Ever had one of *those* days?

[TRfromillino]

When you sit there knowing you've filed for bankruptcy, sorta glad the calls have stopped and it seems peaceful. But then you start thinking about the future and all the things that can go wrong down the road and how you're going to fix them? I get so depressed at times with some of my realizations. Facing the inevitable, I know that I'm not going to be able to afford keeping up with my mortgage at any great length of time. When I stopped paying on my CC, all that did was give me back enough money to pay my mortgage. I'm keeping current with everything so far, but know it's only going to take one flat tire to throw my *budget* totally out of whack. And I get sad. I try to plan ahead of things and do what if scenarios but all in all, they remain *what if's*.

My house, well I like it, it's the right size and my normal bills are affordable for the most part. But the mortgage payment takes almost half my month's salary and sometimes I'm divvying up other things to make it all work out at the end of the month. I have no disposable income whatsoever. I make a 'plan' sort of, like if I keep up my payments, then maybe I can put the house on the market late summer, early fall and see what happens. The problem being is that I have no where to go if it does sell. Not many places around to rent, certainly can't buy. What to do, what to do.

I know most everyone here has been in this spot. Guess it's my turn now. Thanks for letting me vent and listening. I don't have anyone else to vent to!

[keepsmiling]

Vent away
I hear you.
The good news is.... lots of folks here report their lives having turned around for the better post BK. Could be a psychological thing.....Hang in there! don't give up yet.
Miracles happen every day.

[Pjmax]

Hey TR, you've got us to vent to! We don't always have all the right answers, but I do know sometimes it helps just to know someone is listening. Any possibility of a roommate to share some of the costs?

[ace300s]

Vent away! It did me good to have a place to vent......

BTW, did you include your house in the BK and was it discharged? There are options.........

[TRfromillino]

my bankruptcy isn't done yet, ace. The house is included, not reaffirming. I will keep paying as I can for however long cuz this is where I am. My plants are here, my 2 cats are buried here and I'm not particularily ready to go yet. Right now my job is solid but being in education, no one can say for how long. Rules change all the time. If I have to go, I guess I can, but the problem is where? Small town, no rentals that I know of. Don't know if an apt or a rental house is better. Can't imagine living in an apartment and not having a yard. It just makes me so sad.

[btbeme]

I can absolutely empathize with you. One thing that I did (at the suggestion of someone here in these forums) was to look at the BK as a business decision and separate it from my personal feelings.

Easier said than done. I know.

What I would love to see is an actual, real-life, beneficial and accredited counseling service required to begin a BK proceeding. One that creates an urgent and real-life message about life after BK. One that forces you to figure out how you will make ends meet, plan for future happenstance, and create a living budget. One that deals in harsh realities and forces good decisions, no matter how tough they might be.

TR, I gotta say... we have all been there. Your post to start this thread says a lot, in that you can only afford a mortgage by filing a BK. Now, you and I both know that is now way to "live" and that something has to change. Two sides to that equation - income, and expenditures. Somewhere along the line you will need to create a workable plan to enhance one side of that equation so it balances better.

Maybe not tonight. But soon you will have to start making some plans and decisions for life after BK. It isn't easy, or fun (if it were fun, they would include bankruptcy at summer camp, right next to the archery and zip line). But it is necessary to move forward.

[ccmisery]

Just pace yourself and take it day by day. I have had sleeping problems since losing my job and then burning through my savings and etc, forcing me to live off of unemployment for a few months, in which I fell behind on my credit cards and went past the point of no return. I got a job eventually, but it was too late to repair the damage. I was fooling myself for years, treading water with my debt that never grew but was shrinking slowly. I thought I could pay if off, but in reality I couldn't, my wife lost her job a few years ago and there is no way I could ever get out of debt without major life changes.

So now I am forced to file, I have no choice. I do not know the extent of the damage as I am either a 7 or 13, more than likely I will be a 7 and will lose some real estate assets, it sickens me to know I may lose what may have been my retirement but I have to accept it.

As tough as it feels now, you have to look ahead and think how better off you will be, that's all I can do. Regardless if I have to check that box on loan documents "Have you ever filed Bankruptcy?" which was something that haunted me prior, till I read of people getting better loan rates and had higher Fico scores than I had the past 5 years with no late payments and 25 years of credit card history.

[Floridagail]

Keep the faith, It will get better,
We take one day at a time, I know we love our house , but cannot afford it, It is a business decision. We feel like we shouldnt have to give the mortgage company most of our paycheck. We are going for 20% now.

[TRfromillino]

Thanks for the props, everyone. All good advice! I try, everyday, to set a goal of figuring out one thing per day. Sometimes it even works...lol... But the house thing has me stumped. On one side of the issue, I'd really like to be able to sell it on my own terms, not because of foreclosure. I don't need another negative thing on my 'rap sheet'. It would allow me the extra $$ to find another place to live. I have a good friend, a co-worker, who was a real estate agent before the bust, who has said she'll walk me thru the process when it comes time to keep more money in my pocket. The other side of the coin is where? That's a biggie. But something, somehow will turn up, as I go along.

