How do I not be emotional about losing the house?

[kellysmum]

I know I'm supposed to remove all the emotion from this process and that this should be a purely financial decision, but I am freaking out right now about losing our house. We're being foreclosed upon and are filing Ch. 7. We have an 11-year-old daughter and four little dogs that are all our children. How will we ever find a place to rent in our daughter's school district that we can afford that will let us have four dogs? And how can we leave this house that's been our home for over seven years? Can anyone offer rational thoughts to calm me down? Thank you.
C.

[justbroke]

Well, it appears you have started to remove the attachment already by calling it a house, and not a home. Home is where you build it. Yes, it will be tough to try to keep life all together, as if nothing changed but your address, but you must also come to some realities. The first reality is that you are insolvent and you need to file bankruptcy; looks like you're okay there! The second is that life is probably going to change. The third is that your "home" may need to move into a new dwelling.

Bankruptcy and foreclosure can be emotional and I would be a fool to tell you that it won't affect you emotionally. However, you need to be forward thinking. Rather than wonder just "how" am I going to find a dwelling to house us all and is in the same district and is large and is... start listing the things in order of importance. When you connect all those "wants" with the word "and", then you have already limited yourself and making it even more emotional, rather than a more rational, reasonable and/or business decision.

If you really want to have a place that fits 4 dogs and people, you may not be in the most desirable house in the most desirable section of your daughter's school district. If you want to include all those requirements in your decision, then you have much more work cut out for you. That work does not start by posting on line what you believe you can't do, but starts with finding ways to make it happen. That may mean scouring Criagslist as well as Realtor listings for homes that accept pets.

Remember, the "house" doesn't make it the "home"... you do. Even with all I have stated about taking charge of the situation, you should know that things will change. The less you fight change, the easier it is to accept.

[LadyInTheRed]

I don't think anybody can be expected to not be emotional about losing a house they expected to call "home" long term. It is the decision whether to let the house go that needs to be made without emotions.

So, put the emotion aside, look at the facts of the situation and make a decision. If you can't afford your home, you can't afford it. If you also can't afford rents in the area, perhaps you can't afford to live in the area. Changing schools isn't easy for a kid, but it isn't the end of the world. Having parents who aren't constantlly stressed about how they are going to pay the rent or mortgage and put food on the table is more important than what school district a child lives in. Offer an extra deposit to potential landlords to get them to accept the dogs. It may be difficult, but you'll eventually find someone willing to rent to you. You need to make a decision about where you can afford to live before the decision is made for you. A relocation will be easier for everyone involved if you do it while you are still the one in control instead of the bank or whoever buys the house in a foreclosure sale. But, don't move too soon. You may be able to live in the house for free for several months while you wait for the bank to foreclose. That will help save for that 4-dog deposit.

Once the decision is made, if the decision is that you have to leave, hopefully the knowledge that you are making the right long-term decision for your family will help a little with the emotion. But, you also have to acknowledge and allow yourself to experience the emotions before you dust yourself off and move on.

At the risk of sounding cliche, don't ever forget that home is where the heart is/

[LadyInTheRed]

LOL, JB. It looks like I'm following you around today!

[kawh]

Totally understand, it's just a house but it's been your place, and not having it sucks.

A large deposit can solve a lot of problems, but you may find a majority of landlords won't even consider 4 dogs.

I hid a couple of "extra" cats from an apartment landlord for two years, and it wasn't easy, I was always afraid they'd be discovered and we'd be thrown out, but there wasn't any way I was giving up any of my babies. But I'd started out with only two, so it was honest in the beginning...

So here's what I would do, just my take on it. Knowing I would be responsible financially for any and all damages, I would admit to two dogs, not four, especially if the dogs are truly small. If they are crate trained, that will be easier.

I am just concerned that admitting to four dogs will make it too hard on you, when you just need to get a handle on what kind of market you're dealing with. If it's a house you decide you want, finally, and the landlord seems flexible, you can decide how to go from that point, but you need to be able to get a look at some houses to know what you can get, for what price. If you say "four little dogs" at the very start, I'm afraid you won't get the chance to look at very many.

[kellysmum]

Thanks for the replies. I'm starting to feel a little better. Any more suggestions on how to handle the four dogs problem, besides paring down the herd?

[justbroke]

Thanks for the replies. I'm starting to feel a little better. Any more suggestions on how to handle the four dogs problem, besides paring down the herd?

Honesty when approaching a landlord. You need to not just say "I have four dogs". You need to broach that you have several Chihuahuas or whatevers. Once they hear "four dogs", then tend to not listen anymore.

It will take work, but you will probably need to prepare yourself for a larger deposit. If I were an owner, I may consider 4 dogs under 25lbs each if I got to meet the dogs and learn of their temperament. I would also demand at least a $250 non-refundable deposit per dog and maybe additional security. The problem with even small bread dogs is damage to the rental property. That's not just them chewing on doors and door frames, but the landlord will probably need to replace all the carpeting. It's just a fact of having animals living inside the home. I may, also as a landlord, review and make sure you have no complaints from Animal Control or the ASPCA. That would be a good indicator of what type of owner you are.

