How do you cope with the stress of debt?

[merime]

I know here on this forum everyone is undergoing some form of legal and financial nightmare. For the last 2 weeks ,I wake up in a panic room. My mind never stops thinking what if, is there, should I.......???? I don't sleep eat or take care of myself anymore. I think sometimes that I can't even breathe. Last week at work my boss was not coming in to say hello. I literally made up a senerio in my head that she found out about my lawsuit and was going to fire me. of course it was all in my head. I do not smoke or drink. I do exercise. I have given up most things I enjoy. if anyone can help give me suggestions I would appreciate it. Right now I could really use some friends who have been where I am -thank you!!

[rebuilt]

I am where you are. I was just having a conversation with mom as to what I am going to do with the rest of my life, as of right now, it just feels over, and I haven't even made the decision that filing is a definite yet. Just so scared. Exercise has been helping me, and the silver lining is I am in the best physical shape in years. Don't know what is going on inside with the anxiety eating at me as I lost 30 lbs, and not a heavy guy to begin with. Just recently putting on some wait.

In addition, going through a separation / divorce, not even sure what it is, and that uncertainty is killing me as well.

Wish I had better advice, but talking to people on here seems to help a bit. You can feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to, without blasting your problems on the board. Sometimes there are just some things you feel more comfortable sharing one on one. Hope to help, and be helped.

Best of luck.

[minan]

I know here on this forum everyone is undergoing some form of legal and financial nightmare. For the last 2 weeks ,I wake up in a panic room. My mind never stops thinking what if, is there, should I.......???? I don't sleep eat or take care of myself anymore. I think sometimes that I can't even breathe. Last week at work my boss was not coming in to say hello. I literally made up a senerio in my head that she found out about my lawsuit and was going to fire me. of course it was all in my head. I do not smoke or drink. I do exercise. I have given up most things I enjoy. if anyone can help give me suggestions I would appreciate it. Right now I could really use some friends who have been where I am -thank you!!

I was the same way before I filed. I couldn't understand the mess I got myself in. I kept replaying the last 3 years in my head.....questioning the decisions/choices I made. I felt so stupid, like a loser, really guilty because I was so bad managing my business and money, etc...I got into a depression and can't seem to get back on track. I've got insurance now and plan to get back into therapy and on meds.

I would recommend that you find someone to talk to. I also recommend learning as much as you can about what all of your options are, such as bk, etc...interview several lawyers and find one you like. Use this forum to vent, seek info, and learn.

[merime]

Same here. I find myself in this panic mode 24/7. I cant afford a lawyer. I am one paycheck short of being homeless. Thanks for caring.

[DG1966]

I defer to the movie Risky Business staring Tom Cruise..... Every now and then say, "What the F@$^" "What the F@$^" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.

It works for me!

[frogger]

Been in your shoes, and it's a horrible place to be.

Jack Daniels helped me. (and so did the people here!)

[jacko]

You have to look at it this way..It's only money. So you can't pay it back, life goes on. Learn your rights and protect your remaining resources. Once I learned my rights and took proactive steps to protect my cash, I slept well at night and do not have regrets that my unsecured creditors will be screwed. I figured that they made enough dough off me via high interest and the padding of fees. Have not used a CC in nearly two years and never again I will be a slave to it.

Have yet to file due to lack of employment and health benefits plus the Taxman wants to be paid. Why bother filing now.

I know here on this forum everyone is undergoing some form of legal and financial nightmare. For the last 2 weeks ,I wake up in a panic room. My mind never stops thinking what if, is there, should I.......???? I don't sleep eat or take care of myself anymore. I think sometimes that I can't even breathe. Last week at work my boss was not coming in to say hello. I literally made up a senerio in my head that she found out about my lawsuit and was going to fire me. of course it was all in my head. I do not smoke or drink. I do exercise. I have given up most things I enjoy. if anyone can help give me suggestions I would appreciate it. Right now I could really use some friends who have been where I am -thank you!!

[treehugger1]

We often hear how "they" don't teach kids about managing their personal finances. Fair enough since they also don't teach kids about their rights and options if their personal finaces get messed up.

