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    #16
    To follow up my earlier post:

    What I have told you was what two different Social Workers told me while I was looking for help with my Mother and aunt. I did NOT believe them--I could NOT!!

    It was totally wired into me that I HAD to take care of my Mother and Aunt. Indeed, it was expected that I would go to school, get my Master's Degree, and then come home and go to work. Although, work in my field, Library Science (Media Specialist) is not readily available in this area of the state.

    But I did.

    Then, after being 'ordered' by Mother's brother to quit the good job that I DID get, in order "to stay home and take care of your Mother, because she birthed you..." I rather un-politely told dear Mother's brother where in H*** he could go, and how best to get there.

    I had to grow up very fast. I did. Fortunately, I was/am an Only Child. The decisions with my Mother's care and estate rested with me, and me alone. I think I did well by my Mother, Father, and Heritage, and their wishes.
    Last edited by AngelinaCat; 10-06-2013, 04:22 PM.
    "To go bravely forward is to invite a miracle."

    "Worry is the darkroom where negatives are formed."

    Comment


      #17
      I think as you go through life, you will figure out that it's OK to be a little selfish.
      This is your house, you're paying the mortgage and upkeep. You get to decide who lives under your roof and the terms and conditions.
      It's great you want to help family but over time, the best way to ever help anybody else is to first help yourself.
      If, you file bk and basically start all over again, it'll be a long time before you can help in a meaningful way should they really need some assisatnce.
      You got 3 people-each with their on source of income freeloading and they're not contributing-all that means is they have no respect for you. Cut 'em loose .

      Comment


        #18
        Thank you keepmine, for backing up what I said in a couple of earlier posts.

        The OP has got to learn to NOT be a doormat. He is being taken for a ride.
        "To go bravely forward is to invite a miracle."

        "Worry is the darkroom where negatives are formed."

        Comment


          #19
          Originally posted by keepmine View Post
          I think as you go through life, you will figure out that it's OK to be a little selfish.
          This is what my two Social Workers were trying to tell me! I did not understand it until well later, when 'Mother's Brother' tried to get at my Father's property, through my Mother....
          "To go bravely forward is to invite a miracle."

          "Worry is the darkroom where negatives are formed."

          Comment


            #20
            Originally posted by keepmine View Post
            I think as you go through life, you will figure out that it's OK to be a little selfish.
            This is your house, you're paying the mortgage and upkeep. You get to decide who lives under your roof and the terms and conditions.
            It's great you want to help family but over time, the best way to ever help anybody else is to first help yourself.
            If, you file bk and basically start all over again, it'll be a long time before you can help in a meaningful way should they really need some assisatnce.
            You got 3 people-each with their on source of income freeloading and they're not contributing-all that means is they have no respect for you. Cut 'em loose .
            This says it all. It could not be put plainer than this.

            EDIT: I believe your family will certainly RESPECT you more if you put your foot down and make them share your burden. They may not tell you, but in their hearts, they will know this. Man up. Your debt is not that bad, your responsibilities are. Give some of them to those who are needing their own responsibilities. 'Hub
            Last edited by AngelinaCatHub; 10-06-2013, 05:11 PM.
            If I knew it all, would I be here?? Hang in there = Retained attorney 8-06, Filed 12-28-07, Discharge 8-13-08, Finally CLOSED 11-3-09, 3-31-10 AP Dismissed, Informed by incompetent lawyer of CLOSED status, October 14, 2010.

            Comment


              #21
              Thanks all for the replies. I want to address a few things here.

              1) I was in no way looking for a pity party from anyone. I made the decisions that led to where I am and accept that. I noticed one or two replies made comments about the subject.

              2) I only included the info about my fam living with me in the name of full disclosure of the situation to get the most accurate info from the experts.

