Can you remain discreet about your bankruptcy?

[helpme2010]

I thought about this some more and realized even more why it's necessary not to worry who finds out about your bk. I remember when I lost my job, how nosey my neighbors were. One neighbor could figure out when I was working and not based off of my car starting up early in the morning (that is how he figured I went back to work or of course seeing me at home everyday instead of the office).

Another neighbor complained about our shared fence. I always fixed it when the winds blew it down. Not a great job, but I drilled in boards to keep it together. Well the neighbor wanted to put up a stone wall instead and wanted me to pay for half the cost which would have been a couple thousand dollars out of my pocket. I said no way, I'm out of work. She yapped a bit and kept trying to bring up the conversation, I quickly ditched her and went back to my yard work.

I figured who cares, you can know I am poor and out of work and gossip it to other neighbors, but really, who cares. BK and unemployment definitely make you drop your ego. If you don't drop your ego in situations like this, you can really end up in the poor house trying to impress people who really don't care about you. Don't worry about your family either. Better to be cheap and survive, then to have false pride and be broke.

[BROKEDED]

Well, we have been pretty discreet about who knew. No one in our family knew, no neighbors, only my best friend 3 hours away and a coworker who I trust only because he has far worse issues than me and we share alot of personal issues. My best friend gives me more grief than I expected. It's half picking but I feel it's half judgemental. What's ironic is he was raised by a single parent and never had money growing up. If we went any where it was always my car, my gas, me buying him a drink or candy bar if we stopped at the store or sharing food if we stopped to eat. He's very smart and got all of his schooling paid for but mostly by grants. It got old at times but I knew his mom couldn't afford to give him money and he didn't have the means to work a steady part time job but most of all he was my best friend and still is but I have to bite my tongue when he says some things. My spouse has told one close friend at work who has her own issues and whose parents had filed CH 13. We knew eventually that we'd have to explain things to our family but why cross that bridge until you have to, right?

Well, Thankgiving was explaining day. We got home from lunch at the in-laws and I see a message on my cell phone to call my parents. "It's important that we talk to you now!". I had no more set my phone down to change clothes and there's banging at the front door. Guess who?! My parents almost barged in like they were going to set everything straight and wanting to know what they had to do. Do? Do about what? Turns out as they were eating breakfast that morning an anonymous (to me) concerned friend called just to be courteous and let them know that our names were in the paper with a sale date and wanted to make sure they saw it. My folks are gullible enough to think that person a friend. I was not kind in my choice of words to my parents about their friend and what kind of person I thought they were simply wanting to rub their nose in it.

Anyways, I explained briefly to my folks that we were in a mod process and that it was sometimes part of the legal process that went along with it but that our house wasn't being sold. I suggested that they go have lunch on the courthouse steps if they didn't believe me. They of course wanted to ask questions and make suggestions but I stopped it there and told them that my financial information was no more their business than their information was mine. I assured them if we needed help then we'd let them know. I asked them to keep this out of conversation to others and told them that we didn't want this to be a topic of conversation with us. I told them not to expect updates or anything similar. We had supper with them tonight since we didn't do turkey day and not one word was mentioned about it. We'll see how long that lasts.

I had thought of stopping by the courthouse on the posted sale date and finding a secret seat and see if anybody I know shows up...just out of curiousity.

[LJoutWest]

We got our discharge on April 20th of this year and are closed in our Chapter 7. It was a grueling process for us as we really had to fight with the UST who wanted to dismiss our case. Luckily we had/have an excellent lawyer. Am I happy about being bankrupt? No. Do I fear what others would think, yes, to a point because most people cannot understand what it is like until they go through it. I don't mention it to family. My mother-in-law knows because of some business transactions we have with her but no one in my family knows and I don't talk about it at work or with anyone. I will say it is not the end of the world. I have purchased a used car with cash since then, and we live by cash. We are better off today than we were one year ago and more secure. That security is perhaps the best thing of all, knowing we are living within our means. So I think if we learn from whatever circumstance brought us to this point, and better ourselves, in the end, the experience, though hard, reflective and difficult is worth it.

[enginegirl]

I tried to be discreet, however my dumb a$$ lawyers office faxed a new wage garnishment order to my companies main fax number... the entire company now knows... grrrrrr.......
ps.. yes I am doing 13..... that means 60 months of trying to be discreet... and if I change jobs... I'm going to have to explain to someone about the wage garnishment...... sucks.....

[IBroke]

I know I am not alone in feeling very shameful and guilty about working towards a bankruptcy.

Honestly, I didn't feel that way at all...

Why should I feel more shameful? Because my neighbors have more debt than me once I'm discharged?

[Chowder]

The attorney's websites I looked at have said that it is a myth that everyone will find out about bankruptcy. Is that true?

Yes that is absolutely true. Not EVERYONE will find out.

[BROKEDED]

Yes that is absolutely true. Not EVERYONE will find out.

LOL! Yep, the people you don't want to know will be the only people to find out. That's why GOD gave you a middle finger.

[rck3]

I too was/am ashamed of it. Reason or not, there is the stigma which I'd rather not deal with. We are a big city, too many bk happen for anyone to notice ours. We did not tell anyone and at this point no one knows. I really doubt anyone would find out unless they did a background check on me which I doubt anyone cares enough to do. I am not ashamed I did it, like most here I did what was best for my family and it was a business choice. Too many judgemental people out there to offer that up though.

[BKlooker]

@BROKEDED - All i can say is DAMN! Sounds like your family is super judgmental and overly involved in your personal business. For them to come storming over and demand an explanation of something that is really only your personal financial business was all kinds of rude and inappropriate, especially as it sounds like they were more concerned with judging you than helping you out. I hope things work out for the better.

For me, my only real concern would be with regards to a credit and/or background check when I flip jobs. But in my case, this is a minor concern. I am not in a financial field whatsoever (IT career) so from what I have read there is a good chance no one would care even if they did find out, and if they do I can just give a very brief explanation and leave it at that. If they don't hire me, I am lucky enough to be in a field that is still in relatively high demand and doesn't deal with money management or travel, so there is a high chance they would turn a blind eye, coupled with the fact that i could just look elsewhere.

And to second what someone else said....if you aren't in a financial sector/federal government and a company still wants to deny you employment based solely on your BK, you are better off elsewhere. Somewhere like that would likely be hella rigid about other daily/simple things like leave policy and sick time, as well as just general stressful environment. Always remember; a job interview process is not just about the potential employer's happiness, it's also about yours, 50/50.