One day to go and feeling awful...

[starr004]

I have completed my paperwork and my attorney is waiting for my approval to file. I am having the worst anxiety about it - not sleeping, not eating, you name it! My divorce left me overwhelmed. And yet, when I call my creditors to work things out, some are willing but not all. The late payments are out of control and there is no way of catching up. I've looked for extra work, tried credit counseling from 3 agencies and they all suggested bankruptcy. It will take 9 years to pay off the debts, so which is better? Having the bankruptcy follow me into retirement and the rest of my life or having the debts keep me from retirement in 6 years? It's hard not to call and say cancel the whole thing. Do you think these feelings mean filing is not a good idea? Anyone else ever felt so extreme about it?

[mcordry]

Hi Starr.... I can tell you I had the same anxiety....I didn't have the extreme feelings that you have but it was anxiety none the less. I won't go into my story because I have posted it on here before, but just suffice to say I found myself in a bad financial state. It was from frivolous spending, a business that I had to carry through the recession and other things that led me to the decision to file. I was never late on any debt and just the idea of not paying made me nervous. But when I found this forum and realized that everything I was feeling was normal, it made me realize that filing bankruptcy doesn't say anything about my moral character. I was always told by my parents that no matter what you pay your bills, so I tried to do everything possible to not make the decision to file. But I kept getting deeper and deeper. I borrowed money to pay down credit card debt ( which is crazy that you go into debt to pay off debt). So I finally made the decision in June to file. I missed my first payment ever on a credit card and that was a hard day, but then it was freeing. I realized through the great people on this forum that they don't have debtors prisons anymore and what is the worst that can happen if you can't pay. So I went to see an attorney and he put my mind to rest that this is a business decision. I am 50 years old and my unsecured debt is almost $100,000 so there is no way that I would ever pay it off. So to put myself in a position that I will be financially stable when I retire I had to do this. I will file in October (when you see an attorney they will tell you if it is beneficial to wait out some time lines or go ahead and file). I am completely at peace with it. So the advice I can give you is, breathe, use this forum for support and knowledge and go see about 3 attorneys. Bankruptcy is not the end of the world and it can result in a new beginning. You will be fine , Read some of the blogs on this forum and you will see that the vast majority of the people on here have come out the other side in a much better situation than they started with. Bankruptcy was started to give people a new start. So begin your new start ASAP , and don't continue to pay any unsecured debt, put that money aside to pay an attorney.

[LadyInTheRed]

starr004, tell your attorney file your petition. You have done all you can do to try to avoid BK. When 3 credit counseling agencies tell you to file a BK instead of recommending a debt management program, that is a good indication that BK is the best option. Even if you ended up in Chap 13, it would be better than 9 years paying off debt instead of saving for your retirement.

Do you think these feelings mean filing is not a good idea?

No, I don't. I do believe in intuition. But, the decision to file BK is a business decision that should not be based on feelings. You know that BK is your best option financially. Feel your feelings for a while today and then set them aside and do what you know is the rational thing to do tomorrow. You will feel better about your decision when you no longer have this debt hanging over your head that you have no way to catch up on. Right now, the creditors are in control of the situation. They can sue you at any time, then garnish your wages and levy your accounts. File BK and put yourself in control of the situation!

[Drazil65]

Those feeling are pretty normal I am afraid but let me tell you about the feeling of relief after you file then the exhilaration after discharge. You have done what many of us have done, go through all savings and all or some of our retirement funds. We put the banks and the credit card companies ahead of our own well being and as you have seen, they could care less. You are left with nothing and they are not rushing to help you or make it easier now that you have given all your money to them.

Its not a matter of walking away from your responsibilities or debt, sometimes life just throws you a curve ball and if not sufficiently prepared you will scramble. Job loss, mortgages from banks that never should have happened, medical bill surprises and a host of other life lessons seem to hit us all at once. It happens and you are scared because we have all bought into the myth, the lies and the belief that no matter what happens always pay the bank. The banks get it all or they will make your life miserable and your credit will be ruined etc. So we empty every account and rob Peter to pay Paul and borrow more and so it goes.

Then you get to the end of that game and there is nothing left to do, you still have to live and keep a roof over your head and feed on the table. You then realize that the banks and CC companies (the banks) don't give a rats %#%@ about you. You also realize that life is not over after bankruptcy, many people have come through just fine (most) and we have emergency funds in the bank, we live on cash only, we rent nice places, still have our jobs or got new/better ones, were able to get car loans etc. The sleep you get after all is said and done will be well worth it alone, you did all you could do and its time. Move on, learn the lessons you should learn from this experience and I guarantee you will wish you did it sooner!!!! Good Luck!

[LadyInTheRed]

I guarantee you will wish you did it sooner!!!!

I think that must be the most common regret people express after discharge: "I wish I had done it sooner."

[spidge]

I think that must be the most common regret people express after discharge: "I wish I had done it sooner."

I'll third that sentiment.

I don't know how we were able to get by before the BK. We are in a 13 and even though there are some tough times life is still much better and I can look forward to planning for moving the family forward.

Seek the relief.

[pamkev]

I think that must be the most common regret people express after discharge: "I wish I had done it sooner."

I fourth that thought. The above posters have said everything I would have, listen to them. I am a feeling type of gal and I learn to take the feelings out of it and when I did it was the best choice for us to file.

[keepmine]

I'd suggest you look at this as just a business decision. Nothing more-nothing less.
At the end of the day, we're all good capitalist and will act in a manner that reflects are best interest. That's what you need to do. You can rest assured that's exactly how your creditors are going to react once you default.

[LadyInTheRed]

starr004, have you given your attorney the green light to file?

[starr004]

Yes! Thank you to everyone for your replies (I hope this is not a duplicate - for some reason my reply is not posting).
All of your replies were so helpful and I was able to put things in perspective. As all of you did before me - I tried and tried everything - draining my savings, believing the credit counselors could work miracles - to no avail.
All of you were right - I do feel better! Next step will be the court date. Thanks again!

[AngelinaCat]

Starr004 welcome to the Forum. As you learn more from reading the various posts and stories from the members here, you will feel much better. My best wishes go out to you!!

[LadyInTheRed]

I am so glad you did what you needed to do!

[switch625]

I think that must be the most common regret people express after discharge: "I wish I had done it sooner."

I fifth that sentiment.

[DaisysMom]

Awesome!!!! I am retiring in 1.5 years and 2 years ago I was way over my head in debt. All I could think of was how I had destroyed the remainder of my life by being so far in debt. How could I ever retire and enjoy my life again? I fouud this site and the rest is history. I am now debt free, happy and looking very much forward to my retirement. It REALLY IS a fresh start...a new life.

Congratulations and enjoy your new freedom from debt.

DM