              3) I understand BK is not a decision to be taken lightly. I know I ultimately have other options (as does almost anyone who has filed BK). I guess what started this was, even though I have been living paycheck to paycheck for a long time now, this past payday was the first where I would be unable to pay all my necessary bills as I normally would. I am, at least at this point, just trying to determine what is my best option to secure a future for myself without the burden of debt and to have financial security. My intent in my post was just to determine if others thought I would even be eligible for BK given where I'm at with things, before taking time off work to talk with a professional.

              Comment


                #22
                Originally posted by NoMasDebt View Post
                Thanks all for the replies. I want to address a few things here.

                1) I was in no way looking for a pity party from anyone. I made the decisions that led to where I am and accept that. I noticed one or two replies made comments about the subject.

                2) I only included the info about my fam living with me in the name of full disclosure of the situation to get the most accurate info from the experts.

                3) I understand BK is not a decision to be taken lightly. I know I ultimately have other options (as does almost anyone who has filed BK). I guess what started this was, even though I have been living paycheck to paycheck for a long time now, this past payday was the first where I would be unable to pay all my necessary bills as I normally would. I am, at least at this point, just trying to determine what is my best option to secure a future for myself without the burden of debt and to have financial security. My intent in my post was just to determine if others thought I would even be eligible for BK given where I'm at with things, before taking time off work to talk with a professional.
                No one has suggested that you are looking for a pity party.

                Most of us are telling you that you have a MAJOR financial drain on you with YOU allowing family members to live with you, without contributing anything.

                Once you get that FAMILY issue addressed, then you will be better able to gauge what you need to do for YOUR future.
                Last edited by AngelinaCat; 10-06-2013, 06:45 PM.
                "To go bravely forward is to invite a miracle."

                "Worry is the darkroom where negatives are formed."

                Comment


                  #23
                  Originally posted by AngelinaCat View Post
                  No one has suggested that you are looking for a pity party.

                  Most of us are telling you that you have a MAJOR financial drain on you with YOU allowing family members to live with you, without contributing anything.

                  Once you get that FAMILY issue addressed, then you will be better able to gauge what you need to do for YOUR future.
                  I guess I should have reread everything before I replied in regards to the pity party comment. Oops.

                  Anyway, I am very much aware of the financial drain my "guests" are placing on me. You are right, I do need to address this first before doing anything.

                  I was also thinking about my rate of pay, and am in a pretty good position to politely demand a raise that is more in line with industry standards for someone with my skill set. I think if I can accomplish these two things I'll be in good shape from thereon forth.

                  Again thanks for the info and opinions. I am actually quite surprised, as I figured everyone would say to pursue BK. Instead, I received the polar opposite.

                  Comment


                    #24
                    Originally posted by NoMasDebt View Post
                    Again thanks for the info and opinions. I am actually quite surprised, as I figured everyone would say to pursue BK. Instead, I received the polar opposite.
                    Just because we are a Forum that assists and help people regarding Bankruptcy issues, does not mean that we are going to push and promote people into a BK, when we (the membership) think that wouldn't be wise.

                    At 27, you are a youngster. Trust me. I am 61, and I have lived through a lot of s*i*t in my life. Address some issues in your lifestyle and family, first. Get those well in hand. Then after that I don't think you will need to worry about filing BK.

                    At least for now.

                    Please keep us posted as to how you are doing. We DO care!
                    Last edited by AngelinaCat; 10-06-2013, 08:05 PM.
                    "To go bravely forward is to invite a miracle."

                    "Worry is the darkroom where negatives are formed."

                    Comment


                      #25
                      NoMasDebt, I'm so glad we didn't scare you off. You can still pull yourself out of this. I understand how you must feel not being able to pay, for the first time. It's scary. Sleep on it, think things through and I know you can make some good decisions to get your life back on track. Work on your budget, and good luck with that raise.

                      Comment


                        #26
                        Originally posted by NoMasDebt View Post
                        I guess I should have reread everything before I replied in regards to the pity party comment. Oops. I know you didn't come for pity. You came for help and help is what we all give to the best of our ability and past EXPERIENCE.

