I want to file but I am so scared...I'm crazy

[moneyblues]

My situation is gradually sinking in. I think I have to come to terms with it and feel the burn. I feel like I flunked adulthood and now I'm banished for life. I will never have a American Express card. I don't want one...well maybe I do and now I will never have one. I have to get possession of my own mind and realize I am not my credit. I know it is a form of brainwashing that society has done and I suffer from it. I have to work on myself. Filing Bk to me feels like walking in a room that all of the financial gurus have said is worse than death. That's why I'm so scared and I'm hoping that once it's done I can get a car and another house and live as if nothings happened, but I'm just not sure and I have no choice but to file. Part of my story: I was foreclosed in June, vehicle repoed in July. I had an older Honda with a bad oil leak that I fixed to drive for around 500, Evicted from my house November. I had already moved but could not move everything so i had to loose a few things and the Honda's transmission went out in November. I couldn't find a job so I made one. I opened a small salon in May and haven't paid for it since I got it, no money. Separated from my husband in September because he couldn't/wouldn't get a job for 2 years and he finds one 3 weeks later after being threatened by his Dad that he's not going to take care of him but he is no financial help to us(Me and 2 boys 14 and 11). Since September he has given us 200.00 to date. I live with my brother and his ex says she moving back here at the end of the month and she says I have to go by then. It's her house. I am trying to get a car but all I have is 300.00 and every place I go wants a minimum of 2000.00 from me because of my credit. I found a car that I could afford at 5500.00 and they still want 2000.00, go figure. I can't get an apartment because of my credit and I owe every utility known to man so my deposits will be as much as the car I wanted to buy. Let's just stop there for a while. Braincramp

[BrokeinMD]

It's horrible how many of us have brought ourselves to the brink of losing our minds with worry, anxiety, etc. I've always taken care of myself, and this past year, everything has fallen apart, too. The wonderful thing is that you have found this community, and believe it or not, you'll probably find someone with a worse story than you on here. Keep reading, learning, venting. This little meeting place has brought me such relief from worry, and it will you, too. Right before I filed, I was holding back on telling any family about my filing, as I "thought" they were all making it just fine. I was the failure of the bunch. At my breaking point, I told my sister. Turns out she filed 10 years ago. Her husband was unemployed, and she had lost a child to an undetected heart defect two months before she filed. She's making it now just fine after her new start. You will, too, moneyblues, we all are....Hang in there!

[moneyblues]

It's horrible how many of us have brought ourselves to the brink of losing our minds with worry, anxiety, etc. I've always taken care of myself, and this past year, everything has fallen apart, too. The wonderful thing is that you have found this community, and believe it or not, you'll probably find someone with a worse story than you on here. Keep reading, learning, venting. This little meeting place has brought me such relief from worry, and it will you, too. Right before I filed, I was holding back on telling any family about my filing, as I "thought" they were all making it just fine. I was the failure of the bunch. At my breaking point, I told my sister. Turns out she filed 10 years ago. Her husband was unemployed, and she had lost a child to an undetected heart defect two months before she filed. She's making it now just fine after her new start. You will, too, moneyblues, we all are....Hang in there!

Thanks for the kind words. I'm getting better and it does help to talk about it. I haven't told any family. I don't want that judgement just yet. I have an appointment tomorrow with an attorney but I'm not going. I don't have the money and I'm not going to get my hopes up. I will reschedule at a later date. That will give me time to get some money and my nerves up to walk in the door. I am so scared it is ridiculous.

[BrokeinMD]

I went two months before I actually had the cash to file, which my sister freely gave to me after I finally opened up! LOL...The attorney is your friend, he will not knock you. You will have a ton of bricks taken off your back after that first step. I know, it's hard. I sat outside my attorney consult for an hour, terrified of going in, but as the saying goes, Fear Knocked On The Door, Faith Answered, Noone was there....You'll feel so much better once you go.

[OhioFiler]

Thanks for the kind words. I'm getting better and it does help to talk about it. I haven't told any family. I don't want that judgement just yet. I have an appointment tomorrow with an attorney but I'm not going. I don't have the money and I'm not going to get my hopes up. I will reschedule at a later date. That will give me time to get some money and my nerves up to walk in the door. I am so scared it is ridiculous.

You have 2 young boys who need you be stable. Tell your family(they already know but will offer to help once you open up to them). Tell your friends. Call Child Support Enforcement. Visit a church for aid. Get food stamps. Visit an attorney for a FREE consultation.

