Depressed and Overwhelmed

[stressedout2]

Hello,

I'm depressed,sick,and exhausted. Heres my unbelievable story.

I have been my mothers caregiver for 8 long years,She has late stage alzheimer's and is bed ridden,has to be fed etc. She's in the last stage of this horrible disease.She has lived with me for 6 years.

During this time my main concern was taking care of her,and I completely let myself go.

I owned my own business for over 25 years,and finally had to close it about a year ago. It had been losing money for the last 3 years,as I wasn't able to be there that much.

When I first stated taking care of mom in 2001 I had no debt. Today I'm in debt about 195,000. And it's about half business and personal cc's. I have bought NOTHING for me in the last 8 years,not even new clothes. I had to pay for any help I could find for her care,and huge Dr and hospital bills that medicare would not pay. I took out many balance transfers.

The last year my only income has been from selling my stuff. Now I'm running out of stuff to sell. My min. payments are 3200 a month. I'm current but out of money,so unless something else sells soon I'll be defaulting for the first time.

I have two vehicles for sale,that might bring around 8,000 for both. I have them listed under blue book,and no calls yet.

I also own a travel trailer 1996 model that was totaled by the insurance company in 2004 from tree limb damage. It don't look good but is still usable. I also own two boats,one is a 1987,and the other a 1990 small fishing boat.I also have a 1997 truck and a 1992 van. I bought all of this new and really want to somehow keep them. I will probably end up living in the trailer.

Now to my house that I've owned for 25 years, I had to take out a equity line of credit in 2004 for 50k. I can draw on it and it is maxed. My house would probably sell for 95k max. It needs work since I have neglected it too.

Mom was just ok'd for medicaid and even though I promised her I would not put her in the nursing home,I'm gonna have to. My health is getting really bad,and I have no health insurance. I'm 55 and look as old as mom who is 83.

After she goes to the N. home I need to put this place up for sale,and hopefully start feeling better so I can get a job.

I use to be real good at figuring things out,now I'm beaten down so much it's a struggle to get through the day.

So I'm asking for advice. What should I do? Am I expecting too much to want and try to keep my old vehicles and boats?

I know I can't take much more I'm so stressed now that even when the phone rings I start shaking.And the creditors haven't even called yet.

I doubt my house will sell very fast,there are at least 6 foreclosures within a mile of me out in the country. I'm from Ohio.

It's gonna hit me hard when I put mom in the home,that could happen within the next month. I really need a plan before that.

I have no retirement left either,I cashed it in,in 2005.

And now can't even get SS Disability,they say I don't have enough credit's now.


I don't want any sympathy I just want good advice.

[Dst1]

There is an old adage in the health care business that if you don't take good care of yourself you're no good to anyone else.

(1) The best advice anyone can give you is that your attitude needs to change: you need to start putting yourself first.

(2) Then I would say you need to see a BK lawyer. I think you already know that or you wouldn't be here.

(3) Then you are going to have to figure out what to do with the next part of your life. Because BK only solves the debt problem it doesn't solve the income problem.

And you know what? All three of those points are buried in your post. So I don't think you've lost the ability to figure things out. In the broad outlines you have your next steps figured out, and figured out right.

Don't lose confidence in yourself because you still have it.

[Ann]

stressedout2, I believe once you no longer have the responsibility of taking care of your parent day in and day out you will be able to think a little more clearly about your situation. It sounds to me that you have gone above and beyond by taking care of your mother. Do NOT feel bad about having to put her in a nursing home. My bet is that you had every intention of taking care of her until the end. Nobody can predict the way things will turn out. Alzheimers is cruel for the patient and even more so for the person taking care of them. You need to take care of you now. I believe you will get through this. Listen to what Dst1 has to say. Also, keep reading everything you can here. Those on here are gracious enough to share their experiences with bankruptcy and can give you good honest advice. I was so incredibly depressed when I first started to come here and gradually I realized declaring bankruptcy is NOT the end of the world! Those here have helped my mental state more than they will ever know and I'm sure the same will hold true for you! Good luck. You have so much life ahead of you!!!

[backtoschool]

stressedout2, coming here and getting the help you need to rebuild your life is a very important step towards taking care of yourself.

Some of your vehicles will be covered under bankruptcy exemptions, and you will be able to keep them.

I would schedule a couple of free consultations with attorneys. You already understand where you are at, and why you probably need to file, so that is half the battle.

Moving on and taking care of yourself is the most important thing that you can do right now.

[stressedout2]

Thanks for the replies.I appreciate any advice I can get. The first thing is to get mom safe and cared for.

I don't see how I could file bk anytime soon. I've recently taken out cash advances and still use one card. And I'm hoping to get two vehicles sold soon. I wish I had a step by step plan to guide me. Right now it's really hard for me to concentrate on the debt issue. Still can't believe this is happening.

[Dst1]

How recent and how large were the cash advances. Please don't put up personal information but the more specific you can be the better advice you will get.

While there is no step by step guide that fits everyone the Nolo book is excellent. See the sticky on this site.

[stressedout2]

A very recent cash advance over 5,000. to pay some of moms drs and get her prescriptions.Her only income is a very small ss check,and I have none as I closed my business.I'm very close to running out of propane and will need to come up with 1,000. for that. I can't get the house ready for sale until I get her placed. And it will take some time to get it ready. I had to make a lot of changes to accommodate her.It will probably be at least March before I can list it.