Are you telling family/friends about your foreclosure?

[Hodgini66]

....(we had a squatter), ....I am telling you I go so TIRED of hearing all of my DH relatives telling us...the grass needs mowing....a window is broken....the a/c is missing...etc. It just went on and on...

Should've offered to pay them a handsome "finder's fee" to become the "neighborhood terrorists" forcing the squatters out, while at the same time offering to hire them to do the repairs & manage the place!

I once heard a story about a woman who had a large disfigurement on her face. When someone asked her "Doesn't it even bother you? You walk through life as though its not even there!"

She quipped back: "Why should I care? I don't have to look at it!"

LOL

[brokegopher]

I'm only telling close friends and other people that will figure it out by the sudden move to a rental. Even though I'm sure there will be some talk behind our back and jokes made, I actually feel a little relief and humbled - like we are out of this stupid "keeping up with Jones's" race around us.

In all honesty I bet most people will understand and those that dont are probably just jealous you got out of your debt load and they are still swimming

[bulletproof77]

I went to a BBQ the other day at a friend's house in my formerly very nice golf course type neighborhood. After a beer or two, the homeowner (who still has a very good, secure job, a rarity here these days), looked around and stated that he owed 370K on a home (although beautiful) that was now worth 180K. He's busting his rear end to make his payment and is cash poor after he does so. He asked me how it felt to have walked away from my home. At first I didn't know if he was being condescending or sincere..But I told him that yes, I may live in a 1200sq. ft. rental condo that I don't own, BUT the feeling of freedom from walking away from that 30 year chain around my neck was well worth it. He then told me that he was thinking of doing the exact same thing, that smaller, simpler and cheaper was very appealing. I replied, "well I tried to keep up with the Jones, but they won"...and then I knew I had made the right decision. And I don't care who knows...I learned a lot from this whole divorce, BK and foreclosure episode. As hokey as it sounds, I think at least speaking for me, more is not necessarily better and money can't buy true happiness. I'm free...

[hnhlvr]

We've never told anybody except my in-laws. Some have figured it out and others, I'm not sure if they know.

[curmudgeon]

I have already started laying the groundwork with family and friends because I would rather they hear it from me than start gossiping and speculating behind my back. I do feel shame and guilt (shouldn't I be doing better than this at age 40? Why can't I grow up and get it right? etc....) but I am not disclosing these emotions to others, as I want to be perceived as someone not to be pitied or disdained. The biggest surprise has been my Dad, who is EXTREMELY fiscally conservative and paid off a 30-acre farm and a home, barn, and workshop on a teachers salary!!! I dreaded telling him the most, because he has set the bar so high and I have failed so utterly to achieve even one tenth of what he has. However, when I finally did talk to him, he was extremely supportive and told me in no uncertain terms to walk away from my house RIGHT NOW before I waste more money on something that is worth about $40,000 less than what I owe. When I got the green light from him, I truly felt free to disclose the truth to everyone else and am in the process of talking to all the people in my life, except my mother-in-law. If I could keep it secret from one person in this world, it would definitely be her!

[Hodgini66]

Don't sweat it!

I'm 42 yrs old, told my highly successful dad about it, no problem, he's offered to pay off the second for dimes on the dollar. All my troubles stem from a divorce initiated by my retarded ex wife, so the financial news pales in comparison.

The issues we face are sins of stupidity & being naive.

I now drive a 1997 Suburban with 190k miles, BEST thing I've done in a long time!!!! Paid in full, no payments, cheap insurance (liability only).

Keep yer chin up, you'll be just fine

[OhioFiler]

Don't sweat it!

I'm 42 yrs old, told my highly successful dad about it, no problem, he's offered to pay off the second for dimes on the dollar. All my troubles stem from a divorce initiated by my retarded ex wife, so the financial news pales in comparison.

The issues we face are sins of stupidity & being naive.

I now drive a 1997 Suburban with 190k miles, BEST thing I've done in a long time!!!! Paid in full, no payments, cheap insurance (liability only).

Keep yer chin up, you'll be just fine

Many find the use of this word offensive.

[Hodgini66]

"retarded"... It's all about context.

Let's suppose you have a person who has fits of uncontrollable anger, to the point of being emotionally & physically abusive to others, is largely incapable of providing for themself or others (laundry, cooking, holding down a job) including errant behaviors such as compulsive shopping and spending to the point of being the sole source of one's own financial ruin (i.e. $20k in one month).

Which non-offensive singular "word" shall I be permitted to use that accurately sums it all up? While I clearly understood your context, maybe you can understand mine.

[DeadManCrawling]

"Wantonly irresponsible" would work in that context. But it is easier so many times to grab the first word that leaps to mind (and generally more honest), though that can sometimes lead to misunderstandings.

I have, in my circle of friends, folks who are mildly or severely retarded mentally, and can understand why some find the word offensive when used out of context, but I took no offense and it made sense in the scope of the poster's statement. Others will disagree of course, and are entitled to do so, but there are many more important things for most of us than discussing word etymology and implied meaning on a debt forum.