As a sidenote, my lowly credit score has jumped a little bit as the CC are starting to report in the bankruptcy. It's a start. Maybe not a good one, but nevertheless... One needs to keep their sense of humor, right?

[tobee43]

TR, i know how hard and difficult these times were and are. i see you mentioned plants, well i want you to know our home was open 2 weeks of the year for garden tours. i had to leave it all. what i did was donate many tress and rare items to the state's botanical gardens, but i did take a truck load with me of some of the more rarer cultures. it was heart breaking for us. we also on the land had 30 years of past loving pets we grieved over. we had to leave it all

what i found out was there are more plants out there and are memories are not in the walls or on the land, they are implanted in our hearts and we carry them with us all the time.

we left the state, since we could no longer afford to live there, rents were expensive and the cost of living was way to high. we landed on our feet, we rented the first two years, hard to do when one had acres of land, and then we found a house with owner financing, (not many around, but we got one). so hang in there.

home is truly where the heart is.

[Drazil65]

Hi, its ok to vent away here if anybody knows what you are going through its those of us here...Good advice to take it one day at a time...if you file bankruptcy you should not see a foreclosure show up on credit report if you go down that road (bankruptcy kind of trumps all other labels so that is the one you get).

If you can start to predispose yourself to the fact that you will probably be giving up the house at some point it will help you accept the inevitable. A couple of proactive things you can do in the mean time is, first, is your mortgage with a big bank or local one? If with a big one or fairly big then you can kind of figure out approx. how long before foreclosure happens (the actual sale), you may have 18 months to 2 years of no payments possibly. Put your goals down on paper for your new life then put a deadline date down to stop your mortgage payments. Then start saving the equal amount in a savings acct. for moving expenses, rent deposits etc. You will probably have a nice little bundle when all is said and done. Then start (just start) to see what is available to you, you will have a while before you need to get serious about moving so just watch the rental market. People know people and have connections, use them to scope out new possibilities.

Also, you could think about taking a boarder in, rent out a room. Or rent out your garage for storage, something to help bring in cash. You are in education start your own tutoring business where you offer parents the opportunity to get some extra help with someone they are familar with for a fee. Even if you did it on Sat. mornings at the library it may be wortha try.

This is your new life and it will be up to you to run with it, life after bankruptcy is good as long as you have learned what you needed to learn and change is opportunity. None of this is easy and some of it is not fun but this is the decision we all made and really the goal should be to make the best change in your life to move forward that you can.

[TRfromillino]

Drazil, thanks for the reply. My house is mortgaged by the local bank, small town. I have no idea of how fast they'd move if I stopped paying. Right now I have a possible timeline of trying to sell this coming fall. My youngest son is getting married in the beginning of September and I'd rather not be in the midst of moving or selling right then. I will get a lot more money out of this house if I can sell it myself rather than let it go in foreclosure. I've a feeling it will sell pretty quickly if I price it right, it's a nice little house on a good street w/good neighbors. My thought was to stop paying right around the same time as I put it up for sale. It's not the best time to sell, I know, landscape looks tired etc. I guess I bought it in the fall, but I knew exactly what I was going to do because when I moved here, I had 500+ plants and shrubs that I moved with me. I didn't care what that yard looked like. I just don't know. And I need to sit down and crunch numbers and maybe have someone to help me crunch those numbers. We have a house in town that's pretty nice, been up for short sale quite some time, no takers. This is kind of what I was wondering if you could get into as a rental if they can't sell it. I don't know how that works.

ToBee- I also plan on taking some starts off of my favorite and one of a kind plants this summer to take with me if I land in a house. I'm even considering digging up that Sycamore Maple Eskimo Sunset that I drooled over for years before i found one. It's only been in the ground 2 years and I think I can cart it along too..

It's tough, real tough. But I'll make it somehow I suppose. Time's are a'changin!

[mknolan]

Hi TR ... I'm right there with you!! My 341 will be just the week before yours. Although I will be able to afford my house after Bk, my mortgage is small...I will tell you a story though...my husband died several years ago, we had a lovely home in a small town in upstate NY that we lived in all of our married life...lots of memories, plants etc. etc. I stayed in my house for 2 years afterwards but my job was coming to an end as my boss was retiring and my only child and her husband were relocating to NC. I put my house on the market never dreaming it would sell and it did while I was in NC visiting. Anyway to make a long story short even though I left my home voluntarily it hurt BUT I made it through. You will too!! Bk is certainly not the route I ever expected to take as I am certain most of us on this site will attest to but it helps to know that this is the road to a fresh start!! I've made a lot of stupid financial decisions and I look forward to this fresh start!! I feel so alone in this process, I've told no one!! I wish you luck!! Keep venting!! It helps!!