[TheBajan]

Honesty when approaching a landlord. You need to not just say "I have four dogs". You need to broach that you have several Chihuahuas or whatevers. Once they hear "four dogs", then tend to not listen anymore.

It will take work, but you will probably need to prepare yourself for a larger deposit. If I were an owner, I may consider 4 dogs under 25lbs each if I got to meat the dogs and learned of their temperament. I would also demand at least a $250 non-refundable deposit per dog and maybe additional security. The problem with even small bread dogs is damage to the rental property. That's not just them chewing on doors and door frames, but the landlord will probably need to replace all the carpeting. It's just a fact of having animals living inside the home. I may, also as a landlord, review and make sure you have no complaints from Animal Control or the ASPCA. That would be a good indicator of what type of owner you are.

Ditto this. Coming from the perspective of a landlord, it's going to be hard for you to "hide" four dogs and honestly is the best policy. I would consider it if you were upfront and willing to pay a hefty deposit. Repairing trim, doors and always carpet is the cost of allowing tenants to have pets.

[ValleYum]

We just moved last month with 4 pets. It was a little bit of work but well worth it to have my babies.

Pets can get pricey with private landlords as they are all scared of the damage that can be done by the critters.

We have 2 medium dogs and 2 cats so I had to be ready to sell the pets and us to the potential landlords!!

When we went to meet with landlords to tour and/or apply, I had all of the rabies and spay/neuter certificates, a picture of all the animals and the latest vet receipts for flea control. We asked our current neighbors to write a "Pet Reference" which was awesome. We offered a pet interview for the dogs.... LOL the cats would be hilarious to try to take anywhere to be met! We offered to pay reasonable monthly pet rent and offered to have the carpets professionally cleaned once per year with a copy of the receipt sent to them in order to reduce the deposits/fees.

Overboard? Maybe.

The landlord we chose (we had 2 offer housing to us with all 4 animals) dropped her pet deposit of $2000 ($500 per pet) and $250 in pet fees down to a $250 total pet deposit and $250 in fees!! We pay $5 per pet per month in pet rent ($20) and we are having the carpets cleaned yearly for the owners. We also signed a 3 year lease which I think reassured the owners.

Good luck to you!!!

[Pjmax]

'Pet Reference' - What a great idea!

[AngelinaCat]

'Pet Reference' - What a great idea!

That IS an excellent idea! How many neighbors in apartments or homes have been bothered all day or all night by yapping dogs?

[LadyInTheRed]

That IS an excellent idea! How many neighbors in apartments or homes have been bothered all day or all night by yapping dogs?

Me me me! And my back yard and garage and another neighbor's garage are between us and the barking dogs. Poor things seem to always be alone in the back yard - night and day in cold and warm weather. I don't understand why people get dogs and then rarely interact with them. I guess they just seem them as watch dogs instead of companions.

[stray]

Val gives great advice! Wow, I would totally rent to her pets. Also, if your dogs are obedience trained let the landlord know. My neighbor has a small dog he let yip yip while he was standing right there every morning M-F. One carefully timed outburst from DH on the day the neighbor's girlfriend (actual home owner) was home, and the guy and his dog disappeared for 2 weeks. He came back : ( but his dog was magically trained! I would now give them a pet reference. I rented with a Rottweiler and 2 cats back in the day. I found landlords were more put off by the cats than sweet Syd.

Changing school wasn't something I wanted as a kid, but it was actually a really good thing. It forced me to come out of my shell. And the new house was kind of exciting as a kid too. Good luck, look forward to your new home -- fresh paint, new furniture arrangements, new kitchen towels...

[justbroke]

As a former landlord, I would love pet references! That is why I'd love to meet the animals for a "sit down"... so to speak. The lack of formal complaints would also be a good indicator. As ValleYum wrote, my concern (as a former landlord) would always be damage. If you can alleviate that problem, I can see reducing the deposit. Most management companies suggest $250 per pet as a non-refundable deposit, alongside a refundable damage deposit. If you're able to get the non-refundable deposit reduced, then that is awesome.

[kawh]

... We have an 11-year-old daughter and four little dogs that are all our children...

Honesty is always the best policy, but my misguided (perhaps) advice was coming from my being familiar with that feeling of desperation in the pit of your stomach, and weighing the morality of lying against the pain of losing loved ones. Of course, if there is a friend or relative or a trusted acquaintance of one, who would agree to keep a couple of the dogs for awhile until you can work out the rental situation, that could help.

It IS very difficult to hide a couple of dogs. Reviewing your info here, I'd say your chances of affordable housing are better if you say you have five children, just as you see it. Still not honest, however.

It's heartbreaking to think about having to give up a child, and the deposits, pet references, and all suggested here are wonderful if you can possibly get them or arrange for them, in which case you have a pretty good situation, but probably you wouldn't be posting here. If you aren't able, you are looking at just throwing yourself on the mercy of a kind hearted landlord who also loves animals and arranging some sort of payment plan for the deposits.

Being financially stressed is bad enough and horrid when it causes you to lose family. Good luck, hope you can stay in your present home long enough to work it out.