[flower04]

We just filed, a 3 year 13. My DH got a new job in a different area. THe commute isn't too bad but we plan to move to that area within the year...so that is what we are telling people. We have several family and close friends we will continue to see and I'm hoping they'll just [I]forget[I] about it.

I guess they'll find out if they want but I hope there isn't a huge, "FORECLOSURE" or "AUCTION" sign out front. We plan to stay here as long as possible to save up. I don't feel bad about free rent anymore. We've paid our due since most of our debt is from medical bills and a medical condition that keeps me from working. I'm glad to hear the encouragement on this thread. Thanks

[Proxy]

What to do with keys and utilities?Please help!!

The date of sale is sept 2,2009. It was actually pretty quick, stopped payment feb 1st to first and second mortgages, NOD in May now the pending sale. I am in Norcal, quick for CA timeline which i am glad cos I want Foreclosure to be over and done with.I leave the country aug 26th .

1)I am not paying home insurance (expires this month August) I don't have the money and date of sale is near ,is that ok?Flood insurance expires Dec 2009, not paying that either. I am taking a risk but hey i haven't got the money.

2)What about the keys? No need to send to first mortgage (Wells) right? They can hire locksmith once house is auctioned off or sold to highest bidder?

3) What about electricty ,water ,gas, garbage ? Do I cut off all utilities? Someone told me that unless title changes, I still have to pay the garbage, water etc.(electricity too since that runs the drip system) I dont have money to spare and would sooner not have to pay ANY utilities. My credit is shot already and I am wondering if i should file BK Ch 7 next July 2010 when i get back for a few months from overseas. With all unpaid utitilies especially!!

4) I will have mail forwarded to a PO BOX in another city in CA 2 hrs away and friend will check the box. Do I have to call the 1st and 2nd to tell them my new address??

5) What other advice can anyone give me given the info I have stated. I am leaving the country and need to know how to line my ducks in a row
for this foreclosure process to go smoothly when i am out of the country!!

All help is much appreciated!!

[EverHopeful]

Sorry!

I wonder when i do my garage sale, neighbors would come and be nosey?? What should i do if they ask questions? Only my next door close friend and neighbor knows.I am in a cul de sac, and the two opposite and on the other side are nosey.I dont want them to know where i am going .SHould i do the garage sale and how do i avoid talking to them??

[Proxy]

The date of sale is sept 2,2009. It was actually pretty quick, stopped payment feb 1st to first and second mortgages, NOD in May now the pending sale. I am in Norcal, quick for CA timeline which i am glad cos I want Foreclosure to be over and done with.I leave the country aug 26th .

1)I am not paying home insurance (expires this month August) I don't have the money and date of sale is near ,is that ok?Flood insurance expires Dec 2009, not paying that either. I am taking a risk but hey i haven't got the money.

2)What about the keys? No need to send to first mortgage (Wells) right? They can hire locksmith once house is auctioned off or sold to highest bidder?

3) What about electricty ,water ,gas, garbage ? Do I cut off all utilities? Someone told me that unless title changes, I still have to pay the garbage, water etc.(electricity too since that runs the drip system) I dont have money to spare and would sooner not have to pay ANY utilities. My credit is shot already and I am wondering if i should file BK Ch 7 next July 2010 when i get back for a few months from overseas. With all unpaid utitilies especially!!

4) I will have mail forwarded to a PO BOX in another city in CA 2 hrs away and friend will check the box. Do I have to call the 1st and 2nd to tell them my new address??

5) What other advice can anyone give me given the info I have stated. I am leaving the country and need to know how to line my ducks in a row
for this foreclosure process to go smoothly when i am out of the country!!

All help is much appreciated!!

I shouldn't have hijacked this thread.I will repost under new topic and thread! Sorry!!

[HakunaMatata]

I wonder when i do my garage sale, neighbors would come and be nosey?? What should i do if they ask questions? Only my next door close friend and neighbor knows.I am in a cul de sac, and the two opposite and on the other side are nosey.I dont want them to know where i am going .SHould i do the garage sale and how do i avoid talking to them??

Be grateful you're almost free of the nosey neighbors! If they ask questions, tell them you weighed your options and foreclosure is more desirable than them!

In all honesty, I wouldn't be concerned. Focus on the big picture...you've made a business decision for yourself. This isn't about pleasing neighbors, pacifying nosey people, or avoiding gossip. Plus, you won't have to deal with them in the future. Who cares what they think/say? Their EverHopeful gossiping time is coming to an end. They'll move onto someone else. You don't have to explain your finances, your motives, or your future intentions if this brings discomfort. If questions are asked, redirect them to your garage sale items. You're a business woman and you don't have time to chat.

[Proxy]

That is great advice, I too was thinking that I am so afraid of what the neighbors think that i lose sight of the whole picture that in the near future, all this will pass.Thanks for making me laugh and redirecting my thougts!