Just Filed 7 - Overwhelmed - Depressed - Don't know who to talk to

[kawimominPA]

I hope I've posted this in the right section (moderators, please move if appropriate). It's been a long painful and stressful journey to get to this point, but with no more options left, I finally signed the papers this week in my lawyer's office and cried all the way down the elevator back to the car.

I obviously can't turn to my friends or family for support because I'm overwhelmed with shame, sadness, panic, stress, worry... and I just don't know how to survive getting through the next months til the 341. Not sleeping well and struggling with depression.

Husband says I need to move forward in faith and be happy that relief is on the way, but I won't know that for sure until it's all said-and-done and FINAL. Plus, I don't feel that I have a RIGHT to be happy and care-free. I feel I should have a period of grieving time and introspection or reflection and be very very cautious and careful about any decisions or major moves in my financial future. I feel like I've destroyed my financial future and feel like a huge failure.

I'm sure you've heard it all and I could ramble on for hours about all my mixed-up, overwhelming feelings. I just didn't know where else to go because it's obviously not something you can turn to your friends about for support, and I feel bad asking my husband to carry the burden of my despair. I just feel so alone and scared and burdened.

Thanks for listening.

[IHateToBeEmo]

I feel like I've destroyed my financial future and feel like a huge failure.

It is very stressful. Some people believe that declaring bankruptcy means you're a failure. I believe you made a smart business decision and rather than destroying your financial future, you just made your financial future infinitely better than it would have been if you had done nothing.

It's normal to be emotional at this stage. I think it's great you have a husband to talk to and go through this with. Good luck!

[IamOld]

First WELCOME!!! I can tell you there are MANY very caring AND!!!! knowledgeable people here!!! I can never thank them enough!!!!

You've definitely come to the right place!!!

For whatever it's worth, I feel exactly the same way - scared (scared poopless :-) nervous, depressed, you name it. BUT the good folks here help, believe me!

Now - one thing I am not nor should you EVER be - is feel "shame." NO WAY NO HOW NO WHEN!!!! There is no shame (as Ihatetobeemo said so well) in making a business decision that's good for YOU and!!!! YOUR FAMILY! That is what counts. Period. Things are not "good" out there and aren't fair...so we do what we have to do.

Work through your feelings, and by all means feel free to share, ask questions, or just get a shoulder to cry on (sorry for the melodramatic sentence). You are NOT alone, and there is NO shame in this.

Best wishes and BEST OF GOOD LUCK!

I hope I've posted this in the right section (moderators, please move if appropriate). It's been a long painful and stressful journey to get to this point, but with no more options left, I finally signed the papers this week in my lawyer's office and cried all the way down the elevator back to the car.

I obviously can't turn to my friends or family for support because I'm overwhelmed with shame, sadness, panic, stress, worry... and I just don't know how to survive getting through the next months til the 341. Not sleeping well and struggling with depression.

Husband says I need to move forward in faith and be happy that relief is on the way, but I won't know that for sure until it's all said-and-done and FINAL. Plus, I don't feel that I have a RIGHT to be happy and care-free. I feel I should have a period of grieving time and introspection or reflection and be very very cautious and careful about any decisions or major moves in my financial future. I feel like I've destroyed my financial future and feel like a huge failure.

I'm sure you've heard it all and I could ramble on for hours about all my mixed-up, overwhelming feelings. I just didn't know where else to go because it's obviously not something you can turn to your friends about for support, and I feel bad asking my husband to carry the burden of my despair. I just feel so alone and scared and burdened.

Thanks for listening.

[AngelinaCat]

Hi kawimominPA. Welcome to the Forum. Your type of post is exactly why our Administrator, Laz, decided to create this Forum. You are among friends now. Calm down--take a deep breath.

You are NOT a failure, though this is a common feeling with every new poster.

If you can, look at your situation from a detached point of view. You have to decide that the decision to file BK, is a 'Business Decision", pure and simple. YOU are the Chief Financial Officer or your household, so that is a legitimate decision to make.

Meanwhile, read everything you can here, and consider going to nolopress.com, and purchase the downloadable guide for filing Ch7 BK. Get yourself as educated in the process that you possibly can.