[nekom]

As difficult as it can be, you'll do yourself a favor if you can take emotion out of the equation, at least inasmuch as you are able to. As Peeps said, it isn't really a personal defeat even if at times it can feel that way. It is a business decision and nothing more. Take an honest look at your situation, explore all alternatives and it should be clear in time whether or not it is the proper business decision. A good BK attorney can help you determine whether or not it is right for you.

Do you think anyone at GM cried over filing for bankruptcy? No, their number crunchers determined that it was the best course of action, perhaps the only viable one. View yourself as a company facing a decision that may be unfortunate in many ways but is the most viable option given your current circumstances. I know it isn't easy for many people, but it was for me.

I'm not exactly beaming with pride over it but I have no shame either. I openly discuss it with family and friends or anyone who asks. I did what was in my best interest, I think it would have been rather boneheaded of me to do anything else. You'll get through it and you'll recover. If there's one thing the 341 meeting taught me it's that a LOT of people are in this situation for a LOT of different reasons. People of all ages, races, employment, there is no stereotype.

[tjsmiley]

Moneyblues, I'm still thinking about your housing situation. Have you checked Craigslist under "Rooms and Shares"? Many, MANY people are in financial difficulties across the country right now and they are renting out rooms in their homes to make extra money. I don't know where you live, but here in Texas, in the Houston area, there are tons of opportunities. If you can scrape the money together, you may be able to find a homeowner who will work with you and let you rent 2 rooms for the price of one. You could put your kids in one room and yourself in another, and you generally won't have to pay utilities, just rent. They're not going to check credit, they need the cash. It's worth a shot!

[moneyblues]

I woke up feeling a little better today. I have an appointment with an attorney but I'm not going and yes it's a little flight fear but I don't have a car and my Mother will have to drive me down and since she is a fearful person and I have a tendency to feed off of her fear I will postpone it until tomorrow so I can learn to catch the bus down by myself and YES I am a grown woman who knows nothing about public transportation. I am going map out the route today so I will know exactly what to do. I ran into 2 old friends yesterday evening and guess what! They both have filed C7 and that's does not include the friend that told me to do this about a year ago. That's 3 friends and they made sure I had their updated numbers so they can talk me through. I haven't shared with them just how upset I am and I definitely didn't let them see me cry and I wanted to so bad. I plan to get real with them about my situation in a different setting. We were at services yesterday and we have to be dignified ladies of God. Hey...I may ask can one of them drive me to the attorney's office and sit with me through whatever I have to do. I will definitely keep you all posted with updates. Afterall, you are my first BK friends to know my situation and really my only ones that know this much.

[csonly]

I would definitely get to the attorney ASAP, the consult should be free. Take the bus, see a few different attorneys if you can. That will at least get one part of your puzzle in place. Who knows, they may work out a payment plan for you. I'm not sure how your state runs, but call the housing authority and see if they can help get you a place to stay. Go to domestic relations and get the kids father to pay support if he has the means. Don't be afraid of the attorney or to file chapter 7, that is nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of. I too was scared to death, but you'll be surprised at the feeling of relief you will have. You need to move forward and not wait any longer. You are doing the best thing for your family and when it comes down to it, that is the most important thing and in my opinion, the only thing that really matters in life. As another post mentioned, you may be able to file yourself. There are some many people on here that are willing to help you get through this difficult time. Again, your living situation is first and foremost, your children are your #1 priority. I wish you nothing but the best and it will all work out, you need to reach out to your friends and community for help and support and this forum being one of them!

[backtoschool]

You have 2 young boys who need you be stable. Tell your family(they already know but will offer to help once you open up to them). Tell your friends. Call Child Support Enforcement. Visit a church for aid. Get food stamps. Visit an attorney for a FREE consultation.

I agree with everything OhioFiler said. Right now, filing for bankruptcy is not the most important thing. Getting stable food and shelter, money coming in, and reliable transportation are far more important than worrying about your debt. You are judgment proof at the moment, so there is nothing your creditors can do to you right now anyway. Concentrate on stabilizing your living situation and on getting your basic needs met, and then you can file for bankruptcy.

Your ex has a legal obligation to pay you child support, and you have a legal right to have that garnished out of his wages. A couple of phone calls should set that process in motion. With no money and two children under 18, you will qualify for food stamps and housing assistance. I would start the process for applying for aid while you figure out your next step employment wise. These foundational steps are far more important than filing bk right now.

