getting past the mental phase and feeling you let down your young children?

[offthewall]

Great thread....it helps so much to hear all this from everyone. Although I ended up in this situation because of living beyond my means, my 'means' was letting me down left and right.....never had a problem with staying steady at a job for 5+ years until the economy started to slide. Then it was like running across a swinging bridge with the slats falling out from underneath your feet as you run across. Was I supposed to uproot myself and my teen daughters the month after I was laid off, or try and get another job quickly so I didn't have to contemplate moving us into a studio apartment....4 jobs in 2 years...never getting fired!! But constantly playing beat the clock with the bills. Part of the nonsense to me at the time and still to this day, is how over-committed we are as a society. It is so insanely expensive to just survive now. Television used to be 100% free...telephone service, a flat $20 a month or so. Gasoline didn't chew through a big chunk of my income.

If we still had the reasonable ability to homestead a piece of land, grow our own vegetables on it, listen to Pa play the fiddle for the night's entertainment and family and friends were happy with an orange and a peppermint stick for a Christmas gift, things would not have gotten so out of hand for us financially. Things just aren't that simple anymore....society has sort of painted itself and us into a corner.

[drowning123]

This is what I was saying off. I was never without a job. I've been constantly working, but overspending. It's all my fault. I'm not blaming anyone else, but I've definitely learned my lesson, especially now that I have to think about my son's future. He's 10, so the time is now before he goes off to college and can understand finances. I'm actually trying to protect him. He's a good kid. Goes with the flow. So he doesn't deserve to not get all he needs in life. We've even discussed moving (since I'll be losing the house), and it doesn't even bother him. He doesn't know why we're moving, but the most he wants is my time and moving will allow me to get home earlier from work. Right now I live 2.5 hours by train from my job. Where I plan on moving is only a 20-minute train ride. He doesn't really have a lot of friends at school anyway. He always comes home complaining about some kid. So a change is good. Quality of life will be better. The cup is definitely half full for me.

[Amanda123]

drowning, that is absolutely right that your son wants you more than any "thing". I also have a 10 y/o and they need a lot of care... they are still young, but are beginning to question so much. I didn't want to pass this problem onto my children. It isn't their fault this happened. I needed to face reality and make a hard decision.

[drowning123]

Exactly Amanda! He wants my time. I don't want to worry. I want my mind to be free and clear and to focus on him. Before filing, I was fatigued all the time and don't want to play with him. Now, because my mind is clear, I have more energy. I can't wait for everything to be over and move (after living as long as possible in the house before they drag me out). LOL. Finances really do affect your health.

[ccsjoe]

Finances do affect your health, what a true statement drowning. Ask my wife about the bear she's been living with until we decided to file....LOL. Funny thing is I always somehow made time for my little one.

[drowning123]

LOL, Joe. I made time for my son, but somehow in the back of my head I wasn't focused. I just wanted to lay down and watch tv. Yesterday I got home and actually took him to Staples, Target, Toys R Us, Sears. . . . His birthday is coming up. There I go spending again. LOL. Not, it was for a backpack for school a couple of Bakugans.

[ccsjoe]

Yeah, took my little one shopping for back to school last weekend and forgot the darn list at home, so I shopped what I remembered. Gotta go again this weekend for rest of list....and she loves to shop. She's got a play shopping cart that we MUST take when we take her to Costco, and actually use it...LOL. Little thing pushing a little cart with groceries in the middle of Costco telling people "excuse me, out of the way"...LOL.

[drowning123]

Picturing it. Too funny. LOL.

[ccsjoe]

Yeah, funny enough that she's the main reason why we're filing!!

[drowning123]

High five on that! Likewise for my son.