Thank you for joining..... and BTW,... {{{{{HUGGS}}}}

[daylate]

What everyone else said...it is not your fault-stuff happens-at one time or another i'm guessing 99% if not all of us here had the same or similar thoughts at some point. It gets better and you will reach that point too. Good luck.

[AngelinaCatHub]

What everyone else said...it is not your fault-stuff happens-at one time or another i'm guessing 99% if not all of us here had the same or similar thoughts at some point. It gets better and you will reach that point too. Good luck.

Absolutely!! Our OP is a quintessential BKer. Stressed, afraid, shamed, humiliated. This we all have felt, no? At the age of 63, and at one time Mrs. and I worth on paper, over ten mil, and had plenty of money, circumstances we never dreamed of brought us to making it day to day.

Bankruptcy was the best thing in life (besides our marriage) that we ever did. Our Host has one thing going that we did not. He/she found us, that is support and knowledge. We found this place after making every mistake imaginable.

The best thing is our values changed, and even in our older age, we learned and found that "stuff" has no real value, and pride of ownership is a cheap hoax that marketing put upon us as citizens.

We are MUCH happier making the decision (as if we had a choice) to bk. We are far happier on a cash system, and owing no person or entity. Our OP will soon find out how well a "new start" will change their lives for the better, if they are willing to back down from the habit that got us all here. Best of luck to our Host and to all members. 'Hub

[helpmeout]

I obviously can't turn to my friends or family for support because I'm overwhelmed with shame, sadness, panic, stress, worry... and I just don't know how to survive getting through the next months til the 341. Not sleeping well and struggling with depression.

You may be surprised at how supportive they may be. I had the same worries before I filed, all of the people that I told were very supportive and understanding. Pick one person and tell him/her. You will feel better.

Now for the depression, are you exercising? If not, start. Nothing big, just a walk outside to start with. Exercise helps with depression. And sleep.

And once everything settles down, it will be easier and you will sleep better.

[jeep75]

I think the best thing to do is imagine your future had you not filed, if you are anything like us had you not filed you would be paying credit cards for the rest of life instead of having any savings, any retirement, the ability to pay for kids college, etc.. whatever applies in your situation. With filing you will be able to all of these things and more. I'm not sure what you think your future financial picture will look like but if you are concerned about your credit report or score, don't be many people get a new mortgage 2 years after filing and credit card offers immediately.

In my opinion, the future is always brighter than the past in bk.

[Cavedog]

We are looking at filing first week in August. My wife and I are going through the same thing. Whenever we have a bad time, we just imagine what our life would be for our kids going forward if we do nothing (paying $1600 a month in CC payments, living in a house that is 40 percent underwater, having no savings for emergencies), then we look at what life will be like when this process is over. Try not to focus on the bad, but the positive.

Regarding feeling shame and not being able to talk to friends and family, I would rethink that. My family has been very supportive. I have a small office (10 people who I have worked with for 5 years now and very comfortable with) and last week I opened up to them what was going on in my life. Two of them spoke up and said that they too have filed bankruptcy in the lives, and another one is in the process of a short sale with his house. They offered great words of encouragement to me. I didnt feel so alone or down on myself for getting into this situation.

Hang in there! Things will get better!

[frogger]

I obviously can't turn to my friends or family for support because I'm overwhelmed with shame, sadness, panic, stress, worry... and I just don't know how to survive getting through the next months til the 341. Not sleeping well and struggling with depression.

Whoa....... you're way off with your mindset. You would probably be just how surprised your family and friends would be with this.

Do you think that they didn't know that you were under financial pressure?

Do you think that you've hid everything from them?

They probably know much more about your feelings and would most likely support you 100% in getting your life on track.

Not to be rude or blunt here, but sh........it happens, and it happens to the best and worst of us.

You need to quit with the shame and despair and know that you've made a decision that will change your life.

It should change it for the better and you're the only one that can make it change you for the worse.

Good luck and we're here to support you.

[sunshinepa]

Hi and welcome. You have certainly come to the right place for support. This forum has been a life saver for me since I have been on the bankruptcy path. Like you, I am filed and my 341 is tomorrow. A little nervous but sincerely believe all will be fine. This is the best decision I ever made. I sincerely hope you will feel the same way as you progress. Also, I have heard that PA 341's are relatively simple so that will be in both our favors.

Hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself, as others said, it's a business decision. Also, being a fellow Pennsylvanian, please feel free to PM me if you just want to talk.

Take care and HANG IN THERE! All will work out!

[lillymarlene]

Hi, Welcome. For what it's worth, I think almost everybody goes through the same emotions. The whole process is just so painful! But, then you begin to recover and realize this is just a necessary business decision.

Then as far as family and friends go, I was surprised at some of the people who have been supportive of me. My boyfriend, his family, some of my extended family and friends have been very helpful. Even a some of my business vendors who know about my situation still do business with me. Of course a couple of people, who were in my life treat me like I'm an "axe murderer" but small loss. They really weren't my friends to start with.

This forum is a great place. Hang in there. It will get better.

[kawimominPA]

I don't know what to say except "Thank You." Just spent the entire weekend sleeping to try to make my brain stop for awhile. Now sitting here taking stock and trying to muster up the courage to get on with the next steps of my life. I'm SO thankful I found this forum and just might survive this with your help, direction, information, and encouragement. God bless you all !!
{{Hugs}} back.

[BrokeInCali]

KawimominPA - I decided to tell everyone that I was filing. My family knows, my friends know, and even some people where I do contracting work know.

Best thing I could have done! It really alleviates the stress to 1) be able to talk to people about stuff and 2) not feeling like I'm keeping a stressful secret

No one has been disapproving (to my face at least) about my BK. Even if they were I would actually respect that, because I live a very "live and let live" kinda life. My friends don't have to approve of all my decisions and I don't have to agree with all of theirs. It would almost be fun to have a friend disagree with BK! That would be a fun conversation to have while sitting around drinking a few beers...

[dman]

I obviously can't turn to my friends or family for support because I'm overwhelmed with shame, sadness, panic, stress, worry... and I just don't know how to survive getting through the next months til the 341. Not sleeping well and struggling with depression.

Only you know if you can speak to your friends/family about it. There's people in my family I'd rather not discuss things like that with (very judgmental)...and there are others that have been very supportive.

Husband says I need to move forward in faith and be happy that relief is on the way, but I won't know that for sure until it's all said-and-done and FINAL. Plus, I don't feel that I have a RIGHT to be happy and care-free. I feel I should have a period of grieving time and introspection or reflection and be very very cautious and careful about any decisions or major moves in my financial future. I feel like I've destroyed my financial future and feel like a huge failure.

You are both kinda right. Your husband probably knows that it won't really be that big of a deal. You know that you're going to stress out about it anyways. If you need some grieving time, time to reflect, and decide to be very careful about major financial decisions in the future, that's not a bad thing.

That said, you DO have the right to be happy. And I don't know your specific situation, but if you did destroy any part of your finances, that was in the past. The majority of the time, bankruptcy is basically you saying "I screwed up, I want a second chance to make things right." So you've acknowledged your mistakes, and realize bankruptcy is the best way to fix things. Bankruptcy itself is a good thing.

Someone else already touched on this, but I'll reiterate. The way I look at it...is I need to disregard the past. I need to look at the here and now, what I want for the future, and the best way to proceed. Sure, you probably made some mistakes in the past...maybe your future would be a bit better if you didn't do _____, had done _____ instead of ______, etc. We can't change the past, so instead look at NOW. Right NOW what kind of position are you in? Where do you want to be in five years? What's the best course of action to achieve those goals? Maybe you want to save some money for retirement, save up for the kids' college, etc. How much can you save for those goals if you keep doing what you're doing now? Now, how much could you save for those goals if you declared bankruptcy?

Also, stress. How much is the stress of not making ends properly meet affecting you? Is it spilling over into other areas of your life? What if that stress was taken away? Would that make things any better?

The way I'd look at bankruptcy is this...it will be a very, very stressful 3-4 months of your life. Possibly the most stressful thing you've ever done. But just like that, it's all over. Fresh start, little/no stress, etc. The stress you had before filing was constant...day in, day out. You could push it to the back of your mind every so often, but it was always there. Bankruptcy means you have to confront it head-on, instead of ignoring it. It'll be hard. But once it's over, it's over. Hopefully you've learned any lessons needed (how to budget, don't get back in debt, etc.), and the rest of your life will be smooth sailing.