Our journey...

[Shanfish]

In May of 2010 DH and I sought help from a local Consumer Credit Counseling agency whose debt repayment plan would save us NO money out of pocket per month, even after reducing nearly all our interest rates to 0. DH had recently been put on workshare (partial unemployment) and without overtime, we could not afford to live. It was a horrible reality - we had refinanced and balance transferred as much as we could, to the point that there was nothing to reduce. We had struggled for over 3 years juggling minimum payments and owned a house in the negative to our 2nd mortgage in a crummy neighborhood where property values steadily declined. I did a bit of research and got some advice and info from a good family friend that had filed bk a few years ago. It had literally changed their life for the better. It took the realization that there was no worse we could get...sure we had good credit scores on paper, but there was no way we could assume any more debt without going over the edge. So we stopped paying the debts in order to save for the lawyer and finally retained one in July 2010. It took us another 5 months to get the filing fee together. Finally this week, on the 15th we have officially filed. I'm not sure how I feel yet - a little bit of everything I suppose. Relief that we cannot be hounded anymore by collectors. Nervous about whether this was the right decision for our future. Glad we will not have to choose every month between minimum payments or groceries. Guilty that I will not have personally taken care of my debt. Worried about the 341 and waiting for discharge. Sad to have to keep it a secret from family/friends (we haven't told anyone other than our friend who had filed). Unsure of what our kids will think about it when they are older (toddlers now). Really unsure of how our family would judge us if they knew...

I feel like we are at half way now with the filing and just wanted to share our story in case there is any one else out there that can benefit. I am so glad this site is here... it was such a relief for me to come across such fantastic support and information for a process that is so daunting. There are so many people that like to say bankruptcy is one of those things you go through and never come back from, but I have seen firsthand and read here 100 times over that that is not true. It's not for everyone, but nothing is. And even though it's not over, so far it seems to definitely be working for us

[BrokeinMD]

Hi Shanfish,

Welcome to the forum. You are right, many here have walked in your shoes, and you are working your way towards financial freedom. I was ashamed to tell my family about my situation. In a moment of desperation, I told my sister about it, and she shared with me that she had filed 8 years before me. People definitely keep BK under wraps, and this forum is a Godsend for a place for guidance, hope, and just a place to vent. Please keep us all posted.

[747LUVR]

Welcome to the club Shanfish....congrats really are in order for making the steps in the right direction to protect your children and family. Your children are priority #1, and food and shelter come before any unsecured debts. My wife and I are sorta in the same shoes, she's a stay at home mom, but prior to us defaulting, i lost a pt job of over 3 years, and then she lost her job and we had our son, so after at least a 60% cut in our income, we had no choice. Guess what? total relief. in the span of 18 months from our default to filing, fees, penalties and interest increased by over $100k on the balances...so dont worry, the banks are not your friends. Our 341 is in 48hrs..10 minutes, lol, so we are looking foward to having this behind us....but again, life goes on, and the sun will rise to another day. You did the right thing to protect your family.

[Jacey]

I feel your pain, and I have felt everything you're feeling. I'm so ashamed, because I know that the debt we carried was our fault. I didn't anticipate a job loss, even though the signs were all there before my employer closed. I was forced to eventually take a good look at everything and realize that I couldn't do it. I had to tell some of my family since it was in the paper, and I haven't heard from my brother who literally lives within 100 yards of me since I sent him an email with an explanation. It is a humbling but cleansing experience...secrets are hard to hide and they can ruin the good things inside of you. I have my 341 next week, and I can only hope that I can push the rest of these bad feelings aside when that debt is lifted from my shoulders. I was really worried about what everyone would think of us until I looked on Pacer and saw that three of my in-laws were listed. Don't feel guilty, and don't tell if you don't have to...it's really only your business unless you have a great newspaper that enjoys displaying personal miseries for the world to see.

My only advice would be to steer clear of all credit in the future. I read stories here about people trying to open credit lines immediately, and that makes me worry for them. I think a benefit of bankruptcy is that it ruins your credit. I had the option of cashing in my IRA and paying all my debt, but I was afraid of what I might do if those lines of credit were still out there calling my name. My prediction? Right back in debt with no IRA in spite of all my best efforts. Credit is obviously a problem for a lot of people, and it has ruined several years of my otherwise happy life. I am only now learning to live within my means, and I had no idea what that felt like. I also can look back and admit that I was a jerk at times, judging people based on their cars or homes and feeling a sort of pitiful internal satisfaction that my stuff was better. How sad, and how ironic! Life is an excellent teacher, and I really did know better all along. I just had to be reminded, and I'm glad that this reminder will legally stick with me for many years. I don't ever want to forget!

Now that I've blabbered on and on about myself, please forgive yourself and move on. I guess I wanted to respond because your post sounded just like me. I agonized before filing, but now that I have I can't second-guess myself anymore. I feel better already, and I'm sure life has better things than this out there to offer us!

[daylate]

Get rid of the guilt. You didn't chose to have your husband's income get cut. You didn't chose to have the housing market collapse. Most of us here probably made a bad decision or two along the way but except for those who just arbitrarily and capriciously ran up debts with the full expectation of never paying, none of us planned for this end. Stuff happens. Someone once said "Life is what happens when you are busy making plans". I am amazed at how peaceful I feel once I really thought through our situation and decided this was the answer. Take advantage of your new beginning and learn from the experience. Good luck.