[tobee43]

I woke up feeling a little better today. I have an appointment with an attorney but I'm not going and yes it's a little flight fear but I don't have a car and my Mother will have to drive me down and since she is a fearful person and I have a tendency to feed off of her fear I will postpone it until tomorrow so I can learn to catch the bus down by myself and YES I am a grown woman who knows nothing about public transportation. I am going map out the route today so I will know exactly what to do. I ran into 2 old friends yesterday evening and guess what! They both have filed C7 and that's does not include the friend that told me to do this about a year ago. That's 3 friends and they made sure I had their updated numbers so they can talk me through. I haven't shared with them just how upset I am and I definitely didn't let them see me cry and I wanted to so bad. I plan to get real with them about my situation in a different setting. We were at services yesterday and we have to be dignified ladies of God. Hey...I may ask can one of them drive me to the attorney's office and sit with me through whatever I have to do. I will definitely keep you all posted with updates. Afterall, you are my first BK friends to know my situation and really my only ones that know this much.

actually, maybe your thoughts about asking someone from the church is a good idea. if you aren't use to taking the bus, you don't need anymore stress...and if you feel comfortable maybe with someone from church taking you, that could be the answer for you. really best of luck...and i agree, try to get to an atty asap...

[moneyblues]

I agree with everything OhioFiler said. Right now, filing for bankruptcy is not the most important thing. Getting stable food and shelter, money coming in, and reliable transportation are far more important than worrying about your debt. You are judgment proof at the moment, so there is nothing your creditors can do to you right now anyway. Concentrate on stabilizing your living situation and on getting your basic needs met, and then you can file for bankruptcy.

Your ex has a legal obligation to pay you child support, and you have a legal right to have that garnished out of his wages. A couple of phone calls should set that process in motion. With no money and two children under 18, you will qualify for food stamps and housing assistance. I would start the process for applying for aid while you figure out your next step employment wise. These foundational steps are far more important than filing bk right now.

That's true but I thought the bk would help improve my situation and get it moving in a positive direction I guess. I can't rent and apartment because my credit is so bad. I did however apply for foodstamps and got them and they also gave me medicaid temporarily and they are making me file for child support so that's part is done and out of my hands. I have no choice in that matter and that's good. I still have to send the paperwork back. I just really need a place to stay and a job to pay for it. This is all the things that have happened within the past 6 weeks except for my having to move from my brothers house. I just found out I had to move last week and so that's where the stress has come from. My goal was to file and be out by the spring, but by his ex moving in and she wants her house to herself has put a kink in my plans because I truly have nowhere to go and forget about paying for this internet because I can't. This is my son's computer and my brother's internet. I love the internet. I get so many answers here. I still owe the utility companies from my last months in my house and so the deposits are going to be huge and I have to pay off those astronomical bills. The gas bill alone is a 1000 and I will have to pay that plus whatever deposit for letting it go so long. I haven't paid them since June '10. I thought Bk would improve this.

[moneyblues]

actually, maybe your thoughts about asking someone from the church is a good idea. if you aren't use to taking the bus, you don't need anymore stress...and if you feel comfortable maybe with someone from church taking you, that could be the answer for you. really best of luck...and i agree, try to get to an atty asap...

I need to call and talk to them and I will do that tonight. I first need to get real with them about my situation because I come across as having it all together and I don't. Since I no longer have my SUV and my pimped out cell phone and house, I know they are seeing the cracks in my armor. I was living the middle class nightmare and now I got to get real serious about me so I don't end up here a second time in BK. I have so learned a lesson that I won't soon forget.

[tobee43]

I need to call and talk to them and I will do that tonight. I first need to get real with them about my situation because I come across as having it all together and I don't. Since I no longer have my SUV and my pimped out cell phone and house, I know they are seeing the cracks in my armor. I was living the middle class nightmare and now I got to get real serious about me so I don't end up here a second time in BK. I have so learned a lesson that I won't soon forget.

don't kick yourself to hard moneyblues....someone dangles the carrot...and you just took it like so many others. it's nothing to be feel so vulnerable about ...or guilty about, which i so understand is a difficult task...the tears the fears...all of it. but you are getting ready to move forward and take positive steps to resolving this and you will!

[Wantmypeace]

Backtoschool has a good point. You need to get stable right now. BK is important in this process, but food, shelter, and transportation are priorities. Take care of those things first, and then get the bk going. Public assistance and your church are two really good ways to get some help in this process.