I went through a year of pure hell. I kept trying to work out settlement offers, I'd get things just about where I thought everything was fine and some local creditor would sue me and garnish my wages. I wasn't sleeping at night, not giving a shit about work, and drinking. Eventually, after reading enough posts and learning about the laws in my state from other good people, I finally threw in the towel and walked away from everything. I have always been a distance runner (another of my obsessive compulsive disorders,) but I was at some strange point in mylife where I even stopped doing the things I enjoyed. I'm sure I would have been diagnosed with depression. Instead, I finally hit rock bottom and realized either I turned my self into some kind of 12 step program, or I accepted my current financial place and lace up my shoes and punish some pavement and trails.

I cannot say any of my challenges were easy. Yet, once I accepted my current financial plight and realized I could walk away, I also realized I could put away the alcohol, and eventually give up the chewing tobacco (after 35 years.) In the end facing and accepting my poor financial choices and their outcomes, helped me to face other long term issues of my life. So, perhaps you will gain overall strength as you meet your enemies.

You can, and will, reach this point also. Be patient. Keep in mind you are not a criminal. Try to see your current situation as a spiritual journey. Take the time to meditate (or pray if such is your way.) Take the time to concentrate on your own breathing or focus on some visual scene. The point is to not focus on your current plight. Don't ignore it, but don't focus all your energy on your situation. Let it go for a few moments, or an hour, or a day.

oops, sorry for the wordy response.

[Freddy03]

I'm still trying to find a way to deal with this stress. This past year has been absolute nightmare for me.

I made the mistake of not letting my husband know just how bad it was. He now knows but still doesn't fully get it.

I've probably gained 20lbs this year, started drinking regularly and have been out of touch with almost everyone.

Some days I'm fine and say it's only money. And then some days I'm a wreck.

I'm hoping when we file things will let up a little so I can go back to normal....LOL

I have to say that this board has helped me a lot in the past 2 weeks.

Good Luck to you!!

[merime]

Thank you for the thoughtful posts. Yes, this forum has been a lifesaver. The advice and kind words have always been a port in the storm.

[beachchick]

I coped with stress by reading Bankruptcy, How To Survive and Prosper, I went from stressed and depressed to peace and hope. Got it at Amazon.com

[tobee43]

well.....this site may NOT be the best for stress release...there are many on here that just like to attack you when you are down...so be careful.


to relieve the stress...if you can't afford an attorney.....you can get one that will take monthly payments...and most likely be able to guide you along the way until you can file.

just keep making calls until you find help...cal CCC...actually it's called something else now...someone will know what it's call. they can advise you how to get help.

we are all here for different reasons...we lost our home after 33 years and i became so ill our medical expenses exceeded 200k....and now because of the illness i can't even work...my other half first because with a pay cut of 1/3 of the salary brought in, and then finally laid off completely....it was really terrible..

but we go on...and we make it!!!....grey goose......yes

[ddye01]

I too, have lost many hours of sleep. I have been grumpy. Ticked off at myself for stupid mistakes. The past is the past....you can't change it. Research anything and everything before you make any decision. That is where I screwed up. I tried a debt sebtlement company and gave my money away for nothing. I finally filed Ch 7 and now await my discharge. The headache is almost over..................

[Unibrow]

I cope by accepting that one day I will have to file bk. Until then, I will learn as much as I can about the bk process so I can truly have a fresh start.

[Pandora]

Stress is a killer - thats what you need to remember, first and foremost; is it worth your life? No, its not. I used to let it all bother me, I couldnt sleep, couldnt eat, would make myself sick over it, but in the end all it did was make me upset and sick - didnt change anything and certainly didnt change the creditors' point of view.

Its only money - its hard to look at it that way I know, but - if you dont have it you dont have it. They cant throw you in jail, they cant take your kids away or anything else, right? For your own sake and sanity, you have to take control back from your creditors and start to breathe again They only get the control you allow them. There came a point in time where I just simply said "enough" and decided I wasnt changing anything by worrying, crying, making myself sick - so I decided that I would just tell whomever called "Sorry, cant get blood out of a turnip as I've told you before and have on recordings - have a good day" and hung up the phone.

Cant tell you how much better it felt to be proactive vs. reactive - my health isnt the best as it is, and I certainly didnt need to add to it by stressing out. You can do it, all of us can, it just takes some longer than others, but eventually we all get there at some point.