Feeling guilty...

[starr004]

Hi, I am new. My story is I am about 4 years from retirement, going through divorce. Husband lost his job and I became the breadwinner. Credit card balances grew and are now over $45K. He could not afford anything, so I am stuck with the bills, along with student loans for graduate school I needed in order to keep my job. House is upside down, but gives me a place to live. Bills are current, wonderful credit score, but barely a dollar left at the end of the month, so out come the cards. I have seen an attorney, and it seems like the right move. How do I move past this guilt?
Thanks for any comments...!!

[BobMango]

You need to look at this as a business decision, that's how your creditors have looked at it since they started loaning you money. Your circumstances changed, doesn't sound like you've been intending to rip off anyone. I was doing fine myself until the stock and real estate markets all dumped in 2008. The worst part is that I wasted time looking for a miracle and used retirement savings I could have preserved if I had filed sooner.

My advice? Get moving on filing and put all the stress behind you. Once you're clear learn how to live on what you have and enjoy life again.

[AngelinaCat]

Hi Starr004:

Welcome to the Forum and to a brand new year for you.

First off, you MUST get the emotions out of any decisions that you make. Filing BK is a BUSINESS decision arrived at in a logical way. You must weigh the pros and cons of your situation.

From what you have written--and really we should learn more details about your situation before anyone can venture a really 'informed' opinion--but it seems that you are a good candidate for a Chapter 7.

But as I said, we need a few more details...

Good wishes to you! May you have a GOOD New Year!

[LadyInTheRed]

Welcome to the forum!

I have seen an attorney, and it seems like the right move.

Excellent! You are ahead of most people when they first join this forum. You may want to consult with a couple more attorneys to make sure you hire the one that you are most comfortable with.

How do I move past this guilt?

Bankruptcy is nothing to feel guilty about. It's a cost of doing business for the credit card companies that they factor into their decisions on what terms to offer to whom. If you asked, they would probably not do anything to help you avoid BK, like lowering your interest rate and monthly payment so you can afford to pay your living expenses while you pay down the debt for the rest of your life. I asked before BK even occurred to me and they wouldn't budge. They did me a favor by forcing me to find another (and better) way to deal with my excessive debt.

Google "famous people who filed bankruptcy" and you will find many respected people who filed BK personally or for their businesses. Henry Ford and Abraham Lincoln are two that come immediately to mind. You'll also find some that are not so respected, but it wasn't BK that caused that.

[frogger]

You need to look at this as a business decision, that's how your creditors have looked at it since they started loaning you money. Your circumstances changed, doesn't sound like you've been intending to rip off anyone. I was doing fine myself until the stock and real estate markets all dumped in 2008. The worst part is that I wasted time looking for a miracle and used retirement savings I could have preserved if I had filed sooner.

My advice? Get moving on filing and put all the stress behind you. Once you're clear learn how to live on what you have and enjoy life again.

Same here. Should have done it several years before I did, and we would have come out much better as well. As the others have said, this is a business decision that you need to make, not a personal one.

You must look after your family business and its economics.

Good luck.

[pamkev]

As others said wish we would have done it sooner than later. You see business's doing it all the time and most of them come back strong so no need to feel guilty. I did at first also but now best choice we ever made

[AngelinaCatHub]

BK was one of the best things I have ever done. Seems odd to say that, but the trauma we had gave us the best education on earth. We are debt free, have changed values and found that having a lot of money is not success. Peace of mind is.

Once you commit to the bk, stop payments on all items (except utilities), but for sure stop the use of credit cards as spending on credit after you file is not forgiven by bk. If you give up the house, live in it as long as you can. It is a lengthy process to foreclose and evict. Save as much as you can, but put it into a protected account such as IRA or other exempted accounts. OR, spend on items you use daily and stockpile these exempt things such as clothes, food, fuel.

Buy all needs in cash and learn how to use your "new start". Once you file your cc usually are turned off. In other words, start your new life right now as if you were through with this process.

You are in the right place for advice and experience. Welcome to the forum. 'Hub

[jst4f]

Guilt came in two forms for us. The first was associated with not living up to our promises. It didn't take long for the CC companies and the banks to relieve us of that guilt. It was all business with them when we tried to get them to help us. Demanding payment in full and increasing interest rates was arguably good business for them but the opposite for us and they could have cared less.

The other guilt was associated with feeling like a failure. Once we talked to some lawyers and got educated on the US bankruptcy laws and the ideas behind it, we realized that it was there to help us and not punish us when life happens beyond your control.

BK is a tool that can be used in a business decision to help ourselves when life has dealt us a bad hand.

Go see additional BK lawyers and make the best business decision you for your situation. Our fresh start has been great and it was clearly the best business decision we have made in some time. Best of luck!

[bcohen]

If you are planning to divorce, I suggest you file for bankruptcy together while you are still married, if at all possible. That way, you can discharge as much debt as possible, at the lowest possible cost, and avoid having debts be assigned in the divorce settlement. You, and your soon-to-be ex will benefit from discharging the debts now, while you are still together.

[lillymarlene]

I filed Chapter 13 October 2010, and it has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. I was one of these people that had a fistfull of credit cards since I was 18 years old, and was brought up to think that a person must have "good credit" no matter what. So, I spent over 35 years always carrying a card balance, paying banks exorbitant interest fees. That is simply no way to live. I needed bankruptcy to teach me there is another way.

Star004, this forum is a great place to learn. Good luck in whatever you decide.