Bear with me as I copy and paste my story from another forum. I need some advice on BK and possibly my marriage. Keep in mind that we filed CH. 13 BK in January 2013, we separated in June and she refused to sign the BK 13 papers and the case was dismissed.
Story:
I met my wife in 2003 at the place where I worked after a coworker introduced her to me. We instantly fell in love and dated four years and then moved into an apartment together to start our lives together. In 2007 we got married and bought a house within the same month, this did put us into a financial strain but we made it work and was happily married.
I had the pleasure of meeting her family and unfortunately her mother and I do not get along, its not that I hate her but we dont see eye to eye on issues. The is nothing that I would not do for my mother in law if she asked. My wife and I have had arguments in front of her mom but there was no yelling or anything like that, just disagreements.
In 2008 the company that I worked for ended up shutting down forcing me to look for employment. I found a job before my last day at the current company but unfortunately it paid 10-15K less but I had to take it. In the mean time I took 3 other jobs that paid around the same amount as the second job but they had promising futures that didnt happen.
Well after using credit cards to furnish our house and going on a honeymoon put us in a financial mess. We did bring some debt into the marriage but it was not alot. Fast forward to early 2012, I took yet another job paying the most money that I ever made but the financial damage was done. We had stopped paying credit cards in 2010 after getting so far behind on them that we would never see our way out. In December 2012 I was sued by a collection agency and my wife and I had no option but to file for bankruptcy.
We filed BK in early 2013 as a chapter 7 but know there would be a chance that it would be converted to a chapter 13 because our income was about the median income of 2 for our state. So, after a few months of trying for the chapter 7 we found out that it got converted to a chapter 13 in late May 2013. Well, I went home to give my wife the bad news and this is where she got really angry. I have never seen her this mad. I went ahead and had out attorney to get the chapter 13 papers ready to sign so we could get on with the payment plan. I asked her to remain calm and let us find out what the chapter 13 payment plan would be. Well it was only going to be $100 a month for 60 months to take care of ALOT of debt.
Well, Sunday she kissed me and told me that she loved me and went to church with her mom and went to shop afterwards. I tried to call her a few times throughout the day and finally got ahold of her and was kind of upset that she didnt answer her phone, well that turned into an argument in front of her mom.
Well, after that argument she decided to stay at her moms house that night figuring that she needed some cool off time. This was the first of June, since then I have not gotten one phone call from her or text message, like she disappeared out of my life.
A few days later I found out what our BK 13 payment plan was going to be. It was going to be $100 a month for 60 months to take care of ALOT of debt. I emailed her that info telling her that we could manage that and if she would tell me whats wrong so I can correct whatever she is upset about. I have not heard from her to this day and its been seven weeks with no contact whats so ever.
A month later I was served a decree of separation papers. In it she has me keeping the house and payments on it. She request keeping her vehicle but me paying the payments and all associated cost to go with it. She wants alimony, we have no kids and she makes more money than I do. She wants me to supply her with health insurance, we have never had a joint health insurance policy together and in 2008 when I lost the good job we could no longer afford it and we have not had it since then.
Her car payment had not been paid in the 2 months since she left but I cant afford to pay it and keep the house payment and utilities. She is staying at her moms house with no rent and makes more money than I do.
Im thinking the bankruptcy had alot to do with it but my wedding vows mean the world to me and I would have never have thought I would be going through this. I have been to counselors and to the preacher at my church to see if he would reach out to her mom to first of all reconcile with her and hopefully with my wife. The only thing that she brought up was finances for some reason.
I am just lost with whats going on. I would love to save my marriage but I am not getting any kind of response from her. We go to court about our separation next week. Will I get a chance to talk to her then? Will the judge recommend counseling?
(update)
We had our first hearing on july 30th and she did all but throw the book at me as far as what she wanted.
She wants alimony, judge denied!!
she wanted me to cover her health insurance: judge denied!!
She wanted me to pay her car & maintenance: judge denied!!
The only thing that I was denied on was half of the mortgage payment, but im really not asking for anything but for this divorce to not happen.
All of this on top of her lying about not knowing about the bankruptcy and where all of the debt came from. She told her lawyer that she was unaware of the debt that we had and that bills were not getting paid on time. Our wedding was close to $14000 and the numerous cruises that we went on cost us as well. I guess she had amnesia during that time.
They will see that bills were paid within a reasonable amout of time, not always by the due date, but within reason. My lawyer has the past 3 years of bank statements to look at to prove my side.
