concrete ? I decided it would be better to just move on and start over and stop fighting Bank of America for something that just wasn't worth it. 2009 has been a year I'd just like to forget with the divorce, the BK and now foreclosure. For me it's just the last chapter in the book. Practically speaking, by doing so I am now able to control my financial "destiny" much better and I am free to sit on the sidelines while this housing crisis sinks ever deeper without being personally involved as a renter. It has made me sad, but it has also been a very personally liberating time for me. All of us who ever owned a home have always lived in fear of not making that payment and wondering what happens next. Well, now we know that it was all a house of cards anyway...Don't let shame rule your life. You do what you have to do. In the course of my job I see everyday what banks are doing to families and there's nothing to feel sorry for..Entire families sleeping in cars just telling their kids it's only temporary..it's heartbreaking.

[bulletproof77]

For me losing my home has been an emotional nightmare. My family does not know about it, and I fear shame from them for losing everything. I keep making excuses for them not to come over, I would rather die than face them about this. For me the bank will not foreclose on my home, they could care less about foreclosing,so my emotional nightmare continues 6 months after discharge.

By the way, 6 months to a year is not unusual in today's market. It took BofA at least 10 months for them to get going on mine, and it will be 13 months when the trustee sale is completed. Save your money, look for rentals and have a plan..and stop letting a faceless bank cause you so much stress. Relax and enjoy the "rent free" ride and let your family know the truth. You might find a lot more support than you think..

[moneytrouble]

[justbroke]

Sad thing is my yers assistant told me I should move out of the home as soon as possible, so I am not living rent free, as I moved into an apartment.

That's just silly. The assistant should have counseled you better. Reads like they were making a suggestion of moving out, not that you had to move out. Many people like the piece of mind by moving and not knowing when the foreclosure will begin. Personally, I did the same thing... moved out... but I moved back in!

[Ineedhelp2]

Shame and embarrassment are the smallest part. Yes, it hurt to see our names in the paper. This is a small town and that posting was gigantic. But I'm sure not "everyone" knows or cares.

But I'm sure many do know, and now that that has digested, it's a little disappointing that I have not received one offer of help. Not one phone call or email offering friendship or condolences. Maybe they don't want to contribute to my embarrassment? Maybe they wish they could help in some way, but can't? Maybe they're afraid I'll ask for money? (I woudln't).

But the hardest part of seeing that notice in the newspaper was the cold hard reality of the sale. I think I was in denial it would actually happen.

I have tried to contact the second mortgage who is initiating this sale, and there has been no response for six weeks. They said they would get back to me with some ideas and a possible solution, but that didn't happen.

Now all I'm asking of them is to let me know what's going to happen and if they take ownership whether we could rent the house for awhile. It appeared they were going to work with us, so we didn't look for a house right away, and it would have been foolish to put rent money down when we might use those funds on a new mortgage deal.

But so far they won't even respond and let us know what to expect. I don't see how it could hurt them in the slightest to treat us like real people and just let us know what's going on, and not always communicate via legal notices.

[moneytrouble]

Many people do not understand how someone my age does not own a home, that is why walking away is so hard. I did not like the home anymore, and there was too much noise from the street after tearing down many trees in my area, affecting my sleep. Selling it was not an option as it is way under. Besides, I really could not afford it anymore with the association fees increasing. With the economy I know there are many in my situation, but people still look down upon people who lost their homes, or never owned one.

[Ineedhelp2]

I look at home ownership a little differently now.

When you have a mortgage that is close to the value of the home is that really "ownership"?

If I had my life to do over, I'd never borrow against my home or take any equity out of it. I wouldn't use it as a source of "income."

When you're mortaged to the hilt it's more like renting than owning, and sometimes it's a worse deal.

[sisterfunkhaus]

I wouldn't care about other people knowing. And if you sat down and REALLY figured out the cost of the house, in the end, it's far more than you think it is. When people buy a house say for $200,000 and sell it 20 years later for $300,000 they shout with joy at their profit, but if they figured the intrest they had paid along with upkeep, they would see that they lost money on the house. Homes are not good investments, and I think as a society, we get a little bit too emotionally invested in houses.

We were able to sell ours, and I was so glad to have that monkey off of our back. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment and don't have all of the debt and costs hanging over our heads and it feels so good.

This may sound harsh, but I think we all need a bit of harshness in our lives so we can not repeat our mistakes. A house is a thing, you still have your memories. Things and worrying about what others think is what got many of us into the whole BK thing. We need to restructure our thinking and think about the memories and try to stay positive and stop greiving over things. As long as you have a place to live, food on the table, and clothes on your back, you are way ahead of many people in the world.

I am sorry you are having a hard time. I know it's hard, but you really have to change your whole attitude to get through this in one piece.

[sisterfunkhaus]

but people still look down upon people who lost their homes, or never owned one.

I don't understand why we all place so much importance on what other people look down on or think. It keeps us stuck as a society. I finally just took the attitude that those people aren't paying my bills, and they probably have loads of debt and live beyond their means. I look down on them for continuing the charade, living beyond their means, and putting so much emphasis on material crap. Also, if all someone has to do with their time is look down on others for not having a house, then they need to get a life.