top Ad Widget

**pamkev** · 12-01-2012, 05:15 AM

Oh Lynn many hugs to you

**helpmeout** · 12-01-2012, 05:17 AM

You need to discuss rescinding the reaffirmation with your BK attorney.

You need to discuss your husband's claim that he won't pay any money with a divorce attorney. If you have been married a significant amount of time and there is a big income disparity, chances are he is going to have to pay spousal support whether he likes it or not. If there are minor children, child support is likely, as well. My ex made that threat once. He found out that the courts didn't agree with his position.

Where is your husband going to get the money to post the bond for his son? If it is from a joint account, move that money. Or at least half of it. Be sure to get the balance both before and after the transfer and make it clear to your husband that you don't agree with him using joint money to bail out his son. If he uses money for that, then it is coming out of his share of the assets should there be a divorce.

**Drazil65** · 12-01-2012, 05:29 AM

Lynn I am so sorry and I know how hard it is to work and get through school as well as bankruptcy. I would probably say to you to open a separate checking account at this point, not to be deceitful but to be smart, another business decision on your part I guess. You must start protecting yourself for your future (with or without hubby) as sad as that is being prepared will help you survive. If it comes down to it stop paying the mortgage and start the timeclock on the foreclosure sale, look up the timeline to get an idea of possible length of time its taking in your state.

Please do what is best for you at this point, after graduation things will be so much better when you can take a full time position etc, trust me I know as we are about 1 yr ahead of you in that respect. Its all worth it in the end and you will be in a good place 1 yr from now. The best to you!

**basketsbears** · 12-01-2012, 05:49 AM

Thanks everyone for the support.

My husband keeps saying he isn't going to give any money to help get him out of jail, etc. He would take the money from his pension payment that we are to use to make our mortgage payment or car payment. He gets paid on the 1st, so one pension went in on the 30th, and the other will go in Monday (I was hoping both would have gone in on the 30th so we could have made the 11/1 payment on the house).

So, if I do have to stop paying the mortgage - the best I can tell is in Indiana the foreclosure timeline is about 150 days? Indiana is a judicial state. Can the mortgage company start making collection calls? The mortgage company had said they could when I talked with them the beginning of November, and even sent a form which we received a couple of days ago to update our phone number with them. But, I did not think they could contact us. I know they can foreclose, but other than that they cannot make our life hell can they???

Thanks again for all the support. I am going to be counting the days until graduation 5/12/2013 so at that time will be able to have more consistent work.

Lynn

**bcohen** · 12-01-2012, 12:33 PM

I am not trying to sound rude, but if your husband is planning to use the money which should be destined to pay your living expenses to get his son out of jail, then you've got bigger problems than worrying about foreclosure! While there are certainly situations where a son or daughter could be arrested or jailed, and I'd recommend paying to get him out ASAP, this doesn't sound like one of them! This isn't a minor offense, such as petty theft, driving without insurance, being caught with a small bag of weed, using of a fake ID to purchase alcohol, etc. It sounds like your stepson is a violent and aggressive man, and you are afraid of him!

That being said, since you now realize that your marriage might be falling apart--and since you won't have the relief of bankruptcy for another 8 long years--I'd say you should rescind that reaffirmation ASAP. If the lender comes and repo's the car, so be it. When you get back on your feet financially, you can always save up some money, and buy a beater for $1000~$3000. In fact, the best car I ever owned was a beater that was passed down to me by my parents, who bought it used pretty cheap, and we put a total of 210,000 trouble-free miles on it, before we had to junk it due to excess body rust. The car was a 1988 Toyota Corolla, and even today I see many of them on the road (this is Arizona, so rust is not a problem; I used to live in Illinois, where cars crumble into dust).

**kawh** · 12-01-2012, 12:51 PM

Your hubby should know his son well enough to judge whether it's a good idea to bail him out or not. Should. Hearing about him being in jail may have temporarily addled his judgement. Remind him gently that bailing someone out, who is on drugs and in jail for beating someone up, is like enabling them to do it again. At least when he's in jail, he probably is not using. He needs some tough love.

But if your hubby and his ex are determined to enable him, there's nothing you can do except protect your own interests. I would not be too confrontational about this, since it is his son and maybe your husband has to learn the hard way that he would not be doing his son any real favor.

Rescinding the car reaffirmation is a good idea if you have to choose between the car and the house.

**Pjmax** · 12-01-2012, 01:12 PM

Basketbears, I'm so sorry. Whatever your DH does or doesn't do about the SSon, the idea that he is putting you in this position is reason to start thinking of yourself. I agree with the others; get your own bank account ASAP. Maybe things will work out, but you should still protect yourself against the possibility that they won't.

**Drazil65** · 12-01-2012, 03:06 PM

Lynn, according to our attorney the banks cannot call and harass after filing, they can try but give them the case number and a copy of the discharge. I would not give them my number but that is just me. Lynn did you file with an attorney? Maybe he could send a letter to get them to stop once and for all. The main thing is to protect yourself and prepare for YOUR future.

**basketsbears** · 12-02-2012, 07:06 AM

Hi everyone. Thanks for all the support. I am sorry to post such personal stuff, but am very greatful for everyone's kindness and concern.

Well, an update. Husband did give ex $ to bail son out last night. Reasoning was so son would possibly not lose his job. So, I have basically said I do not want wpany part of it, Sson cannot be around my grandsons or me. He lives about 2 hours from us.

