Told my wife

[lillymarlene]

BG, Been thinking about you. Just hang in there though. May take awhile, but it does get better. Good luck.

[Blackgoose]

You guys how did you clear your mind? This is a 24/7 battle. Starting to get the chest stress and headache. What would you guys do to get away in your mind?

[justbroke]

Sitting in a room, alone, with your thoughts, is probably what's driving you crazy. You are thinking about all the crazy scenarios and "what ifs" and replaying over and over what you could have done differently. You have to get beyond that. Do you have a best friend or relative that you can talk to? A lot of it is just about talking. I'm not a counselor so I can't offer exact advice on this topic, but I do know that your thoughts can be your own worse enemy at a time like this.

Reach out to a friend or family member. It's still early on the West Coast, so you won't be bothering anyone late at night. (And I know you're thinking... I don't want to bother anyone and I don't think that they want to be bothered.)

[ValleYum]

I went to my doctor and told her we were having financial problems and I was stressing out. She prescribed a mild nerve medication - I think it was Ativan. I took it twice a day - it helped with the crushing pain that I had UNTIL I decided that BK was a business decision due to the economy/housing/job market and an injury I had incurred and it was nothing personal or bad. Then we looked at how many people did it and how much better we would be without the debt crushing us every month. This took like a week or 2.

I did crossword puzzles, took a couple of free Yoga classes (to learn stress relief techniques) and joined POGO to play their free games like POPPIT. I READ this site and made notes of things to cover with my attorney.

I kept BUSY. I cleaned out closets and the garage and had a yard sale. Oh and paperwork... I had the most organized paperwork my particular lawyer had ever seen. I would go over all my paperwork when I had that chest-crush feeling. It made me feel calm knowing I had all the paperwork needed to back up my filing. Take a walk with your kids, dog and/or your wife to relieve stress.

Chin up! Breathe deep....exhale and again... breathe in peace - breathe out stress...

[AbbeyA]

You guys how did you clear your mind? This is a 24/7 battle. Starting to get the chest stress and headache. What would you guys do to get away in your mind?

Honestly .... For me, there wasn't any way to clear my mind, until the bk was well past us. I remember wondering when the time would come that when I got up with one of the kids at night, my mind didn't IMMEDIATELY go to the bk nightmare. The panic, fear, worry, uncertainty ... all of the things you are feeling were right there, raw, before I even opened my eyes. It was horrible, I would not wish it upon anyone. It took a long time for me to finally settle my mind about it. I started an anti-depressant and I think that was very helpful. It is not a cure-all, but it did take the edge off a bit. I was able to be with the kids and not yell all the time, I had more patience, I was able to get through the day.

I don't know bg, I really think it's a process that you need to get through. Your mind is going to be consumed by it, but the relief you will feel on the other side will be well worth it. This is a major event in life, this is what can define a person --- let it define you in that you will recover from this and come out on the other end thriving!

[mountanddo]

Hang in there. You took the leap and you didn't drown so that's a good thing! I don't think hanging out in a hotel room with only your thoughts and guilt is good for you. I do understand that your wife is angry but she has got to see that asking you to leave isn't going to solve this problem. Even if you did get a divorce she will need to deal with this. It isn't going to go away. Maybe a couple of sessions with a counselor might help her to get some of her anger resolved in a constructive way. As other people have said she had to have some idea that you guys were spending beyond your means. There has got to be some responsibility on her part. You are not the only one at fault though it may feel like it right now. Right now her security has burst. Should of, could of, would of is all hindsight right now. Make a list and start tackleing it one by one.

I have to agree with you about the people on this forum. Good solid advice but no bullshit. We all put ourselves in this situation, with the help of unforeseen circumstances. We all have the ability to get ourselves out and come out on the other side stronger and wiser. The vets on this board certainly prove that. You will too.

[AngelinaCatHub]

You guys how did you clear your mind? This is a 24/7 battle. Starting to get the chest stress and headache. What would you guys do to get away in your mind?

Son, I have two suggestions. You have a laptop, go to youtube and play your childhood music of days long ago. Think of your best times in life. Know that those are always peppered with adversity. Spice brings out the good in things. By itself, it is bitter. This is a bit of bitter spice that will temper your marriage and make it strong. You are not worried about the BK. you are worried about your family. That is the real fact.

In that thought, here is the better of the suggestions. Turn your work alarm on, the air conditioner to cold, lights out, and eyes closed. This after a warm bath, and go to sleep. Blank your mind of all thoughts that you know your Guardian Angel is over you. That is a fact. You are loved and needed. Even by strangers. No pebble falls into a still pond without the effect of many waves of influence.

Time and rest heals. Time you cannot do anything about, but rest, you can. So rest. The time will fix it's self. 'Hub

[oregonpilot]

ahh HUB what great advice.

and YOU are still awake??!!

[AngelinaCatHub]

ahh HUB what great advice.

AND you are still awake??!!

And still sober, more/less. I must cure this.

[oregonpilot]

ahhhh my friend...

more or less???? too funny

[ValleYum]

I just gotta say "I love this place and all you people!!!"

[oregonpilot]

Isn't it great VY....such caring n love and concern . I just want to hug everyone
I wish i could take away the pain.. BG...it will be OK.

[keepsmiling]

Lots of great people and ideas here.
I was going to suggest the list making too. Helps me sort out my thoughts and it's sooo satisfying to check things off.

[frogger]

You guys how did you clear your mind? This is a 24/7 battle. Starting to get the chest stress and headache. What would you guys do to get away in your mind?

We informed our close family and a few of our closest friends, which became the support group that my wife and I needed. Everyone around us saw the stress that we were under before making our decision to file and were 100% supportive of us filing and starting our new life.

They supported us then, they support us now, and they see the positive difference that bk has made in our lives. Life ain't perfect, but we now have peace.

[AngelinaCatHub]

Blackgoose, when you get back from work or whatever you have to do today, please observe the amount of pages and count the amount of readers who don't necessarily post a reply. My point is: Everyone counts. Everyone affects people around themselves even if you cannot see it. A smile, a kind word, could make or break the day for another person. I call it the "ripple effect".

Total strangers to you are in concern and interest on your behalf, yet they set their own troubles aside to aid your pain. This alone will build your confidence up to address your wife "civilly", admit the mistake you have made then tell her "I now am prepared to fix it", and get yourself a BK lawyer. Stop paying all cards, and use that month's payments to retain one. After you file here is what will happen for you in about three months. http://www.bkforum.com/showthread.ph...d=1#post544726
'Hub