I'm so scared and so ashamed

[Panacea]

Hi everyone. Been reading for about a week now. I'm absolutely petrified to the point of not taking action because I feel like I don't deserve help.

Quick view of what trouble I'm in.

280,000 mortgage - 1800 a month. IO only loan - 6 more years IO
25,000 HELOC - 80.00 month. IO only - 5 more years IO
25,000 CC debt - 600.00 approx - for the rest of my life.
15,000 Car payment - 460.00 - 3 more years
3,000 medical - haven't paid in months
misc household bills.

The credit card debt is for no reason except for my stupidity.

I do have a full time job, but the overtime has stopped.

I really had no idea how bad it was till the overtime stopped. I was basically working alot of it to pay my bills, and charging what I could not afford. I was "happy" being able to make the minimum payments on the CC's and not looking at what I was racking up. I don't know what world I was living in.

I tried to re-finance, but they said no, check for a loan modification.

When giving all the details to the loan modification person, is when I broke down. I had no idea what my finance mess really was, until they told me I don't even make enough to pay my bills. (They denied me btw as well) With the overtime, I was able to pay, but still was charging. THEY suggested bankruptcy.

I'm on my knees and can't seem to get up after that. I hate me and what I've done. I did contact a BK lawyer and am meeting him Wed morning.

What if they say forget it, you're an idiot for living the way you have and you are not worth helping?

I want to keep the house and car, but am scared they'll take that as well. My full time job will cover those payments (including HELOC) with money to cover home expenses.

I have been ON TIME and actually was told by my mortgage company I have an impeccable record with them. The one thing I made sure of was that my mortgage, car, heloc, and cc bills were paid on time. But by doing that, I was putting myself more in debt with the CC's. Now with now overtime, next month will be the beginning of the end of paying these on time or if at all.

I'm a single mom, and way over my head and can't do this anymore.

Thanks for listening and sorry for rambling.

[seekingpeace]

I'm not smart enough on all of this yet to help you but wanted you know I'm thinking about you! I think we'll find answers soon enough and we'll deal with them then as best we can. Stay strong!

[keepmine]

If you've been reading for a week, you know you very likely will keep your house and car depending on the equity exemptions in your state.
No bk lawyer is going to call you and idiot and undeserving of help.
Since you have a meeting scheduled with a lawyer, be prepared. Start by deciding is, your home worth saving. Do you have negative equity and what sort of loan terms do you have once the IO period of the loan expires. What is the equity picture with the car? Just because you can afford the payments doesn't mean it makes sense to keep them.
BK is all about a fresh start and nothing is fresh if you drag assets with negative equity through the bk.
Try and stop being so emotional and look at this as a business decision and make that decision with your best interest in mind.

[backtoschool]

Of course you deserve help.

The situation you describe is no different than the situation that most of the middle class is finding themselves in. (Except that your credit card debt is lower than a lot of people's)

The first step to getting the relief from the crushing burden you are under is to deal with the emotions and forgive yourself. Once you take the emotions out of picture, then you will be able to see clearly what to do.

I made a high income, and worked on Wall Street before I filed for bankruptcy. Amongst the people I hung around with, it was inconceivable that someone would file for bankruptcy. Those simply were not the values of my "crowd". I avoided dealing with it for awhile (a year) and then when I lost my job, I had no choice but to do something. The shame was the first emotion I had, and the strongest emotion I felt, and the hardest emotion for me to get rid of.

I dealt with the shame by realizing that there is no point looking backward. The bankruptcy laws exist to give you protection. Use them to your advantage and give yourself some blue skies and breathing room in your future.

We have all been through what you are going through and you can find help and support on this board.

[momofthree]

What is your home worth and what will your payments reset to in 5/6 years?

[Panacea]

Thanks for the replies! I know I'm too emotional and have to calm down. I'm trying. If I give up the house and car, I don't have anything. Nowhere to go. Nothing to drive. I'm sorry, I'm on my own with this...haven't told anyone in the family. I keep thinking there is a way out (been doing that for about 2 years now but kept convincing myself it wasn't that bad) and I finally realized this weekend there isn't.

[tobee43]

i think all of us have been scared and ashamed at one point during this process.

don't be so hard on yourself. i know that is difficult right now...

but LOOK...you are in GREAT company!!!! LOL!!

it will be ok...promise...just one would of advise....

if and when you go on wed. and you don't feel absolutely confident and wonderful about this atty...go see MORE....interview as many as need be to feel comfortable with the way he or she will handle your situation.

many times it's difficult to tell on a first meeting, but you can get an idea of how comfortable you may feel with this person, how knowledgable them are etc......how is their case load..you do not want a BK mill....