                        Anyway, I am very much aware of the financial drain my "guests" are placing on me. You are right, I do need to address this first before doing anything. This is good you realize that they are leaching you and costing you the money you could use to pay your bills. It seems though that you don't wish to address this problem with them.

                        I was also thinking about my rate of pay, and am in a pretty good position to politely demand a raise that is more in line with industry standards for someone with my skill set. I think if I can accomplish these two things I'll be in good shape from thereon forth. Of course.

                        Again thanks for the info and opinions. I am actually quite surprised, as I figured everyone would say to pursue BK. Instead, I received the polar opposite.
                        BK is a business decision. None of us liked doing this. You are not that bad off except for the deficit you are facing recently. Budget what would you need just to pay it? Divide by two and request that amount from Sis and Mom. Actually request a bit more for a buffer. At your age, bk will harm you for at least ten years. Do anything you can to avoid it, but if you cannot, stick around and we will still help you through the process. 'Hub
                        If I knew it all, would I be here?? Hang in there = Retained attorney 8-06, Filed 12-28-07, Discharge 8-13-08, Finally CLOSED 11-3-09, 3-31-10 AP Dismissed, Informed by incompetent lawyer of CLOSED status, October 14, 2010.

                        Comment


                          #27
                          The wisest heads here have spoken.
                          Do NOT file. It's just not enough debt to be worth it AND You have far better options. Perhaps bring in a paying roommate immediately, regardless of where the others go.
                          Good luck and keep us posted. We've all got your back if you need us for support on eviction day

                          Keep On Smilin'

                          Comment


                            #28
                            Originally posted by AngelinaCatHub View Post
                            BK is a business decision. None of us liked doing this. You are not that bad off except for the deficit you are facing recently. Budget what would you need just to pay it? Divide by two and request that amount from Sis and Mom. Actually request a bit more for a buffer. At your age, bk will harm you for at least ten years. Do anything you can to avoid it, but if you cannot, stick around and we will still help you through the process. 'Hub
                            I disagree that bankruptcy "harms" a person for 10 years, and for a person who needs the relief, it's a godsend. I just filed for bankruptcy this April, and I am now 33 years old (was 32 when I filed). I had no realistic chance of paying my inflated debts, and lost a lawsuit, which resulted in a judgment.

                            However, the fact remains that YOU are not a person who can benefit from BK, because the real problem is your freeloading Mom and Sister, not excess debt load.

                            Comment


                              #29
                              Give up truck - save $505 per month.
                              Or...
                              File BK - save another $230 a month. That ain't worth it.

                              Give up the truck. Get cheaper wheels you can afford (pay cash). Get something with better mileage. That will save you a good $600 a month total. Pay off credit card and personal loan in 6 months with $$$ you are not spending on a truck. You will then be almost $750 in the green each month.

                              Just don't spend it. A lot of folks would look at $750 a month and think that they could "afford" a nice Mercedes Benz. They cannot.

                              Do you have any idea what $750 a month into a retirement account yields in 40 years when you are ready to retire? A whole lot more than the satisfaction of that new-car smell you get from rolling over car loans...

                              Comment


                                #30
                                Originally posted by btbeme View Post
                                Give up truck - save $505 per month.
                                Or...
                                File BK - save another $230 a month. That ain't worth it.

                                Give up the truck. Get cheaper wheels you can afford (pay cash). Get something with better mileage. That will save you a good $600 a month total. Pay off credit card and personal loan in 6 months with $$$ you are not spending on a truck. You will then be almost $750 in the green each month.

                                Just don't spend it. A lot of folks would look at $750 a month and think that they could "afford" a nice Mercedes Benz. They cannot.

                                Do you have any idea what $750 a month into a retirement account yields in 40 years when you are ready to retire? A whole lot more than the satisfaction of that new-car smell you get from rolling over car loans...
                                OP is $10,000 underwater on the truck. I think he'd have trouble dealing with that amount (or more) if he voluntarily repo'd.

                                Comment

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