All of this over money is stupid, what happened to "for richer or poorer" ?
I have been 180 since July 14th and have not heard a peep out of her. A mutual friend that I knew before she did blocked me on Facebook for no reason and she was showing my wife my FB page so I just deleted it all together, to me its drama city.
(update)
Ok, I have consulted with a bankruptcy attorney this week. He has agreed to meet with just my wife and I. He has told me up front that he is not going to put up with any bickering between the two of us. I have not been argumentive during this whole separation, im just letting the lawyers hash it out. I am not asking for anything in this divorce but half of what we own and my attorney fees.
I guess we are going to include the house in the bankruptcy and let the bank have it back. I have a temp court order to keep the house for now. I will not have good enough credit to refi in just my name to get hers off of it and if I am late on a payment and my wife finds out then she can have me held for contempt of court and I could go to jail. To me the house is not worth that, plus what if im out sick without pay or lose my job, its not worth the risk.
I have already been looking at some apartments in my local area to see what my options are.
How long will it take the bank to tell me to leave the house when we include the house in the BK? Do I stop paying on it when I file BK?
(update)
The above mentioned lawyer talked to my wife and told me that she is not going to cooperate so he said that he can not represent me and told me that if she is being difficult to work with then i need to find someone else. After twice of her playing games with the BK lawyers I threw my hands up and let whatever happens happen. Today I get a call from my divorce attorney and was informed that my wife had found a BK lawyer near where she works and that the divorce attorney wants me to give that BK lawyer a call to see whats going to happen.
Something is in it for her to want to cooperate now, if she would have just signed the papers in may we would still be married and on our way to a better life, but no, times get tough and she bails on me and leaves me with the house and the debt.
I do have one question. I am under a temporary court order to maintain the house payments. I was thinking of including the house in the bankruptcy whether it be a CH7 or CH13. How will that work with the temporary court order to maintain the payments? I could afford to keep it but cant refi with the BK. Plus, if i am late on a payment and my wife finds out then I get held in contempt of court and go to jail, the house is not worth that to me.
I just want to get through this mess and get on with my life. I know my credit will be screwed for a few years if it isnt already. Dave Ramseys FPU class at church is a big help for me esp living on a single income right now..
Rant over, sorry for the long post.
Thanks in advance, Chris
Story:
I met my wife in 2003 at the place where I worked after a coworker introduced her to me. We instantly fell in love and dated four years and then moved into an apartment together to start our lives together. In 2007 we got married and bought a house within the same month, this did put us into a financial strain but we made it work and was happily married.
I had the pleasure of meeting her family and unfortunately her mother and I do not get along, its not that I hate her but we dont see eye to eye on issues. The is nothing that I would not do for my mother in law if she asked. My wife and I have had arguments in front of her mom but there was no yelling or anything like that, just disagreements.
In 2008 the company that I worked for ended up shutting down forcing me to look for employment. I found a job before my last day at the current company but unfortunately it paid 10-15K less but I had to take it. In the mean time I took 3 other jobs that paid around the same amount as the second job but they had promising futures that didnt happen.
Well after using credit cards to furnish our house and going on a honeymoon put us in a financial mess. We did bring some debt into the marriage but it was not alot. Fast forward to early 2012, I took yet another job paying the most money that I ever made but the financial damage was done. We had stopped paying credit cards in 2010 after getting so far behind on them that we would never see our way out. In December 2012 I was sued by a collection agency and my wife and I had no option but to file for bankruptcy.
We filed BK in early 2013 as a chapter 7 but know there would be a chance that it would be converted to a chapter 13 because our income was about the median income of 2 for our state. So, after a few months of trying for the chapter 7 we found out that it got converted to a chapter 13 in late May 2013. Well, I went home to give my wife the bad news and this is where she got really angry. I have never seen her this mad. I went ahead and had out attorney to get the chapter 13 papers ready to sign so we could get on with the payment plan. I asked her to remain calm and let us find out what the chapter 13 payment plan would be. Well it was only going to be $100 a month for 60 months to take care of ALOT of debt.
Well, Sunday she kissed me and told me that she loved me and went to church with her mom and went to shop afterwards. I tried to call her a few times throughout the day and finally got ahold of her and was kind of upset that she didnt answer her phone, well that turned into an argument in front of her mom.
Well, after that argument she decided to stay at her moms house that night figuring that she needed some cool off time. This was the first of June, since then I have not gotten one phone call from her or text message, like she disappeared out of my life.