[backtoschool]

Thanks for the replies! I know I'm too emotional and have to calm down. I'm trying. If I give up the house and car, I don't have anything. Nowhere to go. Nothing to drive. I'm sorry, I'm on my own with this...haven't told anyone in the family. I keep thinking there is a way out (been doing that for about 2 years now but kept convincing myself it wasn't that bad) and I finally realized this weekend there isn't.

There is no reason to assume you will have to give up anything that you don't want to give up, although a house you can't afford that you are way underwater with, is not something you may end up wanting to keep.

As long as your car payment is in reason and you can afford it, you can reaffirm the car.

If you decide to give up the house, you are not going to be on the street, you will be able to rent a nice place a buy again in 3 years if you want to.

[brokejoker]

You live, you learn! If the house if underwater, find a rental. You could stay in your house and instead of paying the mortgage, sock those payments away for the down payment on a nice rental house or apartment. Heck, someone else cutting the grass and paying the repair bills isn't the worst thing on the planet! Keep your car if you can exempt it.

If you came out of this with just your car payment, rent, and household bills imagine how far ahead in the game you are than anyone else! Give it three years and you'll have your car paid off and hopefully a nice savings account to help with a down payment on a home you're not upside down in without an interest only mortgage.

[drowning123]

Thanks for the replies! I know I'm too emotional and have to calm down. I'm trying. If I give up the house and car, I don't have anything. Nowhere to go. Nothing to drive. I'm sorry, I'm on my own with this...haven't told anyone in the family. I keep thinking there is a way out (been doing that for about 2 years now but kept convincing myself it wasn't that bad) and I finally realized this weekend there isn't.

Well, guess what Panacea? I'm in the exact situation as you. I have no excuse. I didn't lose my job. I don't have any medical bills. My problem was my own stupidity. I spent money I didn't have. I'm a single mom as well, with one child and two elderly parents who have no income. Talk about responsibility. I have nowhere to go either, but I'm giving up my house and maybe the car. Someone, somewhere will rent me an apartment. I have a little time. The bank hasn't kicked me out of the house yet. It happens. We make good decisions and we make bad decisions. It's what we learn from these decisions that's important. I've learned my lesson. I won't say this will never happen again, but I'll try my darnest to not let it happen again. I filed for bankruptcy on August 20. My 341 meeting is on 9/23. It's scary, but I see the silver lining. No more stress. Your debt is almost a mirror image of mine. Just file and stop worrying yourself. This will make you sick. As long as you have your health, you can make things right. Can't do it from a hospital bed. Right? How else will you get rid of your debt? You can't pay all of that off, right?

[Panacea]

Thanks guys. I actually feel a bit better, and do feel as if I'm in good company!!!

I just might think about giving up the house. Has anyone ever tried to keep the house, AND had them do a loan modification too? I mean would the mortgage company be willing to work something out then, or is it just pay what you owe or let it go? Sorry, I guess these are questions for the lawyer...

[ccsjoe]

Hi panacea, glad you are feeling a little more at ease. All of us here are going through some very challenging times making very difficult decisions. First and foremost, you need a clear head, these are business decisions, not emotional. You need to understand whether some truly makes sense on paper or not.

Now, as to the house question, there are lots of threads in the foreclosure heading that talk about loan mods while in bk. Start there. Hopefully it will give you some direction.

Just take it easy, don't be ashamed, and be objective.

[drowning123]

Is it 30,000 people per day that file? Something like that? Things will be alright Pan.

[frogger]

Hello and welcome to the club!

Rest assured, you're not the only one here that feels like: (pick one or more)

Stupid
Failure
Idiot
Looser
Disappointment
Broke
And the list goes on.......

We've all been there, we've all felt those emotions.

If you can, bring your family in the loop. If not, find someone that you can trust to talk to.

Don't try to bear this burden alone.

We're all here to help too. Good luck.

[Freddy03]

Don't be ashamed. I know it's easier said than done but I was making myself sick over credit card debt and now I'm kicking myself of not deciding sooner to file.

After you meet with your attorney it will get better. Just set a plan and follow thru with it.

The people who post on this board have been great!