How did you tell your family? Or did you?

[tic1975]

My friends are very supportive and hope for the best in our filing. I know our families will judge harshly. How to deal?

[Drazil65]

No one's business but your own. We told no one as it was a very private decision that we did not want to invite the questions or the judgments. Why do you feel like you need to tell anyone? That opens up a lot more stress during an already stressful situation. It has only to do with the people it involves directly and unless you have a habit of informing them about ALL of your financial decisions then I do not see the point (if that is the case then you might have other issues to deal with).

Make your decision, follow through and move on, keep life simple not a reality show for the family or friends to talk about. You are making it too hard but maybe you have some guilt about what you are doing and the need to confess? That is a whole other issue that you probably need to get over, its nothing but a business decision for the business of you.

[LadyInTheRed]

I had reasons to tell my family. Not because I tell them my every financial decision, but because I used to do things with them that cost money that I wasn't going to be able to do anymore. I also wanted to let them know why my gift giving patterns were going to change a bit. My family did know that I had a lot of credit card debt and that my home was far underwater. They all thought it made sense, especially when I told them about stripping my second mortgage.

It is only their business if you want it to be. If you don't think they will be supportive, don't tell them. You don't need to deal with their undeserved judgement.

[frogger]

I didn't tell mine after the fact. I got the family together, including father, mother and brother and we looked at the financial situation together. They all knew we were struggling, and after looking at the numbers, income and expenses, debt load, etc., everyone came to the conclusion that filing bk was in the best interest of my family.

No surprises, no jumping to conclusions, no judgement.

Sometimes it's best to have someone on the outside look at the situation as it is easy to be blinded to the truth.

Good luck.

[tic1975]

Thank you! I do feel it is private and that it doesn't concern them. When the economy fell, my brother actually ended up making more money and is a bit disconnected on the reality others face. My husband and I have each told one of our separate friends. Reason being they have done it themselves.

[switch625]

I only told one family member, my brother. He was contemplating doing a 7 and needed some advice ( I got some of his collection calls, which I answered "there is no one by that name at this number". I give that info out on a need to know basis only and no one else needs to know at this point unless a situation calls for it or someone pulls a "PACER gotcha" on me, which is highly unlikely.

[ksgirl38]

I wouldn't. It's really no one's business, but yours. Of course I've always been of the opinion that finances should be private anyway. I realize not everyone shares that opinion.

[TXskyblue]

I have told no one. I have a friend who is contemplating filing BK, and I talked her through the process so she could decide if she wanted to. She probably realizes I filed BK at some point.

I don't see the benefit of telling friends and family, in general. There is no upside. The downside is some will be judgmental.

[bcohen]

I told my family when I first defaulted on my debts, so they would be prepared to handle collections calls without giving out any information. When I was sued by Discover Bank, I again discussed with them that if the lawsuit ended poorly then I was going to file for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. And of course after losing the lawsuit, I did file. Other than my parents, who claimed that filing for bankruptcy made me a "deadbeat" which I let go in one ear and out the other, everyone else was supportive of my situation.

[switch625]

One observation. I seen a lot of stuff posted on Facebook or Twitter that I wouldn't even dare think of posting. One thing I have yet to see in 6 years on both platforms is a post that said "I just filed BK" or a FB friend checking in at BK court or where the 341 meeting is held, or "my BK is discharged..woohoo!". BK is territory even the most attention-starved or TMI spewing folks would ever disclose, unless a "things happen for a reason" staus update is code for "I just filed BK".

[LadyInTheRed]

Other than my parents, who claimed that filing for bankruptcy made me a "deadbeat" which I let go in one ear and out the other, .

In the good company of other "deadbeats" like Abraham Lincoln, Henry Ford and Donald Trump, to name only a few.

One observation. I seen a lot of stuff posted on Facebook or Twitter that I wouldn't even dare think of posting. One thing I have yet to see in 6 years on both platforms is a post that said "I just filed BK" or a FB friend checking in at BK court or where the 341 meeting is held, or "my BK is discharged..woohoo!". BK is territory even the most attention-starved or TMI spewing folks would ever disclose, unless a "things happen for a reason" staus update is code for "I just filed BK".

I told a lot of friends when I was about to file BK. I didn't really care if people want to judge me for it and it was what was forefront in my mind when somebody asked "what's new?" I wasn't afraid or nervous about BK. I was excited to have found the solution to my overwhelming debt situation. It was natural to want to talk about what I was excited about. Occasionally somebody would say "TMI" and change the subject. But, most often, people were interested in the process. Some wondered openly whether it was a good option for them or a loved one. I never once felt judged. I wasn't on Facebook at the time, but am now. I don't know if I would have said anything on FB, but then I say very little on FB anyway. I have a friend who lost his job and did a "go fund me" campaign to ask his friends for help and posted about that on FB. Everybody was very supportive. I decided not to post something asking if he had considered BK. I have thought about whether I will post something about my discharge. The problem is I am a member of a large community which results in a lot of FB friends who are more acquaintances than friends. (I have a policy to not accept friend requests from someone I have never spoken to, so there is nobody I've never met). For people I only see once a year or less, I think info on my BK is TMI. As you point out, switch625, that doesn't stop a lot of people from posting. What I might do is not mention BK, but post that I am now debt free. I guess I trust my friends and family to know I am not morally flawed, but not so much my acquaintances.

[flaguy]

I will tell anyone that I filed if there is a reason to, I wouldn't run around volunteering it........ but I don't have the slightest bit of guilt or shame for a single penny that was discharged and there were roughly 600,000,000 of them LOL...........should have my discharge tomorrow (just checked, pacer 5 mins ago, today was day 62).

[avengers]

I don't see the benefit of telling friends and family, in general. There is no upside. The downside is some will be judgmental.

THIS!

I'm not ashamed of the BK. But people might judge you based on it and it's really not necessary to tell anyone. Only person I told is a person contemplating BK himself due to tax debt and has been very open as to his financial dealings though the years.

There is one upside, though. Right now, there is a lot of stigma to filing BK. For example, that's the reason we didn't file BK in 2010--we didn't know anything about BK and thought only "deadbeats" filed BK. That was a shame because filing BK in 2010 would have saved us tens of thousands of dollars (we raided our retirement for years to pay off debts). We actually had two pretty close friends abandon a mortgage by "mailing in the keys", so we didn't think anything is bad, in general, about avoiding consumer debt--that's just a business decision. But BK just seemed different.

The only reason we eventually filed was because one acquaintance told us about how great BK was for them. I eventually found this site and realized that BK would be the best thing for me to do. Never would have done so if that acquaintance never told us about BK.

I do find it odd that my wife had absolutely no qualms about telling people when we were on food stamps or on unemployment or on Medicaid. But she hasn't told anyone about our BK either.