A few days later I found out what our BK 13 payment plan was going to be. It was going to be $100 a month for 60 months to take care of ALOT of debt. I emailed her that info telling her that we could manage that and if she would tell me whats wrong so I can correct whatever she is upset about. I have not heard from her to this day and its been seven weeks with no contact whats so ever.
A month later I was served a decree of separation papers. In it she has me keeping the house and payments on it. She request keeping her vehicle but me paying the payments and all associated cost to go with it. She wants alimony, we have no kids and she makes more money than I do. She wants me to supply her with health insurance, we have never had a joint health insurance policy together and in 2008 when I lost the good job we could no longer afford it and we have not had it since then.
Her car payment had not been paid in the 2 months since she left but I cant afford to pay it and keep the house payment and utilities. She is staying at her moms house with no rent and makes more money than I do.
Im thinking the bankruptcy had alot to do with it but my wedding vows mean the world to me and I would have never have thought I would be going through this. I have been to counselors and to the preacher at my church to see if he would reach out to her mom to first of all reconcile with her and hopefully with my wife. The only thing that she brought up was finances for some reason.
I am just lost with whats going on. I would love to save my marriage but I am not getting any kind of response from her. We go to court about our separation next week. Will I get a chance to talk to her then? Will the judge recommend counseling?
(update)
We had our first hearing on july 30th and she did all but throw the book at me as far as what she wanted.
She wants alimony, judge denied!!
she wanted me to cover her health insurance: judge denied!!
She wanted me to pay her car & maintenance: judge denied!!
The only thing that I was denied on was half of the mortgage payment, but im really not asking for anything but for this divorce to not happen.
All of this on top of her lying about not knowing about the bankruptcy and where all of the debt came from. She told her lawyer that she was unaware of the debt that we had and that bills were not getting paid on time. Our wedding was close to $14000 and the numerous cruises that we went on cost us as well. I guess she had amnesia during that time.
They will see that bills were paid within a reasonable amout of time, not always by the due date, but within reason. My lawyer has the past 3 years of bank statements to look at to prove my side.
All of this over money is stupid, what happened to "for richer or poorer" ?
I have been 180 since July 14th and have not heard a peep out of her. A mutual friend that I knew before she did blocked me on Facebook for no reason and she was showing my wife my FB page so I just deleted it all together, to me its drama city.
(update)
Ok, I have consulted with a bankruptcy attorney this week. He has agreed to meet with just my wife and I. He has told me up front that he is not going to put up with any bickering between the two of us. I have not been argumentive during this whole separation, im just letting the lawyers hash it out. I am not asking for anything in this divorce but half of what we own and my attorney fees.
I guess we are going to include the house in the bankruptcy and let the bank have it back. I have a temp court order to keep the house for now. I will not have good enough credit to refi in just my name to get hers off of it and if I am late on a payment and my wife finds out then she can have me held for contempt of court and I could go to jail. To me the house is not worth that, plus what if im out sick without pay or lose my job, its not worth the risk.
I have already been looking at some apartments in my local area to see what my options are.
How long will it take the bank to tell me to leave the house when we include the house in the BK? Do I stop paying on it when I file BK?
(update)
The above mentioned lawyer talked to my wife and told me that she is not going to cooperate so he said that he can not represent me and told me that if she is being difficult to work with then i need to find someone else. After twice of her playing games with the BK lawyers I threw my hands up and let whatever happens happen. Today I get a call from my divorce attorney and was informed that my wife had found a BK lawyer near where she works and that the divorce attorney wants me to give that BK lawyer a call to see whats going to happen.
Something is in it for her to want to cooperate now, if she would have just signed the papers in may we would still be married and on our way to a better life, but no, times get tough and she bails on me and leaves me with the house and the debt.
I do have one question. I am under a temporary court order to maintain the house payments. I was thinking of including the house in the bankruptcy whether it be a CH7 or CH13. How will that work with the temporary court order to maintain the payments? I could afford to keep it but cant refi with the BK. Plus, if i am late on a payment and my wife finds out then I get held in contempt of court and go to jail, the house is not worth that to me.
I just want to get through this mess and get on with my life. I know my credit will be screwed for a few years if it isnt already. Dave Ramseys FPU class at church is a big help for me esp living on a single income right now..
Rant over, sorry for the long post.
Thanks in advance, Chris
You have been given some very good advice so far.
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