I made a rescission for our jeep had husband sign it. It looks like we have either before discharge (which has passed) or 60 days from when it was filed with court. It was filed 10/15-so I am scanning a copy to our attorney today and asking her to fax and file with court tomorrow. I am express mailing it today if the post office at the airport is open, or forte thing tomorrow so they will have it by noon Tuesday one way or another.

I'm also going to open my own account this coming week. Hopefully will be able to without much trouble with BK.

I am too numb right now to do anything more than that. My husband has not talked about setting Sson up with apartment close to us like he was a couple of days ago, but I did tell DH if he did that then he could just move in with SSon.

Thanks again. I figure since we are rescinding the car agreement, jeep will be repossessed whether we are current or not. So will probably be using student loan $ for another beater, and to catch up house payments if I cannot work enough over Christmas break to catch them up with that.

I feel so much better after reading everyone's response here. I really thought after listening to my DH, his family and his ex, maybe I was totally off base.

Thanks again.

Lynn
Rescission letter won't go out until tomorrow, the post office I used to go to isn't open on Sunday's anymore. Also sorry for all the typos.

**helpmeout** · 12-02-2012, 08:45 AM

Your husband needs to be the one who goes out and gets a second job and works more to make the house payment. It was his decision to use joint money (and paychecks are joint money and anything contributed to a pension is joint money) to bail out his criminal son. He needs to be the one to dig out of the hole he put you guys in.

And when you do get the beater car, just put it in your name. Should you decide to divorce, well, your argument is that it should fall on your side of the asset balance sheet to compensate for his misappropriationg marital funds knowing that you did not agree to it.

His son isn't going to learn anything or seek treatment until he hits rock bottom. And he won't do that if his parents keep bailing him out.

**basketsbears** · 12-02-2012, 11:20 AM

Originally posted by helpmeout View Post

Your husband needs to be the one who goes out and gets a second job and works more to make the house payment. It was his decision to use joint money (and paychecks are joint money and anything contributed to a pension is joint money) to bail out his criminal son. He needs to be the one to dig out of the hole he put you guys in.

And when you do get the beater car, just put it in your name. Should you decide to divorce, well, your argument is that it should fall on your side of the asset balance sheet to compensate for his misappropriationg marital funds knowing that you did not agree to it.

His son isn't going to learn anything or seek treatment until he hits rock bottom. And he won't do that if his parents keep bailing him out.

Thanks. I have begged my husband to get a job during this last year of school as I knew I wouldn't be able to work a lot. His excuse has been we have one of our grandsons 50% of the time (actually the Ssons son) so his mom can work nights. I told my husband Gs Could stay in daycare while he was working if I was in class or work, and then Gs could stay with us still at night. He did not acknowledge my comment.

Right now, I am just holding tight as I feel kinda blindsided. We surrendered our truck during the Bk and bought a nice beater truck which is in my husband's name (with my student loan refund). So, this next beater will be in my name. Hopefully I can find a good one.

**bcohen** · 12-02-2012, 12:19 PM

Since you're revoking the reaffirmation agreement, you should also quit paying on the Jeep, because many lenders will repossess without it, even if you are paid current. If you keep it parked in a garage, you can probably get away with driving it for a couple of months payment-free before they finally take it!

That being said, it is definitely a good idea to title a "beater car" in your name alone, as well as to open a bank account in your name alone. It sounds like your husband has not learned from his mistakes in his past marriage(s) and as a result, the two of you might be parting ways. Obviously, I hope that is not the case, but if you keep having problems between the two of you because of this step-son, it might very well come to that. Good luck, and hopefully you can wake up your husband to the reality of this situation.

**Drazil65** · 12-02-2012, 04:01 PM

Lynn I honestly wish you the best. It is hard when you feel alone and everyone is against (or it feels like it) you as is probably the case with stepson issue. The best thing I can tell you (and already have I guess) is as hard as it is right now start to put your ducks in a row to be able to leave at some point or survive on your own. You only have 6 more months and then you can get good full time employment, its not a long time. Please do not give your husband any more "student loan refund" money, you will need it. When it comes in have it deposited into your own account and make sure you do not give husband any access. Start to look around for a beater to drive (yes in your name only) and you may want to start thinking about whether or not it is even feasible to continue to pay for the house. That money could be used to pad your new account and start to build for yoru future. Its obvious that this septson thing is not going away or stopping. He learns nothing by being bailed out continually and you gain nothing by having to use your money (or joint funds) to continue to bail him out of situations and jail.

If everything works out then great but you will not regret getting those ducks in a row either way. Good luck and keep us posted. Big huggggsss!!!

**basketsbears** · 12-02-2012, 04:24 PM

Thanks everyone for the support. I am going to watch out for myself now. I don't want to leave or anything, not sure really what I want, but I am going to prepare myself in case I have to.

Drazil - believe me I cannot wait to be finished with school. Even if I don't obtain an NP job right away, just to be able to have the flexibility to pick up hopefully full-time hours would be wonderful!!! At least the light is at the end of the tunnel.

I did email the rescission to our attorney so she could file it with the court and fax it to Ally. I am going to express mail it tomorrow. Our attorney will be so glad to be finished with us! Ha!

top Ad Widget

Announcement

Officially 30 days late on mortgage today, jail and car ? :(

Officially 30 days late on mortgage today, jail and car ? :(

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

bottom Ad Widget